


Dancing in Time

by Ashbear



Series: Dancing in Time - The First Year [1]
Category: Final Fantasy VIII
Genre: Angst, Comedy, Drama, F/M, Fluff, Post-Canon, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-28
Updated: 2010-05-28
Packaged: 2017-10-09 18:38:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 181,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/90347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashbear/pseuds/Ashbear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A story for those who never wanted the romance to end. From the good times to the bad, this follows the first four months of the growing relationship between sorceress and knight. It's the course you take to discovery; it's the journey that teaches along the way..</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Time to Love, A Time of Peace, and A Time to Laugh

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Foreword(Revised as of 3/18/08): Hello everyone… I wanted to try to explain a little about the idea behind this story before. The original premise is that this was going to cover the entire course of a year. It spans from Rinoa's 18th through her 19th birthday and it follows the growing relationship of sorceress and knight. This is my attempt (and I use that word lightly!) to fill in some gaps and ideas either not covered in the game, or only brushed upon.
> 
> However, due to the length it has grown, I am now breaking this into two separate (yet complete) stories. "Dancing in Time" was written between from 2003-2008 and is thirty chapters long. It deals specifically with the first four months. In essence, this can stand alone and I consider it a finished piece.
> 
> The series (Dancing in Time and follow-up Endless Waltz) will focus on the beginning of Squall and Rinoa's relationship and about the history each may be trying to deny. Most importantly, the romance elements will always be there. Later chapters will contain drama, along with moments of humor. Each chapter will technically be a short story within itself, but together they will make a whole.

** _~ * Dancing in Time * ~_ **

** _XXXX_ **

** _ Chapter One: A Time to Love _ **

** _XXXX_ **

_ March 2nd through 4th  _

For just a minute longer, she held the delicate flower in her hand. Maybe it was to capture the moment forever - etching it into her soul…or maybe it was because she was scared the moment would end too soon. The aroma danced in her senses, as the petals softly tickled her nose. She felt the smooth stem, but was always wary to avoid the thorns. In her life so much never seemed perfect, yet somehow this rose did. It represented all that was right in this world, and all the beauty contained within.

It represented him...

* * *

Each step seemed to be harder to take; he pushed back hair as strands fell over his face. It had been a long day…no it had been a long _week_. The only comfort he found was the fact he would have the next several days off to recover. He closed his eyes trying to convince himself that was the _real reason_, but he knew better… He only hoped those around him wouldn't make too much of the situation. His friends always found a way of making something bigger than it really was…

He tried desperately to put the thoughts of _her_ out of his head, at least for the remaining distance to Garden. It had been nothing more than routine training, but this was his first 'official' time in command on an away mission. He never knew how disorganized cadets could be until he found himself in charge of an entire garrison.

Holding his breath, he ignored the acute pain creeping up his tendons. Each step seemed infinite, never making it closer to Garden. It was as if it were a desert mirage, an illusion more than reality. If it was possible to be walking _further_ from a destination, Squall Leonhart was doing just that.

Three weeks...a small eternity.

She was coming back today, and he tried hard to convince himself that wasn't the reason he was looking forward to _this_ holiday. But in years past, he worked through such breaks… Now he found a reason not to, the very same reason that made his life worth living…Rinoa Heartilly.

For a minute, he wondered if she was already there, waiting to greet him. Quickly enough, he shook the notion from his head, loathing the idea of starting to feel dependent on anyone. He found his thoughts drifting to her more often in the last week, especially when he slept underneath the stars blanketing the night sky. At times in the stealth of darkness, he would find himself searching the heavens, trying to find exactly where in space they had been. Sometimes the feeling, the memory, terrified him more than he cared to admit…yet still, the nighttime held so many memories that he always could find more serenity there then in the daylight hours.

Rinoa had returned to Timber three weeks ago, keeping a promise made so many seasons before. The town, for all intents and purposes, had achieved independence with the fall of the sorceress and with that, the contract with Garden was nullified. However, Squall held on to a deeper contract, one not written upon paper. Part of him wanted to accompany her, but Rinoa insisted that she would be all right alone - closing that chapter in her life. And that was fine with him; he needed time to sort through foreign emotions.

So much was new to him, opening exciting new horizons and possibilities, yet so much still scared him. He would wake up thinking the last months had been nothing more than a vivid dream. The certainty of its existence would set in when sleep no longer clouded his vision; he was only grateful that the events were real and not a fantasy created in his own mind. They were far too magnificent.

Now boundaries would have to be drawn, and a relationship defined…maybe he wasn't sure where the duties of knight began and boyfriend ended. Boyfriend? What a prosaic term. He inwardly berated himself for thinking the word; it was far too soon to believe in that. They had been through so much together, but now was the hardest time. The time in between the battles - _the peace_. It was easier when he had a set objective, something definite, but now he never knew what each day would bring.

He again ran his hand through long hair, combing unruly bangs out of his eyes. He swore not to over-analyze things too much right now, but only to look forward to the days ahead. Tomorrow was going to be his first test…she was turning eighteen. Their first official 'holiday' together, and he found himself on the giving end. She had told him not to get her anything, or go out of his way, but his friends informed him otherwise. Zell and Irvine seemed to have more experience with these types of situations. _'Seemed' _being the operative word, as Squall had his doubts that they understood women any better than he did, they just acted as if they knew. But maybe sometimes that is all it takes: the confidence that he lacked.

A thousand ideas ran through his mind, but none of them seemed right…some too commonplace, some too personal, and some far too impersonal. It was hard at this point in their 'relationship' to figure out what was appropriate. The fact that he had accepted the role of 'apprentice knight' made it more difficult. She already had his ring – what else could match its significance?

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard the cadets collectively sigh in relief as they walked the final steps through the gated entranceway. He would have sighed too, had he not been deemed the authority figure at the moment…so with his final orders, the commander dismissed the group as they saluted him; he automatically returned the gesture without so much as a thought. Whether he liked it or not, his mind had already wandered from things other than SeeD.

Quistis held her breath as she sat along the fountain's edge. She twirled fingers around strands of her flaxen hair, finding herself subconsciously biting her lower lip. She once again checked her watch, looking toward the main doors. This time she saw numerous cadets racing in - returning home with newfound enthusiasm. Her first thought was to yell at the unruly group, but right now she had something more important to do than be an instructor…_to be a friend._

Looking once more at the small ripples of the water, she found the courage to stand making the short trek to the front gates. She had been elected out of Squall's peers to inform him of the change. To anyone else the news would be trivial…but he was different. This was all new to him, and even the slightest setback may be perceived incorrectly. Quistis knew of his past and of his fears…even if he refused to admit, or to face, them yet.

She watched as the commander walked into the lobby, lost within his solitary world. He appeared to be scanning the common area, and she knew exactly for whom. Though his expression never changed, Quistis could tell his momentary disappointment when _she_ wasn't there.

"Squall…" called the instructor, with more hesitation than she meant to convey.

He looked over at her slightly leaning his head. Yes, he _had_ caught the momentary uncertainty in her voice. Squall didn't make an effort to approach her, so she walked over trying to remain optimistic. Quistis smiled faintly as he stood immobile. This wasn't a big deal, right?

"Hey, how was the survival retreat?" He didn't answer, looking even more cross at her attempt to make hollow pleasantries. Nodding her head, the instructor could read his demeanor clearly. "All right, all right…Zone called…"

"She's not coming." He said it as a simple fact, acting as if he already _'knew' _this would be the way fate decided his life. He tried to turn before she could see any hurt within his expression, but of all his friends, she could always read him the most openly. And right now, that was the last thing he wanted.

"Squall, wait…it's not like that."

He still refused to look her in the eyes, folding his arms over his chest. "It's fine, I just want to take a shower."

"Don't you even want to know _why_?" Her question came out almost a demand; she knew how difficult Squall could be at times. Without thinking, she reached her hand out, grabbing him firmly around the arm. He seemed to stiffen with the contact, looking down to where her fingers met bare skin. She quickly pulled away, aware of his feelings and the invisible barrier that remained. He was still very uncomfortable about congenial touch. Right now, he wanted nothing more than to mask signs of weakness by returning to the solace of his dorm.

A sudden fear engulfed his body, and he tried to ask a horrible question without showing undue emotion, "Is she hurt?"

"No Squall…not _hurt_."

That was the only answer he needed, "Fine, whatever…she has her life, and I have mine."

"…but she_ is_ in the hospital." The words caught him off guard, and he suddenly felt remorse for his earlier implied statement and tone. Turning to face Quistis without hesitation, he noticed her silently conveying reassurance with a returned smile. "Actually, of _all_ the things…she had to get her tonsils removed."

A huge weight was lifted, as the words were assimilated by his mind. Even though Quistis had said she wasn't hurt, it was hard for him to accept that destiny would not be a cruel adversary once again.

"Normally it is an out-patient surgery…" She looked around taking great care that nobody else was within hearing distance. "But because of Rinoa being a sorceress, the doctor wanted to monitor her a few extra days before she was discharged."

Over the last month, her secret was strictly on a need-to-know basis. They wanted to give her enough time to accept the powers, and the responsibilities that lied within. Garden _would_ know, the _world_ would know…but only on Rinoa's terms. To her close friends it wasn't a major deal in the least; they wanted her to feel just as she always had…the person who was now accepted as one of their own, _as family_.

Scratching the back of his head, Squall wondered, "Why does a sorceress have to worry about something as routine as tonsils anyhow?"

She laughed aloud at the rhetorical question, "Who knows…magic can almost cure the dead, but it can't cure a facial wound." She emphasized her by pointing to his scarred forehead.

He scowled at her in mock anger, but even he knew she was just trying to make light of the situation. "Very funny, _Instructor_," the last word said somewhat sarcastically. Returning his focus to more important issues, he asked, "She's in Timber then?"

"No, actually she went to Deling. The hospital is larger and better equipped. Plus one of the doctors interned under Dr. Kadowaki a few years back. She made sure that he was Rinoa's primary physician. If we had been aware of her condition, we could have brought her back to Balamb. But there wasn't a train until the next morning… From what Zone expressed through the conversation, she was very uncomfortable. You know how stubborn Rinoa can be…I think she waited to the last possible moment hoping it would just go away."

He was grateful to hear that she was in a place that could handle the situation, and equally as glad that it was with someone they could trust. Then the realization dawned upon him: Rinoa would be spending her eighteenth birthday lying in a hospital bed. What a way to celebrate.

Like a faithful companion, he heard the voice in his head…the one that questioned _everything _in his life. Was he supposed to go to Deling City? Was she expecting him? If he did, would he look too desperate…if he stayed, would he look too inconsiderate? With the time needed for travel, he would be lucky to spend one full day there. Of course, if the injuries had been severe, this would never have been an issue…but everything had to be an issue to him. What does one do over something like this?

"You go," a voice insisted. He tried looking confused at what Quistis was saying, but even he knew she wouldn't fall for the act. Damn, she did know him too well sometimes. She reached into her jacket pocket, handing him a small white envelope. "Somehow we _thought_ you might wonder what to do, so we made up your mind for you…tell her it's a birthday present from the rest of her friends."

He opened the envelope, reaching inside he pulled out a set a train tickets - one to Deling, and one from Deling, each with the obligatory layover in Timber. Quistis looked at him, eyes full of empathy, "Squall we just didn't want you to read too much into her not being here, it wasn't her choice. You know she would be here if she could, don't you?"

For some reason, he couldn't answer her directly. He truthfully believed she would, but somehow those 'old lingering doubts' would sneak up like a ghost from his past. Maybe that is why his friends found it hard to approach him on certain subjects – an occurrence that was everyday to most seemed magnified tenfold to him.

"It's new." He said simply, and his answer was simple, yet truthful.

"Yes, Squall it is…but trust me, it will be worth it."

* * *

The light of dawn seeped through the windows as crystallized morning dew cast a rainbow of colors on every inch of the train. The brightness of the sunrise woke Squall out of his tentative slumber, and it took a moment to gather his bearings. He tried to stretch, but only found that it multiplied the pain throughout his body. Whoever designed these seats surely didn't have the comfort of overnight travel in mind.

With the karma of the universe not in his favor, he learned that the SeeD car on the train to Deling had been removed for its annual inspection. At least the first leg of the journey had gone smoothly, as the private car was his alone. Honestly, the silence was a welcome companion after spending the prior week out in the wilderness. The peace alone was worth the trip, not to mention the chance to see Rinoa…no he wasn't going to allow himself to read into anything. When he did, he always had a way of getting hurt, or hurting those around him. It was just a simple visit to see a friend. _Yeah…right._

He watched the countryside as it turned from barren to scattered buildings adorning the grasslands. The nearer the train moved to Deling, the closer the structures became until the fields were non-existent. Crowded streets lined the final approach to the city, and a voice boomed on the intercom that they would be pulling into the station shortly. The commander tried not to get annoyed when the man gave the mandatory spiel, one that he had heard too often in the last few months. As the train rolled to a halt, the conductor announced the passengers could carefully disembark onto the platform…the courteous way of saying, _"Get the hell off my train."_

Upon standing, a surge of pain shot through his spine, and he mumbled a few profanities under his breath as he reached for the overnight compartment. Every muscle felt as if Jumbo Cactuar's 'ten-thousand-needles' were piercing the skin. If the survival trip hadn't been taxing enough, he had just spent a night in a seat equivalent to that of an electric chair.

He waited until all the other passengers had vacated the car before grabbing his belongings. A black leather overnight carrier was the least of his two worries… Scanning the empty car, he made sure he was truly alone. Inwardly praying the coast was clear, he reached for a second bag. His friends had sent their own birthday presents along. Selphie had found a 'lovely' shopping bag adorned with two fuzzy kittens wearing bows and having a tea party. He wished he had time to find something else to carry them in…anything that didn't have doll clothes pictured boldly on the side.

In all his haste to clean and pack last evening, the simple fact he hadn't purchased a gift momentarily eluded him. Now he was here, in Deling, and showing up with presents from everyone…_but him_. He seriously hoped that something along the way would come to mind, or maybe something he passed along the way would stand out.

The gods seemed not to be on his side, when every shop he passed was either closed or only sold newspaper and tobacco products, the latter she would surely not want. He didn't really want to walk anymore when he noticed the hospital coming into view. Okay, maybe the idea of 'seeing her' again won out over fatigue, but he would admit that only to himself. He looked down at the shopping bag, and decided that somewhere during the day he would _know_ what to get her. He counted on it.

* * *

Rinoa watched the sunrise from her window swirling her spoon in the lukewarm liquid. Somehow, broth for breakfast seemed very unappealing, not to mention the powdered formula they _claimed_ to be soup tasted the equivalent of chalk. She tossed the plastic utensil onto the hard surface, sighing in aggravation.

The door opened with a small swoosh and Rinoa turned to see a woman in white lab coat walk in her room. The patient tried to smile politely, although her throat throbbed at the attempt.

"Uncomfortable, isn't it?" The doctor returned the gesture with sympathy as she studied charts attached to a clipboard. "I know. I had mine removed when I was twelve, but as you age the pain and discomfort only increases." Placing the board on nightstand, the older woman looked down to the tray holding the Styrofoam cup of liquid. "I think it should be illegal to call anything that started as a powder _soup_."

Sitting on the edge of the bed, the woman held out one hand to the young patient. "I know when we first met, you were under heavy sedation. I'm Elise Vandermere, a colleague of Dr. Kadowaki…she asked me to perform the surgery. I want to apologize for accommodations, but usually I don't get many patients over the age of twelve on this floor."

Rinoa reached out accepting her hand, and then grabbed a notepad, scribbling her reply: _"Nice to meet you too. The room is fine."_

The doctor smiled courteously, pointing to the wall directly in front of the bed. "I'm glad the room is fine, but whoever they commissioned to paint those pink mogs on the wall should never work again. Have you looked at their eyes? I have more children scared to go to sleep because of those things." Elise quieted her tone as if telling a secret, "Personally I think it looks like they've had _one too many_." The sorceress tried not to giggle as the pain only intensified when she did.

"We just want to keep you one more night for observation. Headmaster Kramer wants to be positive everything is healing correctly before you're released. I'm prescribing some pain medication containing codeine, so it may make you drowsy. Let us know if you have any significant bleeding, earaches, or if you believe you are running a fever. And most importantly remember to drink plenty of liquids. A nurse will be in every two hours to take your vitals, but if you need us before then, please feel free to call…that's what we are here for."

Rinoa acted as if she was listening carefully to the doctor's instructions, although one nurse had given her the identical lecture last night, and another reiterated it this morning before breakfast. The doctor reached out, placing the back of her hand against the young sorceress' forehead.

"I'm sounding too much like a doctor again, huh? Rinoa, don't worry about a thing. Nobody knows your secret but me. They are under the impression you're a high-risk case due to your immune system's 'so-called' resistance to antibiotics." She paused taking a breath, noticing the emptiness that her patient was trying desperately to conceal. "I hear today is your birthday, I'm venturing to guess this was the last place you wanted to be."

Rinoa didn't answer. Deling City was definitely the last place she wanted to be today; she had spent countless hours looking forward to her return to Garden…more specifically to Squall. Somehow, it felt as if she had failed him…she couldn't help the situation, but put the blame on herself nonetheless. It killed her that she wasn't even the one to deliver the news, and she hoped he would take it at face value. Still, she worried about the way he would interpret this.

"Yeah, that's what I thought Rinoa, but these things can't be helped. At times, it has a way of working out for the better…fate can be tricky that way," the doctor offered with genuine compassion.

The door opened once again and a nurse entered, carrying a floral arrangement. Elise stood from the bed, and the two staff exchanged a few words before the doctor excused herself from the room.

"Hello Miss Heartilly…I'm Nurse Thatch, but you can call me Kimberley. These just arrived at the front desk for you. They're beautiful."

Rinoa looked at the pink carnations and small baby's breath overflowing from a crystal vase. When the nurse handed her the bouquet, she immediately ripped opened the card. She didn't know why…she had just hoped…hell, she didn't even know anymore. She forced a smile reading the inscription: _Happy 18th Princess,_ _love Zone and __Watts_.

Again, she was left alone with her _soup_ \- for lack of a better term - and found herself looking toward the outside world for comfort. She had done the very same thing as a child, just a few blocks down the boulevard. The view from Deling never seemed to change, no matter where you were. Pushing the tray away from the bed, she leaned back contemplating the idea of sleeping the day away. The door opened for what seemed to be the hundredth time that morning, and she felt like the main attraction in some medical freak show…the eighteen-year-old sorceress in pediatrics with tonsillitis. She refused to hear the 'tonsil lecture' again; closing her eyes, Rinoa hoped the nurse would think she was asleep and leave her to much needed rest.

* * *

The click of his boots echoed off the linoleum tile of the hall, as he strangely found himself on - _of all places _\- the pediatric floor. Over his right shoulder, he carried his black duffle bag, and in his left hand the dreaded _kitten bag_. At least the sack didn't seem to out of place around here, as he had just passed a five-foot replica of Chicobo welcoming him to the children's ward.

"I'm here to see my girlfr-" He wasn't sure whether it was the term, or his surroundings that made him stop, but he had caught himself mid-sentence. The older nurse looked at him with more than enough suspicion to make him want to crawl back onto the elevator, or at the very least hide behind the giant Chicobo.

"Sir, you do realize that this is the _pediatrics_ floor?" Yes, the woman was one-step away from calling the authorities. Squall wondered if the person at the information desk in the lobby was playing a sick, cruel joke on him.

"Rinoa?" a soft voice spoke from next to him. He turned to see a younger female doctor removing her lab-coat. The woman finished handing her jacket to a nurse, along with a clipboard and few other items. "Room 427…I'm Elise Vandermere, her physician."

From Quistis' words yesterday, he believed the doctor to be male. Without thinking he voiced his thought aloud, "I thought you were a man." Well, that came out completely wrong – he cringed at how that must have been perceived to her. He hated small talk…couldn't she just ignore that comment?

"Really? From the back, and _kitty-cat_ bag, I thought you were a girl." No, of course she couldn't ignore it. The chuckles from the other nurses made him try to retain what equanimity had remained. He wasn't going to let this encounter get to him; he had more important things on his mind today.

Walking away from the desk was easy part…standing outside Rinoa's door was the harder. Through the small patterned window on the door, he could see her sitting upright. Her dark hair was pulled back into a lose braid, and a nurse was saying something while Rinoa nodded in understanding. She held a vase of flowers, and for a minute, he cursed himself for not stopping to get her anything…at least the daily newspaper would have been something.

Even from there, he could only stare at her. She was even more beautiful than he remembered. Even lying in a hospital bed, she still could light up any room. The nurse started walking toward the door and he quickly jumped out of sight so Rinoa wouldn't see him. Now he felt the part of the adolescent teenager…a world that was not his. Why was this so hard? Why was he so scared about just going in and just speaking to her? He had talked to her on many other occasions…well kinda. That had to be it…this was the first time that he had actually_ gone_ to her. Without their friends, without that extra mental support he denied was there, yet always counted on.

The nurse kindly acknowledged him as he leaned against the wall, at least this one didn't attempt conversation. When the coast was clear, he looked back at her through the door; she had just pushed her tray away, and laid her head back against the pillow. This was it, now or never…in all his years of training, nothing ever could prepare him for moments like this…ones that scared him deeper than any battle.

* * *

Keeping her eyes closed, Rinoa turned away from _the nurse_ as she pulled the blanket up covering her shoulders. She listened to the silence as the person just stood there, and knew that whoever it was wasn't leaving until they had checked on her. She sighed in defeat turning back around, trying not to show any undue anger toward the staff. Yes, this was _their_ job, but it was _her_ life…and not to mention her birthday. She doubted that would get her any sympathy points with them.

"Rinoa."

Her eyes shot open, and her heart stopped. For a brief instant, she was in complete shock. It was like a dream, she _had_ to be dreaming…that was the only logical conclusion. Maybe it was the way he spoke her name, the way it rolled off his tongue…or the slight hesitation she could sense in his normally definitive tone. Whatever it was, it was the most beautiful sound in the world.

Before her mind had a chance to know what her heart was doing, she jumped out of bed grabbing him in a deep embrace. By now, history should have taught him better, but Squall found himself stunned when she captured his waist…along with his heart. For an ethereal moment, his fears subsided as he returned the gesture, placing his cheek on the top of her head. He smoothed her silky hair with one hand, while the other firmly held the packages. Finally, he pulled away - not exactly positive why he did, but some habits die hard.

They looked at each other until Squall broke the moment by turning away. She had to smile at how timid he could be, as she sensed the uneasiness that still surrounded him. Maybe she did have a way of coming on a little strong, like physically tackling him as he walked in…but she simply couldn't mask certain emotions as he could.

"I missed you," her voice rasped out. She could speak, but it irritated her throat in doing so. Saying that to him was worth any price…

_"I missed you too," _he thought immediately, but he didn't reiterate those words aloud. Setting his bags on a nearby chair, Squall walked back to where she stood. "I don't think you should be talking right now, you should be resting." He attentively placed one hand on her shoulder, while the other pointed to the bed. "Now go Miss. Heartilly." She rolled her eyes at him; he was sounding more like one of the medical staff than her boyfriend.

Lying back down, she pulled the white sheet over her, and then started to reach for the outer blanket. She was surprised when he grabbed it first, and gently covered her body. Rinoa could only smile watching him as he moved. She could see how much he cared, even though he wouldn't admit to it.

Stealing a chair from a small table, he pulled it over to the side of her bed. He then sat down looking at her again before averting his eyes to the window. She almost felt sorry for him, for the first time in their relationship he was the one having to do all the talking… A minute must have passed before he returned his eyes to her. Nodding his head he softly said, "Hello."

She couldn't help but chuckle at him. He was so cute, so lost right now…but he was there. She just had to help him find himself under the layers of emotional scars. And if he even knew she had just called him 'cute' in her mind, he would not be thrilled to say the very least.

Grabbing her pencil and notebook, she wrote on a piece of paper, _"You really didn't have to come, I'll be all right."_

"I know you will, but I did what I wanted to do." Did he just say that? He inwardly cringed at his own corniness, at least in his opinion. Scanning the room he tried to find something to talk about, he had to change the topic quickly. The first thing he saw was the wall, and subsequently his first thought was, _"Damn those are some ugly mogs! No…better say something more appropriate, sound more intelligent." _The arrangement of pink carnations caught his eye.

"Nice flowers."

Oh Hyne, this was getting worse…he was commenting on floral arrangements with impressive adjectives such as _'nice.'_ Squall was realizing how much this conversation stuff was overrated. He never sounded this stupid in his own head, did he?

"Who are they from?"

Classic save, now he sounded like a jealous idiot. She reached for the envelope that was still attached on its plastic holder. He opened it, glad to have something to do with his hands. Reading the card something stuck out in his mind, something that he wouldn't have thought about had it been any other person: the use of the word 'love'. How simple it was for Zone and Watts to sign a card with it, how simple it was for the entire world to use it. Even if he had brought a card with him, how would have he signed it? Right now love was too new, yet nothing else seemed to fit…

A hand reached out taking the card back from him. She smiled shaking her head as if playfully reprimanding on his thoughts. She knew he was thinking something, but wasn't sure which path his mind took at that moment. With Squall, there were a million possibilities and she wouldn't even venture to guess which road he had wandered down.

"Happy birthday," he said as an afterthought. Now he was the going for imbecile of the month…how could he have not said that to her in the first place? Reaching his hand up trying to cover his embarrassment, he wished he was hiding behind the Chicobo statue right now. He looked over at the kitten bag and figured he could at least give her the stuff their friends had sent.

After retrieving the gifts, he sat back down placing the sack at his feet. Reaching in, he grabbed the largest box, hoping that it would take some of the pressure off him. "I _think_ this one is from Selphie," his tone contained a hint of sarcasm as he handed her the package covered with Cactuar wrapping paper.

Rinoa unwrapped the present…a pair of chocobo slippers and matching sleep shirt. Next was the gift from Quistis, a leather bound first edition of her favorite childhood fairy-tale; she could hardly believe that the instructor remembered her mentioning it one time in passing. Zell and Irvine had combined funds to purchase a gift certificate to a restaurant in Balamb, one that Ma Dincht swore by. The final present caught her slightly off guard; it was from Cid and Edea…a silver marcasite pin outlining the shape of angel wings.

Placing all the gifts back into the bag, she was thankful to have friends that truly cared for her. It had been so long and they were family in every sense of the word, at least in her mind. She noticed again that Squall looked uncomfortable, and she wanted for him to feel the same tranquility that she did around him.

"Rinoa, I'm sorry I didn't get you anything - yet. I've been on a mission, and then…no…there is no excuse. I'm sorry."

When would he understand that just being there was enough? She never really thought he would come, hoped yes, but believed… Pulling the covers back from her body, she carefully got out of the bed. He looked up at her, not sure what she was doing. Offering a hand to him, he hesitantly accepted the gesture, and then she guided him to his feet.

"Rinoa, you really should be in bed."

Ignoring his pleas, she placed her head on his chest and her arms around his back. He fought it at first, until he sighed allowing himself to give in. She listened to his heartbeat quicken as the stood there, his muscles so tense for the few minutes. Gradually she could feel him relax as she stayed there refusing to yield. How many times had he thought about this over the last three weeks, just being near her?

"I missed you too," the words softy echoed in her ears. His voice danced in her mind, as his warm breath played with the hairs on her neck. Finding the courage to break the warm contact, she pulled her head away from his chest, and looked him in the eyes. For a second they searched each other with no words spoken between them.

Thoughts of the balcony raced through his mind, back to that first kiss they shared over a month ago. He reached down and before he realized it, he was kissing her again. He did it more softly than before…knowing how sore she had to be from the surgery, but just needed the sensation of another touching him, knowing him, exchanging so much in a simple kiss.

"Whoa, sorry Rin!" A voice raised in embarrassment.

Squall pulled away hiding his face from the two men in the room. He cursed himself for not hearing the door – training to be aware of one's surroundings quickly flew out the window whenever she was near. He thought of it as a weakness he would have to overcome, letting emotion rule over reason.

As he looked at the tiled floor, he felt unsure if he was angrier about being caught, or the simple fact they had walked in on something…well so _perfect_. Zone and Watts were part of Rinoa's past. He was aware they would always be a part of her future. The trio had gone through so much together, and he was grateful for the ties that bound them. She on the other hand, wasn't uncomfortable in the least about the situation, laughing hoarsely at the commander's reaction. Squall tried to retreat from his current position, but she grabbed his arm forcing him to remain closely by her side.

"Good to see you are taking better care of our princess this time," commented Zone raising an eyebrow to the couple. He held out his hand to the SeeD in offer to shake, much as their first encounter. This time Squall accepted, but still was careful to avoid direct eye contact.

"_Much _better care, sir," echoed Watts.

Rinoa squinted her eyes, glaring at the two, unable to speak a witty comeback.

"…Sorry Princess," Zone apologized. "I know that look…it definitely isn't a good one."

"Kinda like waking her up, huh."

"Nah, no bruises or scratches," Zone took a symbolic step away from her, "_yet_."

"Rinoa, if they are going to be here for a little while, there is something I need to attend to." Squall could see the disappointment on her face and reassured, "I'll just be gone for an hour or so…promise." She forced a smile, nodding slightly. "Hey, it's me in Deling; what kind of trouble could I get into?"

"Well Sir, Zone and I frequent this 'club' that is open twenty-" An elbow firmly hit to the young man's abdomen as Rinoa again narrowed her eyes at her friend. "Oh…yeah…never mind."

"Don't worry, we'll take care of her while you're out…we'll make sure she doesn't inflate all the latex gloves as balloons - _again_."

Squall looked down to her, as she tried to look innocent. He had to chuckle at the mental image. "Rinoa…you didn't?" She waved her hand dismissing his question.

"Yes Sir she did, not _this_ time…but one of her many trips to the emergency room. It wasn't that bad until she turned a few dozen into water balloons."

Lowering his head, he stared her directly in the eyes offering a disapproving look. It was one usually reserved for students, or Zell and Irvine, on certain occasions. "_Many_ times? Water balloons? I think there is a lot about you Miss Heartilly that I do not know."

Avoiding an answer, she ushered him toward the door making a gesture of goodbye. "Now you want to get rid of me, I see how you are." The door closed and he watched her as she waved through the small window. The end of the dark braid lay caught on her shoulder, as her eyes meet his with so much emotion and a hint of playfulness. For a moment, Squall wondered why he even questioned coming to see her, the choice so obvious now. He just hoped that she would never know about his initial doubts…and wished her friends had better timing.

* * *

Sitting at a small table, Zone shuffled through his deck of triple triad cards. He was on a quest to organize them alphabetically. That had not been his original intention, but Watts had flat out refused to play another hand. He had his doubts on Zone's moral ethics pertaining to rules that 'seemed' to change often - depending heavily on the situation. So to keep himself entertained, the man sat rummaging through his prized card collection.

Watts was leaning back into the chair that had been moved closer to the bed. He made himself right at home by removing his shoes, propping his feet on the edge of the mattress. The television was turned on, and now he was finding himself engrossed in a local call-in talk show.

Soon after Squall had excused himself, the nurse returned with medicine. She gave the patient a strict reprimand for being out of bed and not resting properly. Rinoa had made it through the first half of Watts' channel surfing, but found herself starting to doze in and out of consciousness. Both men convinced her to give in to sleep, and they would remain until the commander had returned.

The door opened and Zone made a meager attempt to salute the man walking in, afraid with his luck the card would go sailing from his hand. Watts motioned acknowledgment him slightly with his head, trying to hear the end of the show.

Shutting the door, Squall placed one of two sacks he brought in on the counter. The second one was placed on the floor next to Rinoa's bed. When he turned to see her peacefully sleeping, he was surprised at the vivid memory that flooded his mind like a typhoon…and the repressed emotions contained within. There she was lying serenely in the hospital bed, her face pale under the lights. It reminded him of another time, when she couldn't wake up. Part of him wanted to run over and shake her out of the sleep, just to convince himself that's all it was…_sleep_. The bed, the sheets, the distant look on her face…so void of life…so…

"Sir?"

The voice snapped him back, and Squall realized he had retreated into his world again. He reached to the bridge of his nose, rubbing his eyes trying to veil any signs of the momentary relapse.

"Sorry Watts…headache."

"Oh I hope it gets better, those can be such painful little buggers."

"Yeah," he spoke in almost a whisper under his breath, "_painful_."

"Anyway sir, as I was saying, they gave her some medicine and she's been out for about forty-five minutes. I know what she can be like when you wake her _without_ the aid of narcotics, so I would use great caution."

"Thanks."

Zone gathered his triple triad cards, carefully placing them into his custom card-cozy that he had purchased after the 'Ultimecia Conflict.'

"Hey man, still have the Shiva card? It was one of my favorites."

_"I'm sure it was," _Squall withheld that comment for something slightly more diplomatic. "Yes, I thank you. It came in very useful."

"Hehe, for me too buddy, _for me too_." Zone looked at the commander with a smug expression. Squall glared back with a blank face, hoping that they would be leaving_ very_ soon. Sometimes he wondered just how Rinoa met these two, and how such a loyal comradeship could have formed between three such diverse individuals. Then again, he never understood Rinoa…hell, she wanted him around, and _why_ she did was still a mystery.

"Well Squall, hope you are taking good care of the card. But hey, it was worth the price…that remains the best of issue of 'The Girl Next Door' in print. I still can't believe I sold my original copy."

Sometimes fate can find humor in such awkward, humiliating situations. If Squall could have found a hole to crawl deep into, he would have done so at that exact moment - when he noticed Rinoa had woken from the realm of sleep and now was giving him a very baffled expression.

He had to come up with a good, _and plausible_, explanation, "Um…um…er…long story." Yes, that answer was worthy of all his years of training and decisive maneuvers in a military war zone - which now manifested itself in the form of a hospital room. As a last ditch effort to drop the uncomfortable subject he looked toward her, reiterating, "_Many_ times…and water balloons?"

She sighed in defeat, at least for the time being. Rinoa vowed she would get the whole story out of him yet. It was just so wonderful to wake from that state in between slumber and consciousness, hearing his voice filling her senses. It was so precious…every word was a gift that she would forever treasure.

The two Forest Owls laughed aloud at the unspoken interaction between the couple, a relationship neither man thought would come to pass. Both walked over to her, taking their turns giving Rinoa a quick kiss before saying their farewells and eventually leaving. Squall watched as the events unfolded, and wasn't sure how he felt when they had said their goodbyes. He knew the kiss wasn't meant in anything more than amity, but somehow he found himself envious of their abandon, how they could just be so free with their emotions toward a close friend…like the ability to open up was the most natural thing in the world.

"Oh sorry," he apologized when he noticed her looking at him. "Just…never mind…"

She didn't have to say it, he already knew what she was thinking, _"No Squall, how will I know what you mean unless you tell me?"_ On some things, she could be just as predictable as he could.

"I'm just thinking that for once I have to do all the talking, it's kinda like you not being able to go on about useless things." Crap…did he just say that? _"Must…correct…self," _he thought internally hitting his head against a figurative wall. He scratched the back of his neck during an awkward pause of silence. "Rinoa, I didn't mean useless…I mean useless to me." Suddenly the word 'moron' popped into his head as he remembered hearing Laguna's thoughts. For a brief…_very brief_…second he almost felt pity for the man, now being on the other end of the 'moron' situation.

Finding the nerve to look directly at her, he was surprised to see her face turning red trying to keep in the laughter inside. Her hand was covering her mouth, and tears were forming at the corners of her eyes. She found his suffering a source of great humor, but somehow her actions actually made him feel less 'moronic,' for lack of better term.

_"Water,"_ her voice rasped between deep breaths as she held her throat.

Squall nodded in understanding and poured a glass of ice water that sat in a pitcher next to her bed. She took a few sips before handing the cup back to him. She pointed to the chair beside her, trying to urge him to sit back for a while. He set the glass on the tray placed next to her bed, and took off his black leather jacket laying it over the back of the chair. Finally, he sat down and they were almost eye level to each other.

She reached for her notebook jotting, _"Well I can still write, anything new at Garden?"_

"A few things here and there…Quistis officially had her teaching credentials reinstated. I spent a week in purgatory with cadets who make Zell look like the poster child for calm. It's just different without the influence of the Garden Faculty. The place has taken on a completely different atmosphere." He paused for a second and studied her, shocked at the words that came out of his mouth. "Rinoa, I really don't want to talk about work. I just want to enjoy the time away…I can brief you on everything when you return."

Squall closed his eyes when the subject was broached, placing his face in his hands. He hadn't meant to bring it up…everything was still too unsettled. "I mean…that is…if you decide to return, to live, visit…whatever."

The first week she stayed after Ultimecia, Garden had been more in the spirit of celebration than that of a military's institution. Rules made by Norg had been disregarded, amended, or temporarily suspended during the time. It was a period to rebuild, reflect, and remember all that was lost or gained. Two days after the official party, she had left again…back to the place where they first met on 'business.'

Feeling the spirals of the notebook hit the back of his hands, he looked down to what she wrote, _"You know about it? Cid talked to you?"_

"…Yes," he hesitated, feeling as if he was betraying a sacred confidence. "Rinoa, I know there are a lot of rules and regulations…I know how you are, and the freedoms that you cherish. I understand with my work and SeeD's work…I'm…I'm back on that again, aren't I? Seems like it always come back to work, doesn't it?"

He attempted a small grin, although she could tell it was forced. "Never mind, we can talk about that later too…it's your birthday, let's just focus on that." Reaching out he tentatively placed his hand over her fingers. Tilting her head, she smiled back, reassuring him the touch was welcomed. His arm felt something slightly poke into his skin, and he looked down to notice the hospital identification tag worn around the wrist. Something about it caught his attention…'Rinoa _Caraway_' followed by 'Heartilly' in parenthesis. Part of him wanted to ask her about it, but he figured that it was neither the time nor place to bring up that subject. Some wounds were better left to heal on their own, and he had already had his share of awkward moments today – enough to last into the next lifetime.

"Um…Rinoa I got you a few things…nothing big," he quietly spoke as if embarrassed by the thought. He let go of her soft fingers, feeling the regret almost immediately. "I…would have wrapped them…but honestly I don't know how."

As he reached for the bag, she scribbled something else down on her pad. When she was done, she handed it back to him: _"Gift wrapping is not taught as a prerequisite to the SeeD examination? I'm shocked…really…"_

"Do I detect a hint of sarcasm on the paper? Really, Miss Heartilly that takes much talent." She winked at him playfully, grabbing the notebook from his hands.

_"MEANIE!"_

He looked down at the new writing and for the first time had to laugh aloud. "Wow, I have been promoted to an _'all cap meanie'…_this is a great honor you have bestowed upon me. And three exclamation points…I'm slightly disappointed it's not underlined…but guess I'll take what I can get. However, this does bring me to your first present…"

Reaching in the bag, he pulled out a child's magnetic drawing board. On one side there was a pen attached by a string, on the other side four various shaped stamps. "I think Selphie has influenced me too much, but here 'save a tree'…or with the way you're going on, save a few hundred" The last part was meant as a joke, and she knew it. Rinoa took the board from his hand, and pretended to swat it at him in mock anger. He pretended to duck, placing his arms in front of him in defense.

"Now I know why I don't buy people presents," he added, still acting frightened. "It's too dangerous…guess I should be glad it wasn't a puppy."

He could see that she was writing something with the magnetic pen. Again, she had written the word 'meanie,' this time with more exclamation points and underlined several times. He took the board from her, sliding over the bottom part that cleared the screen.

_"Whatever,"_ he wrote in reply. She couldn't help but start laughing again; the moment was worth any price, even the pain she felt in her mouth. He reached in his bag for another item, and pulled out an object he kept momentarily hidden.

"Since we were probably going to go to dinner tonight…I wanted to buy you the very best." He lifted up a can of condensed chicken soup. "See one step better than powder, plus now it now contains twenty percent more noodles."

She wrote on the board, _"Can opener?"_

He reached in the bag, pulling one out and commenting, "Happy birthday. I'm a SeeD, I think of everything."

All at once, his mood changed. She could see his demeanor fade back into the one of old. "Squall?" she asked with her raspy voice, instead of writing.

"Nothing," he mumbled, looking into the bag. Rinoa was curious of what was upsetting him and leaned over the side of the bed. She saw a small flat box still in the sack, and she could tell that something was bothering him about it.

"It's just something stupid…nothing special at all. I…I just…" She cut him off surprising him with soft kiss on the lips. It wasn't long, but it was perfect. She rested her forehead against his and they stayed there for a second. Finally, he sighed in defeat, reaching for the item…as he handed it to her, he felt like it was something that needed some sort of explanation, one he couldn't even offer at this point.

Opening the small package, she unfolded several sheets of white tissue paper. Placed in the center was an inlaid mother-of-pearl hair barrette. It was beautiful. Reaching down she removed it from the box. She ran her fingers along the smooth sterling silver, and then touched the inlay with her fingertips. Her eyes seemed to reflect with the small crystals on edges the barrette. She sat as silent as he always did unable to say, _or write_, anything.

"I just didn't know what to get. I just saw it and thought…maybe you could use it. But if you don't like it, I can take it back."

She shook her head 'no' at the mere idea of returning the clip. He watched as she leaned forward, reaching back for her long hair. Carefully she took out the rubber band, and with her fingers undid the loose braid. Her dark hair flowed past her shoulders, as the braid left wavy imprints. With her fingers, she separated the front strands on each side sweeping them up from her face. The back part of her hair remained down, gracefully highlighting her face.

And he watched her.

For lack of anything he could comprehend, _he watched her_. Why? Why was she still there with him? Why did she even want to put up with his moods? Why after every time he pushed her away, did she stay?

Shattering the tension like brittle glass, a nurse walked into the room on her daily rounds. Both jumped slightly as they had been caught off guard by yet another unwanted intrusion. Standing from his chair, Squall walked over to the far wall leaning against it for support. Crossing his arms under his chest, he watched as the woman repeated the standard routine as he had seen often in the infirmary. Finally, she left…leaving them once again on their own.

He walked over the table and grabbed the second sack that he had returned with. "I noticed while I was here earlier that you had a movie player...I guess the pediatric unit has its privileges. Being aware that I am not the best conversationalist in the world…I rented a few titles. I didn't know what you like to watch, so I rented a few out of every department. Figured I could hit on something that way."

Reaching in the bag, he pulled out two stacks of movies. She waded through the assortment, shocked at the mass selection in which she had to choose from. She really had no idea what she wanted to watch, but it didn't matter…as long as he was there, nothing else did.

Debating between action, drama, romance, and comedy, she finally settled on latter. Right now, drama and action would eventually remind her of work - this was the reason war movies were eliminated before she even had to look at them. Had he felt a little more comfortable, she might have elected the romance…but she wanted him not to feel so insecure about relationship issues right now – those movies always seemed too cliché for real life situations.

Carefully he placed the disc into the player, and then returned to the now familiar chair. Out of the corner of his eye, Squall saw her moving but wasn't sure what she was doing. A small echo finally made him look fully in her direction; she had scooted over to one side of the mattress. The back of the bed was in a sitting position, just as it had been the entire day. A taupe colored blanket mostly covered her body, except for her upper torso. For a second he looked at her with a confused, slightly scared expression.

As the movie started to play in the background, she made the same gesture…once again offering the space. Taking what courage a simplistic act like 'sitting' took, he finally moved toward her. Cautiously he took the space next to her, always watchful to avoid touching her accidentally. Not one time did she try to contact him, but always allowed him to remain in control. It was a big enough accomplishment to get him to sit that close to her, for any substantial length of time.

Together, _wordlessly_, they watched the movie…and three more that followed. She even found the nerve to slip a romance in during the later part of the evening. And sometime during the course of the day, he found the nerve to reach for her hand, holding it closely. For him it was a great relief from conversation, although he never regretted any part of the experience…okay, a few comments he would have rethought before speaking aloud…but overall, he had handled it with dignity. For her, she was just satisfied that he was there, that he had found the inner strength to face a few of his demons, no matter how big or small. Other things could be sorted out later; for now…it was a beginning.

The day went nothing like Rinoa had planned, but she wouldn't have changed it for the world. It was by far, the best birthday she ever had, or would ever have…but nobody knows the future, right?

* * *

Somewhere during the night, Squall had left for his hotel, and she wasn't even sure at what hour. The medicine had made her extremely drowsy, and parts of the night ran together like watercolors. But she did remember him kissing her goodbye; that, she never could forget. At first, she thought it was a dream, but it was far better – no dream could be that real.

The next morning she awoke to the noisy clang of the food cart, and another packet of the powder they tried to claim to be soup. She hated the fact that he had to spend so many hours traveling; the ones they actually spent together seemed few in comparison. Overall, he had spent twice as many hours of his holiday on the train, than with her.

"Miss Heartilly, this came for you."

A younger hospital volunteer came in caring something wrapped in green tissue. Rinoa smiled politely, her throat seeming slightly better than the day before. She pulled back the outer paper, and saw a single peach rose mixed with greenery. Tossing the paper aside, she held the lone flower by the stem. A white envelope fell into her lap, and she reached down picking it up. Somehow…she had not _thought_, this time not even _hoped_, but when she read the card, she _knew._

"_Whatever_."

Maybe for some it wasn't the most romantic sentiment in the world, but right now for her…it was all she could ever want. She could live with rules and regulations, but she couldn't live without the adventure set before them. For just a minute longer, she held the delicate flower in her hand.

And it was perfect, just like him.

* * *

From the nurses' station, he watched as she opened the card. He could see her smile, and hear her laugh, although her back turned and the door closed. He could still see…

Turning around, Squall walked quickly out of the hospital, hoping he would make the train on time. On the way to the station, he couldn't help but think about yesterday…and for that moment in time, he smiled.

It was strange even to him, the way he felt with her. Almost like living a childhood he never had, experiencing parts of life for the first time that he never knew existed. Sometimes the change scared him, and he didn't even know who he was anymore. No, she hadn't truly 'changed' him, as others around Garden would gossip. Maybe she had just found something buried deep inside, long ago forgotten. He wasn't changing for her, but because of her… and that was all the difference.

* * *

* * *

** _Chapter Two: A Time of Peace _ **

_ March 16th _

He walked the long familiar halls of Balamb Garden, just as he had done every day for the last thirteen years. Over time, the size of his steps had changed, but never the determination that drove each one. It was as if he was always pushing himself to be better…not better than the next student, but better than he had been the day before.

Since he had been appointed commander, his life was marred by protocol and politics. Now a quiet walk through the halls turned from something simple, to that sublime, for many of those around. Half of the population idolized him for his actions, and the other half ridiculed him for his prosperity. He could feel the tainted glares of the latter upon him, and sometimes he wanted to do nothing more than scream. Scream for the world to leave him alone, scream so he could enter his silent refuge once again…scream just to know that he wasn't lost in a barren wasteland. But that wasn't him…instead, he bottled up everything into an emotional dam.

Maybe if he could come to terms with all that had occurred, the rest would fall into place. Part of him held back from still believing, waiting for something to happen…another sorceress, another war, another person in his life to leave without explanation.

He stepped onto the elevator lift, and begrudgingly pushed the button to the third floor. The commander leaned his head against the cool texture of the glass and exhaled, mulling over the monotony of his job. Even two months after Ultimecia's defeat, he could tell his future comprised of nothing but an endless ocean of paperwork and meetings. As luck would have it, the only break he had in the tedium was the survival retreat a few weeks ago…and of course his weekend excursion to Deling.

There was a certain relief that he was in there alone as the doors started to close…and just like some time-honored tradition seen in every movie, a hand reached in blocking the doors. Another hand soon joined it, as the doors were slowly pried open until the hydraulics took over completing the job.

"C'mon Squall, you could have pressed the _'open door'_ button," stated Zell sarcastically as he entered the lift with his usual spark of enthusiasm.

"Could have," the commander dryly replied, never moving his head from its resting place.

"You going to the third floor?"

"Yes Zell – that is why it is lit up."

"Man you haven't been this irritable since… Oh sorry, still haven't heard from her?"

If he had a Guardian junctioned and a 'stop' spell handy, this next part of the conversation would have been a distant memory. But like everything else, a simple elevator trip had to be an uncomfortable way for conversation to rear its ugly head.

"She's called once and has written several times, but nothing in the last few days."

"Didn't you talk about it when you were in Deling?"

Well, he had accidentally mentioned it, but immediately dismissed the subject as a faux pas. That day was too important to ruin it with an answer. Especially one he already knew in his mind and his heart was not ready to accept. He realized that no matter what, she would never join SeeD. It wasn't her…she simply wasn't one of them. She was one of the group, yes; one who was hired for money, no. Yet, he would expect nothing less from her moral values, and that was the terrible irony of the situation. Cid had presented the offer before she left for Timber, with extensive training upon her return. Squall knew that was why he hadn't heard from her, she had made her decision…and couldn't bear to face him.

The chime of the elevator sounded and the doors opened. Both men took a step out into the outer waiting area of the headmaster's office. Squall wrapped his fingers around the grip of his gunblade, wishing more than ever for that 'stop' spell right now. Anything was better than seeing _'that look,' _the onehe got too often when his friends asked about Rinoa… The very one he got from them that fateful day she left with Estharian soldiers underneath the desert sky.

"No," he hoped that answer would be sufficient.

"Well, didn't you write her about it? I understand it might have been easier on paper."

Easier on paper? Hell, that would be farthest from the truth…somehow the words _"Squall, I'm sorry – I can't be a SeeD"_ weren't any easier on his heart when he would see them printed in black and white.

"I never wrote her…not on that subject, not on any subject…I just never wrote her."

"Man, didn't she write you at least four times a week?"

"Something like that," his tone more hushed this time.

Zell deciphered the expression on his friend's face…one learned quickly growing up in the company of Squall Leonhart… It was that 'leave me the hell alone' expression, which until two months ago, used to be his norm. The martial artist and the others never doubted that Rinoa would return to Garden, but somehow their faith never mirrored the beliefs of their leader. Zell knew it best to try to change the subject, so he threw a few low blocks into the air, preventing imaginary punches.

"Coming to my party tomorrow night? Selphie has been planning it for weeks, hired a real band this time…not us trying to sound like one."

"No tap dancing right?"

Zell chuckled at the memory of Fisherman's Horizon and their almost comedic attempts at entertainment, "Nah…not unless Irvine drinks too much." The Commander raised an eyebrow at the comment. "Er…not like there will be any alcohol there, really sir."

Squall sighed; somehow the idea of an alcoholic beverage seemed to hold its own appeal right now…at least it would make his bi-weekly meeting with Cid a little more memorable. "Zell you're old enough to make your own decisions; I'm not going to police you every time I'm around."

"So that means you're comin' right?"

"I'll be there."

"Whoa man, it'll be great!"

Squall nodded politely dismissing himself, "I'm late for a meeting right now." Walking over to the headmaster's door, he knocked and then waited for permission to enter.

Turning around, Zell jumped back on the lift, heading down to the second floor. When he rounded the corner heading to the classroom, he was momentarily knocked off balance when Selphie jumped into his arms, grabbing him tightly around the neck.

"What the? What's up with you?" he managed as he pried her arms slightly loosing her _near fatal_ grip.

"Zell!" she shouted, with her enthusiasm not going unnoticed by those around, "you will never believe who is back!"

* * *

"Come in." Cid shuffled a pile of documents from one side to the other, covering up some paperwork that had been lying on his desk. He looked up to see Squall walking in and gave him a reassuring smile. "So Commander Leonhart, how are you doing today?"

"Fine sir, thank you…and you?"

"I'm very well, glad to see you are getting better with these pleasantries, keep it up for a bit and you just may grow to like them."

Squall chose to ignore the comment, instead directing the conversation into a more professional overtone. "Is there any new business I need to be briefed on, before I head to my office?"

Cid felt slightly disappointed at the turn of the conversation, over the last months he was hoping the young man would confide in him a little. So much had happened to the teenager, that the headmaster thought his guidance might have been beneficial. The two of them shared several bonds…one of a father figure to a son; one shared within the warrior's code, and most importantly, one extraordinary history only bestowed upon few…the honor of being a knight.

The older man grabbed a pair of reading glasses on his desk, placing them on the bridge of his nose. He reached over for a leather-bound notepad, and skimmed the first few pages of the lined paper.

"Well, I have received the final bid from the contractor…the renovations will go ahead as planned, in total construction shouldn't last more than three months. I have put in a request for them to begin with the old Garden Faculty rooms, hopefully yours will be one of the first group completed."

"Mine?"

"Son, didn't you know? I'm sorry I must have taken the fact for granted…when I talked about moving the instructors with tenure into larger rooms - I was meaning all SeeD administrative staff. As commander, you will be getting your own apartment. Mind you, it won't be lavish, but it will at least have a separate living, sleeping, and small kitchenette area."

"Sir, I don't need a larger room, the dorm I have now is more than adequate."

The older man laughed candidly, as he scribbled some notes on his paper. "You will," his answer was almost inaudible between laughs.

"Excuse me?" Squall wasn't sure where the humor lay; he certainly wasn't seeing anything remotely amusing about the comment. Knowing this was going to take more time than he originally anticipated, the commander reluctantly sat down in one of the burgundy leather chairs placed in front of the desk.

The older man waved his hand dismissing the commander's question but in his mind he was thinking, _"Yeah you try living with a woman and dog in a one room dorm…fat chance buddy." _

Some things Cid knew more about than the baffled person seated in front of him…it would take time, but it _would_ happen. It was destiny, and both of the Kramers had already resigned to this fact. There would be no stopping the bond once it started. The more experienced couple could only prepare them for the trials that lay ahead…both those physical and emotional. No, it wouldn't happen in the next week, month, or maybe even year…but rest assured, it would happen – and they would have an apartment when it did.

"Um…it's not important right now Squall. Oh, the first group of the students on the _'Rebuild Trabia Project'_ will be leaving…um…crap, can't read my own handwriting. I believe it's the nineteenth of March."

"Yes, it is sir. Selphie and Irvine are being dispatched in the initial unit."

"Not going to feel the same without her around is it?" Recognizing his comment may have double meaning, Cid quickly expanded on his statement. "Irvine's final transfer papers just arrived in this stack of 'bureaucratic hell' somewhere…now he'll be spending the next two months in Trabia, talk about coincidence…it may be that long before I find his paperwork again."

Looking down to the cluttered surface, the headmaster grabbed a manila folder; opening it briefly, he skimmed through several manuals inside. "I wanted to inform you that in my opinion it has become necessary to hire a few civilian employees. Some of the positions were those that the Garden Faculty used to handle, and some have become essential through the process of change."

The commander acknowledged him non-verbally, understanding that some outside help would always be required. Garden had dozens of non-SeeD employees: janitors, cafeteria workers, gardeners, and even the people who worked the front doors.

"Squall, next week upon your final approval, two technicians from Fisherman Horizon will be employed on full-time payroll. Now that Garden is mobile, we will need to have qualified mechanical workers. They've agreed to come aboard, based on our new military stance. However, if we accept any jobs that reflect the former 'mercenary' reputation, more than likely than not, they'll return to FH. We will assign a few younger cadets as apprentices, so eventually it can be handled internally…but that may not be for quite some time."

"Understandable…is that all sir?"

"No, not quite. I am contemplating two more positions…before the attack, I had underestimated the importance of having a secondary physician on the grounds…so as of next semester, I am considering taking on an additional doctor to help alleviate Dr. Kadowaki from all medical responsibilities. I already have a candidate in mind; she left SeeD to pursue a career in medicine. Because of her past experience, she would already have a working knowledge of Garden, and I suppose the idea was always in the back of my mind when she left."

"That would be a very logical move, and I know that Dr. Kadowaki could sure use a break."

"That's an understatement…I don't remember that woman ever taking a vacation." Cid paused closing the folder. He looked down at his desk as to emphasize a point. "And Squall, I'm going to hire an office assistant for myself. Someone who can help me keep everything organized; maybe for once I'll find something in this rat's nest."

"You mean a secretary?" Squall leaned to the front of his chair, somehow he didn't like where this was going. Any documents Cid saw were usually important, and to have an outsider with such access could be detrimental.

"No, no, no…I don't think that would be an appropriate description at all. I'm not looking for someone to fetch my coffee or file…okay, maybe _a little filing_...but to be an actual assistant to me. Their input would be asked for on various matters, and I would trust them to act almost like a mediator on occasion. Maybe if a person is not a SeeD, they might look at things a little differently. Plus, I can't even read my own handwriting…someone who could use a computer and a word-processing program would be a godsend around here."

"Sir, I'm not sure how much I like this idea. If it was someone to answer the phones, and schedule appointments, I would agree…but you would be taking a great risk with what you are proposing. No outsider should see your memos…no matter how illegible they are."

"Did you ever hear the story behind the capital 'd' in SeeD?"

"Yes sir," replied Squall trying to act indifferent. He felt a little upset about the sudden change in topic, feeling as if Cid was purposely trying to divert his attention without giving him a clear-cut answer.

"Well, forget about any official story you may have heard. Do you want the real story?"

"I guess." Was this a choice, or some life-lesson that he was going to hear no matter what?

"I'm going to tell you how much I could use the help. Do you want to know how bad my handwriting really is? When Edea and I first came up with the idea for Garden and SeeD…we were writing possible investors for the initial capital. I was in charge of ordering the stationery, on the request form I put everything down, faxed it over, and three weeks later, we were officially 'Seecl Special Mercenary forces.' Turns out the man at the other end thought the 'd' was a 'cl' – he couldn't read my handwriting."

"Edea was not very happy about it, as her last words before I sent it were 'type it please, so it is legible - your writing is the equivalent of chocobo scratches.' Well, in my haste, I just handwrote the damn thing…didn't want to go through the hassle of typing. After the mistake, I faxed the man back a strongly worded letter, trying to take some of the blame off me… In it I wrote, _'It is not 'cl' it is a '**D**'_ and of course I underlined it making my point very clear. _This_ time he called to clarify, and I said, yes just like on the fax…well three weeks later we were SeeD…as I had written a capital 'D' on the paper. I was furious, but Edea calmed me down, she always had a way of doing that. After a few days, the name just felt right. Anyway that is how we became SeeD."

Squall was surprised that he had actually found an ironic humor in the story. "Well sir, I for one am proud to be a Seecl."

"Very funny Leonhart."

"I thought so." The commander smiled briefly before restating his doubts: "Honestly, I don't see the need of bringing a civilian into the organization, especially for such an important position."

"Well, the assistant comes highly recommended, and I don't think trust will ever be an issue."

"Sir, no disrespect…but trust is _always_ an issue with SeeD. If we are now focusing primarily on training and security, how do we know that an outsider will not betray the confidence? I think that promoting from within would be a much more feasible solution. What about Xu or Quistis? I was under the impression they handled day-to-day administrative duties."

"Well, Quistis helped out during the time of conflict. Now that she is teaching again, that will become her primary focus. Xu will be handling the recruitment and the Human Resource end - those duties before were controlled solely by Norg's intents."

"So why not promote from within?"

Cid sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Well Squall, this was based on _my_ decision. Edea, too, met with the new assistant and couldn't be more pleased with the outcome. I can promise you trust will never be an issue."

_"How can you promise?" _Squall held the comment to himself, although he still couldn't follow the headmaster's reasoning. He turned his head slightly, not looking the elder in the eyes, finally conceding his argument, "Understood sir."

"Squall…sometimes…" the older man hesitated with his words, his voice echoing the regret, "Sometimes you can't always trust the people from within…you just never know a person."

Seifer. Even almost two months after the defeat of Ultimecia, Cid had not been able to talk about the boy to anyone. The two sat among awkward silence, one that Squall didn't have the courage to break…or the words to heal. The older man inhaled deeply, before grabbing a file lying on his desk. Squall watched as the headmaster fumbled in opening the folder; his emotions were betraying his actions.

"So anyway Squall, here is the welcome manual, and the written history on SeeD. There is also a required video presentation, which basically covers everything briefly that is in that book."

"Sir, why are you telling me this?"

"Oh, I'm sorry…I guess I should have made myself more clear on the situation. I want you to go through the book with the new hire, rules, regulations, that sort of thing."

"Shouldn't Xu be handling this? I believe it falls under the definition you just stated of her duties."

"Normally she would, but I'm afraid she is unavailable today, and since you may be working closely with my assistant, I thought you would be the most logical choice."

"Today sir? You mean that the person is starting today?" Squall couldn't hide his feelings on this one…he tried desperately to feel part of this organization, and sometimes he felt like he was the outsider. He stood from his chair, trying not to let his emotional dam break at this moment. "I feel like this is something I should have been notified of. I know you have the _'final'_ say when it comes to what is best for Garden, but seeing that I am _supposedly_ the commander, I think a background check and a formal interview with me would have been the least that could have been done."

"Squall, listen…I understand. Under normal circumstances, you would be the first to know, and I would even insist that you would be present for the _preliminary through final_ interviews. As for the other civilian positions, I am asking you to run criminal checks on before they officially start. This one, however, was a choice that I made, and will not go back on."

* * *

He was never one to question orders. He was never one to question authority, but somehow the entire situation seemed forced upon him. Cid had never used a subordinate in such a manner before, with the notable exception of Xu, and even she had her own duties during the conflict. Maybe the lack of previous assistance was due to the presence of Norg, and the high level of secrecy that had to be maintained on a daily basis…but why now…why trust an outsider of all things?

The commander pushed away his reservations, and walked into the small conference room. The shades were pulled, and the lights dimmed for the introductory video presentation. A closed circuit television distinctly showed the black and white SeeD emblem, it was the only light that illuminated the small space. Tossing the manila folder onto the table, he tried not to let any of his distrust, or insincerity, seep into his voice.

"I'm Commander Squall Leonhart, on behalf of the staff and students I would like to 'welcome' you to Balamb Garden. We hope your employment will be a productive and plea-"

He felt someone attack his waist from behind, and responded as any highly trained soldier would do in the identical situation. His body went into autopilot, and with one fluid motion, he grabbed his assailants' arms, twisting them forcefully to his right side. With grace-like ease, he flipped them over his shoulder, until their defenseless body hit the floor with a resounding 'thud.' Both of the attacker's wrists were contained within one hand, as he pushed his knee into their stomach, virtually rendering them powerless.

"Ouch," a voice whimpered out of breath.

The adrenaline of the short-lived battle coursed through his veins, but the sound of the voice made his mind wander in a completely unexpected direction. One that, fifteen minutes ago, might have explained the headmaster's elusive answers. He knew that voice; it haunted his every dream…

"Shit, Rinoa?"

"Uh…huh." The soft tone was more in anguish this time.

Squall loosened the tight hold on her hands, dispersing the weight off her abdomen falling onto his own knees.

"I'm sorry…I didn't…are you all right?" He reached over to her, placing his hand on her shoulder. Only the shadowy silhouette of her hair could be seen in the darkness, but he knew it was her – his heart could tell.

"Can you say workman's comp?" Smiling briefly through the pain, she took in his hazy features highlighted with the illumination of the video screen. His hair slightly covering his features and his scar nothing more than a shadow stealth upon his face. His eyes, however, reflected the light like a beacon burning through the November gales. Rinoa momentary cringed realizing she had read one too many romance novels after leaving the hospital.

She started to speak again, but her voice, along with her resolve, caught in her throat. In that moment, the weeks of emptiness seemed to fade in the passing of time. With her now freed hand, she reached a palm up to his face, surprised at her own gumption. She allowed herself the almost forbidden pleasure of feeling his cheek. "I'm fine Squall."

He tensed at the contact, surprised that he didn't pull away from her. Reaching up he met her fingers, slowly guiding them away from his face. Each digit seemed to be an entity of its own, each something he had only dreamed about for the last two weeks.

He quickly released her hand, and then stood up, acting as if nothing out of the ordinary had just happened. "Can you stand?"

"I think so, nothing _feels_ broken."

"I'm glad…I hate all the damn paperwork." He reached down to her, offering his hand. She accepted the help, and stumbled forward slightly losing her balance as she stood.

A sharp sting radiated from her lower spine, and she had tried to hide the pain as she winced inwardly. No one could ever say that Squall Leonhart wasn't always ready for battle and she now had the war-wounds to prove it.

Squall had not stopped to remember why he had first entered the room. He seemed only to be focused on one thing, and in the dark, he found himself less self-conscious about staring at her. And that was exactly what he was doing…

She had realized this fact, and found herself not wanting to break the peaceful silence. The only sound in the room was the low hum of the audio-video equipment in the background. Finally, he took a slight step away, obviously starting to feel uncomfortable, it almost wanted to make her laugh…there was such an innocence contained within one so guilty.

"Rinoa…" he hesitated slightly before asking the question that he had dreaded. Somehow, he found the strength in the darkness to ask the impossible, "Are you staying at Garden?"

"Is that all right with you?"

_"Hell yes!"_ Okay that would not be the diplomatic 'Squall-like' answer, so he settled on, "If it is what you want."

She smiled slightly before raising a hand to her forehead, almost looking embarrassed. "I do…I don't have anywhere else to go and…" she cut herself off, knowing that she was trying to make excuses for the real reason she wanted to be there. She took her hand away from her head, looking at him with more confidence, "I want to be here."

He found a certain euphoria within the words, but tried to remain collected around her; although he realized it was a losing battle. He had to say something…

"Timber?"

Yes, conversation with Squall Leonhart could be a little on the short side, she understood this point very well. At least she had the benefit of being able to speak without being under heavy sedation this time.

"Timber is doing well, thank you. In the last two weeks, they have organized a basic government structure without the influence of Galbadia. Most of the administration is temporary or at-large positions until the elections this fall. Well…okay, that didn't happen in just the last couple of weeks, but the last time I saw you the elections weren't a hot topic with us, so I just summarized."

"I'm sorry, I should have asked before."

"No Squall, you don't have to ask…please don't feel bad."

_"But it's important to you…of course I should have asked," _he thought to himself, and then swore he wasn't going to make that mistake again. "How are your tonsils? Or…I guess lack of."

She pushed strands of hair behind her ears, "They are happily living somewhere, which isn't in the vicinity of my throat. It was better for our relationship that way."

"It's good to hear you again." He cringed at sounding like a long distance commercial, _"Oh, man…please don't think that was lame."_

"You too," she answered with complete sincerity, putting his mind at ease.

"Cid…" he finally spoke uneasily, "Cid wanted me to go over some stuff with his new…" He could see her smile, and it lit up the dim room like Bahamut's Mega-Flare. The realization hit him for the first time since he walked in there giving his fictitious welcome speech. His feeling of culpability made him break the bliss, looking down at the yellow folder that lay on the table. "Rinoa…are you sure? The rules, the regulations…this isn't you. Are you sure you really want to work here?"

"Squall, are you sure you do?"

The answer caught him completely off guard. Never once had he made his earlier doubts known to her - about his feelings, or his scruples. He could never live with himself if he allowed Rinoa to compromise her principles, for something as pedestrian as…well whatever she was there for; his mind still refused to fathom it was for _him_.

"It's better." His answer skirted her question – but still truthful, again it was one of the subjects that he avoided back in Deling. "I was going to tell you before, now that Norg isn't controlling the intents of Garden, Cid is focusing on taking us in a different direction, one that will be leading us away from the mercenary reputation."

"He said something to me about changes for the better the other day, but told me that someone would go over everything when I returned."

"…_when you returned_," Squall repeated under his breath, amazed how wonderful each syllable sounded when he said it.

"Huh?"

"Nothing Rinoa, just…nothing. Anyway, SeeD is deviating from the mercenary stance. All Gardens have contracts in the works with local governments, to help train their recruits in basic defense and security issues. We will still be hired by individual sources, but only for the purpose of defense…no longer killing for money, only protecting - taking a human life will only be a last resort. There will also be more focus on hostage negotiations, and special op recovery."

"So, if I had tried to hire you now, SeeD wouldn't have helped the Forest Owls?"

"Well…technically…no, but we could have help protect you if Vinzer Deling had put a contract out on your life."

"Good…I like that." She replied, taking a small step forward as she watched his tense body slowly began to relax. "So I guess this means I can't hire you to stop Irvine from hitting on me."

"Well, technically that falls under 'protection' of human interest…and there are some articles that allow for more dramatic and persuasive approaches. Where you can't hire SeeD for combat, I think I would be willing to work independently if the situation was dire enough to warrant it."

"Oh, I love it when you talk all official like that. Now explain to me the detailed history of junctioning."

"Really?"

"No!" she playfully answered, hitting him on the shoulder. He was so cute when he was confused at her sarcasm. Oh crap, she just called him 'cute' again; she swore to break that habit yet. "Um, Squall, you really didn't know I was here, did you?"

"No, Cid seemed to have omitted important information about his new assistant."

"You didn't think I was coming back to Garden at all."

He took another step away from her, looking over to the video screen. He hated the feeling of being caught in the proverbial 'headlights'. There was no correct way of answering this, as he found to be the case too often lately. "No, Rinoa I didn't."

In the dark, she could see the moisture in his eyes reflect like crystals, and empathized with the inner turmoil he was experiencing. She walked over to him, this time placing both hands gently around his waist. "Squall, I know before I didn't agree with being paid to fight someone else's battles. But remember I did hire you. I think SeeD had its purpose, but I'm glad to see you moving in a different direction. I was honored at the opportunity to become a SeeD, and seriously considered it…but in the end, it isn't who I am. When I talked to Cid the other day, he was the one who suggested the assistant position…he said he already knew I would refuse the SeeD offer."

Rinoa closed her eyes, placing her head on his chest. "You still don't believe in me, do you? Squall, I promise I'm not going anywhere. I never questioned that I would return, the only question was in what capacity. As I said before, Timber was a chapter in my life…one that will always remain very special…but it's time to start a new chapter."

He leaned his cheek on her soft hair, and finally allowed himself to reciprocate the embrace. He tried to ignore that voice inside, the one that always caused him torment. _"Is that all I am going to be to her, a chapter? When she is done with me, will she move on again?"_

"What are you thinking Squall?"

"Nothing of importance."

"Right, like I would believe that. Don't worry, I don't expect you to understand right away, it will take time. But I promise you someday, you will never doubt when I say I'll be here…I'm not leaving."

"Rinoa, I don't doubt you…I doubt myself."

"Look at me," her soft voice sending a sudden chill down his spine. She placed a finger underneath his chin, making him look toward her. "Stop that. Don't doubt, just feel."

He gave in to his feelings, reaching down to press his lips upon hers. The hospital had seemed like years ago, and the balcony like several eternities. He pulled her even closer, if that were physically possible, not wanting to let the moment end. For the first time he felt himself brave enough to let his hand wander up her back, feeling every millimeter of her body.

"Commander Leonhart, if that is how you welcome all new guests, I am guessing that our female enrollment would triple by the end of the week."

The shock was overwhelming, and both stopped their actions very quickly. Rinoa covered her mouth with one hand, while the other smoothed the wrinkles in her clothes. The embarrassment Squall felt back in the hospital was nothing compared to having Cid standing there looking at him. He immediately jumped into attention saluting the older man.

"Hyne boy, at ease…gee'sh I was just kidding. Although I do have serious doubts whether I should let you welcome the two mechanics from FH next week, last thing we need now is an ugly lawsuit."

"I apologize about my behavior sir, it was very inappropriate."

"No, it was inappropriate for me not to knock. Trust me, I know what it is like to be separated…" The headmaster sighed knowing that no matter what he said, Squall wouldn't think of him as anything but a superior. Still he felt the need to continue, if not for boy's sake, than for Rinoa's. "Off the record, I know what you two are going through, more than anyone else here. Squall I trust that you will never let your relationship come between your duties at work, just as I know you will never let work come in between your duties as a knight. Can I ask you one question, and I want you to answer me truthfully."

"Yes Sir."

Cid took off his glasses, holding them by the stem in his hand, and then looked toward the younger man. "Squall, in my office, when I mentioned I was hiring an assistant, why were you so adamant about me not getting one? _Honestly_, what was your _first_ thought?"

_"That's two questions,"_ Squall mentally complained, but he knew that right now he owed the truth to both of the people standing in the room. "My first thought…" He wasn't sure whether to be embarrassed or proud of this fact, especially with her standing next to him. "…was about Rinoa. I didn't like the idea of someone having access to personal information about her, including any weakness she may have. I know that she has concerns about people fearing her…and I just didn't want an outsider knowing that she was a sorceress. But there was also concern for Garden in general. So much could be compromised."

"Good."

"Excuse me sir?"

"You answered truthfully, and more importantly…how I wanted you to answer. I can tell you one thing…that nobody else in the Garden would have agreed with your thinking. Their reasoning would be - you are Commander, and as such, your duties first and foremost, would lie with SeeD. There isn't another superior at any of the Gardens who would understand your answer but me. Whatever you do, always remember what is more important…because it hurts like hell if you make the wrong choice."

Rinoa stepped from where she stood behind Squall, moving over to the headmaster, "Edea?"

"It's not important dear. In the end it all worked out…I guess."

"Headmaster," offered Rinoa looking older than her eighteen years to him. "I know whatever you did was what was necessary. You managed to protect Ellone, and in the end that was all that was important. Maybe you were separated, but maybe you had to be. In the end you trusted each other's character, and came out stronger for it."

"Rinoa," Squall said her name trying to quiet her. Although he believed in everything she was saying, he still found it hard to accept her speaking her mind, especially to one in authority.

"No Squall…it's all right. That's one of the reasons I want Rinoa here…she has distance from SeeD, although she shows respect, she also isn't afraid to speak her mind." He placed his glasses back on his face, scratching the back of his neck. "There really was a reason I came up here, and not to make you two feel uncomfortable…although I did a damn good job of that, huh? Rinoa, I was entering your personal data into the computer, and was surprised that a 'Rinoa Caraway' came up in our database, as a student at Galbadia Garden twelve years ago."

"Oh yeah…" Rinoa turned away from Squall and the headmaster, almost ashamed of the fact.

For a second the two men exchanged a look, not sure of how to interpret the situation. Squall finally took a step forward, placing his hand on her shoulder. "Rinoa, what is it?"

She turned around smiling embarrassedly, "Nothing really…yeah that _was_ me. I never attended; I was just accepted. I didn't make the connection right away to Garden, I was so young…and it was a lifetime ago." She took a deep breath, acting as pained by the memory. "When I was six, almost a year after my mother died…well…my dad wasn't himself. He ended up going away on a very long mission, and enrolled me in military school. Really, that whole time is just a blur, I remember some guy coming out to the mansion and talking to me. I'm not sure what happened, but somehow I ended up staying with my grandparents for two years…I never actually attended."

"Well, that explains the lack of data, I wasn't sure what was going on…just surprised that anything came up at all. I'll let you two get back to the um…history of SeeD."

The older man left the room, as Squall's hand still gently rested on her shoulder. "Rinoa, I know it's none of my business…but I noticed you called him 'dad' just a second ago."

Reaching her hand to meet his, she interlocked their fingers forcing back the tears. "Well, I guess…he was 'dad' to me back then. I think when he abandoned me for so long, that was the beginning of the end for us…I needed him then. That's what made him _Caraway_."

"You…stayed with your grandparents?"

"Yeah, they lived in Timber…my mother's side of the family. Didn't I ever mention that she was born in Timber? She moved to Deling to make it big, it was her dream."

"No, I didn't know." Now some of her desire to help free Timber made sense. It wasn't just because the town was occupied; it was a part of her history. She had lived there for two years, and it became a second home to her…and he was guessing more a home than Deling City after Julia's death. Moreover, it was her mother's history too, and maybe Rinoa felt she was fighting for her memory.

"You know Squall, I don't want to talk about this anymore. I think that SeeD history is starting to look exciting."

If there was one thing he could understand, was when a subject bothered a person, and they truly no longer wished to speak about it. He knew that Rinoa had her past, just as he did…if someday she wanted to talk about it, he would be there.

"Come here," he whispered, yet his voice reached, pulling her closer. She rested her head on his chest once again, feeling comforted by hiding within the shadows of the room.

She closed her eyes, just enjoying the incredible calm of his arms around her, protecting her from the memories that were still hard for her to fathom. "You know Squall…I am starting to think the world is against us."

"What?" He didn't mean to sound that surprised, her comment just caught him off guard.

"Well at the hospital Zone and Watts walked in, and now it was Cid."

"Don't forget the balcony, when Selphie ran out and asked if 'we could do it over' because she missed it the first time."

Rinoa laughed at the memory. "Yeah that was pretty…uncomfortable for you I'm sure."

"Slightly…"

"Well, someday it won't be so uncomfortable…you'll get used to it."

"I'm trying," he spoke hoarsely. In unison they looked at each other, she winked mischievously as he bent down to finish the kiss they had started earlier. And again, fate set another obstacle in their way…technically four of them. This time Squall heard the door opening, and almost ended pushing Rinoa off him trying to separate their bodies. She raised her hands skyward, admitting defeat as the lights brightly illuminated the room.

"Rinoa!" Zell ran into the room, grabbing her body off the ground weightlessly and spinning her around. "It's true, you are here!"

"Yes, it's really me…"

When he set her down, she waited for the slight dizziness to subside, and her momentary blindness to fade. She noticed the four people, _correction: four friends_, standing in front of her. Laughing a little, she walked over to the rest of the group. Quistis was the second to greet her, pulling the younger girl into a hug. "Missed you, hun."

"You too," she replied sincerely as she pulled away.

Selphie let out a slight squeal, as she hugged her friend. "I saw you earlier walking in the halls! I had to find everyone; we finally asked Cid where you two were!"

"Just been in here, watching some exciting welcome videos."

"Oh I know! Did you see me? Those were all produced in Trabia while I was still there. I'm in the background in several shots…and the actress in the scene _'how to use the keycard system.'_ I was the one who kept getting the red light because I swiped my identification too fast!"

"Yes, yes…I noticed. Your acting abilities were great, I really felt for you when you couldn't enter that room," she playfully teased, hugging the girl a second time.

"We didn't interrupt anything, did we?" Irvine smirked in the general direction of the commander, as he lowered his cowboy hat over his eyes. "Squall seems a little quiet over there…and slightly annoyed."

"He's fine Irvine… No more annoyed than usual, and you didn't interrupt. Glad to see you."

"You too darlin,' it's not the same without that beautiful smile, and those gorgeous deep-brown chocolate eyes." Irvine reached down capturing her right hand, lifting it to his mouth. He delicately kissed it sweetly saying, "It's always a pleasure to be in the company of such an attractive lady."

"Oh-puleese," interjected Zell. "Squall I'm feeling ill, isn't there some kind of rule about 'cheesy' pick-up lines at Garden? Especially, comparing eye-color to food."

"No, but there should be," the commander added sarcastically.

Selphie elbowed Irvine in the stomach. "Hey guys I'm just kiddin', you know me."

"Yes we do, that is what scares us," stated Quistis.

"Hey Rin, it's my birthday party tomorrow night! Selphie's been planning it for a while, there will be a real band, lots of music, and food…it'll be great. You'll be there right?"

"Of course Zell, I wouldn't miss it for the world."

Squall stood back and watched the group around him interact. To them it was so easy, so natural. Even Quistis was laughing and smiling, a side of her demeanor he hardly ever saw out of her normally professional appearance. Irvine had placed his arm around Selphie, who had thrown it off the first time…but his persistence paid off in the end. She no longer fought his advances, and eventually leaned up against him for support. Zell moved back and forth, unable to stand in one place very long…he was like an endless faucet of energy that nobody ever turned off.

And Rinoa, of course he couldn't stop watching her, although he tried not to look obvious. She was there; she had really come back…all the others believed she would, yet he still carried his doubts.

_"You still don't believe in me, do you? Squall, I promise I'm not going anywhere."_

"You're home now," he whispered under his breath. "You're home."

* * *

* * *

** _Chapter Three: A Time to Laugh _ **

_ March 17th _

Rinoa's hand started trembling as she reached just a little further into the darkened shadows. It had now become a personal challenge that she had to win…_it_ taunted her, _it_ tracked her every breath as if by radar. Her body tried to drive back the overwhelming anxiety, and she found herself almost starting to hyperventilate, reminding herself to inhale the surrounding oxygen into her lungs.

She was so close; the victory _could_ be hers if she could just find the inner strength.

Every muscle in her body was screaming for her to turn the other way and run…run far away. But she had to make a stand; _this_ was her place now, her home. She wouldn't cower in fear as she had most of her life. She was older now, and a sorceress, she had helped save the world for God's sake…but this took more. It was within her grasp…just a little further….

A scream echoed through the deserted hallway of Balamb Garden. Selphie was just outside her friend's door, and frantically knocked, afraid of what horror she may find inside. She had never heard Rinoa yell in battle. The young sorceress had usually hid her panic from the group, or bottled the emotion almost to a point of _not_ speaking. That is when they could tell she was truly upset.

"Rinoa, are you all right?"

"It's…open…" a voice trailed from inside.

Selphie ran into see Rinoa standing on her bed, looking like a terrified child.

"What? What is it?"

"Spider…big black hairy spider." Rinoa pointed to the ceiling on the other side of her room. "I was trying to kill it…it jumped toward me, I swear it **_lunged_**."

Selphie looked at the ceiling and then back to Rinoa, apprehensively saying, "Where is it now?"

"Floor…somewhere over there," she pointed underneath a wooden chair.

"Eeek!" Selphie screamed as she jumped onto the bed next to her friend. The normally fearless girl thought she too saw the 'monstrous arachnid' getting ready for a surprise ambush. The two girls stood holding one another, looking toward the floorboards.

"You know, Selph…this doesn't look good."

"You mean a SeeD and a sorceress, cowering from an eight-legged freak of nature?"

"Something like that. Have any magic on you? I'm thinking Eden would come in handy right about now."

"Um, no…guess you didn't know."

"Know what?"

"Cid has started to avoid from relying on Para-magic. With Norg gone, more details about memory loss related to the Guardian Forces surfaced. So, as a general rule, they are only to be used on very rare occasions and…oh Diablo! I just saw it move! It's huge! What about your sorceress' abilities, can't you do something?"

"You would think so, but Edea hasn't taught me how to harness the energy yet. But…okay it's worth a try at this point." Rinoa put out a hand and closed her eyes, focusing all her strength on the menacing creature. A sudden eruption resonated throughout the room, echoing out into the empty corridors of the hallway. They both covered their faces, as debris flew toward them, and smoke cloaked the room like a mysterious fog.

"Crap Rinoa, didn't mean for you to totally obliterate us in the process."

"Guess I have a little more energy than I thought. Now it's going to take me another whole day to clean this place up." Rinoa sighed sitting down onto the mattress, placing her bare feet over the edge onto the floor. She fanned the air nearby, trying to clear her lungs. Just as she started putting her weight on her toes a black, and _very hairy_, foe emerged from the rubble that once resembled a chair. "It's **_not _**dead!" She leapt back onto the bed with the speed reminiscent of a lightning bolt, standing again with Selphie on top of the comforter.

At about that time, they heard someone running down the hallway - the metal clangs of footsteps resounded with each hurried step. Two figures emerged from the other side of the doorframe, waving the remaining clouds of the smoke out of their eyes.

"Rinoa, are you okay?" Squall's voice was filled with concern. He entered the room, with Irvine closely following.

"Selphie, you in here?" The gunman's comment almost overlapped the Commander's.

The two women looked toward each other as the smoke began to thin on 'their level.' "Um…we're fine." It was said in unison, and no further details were offered…slightly humiliated of the truth.

"What happened, are you hurt…did someone attack you?" Squall's first instinct was that of a trained SeeD, and of course, that meant expecting some earth-shattering event like an attack by a hostile country, a rogue sorceress, or at the very least a Ruby Dragon with a toothache…

"We are fine, I just didn't know my powers would have so much…um…_power_."

"Yeah, Rinoa and I were just…um…testing her magical abilities."

"Damn it, you two could have gotten yourselves killed! Don't you know how dangerous messing with unknown power can be?"

"Squall…" interrupted Irvine, "Let me ask the girls a question." The cowboy moved in front of the commander, suspiciously looking at the two standing on the bed. "Now logic has taught me a lot about women, but most of the time, I still don't get them. You two will run head-first into a seemingly uphill battle, you can make it through time-compression unscathed, but by the way you two are standing up there, and seeing that we are down here…I'm going with _mouse_."

"Spider..." Rinoa bit her upper lip self-consciously as she looked down to her feet. "It is a spider."

"But Irvine, it was big…and black…and hairy…and staring at us…and it tried to kill Rinoa!" Selphie struggled to plead their case.

Irvine examined the floor around him, until he saw the black arachnid making a break for freedom into the hallway. He took a few steps forward, crushing it under the weight of his boot. The two girls cringed as their foe met its untimely, but well deserved in their opinion, death.

"The world is safe once again." Irvine smirked as he removed his hat, bowing toward the two girls. "Always a pleasure to help damsels in distress."

"Distress?" Squall's voice rose in anger. "Distress is being chased by a fifty foot _electric spider_ through the streets of Dollet! Or being hunted by the Galbadian army like prey, or…oh God, I could go on forever…but _this_ is _not_ distress!"

Shaking his head, the commander walked toward the wall, crossing both arms under his chest. Everyone could tell he saw no humor in the situation, and needed a moment to collect his thoughts. Irvine sauntered over to the bed, offering Selphie his arms in some romantic gesture. She rolled her eyes at the scene, and Rinoa tried not to giggle at her friends. Finally, the cowboy won his battle. Selphie grabbed him around the neck, jumping into his arms as if he had rescued the princess from the fire-breathing dragon in a fairy tale. He cradled her in both hands, as he walked out leaving the other two alone.

"Um…Squall…guess saying 'I'm sorry' would be a good place to start."

She smiled hoping he would answer her, but he said nothing. His arms still folded under his chest, and one foot propped up against the wall.

"I know Squall, I know…it's immature to be afraid of a spider. It was staring at me, all those eyes…hundreds of thousands of little beady eyes watching my every move. I tried to kill it by um…_normal_ means, but ended up falling off the chair as it leapt toward my jugular."

Rinoa looked toward the small window when Squall still remained soundless; his eyes seemed to be judging her. "Okay, okay I know," she started reprimanding herself, not positive if she was more embarrassed or ashamed of her actions. "I could have harmed myself, or worse yet Selphie. I violated at least five Garden regulations, and I haven't even officially started work. If you want me to leave, or want to reduce my salary…I'll understand. I'll pay for the damages out of my wages. I don't know…I…just don't…crap, I'm sorry."

When she turned to look at him again, he had one hand over his forehead, and his gaze directly at the floor. She could no longer see his eyes, only the leather glove hiding most of his face. The part that wasn't covered by his hand was covered with long stands of his hair. The heel of his boot remained against the wall and the second arm still over his abdomen clenched in a tight fist. She saw his body start to shake, and knew she was the one to cause him to get this upset…to be this disappointed in her. He was furious, and couldn't even stand to look at her. And then it happened: she thought her mind was playing tricks on her.

He was laughing. Squall Leonhart was _actually laughing_.

For a second she stood dumfounded at the development. Was he laughing because he was so upset that no other emotion could come through the surface? He pushed himself off the wall with his foot, walking toward the bed. Still his face remained down, and the sound of his muted laughter was the only thing in the room. He was now visibly holding the second fist up to his mouth, trying to cover his amusement. Finally, he looked up at her, and she could see the liquid buildup at the corner of his eyes.

"Squall?" Right now, she wasn't sure of what to do…this was just…strange.

"Rinoa," he tried to sound stern, although he couldn't keep the laughter seeping through, "Spiders?"

"I…I don't like them."

"I noticed. So it was…a _large_ spider?"

"Yeah…huge." Her voice monotone, she wasn't sure where this conversation was headed.

"Okay let me get this straight. I was in my office, received a call that a scream came from the employee's living quarters, didn't even hang up the phone as I rushed out, ran down three flights of stairs, grabbed Irvine for backup, heard a loud explosion from the end of the hall, and then find out the culprit was a 'huge' spider."

"Yes, that about sums it up…are you mad?"

"I should be, if it wasn't so damn funny. Did you call it a 'meanie' as you tried to annihilate it from the face of the earth?"

For the first time her tension eased, and she placed both hands on her hips. She smiled naively down to him, "Leonhart are you making fun of me?"

"Well, I'm not the one standing up on the bed, now am I?" He offered a single hand to her, not the grander gesture as Irvine had made, but still, it was a start. She accepted it, jumping from the comfort of the mattress, onto the surface of the floor. He tried to catch his breath, "So Miss Heartilly, do I need to requisition you a new chair? This blowing up furniture thing - isn't going to be a habit, is it?" Squall lowered his hand down to his side, leaving his covered fingers intertwined with her exposed ones.

"No, it's not…and a new chair would be terrific. Guess I should be thankful it wasn't my laptop."

"Yeah, you'd be on your own there."

"Squall I really am sorry, I don't mean to be a pain."

"You can't help it," he said matter-of-factly. "But I wouldn't change it for the world. I have faith that if 'it' had truly attacked, you could have fought it bravely on your own."

"I don't fight well on my own, remember?" She smiled at him, reaching her free arm around his neck.

"Thank you."

She titled her head slightly to the side in confusion, looking into his eyes. "Thank you for what?"

"Making me laugh…I don't ever remember laughing."

"Good," she kissed him quickly on the lips. He didn't return the gesture, yet he didn't fight it.

Looking out into the hall, he broke away from her. It was as if a realization had him, how close their bodies were to one another. "Rinoa, this wouldn't look good if someone walked by. I need to get back to work anyhow."

She nodded in understanding as he turned, and then walked out the door. Rinoa didn't care that he had left abruptly – she understood. Exhaling, she closed her eyes, thanking the heavens that she had been given this opportunity. What must it feel like to be eighteen and never have laughed? With most people, she would not take the admission literally, but with him…she knew he was dead serious. To think, she was the source of this precious gift, _his laughter_…over her and one of her stupid phobias. Smiling she opened her eyes, looking at the sawdust and debris scattered across her room…now this disaster was another story.

* * *

Selphie more or less skipped across the ballroom floor. Taking a step back, she made sure the final touches were perfect on the decorations. She had managed to transform a beautiful, grand ballroom into something more reminiscent of a nightclub in downtown Deling City. There was a time and place for elegance, and a time and place for them just to dance the night away, acting like the young adults they were, this was the second.

She looked up as she heard several voices entering the room, Irvine walked in – _no, strutted in_ \- followed by three young girls. They didn't look familiar to her, and she didn't believe them to be current students at Garden. She eyed them carefully, trying not to act too concerned, as the cowboy seemed to have put on his 'macho' persona for the moment.

"Now ladies, this is Selphie Tilmitt. She's the one who arranged this entire evening. I was only in charge of the colossal responsibility of hiring the band."

Smiling respectfully, Selphie waved at the young women, "Hi, are you guys here for the party?"

"No," Irvine winked at her, "Selph, they are _Akimbo_ the band."

"Of course, _all-female_ band…should have seen that one coming." She hadn't really meant to say it aloud, but somehow it just slipped. "You guys can change over in the women's lavatory – first door on your left, outside those double doors."

When the trio left to get ready for the performance, Selphie smiled fiercely at Irvine. She couldn't put her finger on it, it almost felt like jealousy…but she refused to admit that. Around that time, they heard a few loud 'thumps' on the marble floor. Both looked over in time to see Zell completing a series of back-handsprings, followed by a flawless layout. Behind him, Rinoa was walking in, present in hand, shaking her head at the martial artist.

"You wouldn't think he is turning nineteen would you? I can't believe he is a year older than me."

"Well yes, but at least he doesn't blow up office furniture when a small insect crawls across the floor," Irvine added teasingly.

Selphie elbowed him in the stomach, foregoing all formalities of being gentle. "First Irvine, it was **_big_**. Second, a spider isn't an insect! Third, Rinoa and I are going to make sure the food is ready…you two start greeting guests, or do whatever you two do. Just tell _your_ 'band' to go ahead and start warming up when they're ready, kay?"

Rinoa handed the gift over to Irvine, and then was almost dragged out of the room, with Selphie guiding her forcefully by the wrist. When they cleared the hallway heading to the kitchen, the leader stopped dead in her tracks.

"Rinoa, how do you know if you are in love?"

This caught the girl slightly off-guard. She wasn't expecting this question, especially something so direct. She wasn't sure how to answer it; maybe it was different for each person, maybe there was no answer she could give her friend.

"Irvine?" questioned Rinoa, although she didn't need to.

Selphie nodded, acting as if she was looking down the hall, making sure they were still alone. "I mean, I know I _care_ for him…but sometimes he just… How did you know about Seifer?"

Rinoa froze, and she momentarily forgot to breathe. It wasn't as if she had been thinking about him in the last few months, beside the fleeting thoughts wondering if he was all right. It was still an upsetting subject to her. She guessed in her mind, that she must have repressed some of the memories. She was trying to figure out how to explain their relationship from that summer, and not make herself look foolish in the process.

"Um…well…" Then it hit her within her hesitation, the answer that she had wondered months ago herself. "You know back in Galbadia Garden, when you asked me if Seifer was my boyfriend and I said, _'I really don't know…I think I was in love…'_ Well, you know what…if I had to 'think' then that wasn't love. I cared for him, as I said before…he had confidence and made me feel like I could take on the world. Do I regret that summer? No, not really…because that confidence gave me the courage to work with the Forest Owls, and not just sit idly by like other factions. Because of that confidence, I met Squall. I don't have to 'think' about Squall I 'know' and that is the difference."

Putting a hand on Selphie's shoulder, the dark-haired girl looked into her friend's eyes. "Selphie, you don't have to ask me. You already know. Maybe your question isn't 'do I love him,' but rooted more from the fear because you do."

"He just…well he is such a flirt. I don't know. Sometimes I think I can handle it, other times…it gets to me."

Giggling slightly Rinoa understood all too well, "Again, you already know if you can handle it. Just don't expect him to change. I mean, to a point he will settle down, but he will always be that way…that is why you fell in love with him. When it is all said and done, he wouldn't do anything to hurt you. I think he would never risk your love on something so fleeting. Trust in him, trust in yourself."

"Rin," Selphie tried not to let the tears roll down her face, "I'm going to miss you. It's not fair that you just come back, and I'm off to Trabia. Don't get me wrong, I want to go help with the reconstruction…but just wish it was in another month or so."

"I heard about the project, I think it's great. I also know that Irvine gave up his chance to take the SeeD field exam to go up there with you. Right there, that speaks volumes about his character. And hey, I'll be here when you get back…don't think I'm leaving again."

It was Selphie's turn to laugh, "I'm not Squall."

"Thank God for that, I can barely handle one of him, two would be…scary."

* * *

The two girls finished walking down to the back door until they reached the kitchen area. Most of the staff had already retired for the evening, except the few scattered workers hired to prepare food for the party. The drifting aroma of hot dogs was overwhelming, as the trays were filled with more 'dog' combinations than any one person could possibly imagine.

"Selphie, you aren't serious…those trays aren't _all_ hot dogs, are they?"

"Well no, not all of them…some are condiments for the hot dogs."

"I know he likes them, but um…isn't this overkill?"

"Yeah, I think so…but since this is the first party we've had for quite a while, I wanted to go all out." The eager girl walked over, happily pointing out some her favorite creations. "We have…beef hot dogs, turkey dogs, Chocobo dogs, corn dogs, bite-size weenies, bite-size corn weenies, and of course, tofu dogs – _in bite-size and regular_ – for our vegetarian crowd."

"Wow…that is…um…nice," said Rinoa trying to control her laughter. "I didn't know there were so many hot dog varieties. I have led a sheltered existence, huh?"

"Nah, just need to be educated in the 'finer' things in life," joked Selphie as she walked over to the head cook, starting to dig through her small handbag. "Hey how much do we owe you yet for the catering?"

Rinoa felt guilty for not offering to pitch in earlier. The neglect wasn't intentional, it just was with her returning, she never thought about the cost of the evening. Of course, it would make sense that the party was not a Garden related event, so Zell's friends would be chipping in on the expenses.

"Selphie, please…let me help," she apologetically said.

"Rinoa, Selphie…you don't owe a Gil," a voice shot back, as a slender figure entered the kitchen. "The total bill has already been covered, along with the band, the decorations, and from what I can tell, looks like a fair amount of alcohol."

"Quistis?" asked Selphie in full-blown amazement. "You didn't pay for all this yourself, did you? We're going to take small donations at the door to offset the cost. This had to run thousands."

"I'm sure it did, but I didn't pay for any of it."

"Well, who did?" Rinoa's question also laid foremost on Selphie's mind.

"I don't know," the instructor honestly answered. "I went to pay the rental company for the stage…they informed me the account has already been taken care of in full. Everything is paid for, from what I can tell."

"Wow, maybe Zell has a fan-club we don't know about." Rinoa walked over to a center metallic preparation table, her friends following close behind.

Quistis sighed, leaning on the countertop, "He can have mine, it's more than annoying. I'm thinking the _Zellies_ would make a good group."

"Wouldn't it be the _Dinchties_?" Selphie asked popping a mini corn-dog in her mouth.

"Who knows, but anything would be better than putting up with nonsense I do. I swear, the other day, they were actually auctioning off an old sweater I threw out with a spaghetti stain. Last time I checked, it was up to seventy-five Gil on the Internet."

"You could supplement your income nicely that way," teased Rinoa as she grabbed a mini-tofu-dog. She stared at it briefly, before flipping it in her mouth. After taking a few bites, she immediately made a face, grabbing her throat. It tasted nothing like a hot dog to her - the advertising label was sadly mistaken. "Water…I need water…"

Selphie ran over to the refrigerator, opening it up she grabbed a bottled beer. Twisting it open with ease, she handed it to Rinoa who quickly took a sip. "Oh God," she gagged, "this is worse than the tofu dog…and is far from _water_."

"Oh, just wanted you to live a little! You've never had a beer?" Selphie asked, raising an eyebrow at the girl.

"Um…no, I really don't drink. I've had a glass of wine on occasion, but nothing more than that. In Deling and Timber the legal drinking age is twenty-one."

Quistis laughed, opening up a beer she also retrieved from the refrigerator, "In Balamb it's only eighteen. I think that is because of the lack of entertainment – fishing and Triple Triad will only get you so far. I hated the taste too, but trust me it's acquired. I just learned if I wanted to keep up with the guys, you have to act like one sometimes."

"Right," spoke Rinoa as she swirled the foamy contents of the bottle around in circles. "Like anyone could ever think of you as 'one of the boys.' Trust me Quistis...that is the last thing on their minds." She took another sip, still making a face, "Gah! How do you two do this?"

"Like this," Selphie responded, getting a bottle for herself. She quickly drank half of the contents. "Don't ask…if you think Balamb is bad…wait until you are stuck out in the ice-covered wastelands of Trabia… Trust me, the stuff looks like a godsend when you're buried under a frozen tundra of snow."

Rinoa tried another sip, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "Just never thought about you two drinking alcohol. I dunno, it just seemed… Well maybe some burgundy wine for Quistis, and a tropical drink with a small umbrella for Selphie. But beer? I guess there is a lot about you two I don't know."

"Yeah," replied Quistis almost quietly. "Rinoa, you saw what it was like when you first got here. So many rules and regulations, alcohol seemed the only vice they allowed us…in moderation of course. Maybe it was something to relieve the tension. It wasn't as if we had much to live for beside SeeD, they made sure of that. Plus dealing with Squall and Seifer…it was almost a requirement for the staff."

"You know, _he_ drank," stated Rinoa, still mesmerized by the copper tint of the blown glass bottle.

"Who?" Quistis wasn't sure whom Rinoa was talking about.

"Oh…sorry…we were talking about Seifer earlier. I just remember that when I was sixteen, he drank. I guess, to me, it was as if he was defying some kind authority, breaking rules I could only dream about. It made him seem older…I don't know."

The instructor immediately felt protective, she wasn't even sure why. But the person Squall cared about so much, was now talking about someone else. She went against better judgment, or rather spoke from the heart of a 'sister' rather than that of an interested friend.

"You are over him, aren't you Rinoa?"

Rinoa hadn't meant anything specific by the statement, and the instructor asking such a straightforward question caught her off guard. She looked over to the blonde woman, who couldn't mask the concern on her face. The young sorceress set her drink down onto the counter before answering, "Quistis, I know what you are thinking. I'm sorry I didn't mean it that way… Selphie just asked me about him earlier. If you want to know the truth…I will always _care_ about Seifer. If I saw him on the street, part of me would want to run up, begging him to tell me why he did what he did. And the other part of me would want to kick him in the balls and laugh."

Selphie raised her hand energetically into the air. "I'm going with the latter!"

Quistis looked at Rinoa, "Um…dear, how much of that beer have you had?"

She waved off the comment continuing, "Anyway, I will always remember Seifer, he is my past. But it was never love…maybe I had to go through that to know what real love is like. This time I know."

"Oooh, you love Squall!" Selphie blurted out openly in front of several of the cafeteria ladies.

The dark-haired girl quickly tried to cover up her friend's mouth, suddenly remembering days of pre-adolescent behavior. "Hush, Selphie!" she begged, wanting to do nothing more than crawl under the metallic table until everyone had left. It wasn't as if is she was embarrassed of how she felt about Squall. It was more the fact that she felt that, when he were to find out, it would be in a more dignified and romantic setting than casual conversation in a kitchen while drinking a beer. Or, of course, there was always the horrible possibility of Squall hearing it from the cafeteria lady, while she was dishing him up mashed potatoes. _"Hey, you need some more gravy on those, and by the way I heard Rinoa say she loved you. Congrats!_ _Ya need a spork for those taters', commander?"_

She tensed at the pure ridiculousness of the thought, "Selphie…please? I don't want him hearing anything second hand, I owe him that much."

"Come on Selphie, we'll let them figure that out in their own way," added Quistis in her normal professional demeanor, always the voice of reason. "And if they don't figure it out soon, we can talk Nida into announcing it on the PA system, or even worse, I can put it out on the Trepie chat room."

Rinoa rolled her eyes taking another sip. "First of all, not funny…second of all, _Trepie chat room_, you aren't serious are you?"

"Sadly there is such a place, and trust me, you don't want to know what goes on there."

"Wait a minute, wait a minute!" exclaimed Selphie, setting her empty bottle on the counter none too gently. "How do you _know_ what goes on in there? I tried to get in, I believe it's members only…"

"Um…yeah…well for 'research purposes' I opened up a screen name." The instructor hid her face in shame. "Call me 'whiphergood' board member _number 427_. Look, it's just freaky…I just had to know."

The other two girls were almost on the floor in hysterics. Rinoa held her stomach as the tears started running down her face as she gasped, "Whip…good…oh my gods."

Selphie handed each girl another drink, barely keeping her sanity. "Quistis how could you? I never knew that was you!"

"What?" The blonde woman was now on the brink of tears, "You what, you mean…?"

"Heck yeah! I had to know too, nice to meet yah…'thetrepeinator' at your service. How do you think I knew it was members only?"

The three were now past hysterical, and come to the point where one couldn't stop laughing…even the most ludicrous things, as they seemed to have double meaning.

"Ma'am," interrupted one of the chefs, addressing Selphie, "Where do you want me to put the hot dogs?"

Well, one could guess where their minds went in the current state. Selphie nearly choked on her beer, trying to catch her breath. "Ah…take 'em to the party…I'm sure the guests will know what do with them."

"Well…maybe half of them," the instructor choked out. "Unfortunately for me, that half either has a girlfriend…or a _boyfriend_."

"Oh Hyne," gagged Rinoa, "I thought we were _supposed_ to be the dignified ones."

"Yeah, well…we deserve a break," countered Selphie. "We better get back to the party…see if any of the guys are actually eating the mini-wieners."

"Huh?" questioned the other two, the amusement never subsiding.

"It's a male physiological thing, _trust me_. Somehow they feel inferior…we used to serve 'em up in Trabia, and then laugh at the guys who would eat them."

Quistis lifted her bottle up to the others, "Here's to learning more about the guys…and each other."

"And to experiencing life for the first time, with a new perspective," added Selphie raising her beer.

"Here's to new beginnings with friends and family." Rinoa completed the toast, as the three lightly clanged their bottles together.

* * *

He wandered through the vast crowd. Although the commander was among a hundred people, he still felt the same loneliness as when he had been lost during time-compression. Somehow, these gatherings had not been any easier on him, and he desperately searched out his friends, _one_ in particular. The loud music only added to his aggravation, as he hunted for a familiar face through the jungle of activity. If it was possible, he felt more uncomfortable here than at his graduation ball. That at least kept the appearance of dignity…this was random insanity.

If it weren't considered inappropriate, he would have growled at the mass of humanity crowding the dance floor. Not like any one would actually 'hear' him if he did, the bass in the music made sure of that. A hand grabbed his shoulder, and he nearly turned to bite the offender's head off, until he saw the martial artist staring back at him.

"Great party, huh? Been a while since Garden had anything like this."

_"The words 'great' and 'party' are oxymorons,"_ he pondered. _"And damned if I would know, would have avoided this type of event like Leviathan would Quezacotl."_ He found himself yelling over the music, "I wouldn't know…never been to one."

"C'mon, Irvine has a table over near the food." The commander followed Zell through the massive throng, eventually ending up at a table near the back of the room. It was less noisy, as he could almost hear himself complain.

"Hey Squall, how you doing?" The cowboy's question pretty much went unheard.

"Fine," he answered without ever looking at the speaker, pulling a chair up to the table.

"So how's work?" Zell asked attempting to start up any sort of conversation.

"Fine." He hadn't taken his eyes from the crowd, searching the crammed horizon for someone. The two other men exchanged a knowing look, attempting to have some fun at the commander's expense.

Irvine took a swig of his beer, "Heard that your job requires you to wear a large purple T-Rex outfit and high-heels, how you feel 'bout that?"

"Fine."

Zell laughed at his friend, mouthing behind his back to Irvine, _"Watch this."_

"Hey where's Rinoa?"

"Rinoa?" the commander asked, turning to the martial artist. "She's supposed to be here."

"Here, you might need this more than I do."

Irvine set a full beer next to Squall. The commander eyed it suspiciously at first before asking Zell, "Hey, thought you said there wouldn't be any alcohol here?" It wasn't that he cared, just had to walk through the formality of it all. In fact, the question wasn't even out his mouth before he had taken his first sip.

"Well…didn't think there would be. But seems some people brought their own, and someone donated a few kegs and several bottles. Don't worry, it won't get out of hand."

Just then, Squall felt a cool slimy sensation on his bare arm. He looked down immediately, and saw the glassy reflection of the overhead spotlights in two deep-brown orbs.

"Hey there Angelo." Squall was surprised at the amount of delight he felt in seeing the hairy canine. Reaching down, he gave the dog a brisk scratch on the tuft of fur at the back of her neck.

"Look Zell, your date has arrived." Irvine teased as he also reached over, giving the dog a little attention.

"Ha-ha, very funny. Seriously I have to go mingle a little bit, don't want too stand around in one place to long. Must be social...and must go see if that hot drummer has a boyfriend."

"What about your 'friend' from the library?" asked Squall, again surprised at the words that came out his mouth. Throughout his head, he heard Cid's voice echoing, _"Glad to see you are getting better with these pleasantries, keep it up for a bit and you just may grow to like them."_

"She came here with someone. I don't know, thought we had something going. I'm not giving up, but not going to go through the night dateless either. Trust me, if this drought continues…Angelo might start looking good."

The two decided it was best not to reply, as the comment left itself _so_ open-ended. And it was his birthday after all, so they, _especially __Irvine_, held witty comebacks to themselves. Zell disappeared into the mass that lined the dance area. Tonight wasn't the scattered crowd, which Squall remembered from his first dance with _her, _and there was no way he would get out in that mass.

"Sir, how are you?" A voice loudly yelled from the hoards of people.

He sighed. Not that he wasn't glad to see Zone and Watts again, just it wasn't whom he was searching for. And right now, being called 'sir' was the last thing he needed.

"Nice to see you again," he said diplomatically to the young men.

"You too, sir." Watts answered.

"So where's our princess?" The Forest leader looked around the room.

_"Rinoa!"_ he wanted to scream. _"Her name is Rinoa." _Squall wondered why the term 'princess' suddenly bothered him when before it never had crossed his mind. All right, that wasn't the complete truth it had crossed his mind at the time, just not in a very flattering way to Rinoa. But, that was before he got to know her - 'princess' no, 'savior' from his own self-destruction, yes. The term only seemed to degrade everything she had accomplished, in his opinion.

"Last time I saw her, she was being dragged helplessly by Selphie." Irvine volunteered after Squall's momentary retreat into his 'special place' as the gang had come to refer to his long bouts of silence.

"What are you doing here?" The commander wondered if that sounded too rude, but then again, he really wasn't in the best of moods right now. This 'socializing thing' was highly overrated, just as he had earlier learned about the art of conversation.

"Bringing Angelo to Garden, sir. The princess wanted to wait for a day or so…until she was settled in her room."

Taking another swig of his beer kept Squall from commenting back on the overuse of the blasted term.

"So Squall, did you meet her father yet, and get _the lecture_?"

"The king?" Crap, he said that aloud, didn't he? Okay, he could get passed this and hopefully they didn't hear the sarcasm…and what lecture? "I met Caraway."

"Glad to see you came out unscathed. You should hear some of the horror stories."

"What are you telling him?" Someone asked from behind. It was strange, the way his body suddenly felt more at ease just hearing her voice. He wanted to look at her, but didn't want to look like he was 'looking at' her. He never got the chance to figure it out, as he felt the slight pressure of someone's hands resting on his shoulders. The next thing he knew, she'd leaned over, placing both hands around his neck. She clasped her own hands together, resting them gently on his chest. Leaning down she whispered, _"Hey you"_ into his ears. He could feel her intoxicating warm breath, mixed with the distinct aroma of the alcohol, playing tricks on his skin.

"Hey," he rasped out trying to act like his normal, indifferent self. _"Must breathe, inhale…exhale."_

"Nothing princess, just asking if he'd met the General yet." Watts finally answered the question.

She raised an eyebrow at him, still standing behind Squall. "Yes, he met him. And guys, just call me Rinoa here, please?"

_"Haha, yes!"_ Squall actually tried to keep down the small grin forming on his lips.

"Hello again," said Quistis to the guests as she rounded the corner. A petite energetic figure also emerged, rushing quickly toward the table and the four-legged companion sitting faithfully by.

"Angelo!" Selphie cried, almost attacking the canine in an over abundant shower of love. "I missed ya girl!"

"Yo! Zone…Watts glad you two show'd up! Get some chow yet? It's a virtual smorgasbord of hot dogs over there."

Zone held his hand over his stomach, "No, I don't think I could eat right now. The car ride here did me in, think I'll be heading to the restroom."

_"Shock…"_

Squall held his comment, trying desperately to continue coaching his lungs how to properly intake oxygen. Rinoa remained standing behind him with her arms tenderly resting against his body. This was the longest time he had been in physical contact with her since the Ragnarok. He tried not to move, in fear that people might notice, moreover, in fear that she would pull away. _"Inhale, exhale…darn it…don't look scared."_

Watts looked toward the tables covered in food. "I don't know if I should…Oh wait! They have the mini-weenies…I must go get some!"

It was a statement that sent the three girls once again into mass hysteria. Quistis tried to remain solemn but quickly put her head down on the table, burying her face in her arms. The long blond hair hid the tears flowing from her eyes. Selphie was already on the floor petting Angelo, and literally fell onto her rear laughing. Rinoa released her hold on Squall, kneeling down quickly on the floor next to Selphie. She couldn't look up, both arms crossed over her stomach, trying to keep what little composure she still retained.

"What…what's their problem?" Zell took a sip of his drink, acting as if nothing was out of the ordinary in his life.

"I have no idea." Squall stared down at the top of Rinoa's head, whose hair now fell gently into her face.

"Girls, care to share?"

"No Irvine, not really. Just…girl stuff." Quistis said between laughs, waving a hand toward him.

"Yeah right, next thing we know…you'll be blowing up the table." Squall said still watching Rinoa on the floor.

She looked up at him and he realized it was the first time he had seen her face. Her features highlighted with glow of the spotlights, eyes shining with the newly formed tears.

"I resent that." Squinting up at him, she tried to look hurt by the comment, but failed miserably…only laughing harder at the attempt.

"Yes, I had to rescue the fair-maidens from the evil clutches…'eight' evil clutches of the worlds scariest, hairiest, and now _flattest_ spider."

"So you killed it? What did it ever do to you?" Quistis asked raising her head toward the cowboy.

"Well, maybe if it paid some rent we could have worked out a deal." Rinoa added returning to a standing position.

"_You_ don't pay rent!" Selphie finally picked herself off of the floor.

"I was thinking of ordering a miniature replica of Lionheart, so next time I could defend my sorceress' honor like a true knight." Squall's deadpan comment made everyone laugh, including Rinoa, who usually didn't find humor in that subject.

"Wouldn't you need eight of them? Maybe put them on your fingertips?" Irvine took another drink of his beer, as Selphie walked to his side of the table. Sitting on the gunman's lap, she grabbed the bottle from his hand and took a huge sip.

The commander thought for a moment, before looking at the woman standing directly next to him. "That's ninety-six pulse ammos, sorry Rinoa you're on your own."

"And they said chivalry was dead." Protested the sorceress placing her hands on her hips in mock anger.

"Not dead, just on hiatus for awhile, buried under a mountain of paperwork. When I find the correct forms, I'll fill them out in triplicate, get them notarized, and have a certified messenger deliver them."

"Oh, Squall," Rinoa teased as she moved closer, wrapping her arms mischievously around his upper body. "You know how much I like it when you talk 'all commander' like that; you still owe me that history of junctioning lecture."

"Well, I can offer you the true history of SeeD now," he replied raising an eyebrow at her. "Plus if you're good, I'll read you the expense reports from the last six months."

"You really know how to show a girl an amazing time Squall," she said seductively. Reaching over she moved his face to hers with a simple touch of her hand until they were eye-to-eye. For a split second, she saw a deep-rooted emotion staring back at her, burning a path into her soul. It then was replaced with a look of a childlike fear, as some startling reservation that remained locked up inside made its way to the surface.

He moved her arms off, not forcefully, but definitely sending her an unspoken message. His heart for a moment had stopped beating just seconds earlier, only to continue now at double its normal pace.

"I just remembered something." Squall announced standing from the table. "I'll be back in a while." He nodded slightly, before turning around and walking off without another word.

In her heart, she wanted to run after him, feeling the guilt of pushing back into his solitude. It wasn't intentional and sometimes his actions were unpredictable, just as they always had been. She'd felt more relaxed after the two drinks, not drunk, but the alcohol had clouded some of her better judgment. Of course, he would feel uncomfortable with their friends watching them. He felt uncomfortable without them watching. She had been wrapped up in the moment, and now he would be paying the price. Instead of having a night of acting like a carefree teenager, he now was running back into his military world…a safe-haven for his mind. In that world, he always knew what to do…or at least acted like he did.

She sat slowly in the chair that he had just left, feeling the emptiness in the warmth of the seat. The place he should have still been in, if not for her actions. "Stupid, stupid, stupid…" She chastised herself aloud, placing her elbows on the tables and burying her face within her hands.

"Rinoa, don't beat yourself up over it…he'll come back. I know Squall…just give him time. And some advice from me, if you want to hear it: don't change a thing you're doing. It's what drew him to you in the first place, just be yourself around him. Soon he'll learn to be comfortable with who you are, just like he will about himself."

"Thanks." Rinoa looked at the woman across the table from her, "I just don't think sometimes, I just wanted…oh never mind."

"Hey," a woman came up holding a drink in one hand, and twirling some tendrils around her face with the other. She had stunning auburn hair pulled loosely up on top of her head, and wearing a very tight sapphire dress - emphasizing every curve of her body. "Do you know where Squall went?"

"Squall?" Rinoa repeated, not sure why she felt a tinge of jealousy, but this woman was gorgeous…it was only a natural reaction.

"Yeah, I need to talk to him."

_"Right talk…I've heard that one before. And of course to talk, it is necessary to wear a push-up bra and five inch stiletto heals." _Rinoa remained silent except in her mind.

"I'm Quistis Trepe, an instructor here; maybe I can help you with something."

"No, this is personal."

_"Of course it is, but we must define personal and professional dear…if you are 'getting paid,' it makes it professional."_

"Oh, um…I think he went up to his office."

_"Quistis! You did not say that…"_ The two girls exchanged a look, and Rinoa could tell that the instructor felt bad, like she had betrayed a sacred confidence.

"Okay, I'll go check up there."

_"Over my dead body… Miss 'There-is-no-way-those are natural.'"_ Usually Rinoa wasn't the type to feel insecure or the slightest tinge of jealousy, but maybe the liquor was taking over her normal mindset. She stood up faking a smile toward the stranger, "I'm his _girlfriend_, and if it is personal…maybe I can help you."

"I wasn't aware he had a girlfriend." Replied the woman eyeing the younger girl with what appeared to be a slight bit of suspension. "Just make sure he gets this, and tell him I'll call him later." She handed Rinoa an envelope, marked confidential. "And miss, this is personal…I hope that you understand that word."

_"Understand this!"_ Rinoa thought a few choice phrases, none that were too flattering.

"Oh, and tell Squall I had a blast." Smirked the woman as a final statement, turning around and exiting the party. Rinoa stood stunned as she watched the woman _and her 'had to be liposuction' legs_ leave. Finally, she had to say something to break the silence, "Did you see how short her skirt was? Who would wear a skirt like that to a SeeD party?"

Selphie, Zell, and Quistis found irony in the statement. They watched the demeanor of their normally collected friend show a different side. "I don't know…maybe the same kind of person who is afraid of spiders." The martial artist said jokingly winking at the girl.

"Oh that hurts," she replied sarcastically. "That was different I was…er…um…well it was different!"

"Wow, did you see how short her skirt was?" Irvine finally piped up. The other four looked at him in disbelief.

"_Where_ have you been, Irvy?" Selphie demanded, still sitting on the gunman's lap.

Rinoa glanced down at the yellow envelope in her hand. If only she had x-ray vision…but even then, she wouldn't do that to Squall. She trusted him. Still it was curious, not the usual type of person he would do business with, especially one classified as a 'personal nature.'

"Hey guys, I'm going to go for a walk."

* * *

She had gone up to his office, only to find the door locked and no lights appeared from the crack under the frame. Rinoa had also traveled down to the SeeD dorm area, and knocked on the commander's door, again finding no reply. Sighing in bit of frustration, she figured it was best to return to the party. The halls had a few students, some going to the training center, and some walking between the party and their rooms. Still she held the envelope firmly in her hand, as the curiosity was starting to get the better of her.

Tossing her hair behind her shoulder, she rounded the corner to where the main entrance of the ballroom was. She was surprised when a hand grabbed her arm from behind, catching her off guard. Quickly she turned as the figure started dragging her into a remote area. Although once she turned around, he had no urge to fight the assailant.

"Squall? What are you doing?"

Again, he didn't answer her, as they were now standing just inside the coat-check room. Luckily for this evening, it had been left unused, not being a formal Garden event.

"Sorry." He almost whispered in regret, unable to look her directly in the eyes.

"Sorry for what?" She asked his fingers still wrapped around her arm.

"For leaving."

She shook her head embarrassed for a moment, "Squall…I'm sorry…I shouldn't have acted that way in front of your friends, I just got caught up in the moment."

"Don't ever be sorry for being yourself." He said finding the strength to look her in the eyes.

"…You either." She responded with hesitation finding it increasingly difficult to breath.

He happened to notice the envelope clasped in her hands, as he looked away from her hypnotizing stare. "Where'd you get that from?"

She wanted to say what was really on her mind, but it was still very inappropriate in this situation. "A woman dropped it off. I was just trying to find you."

"Did she say anything?"

Rinoa bit her tongue again on the comments she would have liked to say. Simply answering, "Just that it was personal."

"Good." Squall took the envelope from her hand, placing it in his inside jacket pocket. He looked back at her and saw an unfamiliar look of insecurity on her face. "Nothing, she said nothing?"

"No, nothing." Rinoa turned her face away, embarrassed by knowing that he was reading her.

"She's very good at her job."

"That's…nice." Rinoa tried to think of a diplomatic, kind thing to say. She moved her back against the wall, counting on it for support.

He couldn't help but start laughing again, the second time today - the second time in an entire lifetime. "Rinoa can you keep a secret?" The curiosity was killing her, and she moved her head back to face him, taking in every detailed feature. "Her brother works in Balamb…as an _exterminator_. I hired him as a personal favor to me, to spray a few places for bugs. Your room, my dorm and office, and Cid's office…just in case any unwanted 'eight-legged villains' made their way in…. Wouldn't want you to have another traumatic experience at Garden, and require lifetime therapy…again more paperwork."

"But…" she tried to say, only to have a finger gently rest over her mouth.

"Shhh…it's my duty as knight, to save you either from a ruby dragon or hairy spider. Plus in all honesty, I'm not thrilled with the things either, but that's between you and me. Although I'm not likely to burn down Garden in the process of getting rid of one. If you're wondering about anything else she was referring to…I also had her do me another favor, but again this is 'our' secret. I didn't get anything for Zell's birthday… figured the least I could do was cover this event. I told her if she paid the bills, with my money, she could stay around and enjoy the party. She put all the receipts in an envelope for me."

"It…was you?" Her earthen eyes widened in shock, amazed at his uncharacteristic thoughtful gesture.

"No one knows…or ever will know, remember? Or I go to the store and get a pet tarantula. I can't let people know that I'm actually nice."

"Your secrets are safe with me, _my meanie_."

"Now, for something I should have done an hour ago."

He moved in closer as her body was still pressed against the wall. Placing one arm around her lower back, he slightly pulled her forward away from her support. He moved his forehead to touch hers, looking directly into her eyes. Somehow the fear he felt earlier was still there, but by themselves, he could contain that emotion long enough to act on a deeper, more primal one.

"Breathe," he whispered. Not sure if it was for her benefit or his, but somehow it didn't matter as he closed the distance between them. Pulling her body next to his, he gave into his human instincts.

Rinoa moved her arms between his jacket and shirt feeling the sensation of the soft cotton dance on her fingertips. His touch was so intoxicating, so gentle, yet full of passion at the same time. She could taste the bitterness of the alcohol still lingering on his lips, and the sound of his hurried breathing in her ears. This was the most free he had ever allowed himself to be with her, and she accepted the gift with knowing respect.

She felt someone nuzzle up to her leg, and unfortunately, it wasn't Squall. Waving her hand, she tried to 'shoo' the dog away, but the attempt seemed to be in vain. Without warning, the canine suddenly started barking loudly, and never in her life had she wished she owned a muzzle, until today.

Slowly he pulled away, although his body was screaming against it, aware that someone would eventually come to find out what all the commotion was about. And just as he figured, Quistis and Selphie came running in with a look of concern.

"Et tu, Angelo?" Rinoa squinted her eyes at her 'not so beloved at the moment' friend.

"Um…" Selphie started trying not to giggle, "We were just worried about Rinoa."

"But we see that she is 'very capable' hands." Quistis added with her own hint of sarcasm. Hiding her amusement, she put her fingers over her mouth covering her laughter.

"Geesh, is that all you two ever do?" Selphie blurted out, probably again thanks to the aid of the liquor. Not a comment she would usually say - _out load that is_ \- about her commander.

_"I wish,"_ Rinoa mumbled under her breath, just vocal enough for Squall to hear.

"Come on," he said grabbing her hand with a smile only she could see. "Tonight is not about us anyhow. Plus I'm getting hungry myself."

They walked out of the coatroom, followed by the two females still giggling, and the canine that had been sent on a hunt for her master. Selphie looked over at Quistis, pointing to the commander. Quickly she ran up beside him, tossing her arm playfully around his free side.

"Hey Squall, how do you feel about mini-hot dogs?"

**Author Note:** No spiders were harmed in the making of this chapter. In fact, the arachnid is sitting here nicely on my ch…spider? Husband, kids, anyone…help, I'm trapped!


	2. A Time to Build Up, A Time to Mourn, and A Time to Sew

** _Chapter Four: A Time to Build Up _ **

_March 28th_

She sighed, grabbing a pile of papers from her 'in-box.' It was her one-week anniversary of working for the headmaster, and in its honor, he officially presented her with a nameplate. Okay, it was a moral victory more than anything, but it was still an accomplishment in her life: the first sense of normalcy she had ever experienced.

Rinoa looked at the clock, watching the hands slowly ticking into oblivion. Not that she didn't like working, in fact quite the opposite, but the last week had been extremely tiring. Who would have thought that making it through an eight-hour workday could be more taxing than freeing a small village?

Her dark hair was pulled into a high ponytail, and what make up she had put on earlier had worn off by lunch hour. Which again, she felt the need to work through. This weekend was looking more like a godsend every moment. She wanted to go back to her room, take a hot shower, and fall into the peaceful realm of slumber, waking up on Monday morning.

Okay, it was a dream, but one she could hold onto for the moment.

"Rinoa?" Cid's voice called from the other room, "Can you get the commander to approve the new semester budget? He's disagreed with my figures the last two times. Maybe you can talk him into signing it."

"Cid!" Rinoa laughed at the thought. "What exactly are you asking?"

He sighed, looking at his now spotless desk. "I'm asking you to get him to 'approve it.' And how in the heck am I supposed to find anything on here? It's clean! I can't concentrate with all this cleanliness going on…I thrive in mess."

"Tragic," she replied dryly.

* * *

"Come in, it's open." He looked up to see Rinoa walking in, carrying a folder. Squall casually set his pencil down, leaning back in his chair. "What can I help you with?"

"Wow…that's way too open ended, can you rephrase that?" She sat on the corner of his desk, tilting her head and giving him a seductive smile.

Leaning forward in his chair, he raised an eyebrow at her. "What _work-related_ matter can I help you with Miss Heartilly?"

"You are the epitome of fun Leonhart."

"I try."

"Budget."

"What about it?"

"Approve it."

"I'm not approving anything without first going over it. I don't need to get into another 'contract with the Forest Owls' situation."

"You know, that hurts…you're impossible."

"Not impossible, just thorough." He reached over, grabbing the file from her hands. For a second their fingers touched, and he found himself letting them linger on her skin a moment longer than would be considered professionally acceptable.

_"Move hand, move hand…quickly."_ His inner voice screamed.

"Squall, are you going to take the folder? Or just hold my hand?"

"I didn't know I was touching you." He cringed, _"Oh like she's going to believe that one."_

She suppressed a small laugh, "Yeah, right…like I believe that one."

_"Crap."_

"Well, 'Mr. Thorough,' can you tell me what is wrong with the budget? Maybe we can come to a compromise."

"I don't think you have the power to negotiate."

"You'd be surprised what power I have," she teased, wrinkling up her nose at him and leaning toward him a slight bit more. "I can't do anything about the budget, but I can work with you on your compromising skills."

He tried to conceal his doubt with a slight snort. Did she really think she had a chance with a trained professional?

"Fine Miss Heartilly, what do we compromise on?"

"How about taking me out to dinner next weekend?"

"A date? You want to go out on a date?"

"Squall, you're not trying! It's a compromise, not a debate."

"Fine, how about lunch in the cafeteria next Thursday?"

She buried her face in her hands in aggravation. "Okay…okay how about we make it a _dinner_ on Thursday?"

"Thursday is no good, it's a school night," he said with a wry smile.

"Squall, I'm not _in_ school."

"I know, but you work at one. We must set a good example for the cadets. How about Friday?"

"Ahhh! That is what I said originally, that's not a compromise!"

"_This_ Friday."

"Squall, that is tonight." She almost rolled her eyes at him, until he handed her a piece of paper. She looked at it shocked. "Um…what is this?"

"Reservations for dinner - seven o'clock."

"How? What? **Tonight?**"

"Look, tell me now if you want to go." He grabbed the paper from her hand, teasing her, "If not I'll have to find someone else on short notice…wonder if that 'hero worship' thing is still going around."

"Don't you dare!" She quickly snatched it back from his hand. "That isn't even funny."

He handed her back the folder. "Tell Cid I'll be in his office Monday morning to go over these figures again."

"Now was that so hard?"

"No…but I didn't compromise on anything...you did."

She squinted her eyes at him, ready to make a witty comment. _Darn it, he was right_. In frustration, she only could come up with, "Grrrr." Yes, all those years of finishing school paid off for her in that moment. Not one of her brightest moments. In return, he could only chuckle at her, as he leaned back further in his chair resting both hands behind his head.

* * *

Rinoa looked in the mirror for what had to be the hundredth time. She wasn't sure why she was so nervous; it wasn't as if she hadn't dated before, in fact, quite the opposite. Maybe before the reasons weren't always the purest, maybe there was some kind of juvenile satisfaction in going out with men, _no boys_, whom her father didn't approve of. But this was different, this was real. And it scared her.

Looking back on her younger years now, she realized it had all been some kind of game with her, to purposely find the person that her father would like the least. Now she only felt the guilt of her teenage, childlike entertainment, not only toward her father, but also the way she had treated several of the men back then. Maybe she also had to mature some more, for Squall wasn't the only one scared of a serious relationship.

Staring at her reflection, she straightened her necklace, placing the clasp toward the back. This was the first time she had worn anything semi-formal since that night at Fisherman's Horizon. She had decided upon a basic black off-the-shoulder dress, which gathered into a ballerina waist before flowing into the slightly shorter than tea-length hemline.

She pulled her hair on top of her head, and then let it fall back gently around her shoulders with an annoyed groan. Nothing she did seemed to feel right, and she let out her frustration by falling back onto her bed. Her thoughts were interrupted when the phone rang, startling her out of her daydreams.

"Hello."

_"Heya Rin, what's up?"_

"Selphie! Oh my gosh, how are things going up there in the cold-white north?"

_"Cold and white, surprisingly enough. I just have a few minutes, thought I would use a few of these calling cards you and Quistis gave me. How's it going in the flatlands of Balamb?"_

"Doing well. I've been in the office a week now, and Cid hasn't attempted to harm me yet. I take that as a good sign."

_"What about Squall?"_

"Yeah, jury's still out on that one. I swear a stray pencil flew from his hand in my general direction the other day…he still claims it slipped. I've been trying to give him space until he gets used to this whole idea."

_"There isn't enough space in the world dear."_

"Very funny…you know what I mean. I've only had to go see him a few times, and kept it strictly professional. Luckily, I deal more with the headmaster than the commander - though he is taking me out tonight. Also, there's been talk of getting him his own assistant, wouldn't touch that job. But anyway, how's Irvine?"

_"Well, aside from the fact that he has already hit on everyone here, he's doing fine."_

"Sorry 'bout that, Selphie."

_"Oh no, don't be! Actually, I rather get a kick out of making him suffer. Not to mention he hit on another man with a long ponytail thinking 'he' was a 'she' from the back…still nobody is letting him live that one down. He can't help the way he is…plus now he goes out of the way to be nice. He actually has been bringing breakfast in my room for the last week."_

"Selph, I don't even want to know." She laughed for a moment before turning more serious. "Really, how are you doing?"

There was a long pause on the other end, before the younger girl answered with a much more serious tone. _"I'm all right. It's just hard…I just feel responsible for all of this, if I had just made it out of D-District Prison a little sooner…if I had just been able to warn them. It wasn't fair…so much destruction."_

"Nobody blames you. It wasn't as if you chose this…fate decided that they needed you more in Balamb. I think it was something bigger than any of you could have guessed."

_"But Rinoa, I should have been here. What makes me so special? Why was I ever granted the transfer? I never really wanted to leave… I got a letter from Balamb, asking if I would be interested in taking the field exam last spring… Honestly, I would have tried the following year, I didn't think I was ready…Headmaster Kramer did. But the more I thought about becoming a SeeD, the more it seemed right. Before you knew it, I was sending my application in. What gives me the right?"_

"Selphie, I can't answer that. But maybe you are needed more now; your strength and attitude can't be surpassed."

There was a long awkward pause on the other end; she could tell her friend wanted to get back to a lighter subject. _"So Rin, where is he taking you?"_

"You know, I didn't ask. I was just in shock at the moment."

_"Well, I'm guessing it will be either a rifle range or a leather shop… either option has a lot of exciting possibilities."_

"Oh Selphie, you're hopeless!"

_"I've been hanging around _ _Irvine_ _ too much. Well, I'll let you get ready. I need to give Quisty a call. Don't do anything tonight that I wouldn't do."_

"This is Squall. I won't do anything a nun wouldn't do."

Hanging up the phone, Rinoa looked at her nightstand and suddenly realized how obvious the solution to her 'hair dilemma' really was. Opening the drawer, she took out a small box, pulling out her birthday present. Moving her finger over the smooth surface of the pearl barrette, her thoughts couldn't help but drift back to the memories of that remarkable day. Smiling, she fastened the front part of her hair around, letting the back remain long. Taking another look in the mirror, she closed her eyes, trying to fight back the nervous feeling growing in the pit of her stomach.

* * *

The soft hum of the heater echoed softly under the music. Neither had spoken since they had left Garden. He found himself driving with his hands at the ten and two position, remembering every safety protocol that he had ever learned in driver's education. Somehow, when they were together as a group, nothing really ever fazed him. It was the one-on-one situations that he didn't fare well in.

The fields of Balamb whisked by, as winter browns were turning to the newborn shades of green. Rinoa watched as the first signs of spring approached the small continent, and was glad for the change. It was a rebirth, and somehow spring always gave her more hope, a sense of adventure…it was almost a year ago she first entered the gates of Balamb.

Watching from the corner of her eye, she could see him glance over once in a while, unsure of this whole situation. It almost made her want to laugh at his childlike curiosity, how one trained as a warrior didn't have a clue on a more mundane existence. Part of her wanted to comfort him, and part of her wanted to…well do some things that would be very inappropriate in a car…and would have Squall speeding away quicker than Cactuar on rollerblades.

"What are you thinking about?" He finally asked, slightly hesitant of trying to start the conversation.

"Err…Cactuar…roller-skates, that sort of thing." Well, it sounded a lot better than what she was _really_ thinking about. He really wouldn't want to know, would he? She cleared her mind, sensing his confusion, and tried to clarify as best she could, "Um…well I was thinking about spring, and then I thought of flowers. Since I kill everything I try to grow, I figured a cactus might be good. So naturally, I thought of Cactuar and then thought of how fast they are…and thought it would be fun to run that fast. So then I thought about going rollerblading this summer with everyone." She wanted to hide her hands in her face, embarrassed of the completely moronic statement she just made. Instead, she faced him for the first time in a while, smiling sweetly. _"What the hell did I just say?"_

There was a moment of awkward silence while he seemed to look at her in pure confusion. "Guess I just don't understand how you women think. Don't suppose I would be the most coordinated on wheels, that's more Zell's department."

She waved her hand in front of her face, dismissing his statement, "Oh don't worry we don't understand you guys half of the time either. And you'll do fine on blades, like you mastered everything else." Pausing for a moment, she moved her hand along the vinyl covering of the dashboard, and a question entered her mind. "Hey Squall, whose car is this?"

Shaking his head, he looked over at her. "I thought you might have asked that question thirty minutes ago when you first got in. It's mine."

She was stunned. "You…you bought a car?"

"Well, needed to do something with my money and a car seemed like a logical investment. Actually, all five of us ended up purchasing some type of vehicle."

"I knew that Quistis bought a new car, I went out to lunch with her a few times. I guess I didn't realize that everyone did. This is really nice, Squall. I guess I thought you were borrowing it from Cid or something."

"I'm not sure whether to be flattered or offended that you think Cid and I would buy the same vehicle…but figured I needed a full-sized car that is practical, yet comfortable, for long trips."

"Squall, you sound like you're reading that straight off the brochure. I guess the leather seats should have given it away." She laughed as he gave a quick look in her direction. "So you said everyone ended up with a car?"

"Well, no…not all cars. Quistis as you know got a convertible. Zell opted for a huge SUV…guess he can haul more hot dogs that way. Irvine decided on an extended cab pick up truck, where he put a custom holder in the back for his Exeter. Plus he is talking about picking up a boat this summer. And Selphie...well, believe it or not, she ended up buying a full-blown custom motorcycle, I think that thing has more extras than the four of us combined."

She laughed, "I saw that parked down there! Selphie? Oh my word, guess it fits though if you think about it. I guess SeeD pays slightly better than working for a resistance faction."

* * *

Rinoa stood outside the restaurant, feeling the ocean breeze whip her long hair against her face. Biting her lip, she could taste the savory essence of salty air in her mouth. She could just make out his back through the patrons of the restaurant, as he walked in to the maître d' to let him know that they had arrived. She smiled watching him, even from behind she could tell how uncomfortable he was in the situation. Not only in the whole 'date' concept, but also in a formal dining setting. Running his hand through his hair had been one of the small things she had noticed since returning to Garden, it was an outward sign of his nervousness…much like her grabbing the rings on her necklace.

He made his way through the crowd, moving toward her. His dress jacket was a sharp contrast to his leather coat, and she was surprised that he actually strayed from his usual attire. The white buttoned-up shirt underneath could be seen clearly with his coat swinging with every stride. He hadn't gone as far as wearing a necktie, and truthfully she was grateful…there was something so amazing and fascinating about his neck. Sometimes she wished she had the courage to reach over and kiss his collarbone where his chain met his skin, but then again, he probably wouldn't want to hear about those thoughts either.

Recognizing that he was standing there, watching her distant expression, made her realize that her thinking hadn't gone unnoticed. Reaching up to her necklace, she held the two pieces of metal within the palms of her hands. She didn't even try to explain. Who knows what cockamamie excuse would come out _this_ time…she might end up asking him to go scuba diving off the coast of Dollet… Although Squall in swimming trunks might not be a bad thing. She shook that thought from her head too, trying to quickly get off the subject.

"So, how long do you think it will be? I'm starved."

"They're running slightly behind schedule, he thought we could be seated in about twenty minutes."

"Oh," she said softly. Not that she was upset; just somehow, she felt a calming serenity watching the ocean. It was one thing that she never really got to experience in Deling often, the coast being almost an hour's drive from her house. She looked toward the horizon, noticing the brightness of the stars, even through the lights of the boulevard.

"Looking for something?" He asked, watching her gaze as it turned toward the heavens. A momentary flashback of their first night played through his mind, and he couldn't help but feel nostalgic at that moment. "Suppose you are going to ask me to dance now."

"Don't worry," she laughed watching a few patrons leave 'The Neon Chocobo' the bar adjacent to the building. "I would never force _dancing_ upon you _on_ the street, in front of a _bar_, next to a seafood restaurant. Although that would pretty much be the norm in my world."

He had only been half listening. Squall had found himself entranced with her simple movements and concentrated more on his own breathing… only every few words actually registered in his mind. "Dancing on bars?" He asked raising an eyebrow at her. She actually caught dry humor in the statement, something she would more expect coming from Irvine.

"No, I said 'in front of,' Squall! I just mean that I have done some crazy things, and dancing _in front_ of a bar wouldn't be the strangest. Years of ballet you know, has to come in handy for something."

"Like dancing _on_ bars." He couldn't even believe his own comments. How he seemed to be feeling more comfortable with her and, God knows, sounding more like Irvine. She reached over, grabbing his wrist and laughing along with him. Slowly he placed his arm around her shoulder, and she moved her hands around his waist. It was the closest they had ever been in public, and she was glad for the peaceful moments.

"Don't make me tell you again Leonhart, I said _in front_!"

Watching her hair blow into her eyes, he gently moved his right hand over her face, trying in vain to push back the unruly strands. "Ballet huh?"

"Yeah, a few years, although one can't tell with my stunning lack of coordination sometimes."

"This would be a bad time to mention the falling off the side of Garden then, right?"

"Well, I fell with style," she joked, having a hard time taking her eyes off his. "Okay, maybe not much style, but I grabbed the rope pretty nicely, right?"

_"This wouldn't be the time to mention that I could see down your shirt, would it?" _He had actually laughed aloud not realizing it, until she was staring up at him with a very curious expression wondering what he had just found humor in.

"What?" begged Rinoa, slapping him lightly on the chest. "Tell me what was so funny!"

"Just you…falling off the side of Garden, only you Rinoa." He hoped that was a close enough save for the moment; she might get a little upset at the truth.

"Fine, be that way, for that I'm going to have to embarrass you."

"More than normal? You wouldn't." He tried to look serious, although failing miserably.

Taking a step away, she placed her hands over her head, used the neon sign in the shape of a chocobo for spotting, and did a pirouette in front of him. As she spun like a top on the pavement, the rubber heel of her shoe caught within the traction, and she lost her balance stumbling forward. She regained her balance with his help, as she fell into his arms. Momentarily dizzy from her performance, and lack of practice, she looked past him and toward the night sky; the stars were merely iridescent white streaks on a dark canvas.

"Well, that was _almost_ impressive." He said softly as she leaned back in his arms.

"Years of training." She spat in between laughs, "And more years of falling on my butt."

"Never would have guessed." Somehow, he wasn't able to take his eyes off her. Every detail of her skin seemed to magnify under the streetlamps. He took a small step forward, as he subconsciously held her tighter in his arms. Even the features that he had never noticed seemed to imprint themselves on his memory, for a few moments, he lost track of reality, lost in something unknown. Until he felt a sting on his arm.

"Squall!" He recognized the sound of his name…finally dawning on one of the few senses he did have left.

_"Oh God, did she say something?"_

"…Yes?" Why did he always have to sound like an eight-year-old asking his teacher a question?

"Foot."

"Foot what?"

"You're on it. My shoe…I can't move."

"Oh…and is that a bad thing?"

"Well, no…not moving isn't, having your entire weight placed upon the ball of my foot is."

He hadn't realized his weight was on her as he shifted, and she stood upright while once more smoothing out the fabric of her dress. "Sorry," he apologized under his breath. "I can go check on how long before they seat us."

Rinoa looked at the restaurant and then back to the ocean. She paused for a moment realizing just how much fun she was having, and how much she really wanted to just spend time alone with him, getting him to open up. She knew he already felt somewhat uncomfortable with her, or other people for that matter, and placing him in a formal restaurant would only make it worse.

"Trust me?" She asked, smiling up at him.

"Depends, I guess as long as it doesn't have anything to do with spiders or ballet."

"Funny, very funny…stay right here." She gave him a quick, unexpected kiss on the cheek; he didn't even have time to register her action until he watched her walk into the restaurant, but not before turning around and pointing at him to remain standing there.

Returning after a few minutes, Rinoa waved at the host as she left the building. She started to hurry toward the sidewalk; Squall was standing alone on the curb with his usually bemused expression.

"What did you just do?" His words held more accusation then he had meant them to, but somehow he felt slightly apprehensive about her demeanor.

"Squall, you are not sounding too 'trusting' right now."

She playfully poked him in the stomach, before grabbing his hand. He followed about as reluctantly as he did onto the marble dance floor, months ago. They walked passed the restaurant, to a small park that lay kitty-corner to the brick covered streets of Balamb. The breeze still made her long hair tickle her face, but was nothing unbearable. The air was quite warm for late March, and she had left Garden without a coat. She led him to a picnic table. There were a few other people enjoying the night air; many couples walking around the outer paths of the park, but yet in this area she still felt a solitude.

"Rinoa, I don't think we can get a waiter out here."

"Oh ye Squall of little faith," she said, sitting down on the bench. She pointed next to her motioning him to follow her lead, "Come here."

"You drag me out into the middle of an isolated park, and want me to follow you? Garden instructors have warned me against people like you." The commander answered, taking off his jacket and placing it beside him. "So I don't suppose you brought me out here to show me more of your ballet skills."

"I detect sarcasm there." She placed her elbows on the table, watching the waves disappear before they crashed into the aluminum seawall. "I just," she paused taking a softer tone with more serious hint, "I just…wanted it not to end. I guess if we went in there then, I dunno…it wouldn't be…"

Her statement was cut short when he placed his arms around her, pulling her back to his chest. She moved one leg onto the bench, as she let her weight fall back onto him completely. Pillowing her head between his neck and shoulders, she felt him rest his cheek on the side of her hair.

"I know." He stated simply, never letting her finish her jumbled explanation. For a few minutes, they just sat there, each finding themselves staring up into the night sky. "Do you ever look up and wonder where we were?"

The question caught Rinoa slightly off-guard, and she found herself looking away from the very celestial bodies they had been admiring. "I do…but sometimes it scares me."

"Really?" Squall found himself holding her tighter, as if trying to make the feeling subside.

"One minute I was with everyone in Galbadia Garden…the next I was just floating. I can remember bits and pieces of the stuff in between, but no more than watching myself in a dream…or nightmare I guess. When I wake up, only the fear remains. I can look at the stars and think of us, but…" Bringing her hands to her face she couldn't believe what she was saying, he hated confessions like this so much. It reminded her of trying to talk to him the night of the concert. Here she was talking like a child, and the last thing she wanted was for him to think of her that way. She tried sounding more confident in her new answer, "Yeah, I wonder where we were."

Pushing her body away from his, Squall moved enough so he could make her turn toward him. Rinoa tried to resist for a second, but finally gave in. Still, she couldn't look him in the eyes, embarrassed of her momentary ranting. He put a finger under her chin, forcing her to look at him.

"Rinoa, it scares the hell out of me too." His look was so serious, so completely honest she couldn't help but get lost in the words. "I was on the retreat with cadets, before I saw you again in Deling…and I couldn't help but watch the stars. You're right, I could feel completely safe under them, yet feel completely lost in their endless void. I would wake up in the night, fighting for breath…feeling the tightness of my spacesuit confining me. In my nightmares I would see the reflection of your helmet and remember fearing that was the end."

She smiled, understanding him completely, finishing the words to his story…because her thoughts were exactly the same. "Yet letting the same stars calm you down, watching their endless twinkling…letting their memorizing patterns help you drift back into sleep. Hoping to see…"

"A shooting star."

The words were said between the two in unison. And if Squall Leonhart hadn't been in such a trance, he would have loathed the fact they had just become one of those couples who could finish each other's thoughts. He couldn't help it, she was so close and the pounding of the waves failed in comparison to the pounding of his heart. He pulled her closer until their lips met. Closing his eyes, he let every invigorating sensation enter his body: the crashing water, the scent of salt mixed her the sweetness of her perfume, and the growing aroma of the nearby fish frying from the restaurant.

"Miss Heartilly?" Crap, couldn't she have seen this one coming?

She broke away, but noticed that this time he hadn't jumped like in the past. Rinoa wondered if it was because it wasn't someone he knew, or he was just slowly accepting the idea of being together.

"Yeah, that's me," she looked at the man in the black and white suit standing next to another waiter. She started to stand up, but the man motioned for her to stay seated. Squall watched in slight confusion as the second man undid a white tablecloth, and set a place setting in front of both of them. The first waiter stood with two silver platters on a tray, two glasses, and a bottle of wine.

They finished serving the food, and even opened the bottle of wine, pouring the first glass. When they walked away, Squall looked at her as he took a sip of the alcohol. "Rinoa, just how did you get them to do this?"

"Well," she tried to act innocently, placing her napkin on her lap. "I guess that 'hero worship' thing you mentioned early in your office goes both ways."

"What?" He said, setting his glass down on the table, and spilling some of the contents out. "What are you talking about?"

"Well, saving the world does have its privileges…including talking them into serving the 'world-famous Commander Leonhart' out here. Plus, it didn't hurt that I promised them I would dance on the bar later."

He tried not to chuckle at her attempt to act seriously. "That is not funny young lady. But, thank you…really…I like it better out here anyhow."

"Well, it doesn't mean you're off the hook for the bill," she teased. "We just stop by afterwards."

"Guess hero worship doesn't pay like it used to."

* * *

After finishing the meal, the two walked back to the restaurant where Squall settled the bill. It was close to nine by now, and most of the warmth was being replaced by the coolness of the evening. Rinoa held her arms folded in front of her stomach, until she felt a material weight on her shoulders. Looking up she saw him smiling back at her, placing his blazer around her shoulders.

"Thanks," she softly echoed. Squall didn't answer, but only grabbed her hand intertwining their fingers. "I suppose we need to get back." She spoke with a tinge of disappointment.

"I suppose."

They continued until they reached the car, where Squall opened the door. While he walked around, she took advantage of the moment to bury her face in his jacket, taking in the sweet, intoxicating aroma. It smelled like him, and she would never forget his cologne in a million years. For a moment, she wondered what the softness of the leather jacket would feel like warming her. She had felt the satin-like inside several times, some by accident, and some done skillfully on purpose…she hoped he was none the wiser.

He started the car, pulling out into the street. She watched in her side-view mirror as the lights of the town faded into nothing more than a faint glow on the horizon. Although he had turned the heater on, she refused to yield the sensation of the blazer. Sighing, she placed her head against the cool window, watching the hypnotic beam of the headlights on the road in front.

"Squall?"

"Hmm?" It wasn't really an answer, but it was better than his customary silence.

The question was one that had been plaguing her, but knew the outcome was inevitable. She could have asked the headmaster, but felt that she wanted,_ needed_, to hear it straight from Squall. "When are you leaving?"

The way her voice slightly cracked when she asked almost made his heart break, and knowing that the trip had to be done, seemed all the more upsetting. He only wished that they could have made it through the evening without the subject entering their conversation.

"I'm in the second unit…so when Selphie and Irvine return, Zell and I will be heading up with the next group of students."

"Oh," her answer was barely above a whisper. "I know how important it is, I really do think it is wonderful that Balamb is helping with the restoration."

"Promise me something," his voice catching like hers only moments before, "just don't go anywhere while I'm gone. I don't like the idea of you traveling by yourself."

Rinoa looked over smiling, although through the darkness of night, her actions went unnoticed. "Don't tell me that Squall Leonhart is actually worried about me?" She added a slight laugh at the end.

To her surprise, he pulled off the side of the main route onto a dirt access road, coming to a complete stop. Taking his hands of the wheel, he nervously cracked his knuckles out of habit. "Rinoa," he began, "I…I do worry. I didn't like it when you were alone in Timber either. I don't think there was a moment that went by that I didn't worry…I just want you to be around people who can protect you. I won't be here, but Quistis, Selphie, and Irvine will be. I can trust them."

"Two months…it's like a small eternity."

"Who said _small_?" He looked away towards the driver-side window as the words left his mouth. Somehow he sounded as if a lovesick puppy dog - curse his unintentional sappiness. Busy trying to think of the most 'manly' save, Squall never heard the click of the metallic seatbelt. Before he realized she had moved next to him, Rinoa leaned forward and wrapped her fingers on the steering wheel over his.

He froze and for a moment all reason was pushed back into that logical part of his mind; instead of looking at her, he looked at her fingers. How beautiful, how slim, they looked in the pale moonlight. He turned his palm upward, letting go of the wheel as he moved his fingers over. For a second he tightened his grip, never enough to hurt her, just enough to reassure himself that she was really there.

She shifted her weight in her seat, feeling a strange mix of being the most uncomfortable she had ever been in any given situation, and being the most relaxed she had ever known. There were no words in the dictionary to articulate the thought, not one seemed to fit. It was an inner feeling gone way past anything she had ever known, something so mysterious yet perfect. She pushed her doubts away and acted on the very urges she had on the way to Balamb…okay not all them, but the ones that wouldn't make him run screaming.

"Squall…"

Their eyes met, and even with only the natural light of the heavens they could see each other with clarity. Rinoa moved even closer, facing him the best she could. She never gave him time to respond, she pulled him into something that neither would forget.

True, they had kissed before, but fate and circumstances had always had their way…now it was their turn to guide their destiny. It was their time and nobody, man or animal, would take these moments from them.

He closed his eyes, as she moved forward, afraid for the first time that he wouldn't have the courage to stop something. It was all new, as he had said many times before, yet this was somehow familiar. Not the kiss itself, but the sensations. It was like a dream that he had lived a thousand times coming true, and it was far better than he could have imagined. For all his life he had wanted to be alone, yet deep in his heart he knew better…he knew her.

Maybe this was the ending of the first chapter of 'them' or the wonderful start to the second. They were learning about each other, more than they even knew about themselves.

Somewhere they both lost track of reality. It no longer felt uncomfortable to him, as he only wanted to be closer to her. Somehow everything he ever thought about two people sharing such affection left his mind, never to return. For a few minutes they shared a kiss that could only be compared to those in fairy tales, or idealistic romance novels.

In a one kiss, they sealed the beginning of their story.

* * *

* * *

** _Chapter Five: A Time to Mourn _ **

_April 14th_

The dim lights of the village finally peered over the otherwise empty horizon. He rolled his knuckles on the steering wheel, listening to the sounds of the small bones crack. It had been a very long night, and the illumination was a relief welcoming him like a comforting friend. Traveling the last few kilometers seemed like the longest leg of the journey, and he couldn't help letting out a sigh of relief as he parked the car outside of the inn.

The town still didn't have numerous electric lights like Deling; in fact, it actually looked like a few of these were old-fashioned enough to still be powered by gas. The soft rays glowed gently into the car, and he finally had a chance to get a good look at his passenger. Her breathing was the only thing that seemed to get him through the last few hours, a steady rhythmic sound that he had grown to depend on like caffeine.

Her head was propped against the side of the window, gently resting on a small pillow she had brought from Garden. Her long hair looked as dark as midnight in the car, yet her face seemed pale enough to rival any angel's wings. He cursed himself for starting to feel so dependent on her, more so on her presence than anything. Even when they were back at Garden, just knowing she was under the same roof gave him unexpected serenity.

Right now the darkness served as camouflage for the smile he couldn't help but wear upon his face. He almost laughed as he could see her mouth slightly open, and only wished he had a camera at that exact moment - although there was no doubt that she would hurt him later on if he had _actually_ dared. Her soothing breathing had evolved almost into a snore over the last few minutes, and he figured maybe the steady rhythm of the car had kept her more at ease during her slumber.

Squall knew he had to get her inside as the cold chill finally started to reach the interior. He moved his hand to her, placing the back of it softly on her cheek, allowing himself a moment that almost felt forbidden. She opened her eyes momentarily before letting the heaviness take over again.

"I'm not asleep…promise. Have we made it out of the Timber region yet?"

"Yes, a few hours ago."

"Okay let me know when we get to Winhill, kay?"

"Rinoa we're at Winhill." He answered taking the key from the ignition. "Tell you what, you 'guard' the car, I'll go get the rooms."

"Okay, let me know when we get to Winh…" Her voice trailed off as she buried her face in the pillow.

He outwardly laughed this time. If there was one thing that Zone and Watts had been right about, it was attempting to wake her up from a dead sleep. Reaching over, he covered her shoulder with the knitted blanket she had brought with them. The colder air had entirely replaced the warmth of the heater. He sighed before placing the key back into the car ignition, starting the engine again, as he just couldn't bear to leave at the mercy of the elements.

* * *

"Hello sir, can I help you?"

"Yes, I called yesterday to confirm reservations for two rooms."

"Oh! You're Squall Leonhart, I'm sorry…I should have known. You look so much like her."

He inwardly flinched, unsure of how to react to the comment. All of this was so new, and part of him wanted to get in that car and drive straight back to Balamb. A very large part. If it wasn't for the person sleeping peacefully in the car, he was sure that would have been his next foreseeable action. But he was doing this for her…and somehow he knew that was the 'wrong' reason. Right now, it kept him there, and that was better than running from the truth - something even scarier to him than all the evil he had seen in the world – the fears that lay dormant within him.

The woman behind the counter handed him some papers, and he signed each before handing over his credit card. She smiled politely, placing two sets of keys on the counter. "Your rooms are up the stairs on the left, adjacent to each other. There are only six rooms up there…so don't think it will be the biggest challenge you have ever faced. I'm sure you are used to places much larger than this."

"Yeah," he half-heartedly replied, thinking back to how many hotels they had stayed at on their journey. "Trust me, it doesn't make them better."

When he stepped from the lodge, the temperature felt as if it had dropped several degrees since they arrived. For a moment, a bitter chill traveled through the entire length of his body, and he unconsciously folded his arms in front of him. Surprisingly enough, it was cold enough to watch traces of his breath rise like white smoke. He walked around to the passenger door, knocking softly on the window. Still she did not stir.

Unlocking the door carefully, he opened it slowly, catching her weight before she fell onto the ground. Rinoa opened one eye, and mumbled something incoherently before closing it again. He had to chuckle at her reaction, as there was something so innocent, so peaceful watching her sleep. He gathered her into his arms, whether voluntary or not, she placed her arms around his neck with very little coaxing on his part. Using the muscles in his leg, Squall closed the car door. Rinoa slightly jumped at the loud echo of the door slamming, as he had used a little more force than was intended. She seemed to settle down on her own, as she nestled her head into his chest, much in the same fashion as she had done with the pillow.

* * *

The gentle rays of the sun showed through the lace draperies, and Rinoa stretched for a moment, reaching her hands above her like a content cat. Tentatively, she opened one eye, moaning at the unwelcome brightness. It took her a few moments to gather her bearings, as bits and pieces of the night before seemed more like recalling fragments of a dream. The last thing she remembered was stopping at a gas station outside of Timber, and Squall going inside to get some fresh coffee.

Forcing herself to roll on her side, she finally had enough courage to open both eyes. The room had its own charm, decorated with oak-stained wood, and the fragrance of newly cut flowers filled the air. There definitely was a rustic, simplistic feel to the place, one quite foreign to the one she had grown-up in. Rinoa fought against better judgment, placing one foot on the hardwood floorboards. She silently cursed the person who decided against putting carpet, or even a rug, on the cold floor. With all the resolve that she could muster, she stood wiping the remaining traces of sleep from her eyes. She mumbled something under her breath, not quite a word, but more than a syllable…at that moment, she wasn't even sure what she had uttered.

Reaching back to the bed, she grabbed the outer quilt, placing it around her shoulders, and crossing her arms tightly around her chest. It was the first time it dawned on her that she was still wearing the clothes from the day before, and she had absolutely no recollection of arriving in Winhill.

She rolled her neck, stretching muscles that were strained from her awkward sleeping position in the car. Finally, she looked over at a small wind-up clock that sat on the nightstand, and was surprised to see it was already past seven in the morning – it felt like it was five-thirty at the latest. Mornings were just not her thing.

Slowly making her way to the window, she pulled back the curtains and couldn't help but feel an immediate attachment to this place. Cobblestone streets met the smaller dirt-covered roads, children played even at this hour in the crisp spring air, and she could see small growing blossoms on the tree just outside her window. Her eyes momentarily focused on the buds, and she could just make out the most beautiful shade of pink peeking out from their green cocoon. Even in Balamb she didn't feel the peace she did here, it was like something out of an old movie, a place that stood still in time.

Rinoa turned inward to the room, noticing her small overnight bag sitting on the center table. For the first time today, she smiled with slight apprehension, feeling a sudden guilt for whatever she must have put Squall through the last evening.

Walking toward the bag, she looked down to see a small piece of stationary lying on the table, on it was scribbled a room number along with the words, "Hope you slept well last night." It was definitely Squall's writing, as very little was legible at first glance. Normally only a doctor or pharmacist could make out his handwriting. It was a similarity Rinoa had discovered between the commander and headmaster, as she found it a daily challenge to interpret the equivalent of prehistoric hieroglyphics.

She held the piece of paper for a minute, moving it close enough where she could just catch the slightest hint of his cologne lingering on the edges. She smiled again, this time without reservation, tossing the quilt back onto the bed. She carefully folded the paper, putting it in the small outer zipper portion of her bag. Finally, Rinoa headed toward the bathroom and started to get ready for whatever she would face today.

* * *

Somehow, Rinoa wasn't too surprised when he didn't answer the door. He needed to face this demon alone, one that he was just learning to understand. She remembered in Balamb how surprised she was when he mentioned, only in passing, that he was going to visit Winhill. She didn't question him, or praise him on his decision…instead she was just there to offer him silent support. It wasn't more than twenty-four hours later when he came over to her desk, and asked if she had a preference in hotel rooms. Not that there was a choice here in Winhill, as there was only one place in town, it was just his way of asking her - _without_ asking her. It was Squall.

So she never mentioned it in the entire week she had known before they left, only packed when the day had come upon them. Somehow Rinoa felt if she told even her closest friends it would jinx the trip, or make him feel some kind of undue pressure that he wasn't willing to face right now. It was always his choice, and when Squall finally did mention it at lunch, it was never dwelled on. Only as an afterthought did he say that Rinoa would be accompanying him. But his friends understood, they never commented on the fact that he would not be alone. All right, except for Irvine who heard later that evening on a conference call. The cowboy had quipped, _"One room or two?"_ He never got an answer, just a swift elbow in the chest from Selphie. If anyone was to count how many times a week that poor man was to get jabbed, it would be considered a minor miracle that he hadn't suffered any broken ribs…yet.

In all honesty, she was surprised he was going…so soon. It had only been a few months since he had discovered the truth, and spoke of it even less. It was only from Laguna, by accident, his friends had found out. She was sure Squall had been upset when it had become public knowledge amongst their group. He had a hard enough time dealing with change, adding the emotional burden of an estranged family and past seemed about the last thing he needed. Again, he had never addressed the matter with her, and she had allowed him both time and space to process the information. Maybe this trip was the beginning of something for him, or the end of another journey that he had outgrown by fate.

Now Rinoa found herself walking the roads alone. It was so serene, and she found herself aware of every sound, ones that over time, she had taken for granted in everyday life - children's laughter, birds singing, and the trickle of the stream as water ran gently between the rocks. Standing on a stone bridge, she watched the flowing water below, noticing small tadpoles trying to defy the current. To her surprise, someone placed the palm of their hand on her lower back, and she could feel the presence of another mimicking her actions over the cement barricade.

"You know, if you lean too far over you will fall in…the last thing I feel like doing today is jumping into the freezing water to save you."

"Gee Squall…that may be up to my knees. I feel so secure with you around, always willing to get your calves submerged for me."

"I try," he replied, gently pulling her back from the 'immediate danger' of the stream. Rinoa turned to face him, trying not to look too questioning about his disappearance, already knowing the answer. Yet, she was silently hoping he would open up to her. Never speaking a single word, he pulled her into an uncharacteristic hug. He wasn't one for public displays of affection; she could tell that the situation was weighing more heavily on him than he was letting on. Resting her head on his shoulder, she closed her eyes feeling the warmth from his body contrasting with the morning breeze. He slowly moved one gloved hand through her hair, while the other stayed firmly on her back.

"Do you want to go up there?" his voice whispered, making her heart reach out to him.

"You already went, didn't you?" She wasn't sure how the words slipped through in spite of her better judgment, as the answer was obvious.

"Yes, I did…it was…" he wasn't sure how to finish it, he just hoped she would understand. She did.

"I know. If you want me to go, I would be honored."

He nodded his head; she didn't need for him to vocalize his answer. She could feel his silent gesture as their bodies remained close and their hearts closer. This was important to him, and he was trying to share himself in a way he wasn't accustomed. Letting her go, he reached down, grabbing her hand. For a second their eyes locked, and she could see the emotion overflowing from his eyes. There was sadness, doubt, hope, and almost a hint of resentment. She understood - it was a natural, unwanted human reaction…one she herself had faced thirteen years before.

* * *

They walked the streets until pavement gave way to gravel, and finally to dirt. Their last steps were on nothing more than grass, and together they walked up a hill until a small gravestone was visible emerging from the earth. Rinoa let go of his hand, kneeling solemnly onto the ground. Squall's focus shifted between her and the marker, feeling the sensation of being torn between an emotional tug of war.

He felt a weakness in his legs, finally kneeling behind her. Rinoa glanced over her shoulder, and Squall was surprised to see the salty tears forming in_ her_ eyes. Dark hair covered her shoulders and blew gently, while the sun highlighted softer, normally hidden, reddish hues. She smiled faintly, extending her hand to him. He gave into the last ounce of gravity and sat on the ground; he wanted to reach out his hand to met hers, but found himself trembling and quickly looked away before she could see his expression.

She looked back to the marker, trying not to make him feel any more uncomfortable. "Did you talk to her?"

He turned his with such urgency, as if someone had triggered a gun directly in front. "What?"

Rinoa paused for a moment, wondering if she was overstepping her grounds. She shakily repeated her question, "…Did you say anything to her?"

"No."

His answer was so curt that she wasn't sure if he was angry or upset by the comment. In some way she hoped to alleviate the unspoken tension by sharing her own experiences with him.

"You know…I believe people who love us…can hear when we speak to them - even after they leave this plane." She stopped again, searching for words that wouldn't come. God, did she want to turn around to face him…if only she could read his eyes right now, but she continued hoping that somehow he would understand. Through her own tears, that Rinoa desperately tried to mask, she managed to choke out, "I remember going to the cemetery back home many times…just talking to my mom. I would tell her about my life, everything from crushes to results of my final exams. But yet, I think she already knew. I truly believe she was…_is_…watching over me…and that Raine is watching over you. I think they protect us when we don't know we need it, because that's when we need it most."

She sat quietly, transfixed on the gravestone, memorizing the curvature of each letter. Rinoa realized that she had been subconsciously holding her breath after her last words, wishing that she could take back every one of them. It wasn't something she had ever told anyone, in a way, it was a dream she kept hidden from those around. She wasn't sure if she felt more foolish for saying something that she was sure he thought to be hackneyed, or her own weakness for carrying on like five-year-old-child.

He sat for a moment, and each second of silence that passed seemed like an eon. At last she heard him clear his throat, and somehow she found herself dreading the next words that he would say.

Somehow he felt this more difficult than he first imagined. He understood what Rinoa had said, although he wasn't able to vocalize an answer in return. Here he was next to his mother's grave, and yet his greatest fear was that he couldn't comfort Rinoa in dealing with her past. He closed his eyes, pushing that feeling away, trying to deal only with what was in front of him…instead of finding something else to dwell on. Maybe in a way that is what he always did, that way he never had to deal with today, as there was always a tomorrow.

"Um…Raine…it's me…Squ…" He couldn't continue; giving into a more basic human need, he pulled Rinoa close to him. In that moment he had never felt so dependent on another, as he buried his head in her shoulder. It was both a curse and blessing, because right now he wasn't sure if he could have made it through this weekend alone. He had never imagined it was going to be this hard.

"It's all right." She whispered reassuringly, never turning around, just guiding her hand behind his neck. "Maybe it's too soon."

"No," he rasped out, warm breath hitting the side of her neck, before he looked back to the marker. "I've got to do this. It's been eighteen years for her, _she_ has waited long enough."

He tried to think of the right words, the right thing to say. It was hard. To Squall, she was nothing more than a vision in a dream, he looked at her through the same eyes as he had Julia. How was he supposed to think of that person as his mother? For so long he had never known anything…maybe in a way it was easier thinking he wasn't wanted, than the truth he faced. Now the guilt of a hundred lifetimes lay squarely on his shoulders, the death that he now felt responsible for… Even he knew that it wasn't something that could have been changed, fate decided on Raine's story long ago.

What do you say to a person you have never known? But one you have thought of all your life… Then it hit him, the one subject he felt comfortable with in this moment, the one he was taking comfort in. He let go of her, sitting up completely straight. "Raine…I want you to meet Rinoa. I met her almost a year ago now…"

Rinoa jerked slightly in surprise, wiping a few stray tears from her eyes. She smiled in spite of the sadness, pointing over her shoulder toward Squall. "You should have seen him back then, you would have been proud. First time I saw him, he was standing by himself against a wall saying he couldn't dance."

"I couldn't dance, really. You know that." He actually made a motion to the grave with the last statement. "But she was very insistent, _and annoying_, so I gave up for my own sanity."

"You know how us woman can be, nothing if not persistent. He got better during the next few months, not only at dancing, but also at not being such a pain. It took awhile, but now he isn't 'always' a stick in the mud."

"See Raine…see what I have to put up with? But you already know…I…I wouldn't change it for the world." The last words were barely audible over the wind.

Rinoa turned around facing him, for the first time since they had begun speaking. She tilted her head, looked him directly in the eyes, and placed her hand on his chest - almost over his heart. "You know Squall, I don't even think we have to introduce ourselves, I think she already knows us…_both of us_. My guess is that she is sitting somewhere talking with my mother. They're up there going on about us."

"And all our little idiosyncrasies."

"Exactly, I think they already know _everything_, even more than we want to know about ourselves."

"You know…I think you're right. I can hear them up there now, talking about how I should eat more vegetables, or that you shouldn't be scared of spiders."

"I think they fully agree with me on that one." She said standing up, as she brushed the grass off her clothes. "Plus I believe they agree that eating three orders of French Fries does not count as full-days serving of vegetables."

"You would bring that one up," he mocked following her lead and standing from the soft earth. He turned away from the gravesite, looking at her for just a moment, until that familiar sensation overtook him, and he forced himself to turn away – hiding his eyes from her. "Do you ever wonder what would have happened if things were different, I mean…if they were still here?"

"All the time," she said, almost under her breath. "But if I spent so much time on wondering what _could have_ been, I guess, I couldn't think about what _is_. If everything that happens is for a reason, then it could have never turned out differently. I could spend my life wondering why my mother was in the car that night…or I could just be glad for the memories I have of her."

"I suppose." He took a step away looking toward a nearby cliff as if for answers. "I wonder how I would have viewed Laguna's past if I had known what I was witnessing. If instead of thinking this guy was a moron, well…focusing more on Raine in the memories. I wonder how much harder it would have been to watch it knowing the truth, and not like watching two strangers playing some kind game of cat-and-mouse."

Rinoa folded her hands to her chest as a quick breeze sent a sudden chill across the plains. "You know," she couldn't believe she was going to admit this to him, now of all times…it seemed so juvenile all of sudden. But somehow, she wanted to be as honest as she could to him, even if it left her feeling like an envious child. "When you returned from the 'dream world' on the way to Galbadia, I heard Selphie talking about what she had seen…and part of me almost froze when she mentioned Julia."

She stopped, catching her breath. He hadn't even realized how long he had been staring at natural rock formations of the mountains; until he turned to see the silent tears she was crying tracing paths down her face. He initiatively pulled her near, just as he had done back on the bridge, only this time, it was his turn to comfort her with the simple act of just being there.

Her voice was muffled in his chest, but she felt a strange need to continue, "You know I was actually jealous of you? I know it sounds childish and stupid, but you got to see my mother first hand…and your mother. Part of me wanted to tell you guys, but…well…how was I going to explain the woman you were mentioning was my mother? I was still trying to deal with that fact, and honestly I wasn't close enough to any of you at the time. You, of everybody there, would have been the last person I would have confided in."

"I know…I'm sorry." He said asking forgiveness not for just his behavior that day, but so many more.

"No, don't be. Don't ever apologize for being you. It's why I…" She cut herself off realizing that she almost said, _"Fell in love with in the first place."_ And as much as the thought of him hearing it from the lunch lady bothered her, the thought of saying it at his mother's grave seemed even more inconsiderate. She quickly covered her momentary break, "It's why I am here today." It wasn't a lie; in fact, it was just as much a truth as the other was.

He almost laughed. Not out of humor, but out of the pure irony of the situation. If that day in the forest she had done such a thing, he would have quickly thrown her to the side, never realizing the pain that she too was facing. She was right, if she had tried to confide in him, he would have quickly pawned her off on the nearest person to try to comfort her. Now he could never think of anyone else holding her, listening to whatever thoughts she was willing to share openly with him now.

"Rin," he paused realizing for the first time he had called her anything but her proper name. She looked up at him, chuckling softly as she wiped a tear from her eye. "Rinoa," he corrected himself, not sure if his mind was ready to call address her anything but by her formal name, and she too had obviously caught how foreign it had sounded.

She placed her finger over her own lips, hiding the amused smile up, "Squall, it's okay, it just sounded so…_different_ coming from you. But, I liked it."

"You feel like grabbing some lunch?" He tried to get out of this now awkward situation as soon as possible, and taking a lesson from Zell…food always seemed like a good way to change the subject.

"Of course."

He didn't seem to react as they started to leave the grave site. On a final thought he looked back one last time, noticing the gentle breeze that blew last autumn's fallen leaves along the hillside. He closed his eyes for just a second, before his companion had even noticed…

_"Thank you Raine,"_ he spoke silently to his mother. _"And thank Julia too… Thank you both for watching out for your children." _

* * *

* * *

** _Chapter Six: A Time to Sew_ **

_April 15th_

His hands slowly pushed back the thick overgrowth, and there it stood etched in granite, standing like a spire breaking free from the ground. His fingers softly traced the crevices, as he removed years of earthen buildup. The emblem looked as regal carved on stone as it did forged from the purest of silver. The mausoleum had stood on this hallowed ground for over a century, from almost the birth of the village.

He wiped the sweat off his forehead, as he continued using the machete. With each swift movement, he could see a larger amount of the structure showing from the overgrown foliage. It was slowly being entombed by the passage of time, and he was going to make it his private mission to show the respect that _their_ honor had earned.

The sudden snapping of a twig behind him made stop in mid swing. Without warning he turned around, throwing the knife with a flick of his wrist. It sliced through the air, spinning end-over-end until its tip pierced the ground with phenomenal accuracy.

She screamed while simultaneously feeling someone scooping her off the ground. "Squall, you know you scared the sh-"

Her words cut off when he leaned forward closing her lips with his. Whatever fear she had felt when the weapon had sped by, instantly became a distant memory. When they parted she couldn't help but to giggle at the situation.

"You think that will get you out of trouble?"

Still cradling her between his arms, he smugly answered, "Yeah…that was the plan."

"Good plan." She answered, tapping him on the nose with a finger. "Now can you tell me why I just walked a slight eternity to get here? The note said three tenths of a kilometer…I am sure this is bordering on five times that amount."

"Never said I was good with distances," he replied as he placed her feet back on the ground. Glancing down he noticed the shoes she was wearing, "Rinoa I also mentioned in the note to wear tennis shoes. See how well you follow directions…"

"Don't start with me Leonhart," she answered turning toward the large stone building, "What is this place? I'm suddenly having vivid flashbacks from the Tomb of the Unknown King."

"Come here," he said, grabbing her hand and leading her toward the entrance.

"Is that?"

"Yes, it is…Griever." He placed his hand over the symbol, wiping off even more of the dirt.

She stood beside him, looking at the detailed design that she had grown familiar with over the last year. Carefully she raised her hand, wrapping her fingers over his. She pointed her index finger, placing the tip of her nail on the lion's eye.

"It's amazing," she rasped under her breath.

"No, it's history." He turned toward her, watching her dark eyes follow the curvature of the engraved symbol. "It's who I am."

"I-I don't understand." She smiled though her eyes never left the stone.

A few large insects flew by, distracting her momentarily. Swatting them away from her face, Rinoa lost her balance almost tumbling backwards. A single hand firmly grabbed her lower back, steadying her on the uneven terrain.

"That's my Rinoa, fighting the world's greatest enemies in a pair of flip-flops." He pointed over to a small clearing nearby, "I need to talk to you… Come on, I saw a place over there."

Leading the way, he found a fallen tree and lifted her onto the trunk. She sat down, steadying herself on either side with her hands. He leaned against it, still keeping his eyes fixed on her. He took a deep breath before exhaling slowly, still tired from his morning's exertions.

"Squall, everything all right?" She tried not to act too nervous, but hearing the often negative phrase 'I need to talk' wasn't the most comforting sound.

"Fine." He shook his head slightly, smoothing his hair back with both hands. "It's just…" Damn, he wasn't good at this. Give him some thing to fight, give him something to plan; just don't give him something to say…

"Is it something about Griever?" She only prayed it was along that line. "About why it is on a building in the middle of nowhere."

"Yes, it is…it's not in the middle of nowhere. Right here is where the battle was fought."

"Battle? A battle in Winhill?"

"Well, actually 'outside' of town…as your earlier comment about walking suggested."

She looked over at him, slightly squinting her eyes at his sarcastic retort. "Ha-ha."

"Last night I started thinking about one of our early conversations. Well, actually _your _conversation…as you talked and I listened." He added with the hint of a smile, before feeling her nudge him with her elbow. "You mentioned your grandparents, the ones who had raised you in Timber after your mother passed away. You know, until recently I didn't even want to think about my parents, let alone grandparents. The way you spoke of your heritage on your mother's side…you had so much pride. I mean, you started fighting in a resistance group because of those early ties… The only ties I ever knew were to Garden."

He looked away as a flock of blackbirds settled into the tops of nearby branches. It seemed that the rays of the sun found their way through the breaks of the clouds. As the heat of the sun began to fill the tree-lined chasm, he took the opportunity to glance toward the sky. He heard an unconscious deep breath from the person sitting patiently beside him. Although she never pressured him to resume speaking, he moved his eyes back to her, slightly shaking his head in apology.

"Anyway, after we went to our rooms, I tried to sleep…as usual too many things were running through my mind. I ended up trying to go for a walk. One thing Laguna had right, they aren't too keen on outsiders aimlessly wandering around at night. I went back to the inn, and for some reason, just sat in the lobby. The woman who had checked me in came over and started talking about Raine. At first I wanted to run, I really didn't want to hear any of it. Then she began talking about Raine's parents…"

"Your grandparents," added Rinoa, as it dawned on her exactly what the connection to the mausoleum was. "Leonhart, Griever…they're buried here."

"I never knew," he looked back to the building. "I mean, I was told early on that the ring and chain were from my mother's family. I had a few matching charms made when I was older, but to me it was just a symbol."

"A cool symbol." Rinoa reached down almost playfully, grabbing the heavy pendant around his neck. He turned to face her again. This time he allowed himself to move directly in front of her, placing one hand over hers.

"A very cool symbol," he repeated almost monotone. "But it is more, it is who I am. I guess I've always thought it of as a representation of strength. In a way it still is…just in a way I never could have comprehended. It was one of the original four symbols on the crest of our family seal. After the village of Winhill was founded, my grandparents dropped the others."

"Why?"

"Before the First Sorceress War, and after the destruction of the Centra Empire, a conflict started about a territorial dispute. Although it was never declared a war by the Galbadian regime, an uprising occurred between two factions. Hundreds died in battle, while others refused to wage a war in which they didn't believe. The latter were persecuted for their beliefs in not wanting to fight. Two men emerged, leading the maltreated on a long journey over the mountains. They arrived here a few months later, settling the Village of Winhill."

"Thanks for the history lesson, but what exactly does this have to do with you?"

He reached both hands around either side of her waist, gradually lifting her off the tree before setting her back onto the ground.

"Everything… My great-grandfather was one of the men who founded this village. As history tells it, Raine's father was the first child born in Winhill. Griever was adapted from the original crest from Galbadia; the wings on the back were later added to depict the flight to freedom."

"Oh my god Squall, that's amazing…your relatives were the founding fathers… Wait, you said battle, what battle?"

"When the next dictator of Galbadia took office, he wanted to make an example of the settlers. They sent troops over the mountains, along with a few naval ships that helped fortify their position in the surrounding waters. Seems an emissary had been living here unbeknownst to the town, and knew where the weaknesses lay."

"So they attacked…"

"And it was because they had let in the outsider…the town never fully recovered. Galbadia commissioned a large estate at the edge of town. When Deling started having trouble with Esthar, they withdrew their interest here. Winhill became a free state in theory…but still falls technically under Galbadian rule. Because there was no economic benefit, unlike Timber, it was forgotten. It is only in the last year they have constructed the road through the mountains…the one we arrived on."

"I think you have just taught me more in five minutes than the entire Galbadian school system did."

"Thanks," he laughed under his breath. He grabbed her right hand interlocking their fingers. Slowly he started to lead her back toward the monument. She almost lost her footing a few times, tripping over the exposed roots. When they reached the building, he once again crouched down looking, at the carving on the stone door.

"My grandfather died in battle, they later built this for our family."

She reached with her free hand and traced the granite carving with her fingertips. Then she moved outward from the design, tracing a second pair of wings around Griever – angel wings just as she wore.

"Maybe I can help protect them." She added leaning her head on his shoulder.

"Thank you Rinoa…thank you."

* * *

She opened up her duffle bag, looking for something to wear. Rinoa cursed herself for trying to be too practical. Normally, a weekend away would have involved at least a suitcase, but since this was her first trip with Squall…she wanted not to look like one of those women who had to pack everything, including the kitchen sink, to go away.

The young sorceress looked at the two tops she had left, wondering what demonic presence encouraged her to pack at four-thirty in the morning. She glanced over to a small clock on the mantle, wondering how Squall was doing. She had left him to be alone this afternoon, it was his time to uncover his heritage…and she was merely an observer into his discoveries right now.

She placed both tops on the bed, and studied them carefully. When she couldn't reach a decision, she followed the time-honored tradition of 'eenie-meenie-miney-mo.' Finally selecting the 'winner,' she made a mental note to rethink her wardrobe when she returned home.

As she buttoned her blouse, a soft knock resonated through the room. She sighed, looking across at a mirror and pulling her long hair from underneath her collar. Opening the door, she noticed he had changed from his normal attire, wearing a dark tee shirt and jeans. He stood speechless, looking directly at her shirt.

Finally his silence was broken, "Nice top."

She smiled thoughtfully, before noticing that he was still staring at her chest. Looking down she realized that in her haste she had missed the top buttons. More than a normal amount of her skin was showing, and she swiftly turned, embarrassed by her mistake.

Placing his hand on his forehead, Squall couldn't believe he had said that aloud…and that he'd momentarily lost the ability to avert his eyes from 'that' part of her body.

_"Crap, crap, crap! Say something intelligent." _He shuffled his feet on the wooden floorboards, before thinking of an appropriate change of topic. "I talked to the owner of the inn. She mentioned a little restaurant down the way specializing in stuffed breast. I…a….mean stuffed _chicken _breast."

If he could have hit his head on the wall without drawing more attention to himself, he would have. What he was shocked to witness was Rinoa turning around, absolutely hysterical. She had made no attempt at keeping his mistake to a minimum. Instead she found some kind of humor in his awkward teenage moment. Walking past him, she gave his now red cheek a small kiss whispering, "I'm glad we're not swimming."

* * *

The eatery was as quaint and pleasant as the woman had mentioned. The high-backed booths allowed all the patrons a certain amount of privacy, adding to the atmosphere. The two sat in a back booth, finishing their dinners. Both Rinoa and Squall mysteriously shied away from the daily house special…marinated Dollet chicken breast.

For the most part he had said very little after he'd returned from the battlefield. She had asked him a few more questions, to which he replied with answers of usually three syllables or less. It was only after the meal was served and almost gone, that he began speaking freely again.

Sometimes Rinoa just didn't understand. Right when he seemed to be opening up, he would revert back into his former self. It was only with patience and understanding that he had made it this far. Yet it was clear to her tonight, that something else was troubling him since this morning. He had all day to think, and obviously he _had thought_…and finding out what he had thought about would be the challenge.

"Squall…" She paused, wondering about the best way to voice her concerns. For some reason, she felt that if she worded her comments wrong, he would start to rebuild his walls.

"Hmm?" He splashed his drink around the glass, looking up at her.

"You all right?" Well, maybe sometimes the direct approach was the best.

The sound came out as almost a laugh when he set his cup down. "Yes, fine…just been a long day." He saw the waitress walking by, and signaled for another drink. He raised an eyebrow at Rinoa, giving her a questioning look. She shook her head no, and he half-smiled at her in return. "Did you know that my grandparents actually had two children? My uncle died when I was about four…he was an engineer for the original Dollet communications tower. Ironic that Raine's brother helped build the tower that we almost destroyed, huh?"

His eyes were filled with sadness as he talked about his relatives in the past tense. A thought troubled her, and maybe the only way to address it was to face it head on.

"Squall…I have to ask, it seems that you're accepting your heritage rather fast. You refer to them as your grandparents, and talk about your uncle…but still refer to your mother as 'Raine.' I'm not really sure what I'm trying to say…"

"I know." He answered almost curtly, stabbing a piece of food with his fork. "I guess it's easier for me to think of being a part of them…than being a part of her. Rinoa, I saw her…and I…Raine, I just had no idea."

He felt a hand placed on his arm, which was resting on the table. He flinched at the contact, until he relaxed at the feeling of comfort contained within. "Shhh, I'm sorry." she hushed him understanding his reasoning. "Maybe in time."

"Don't be…you have every right to ask, to know." He set down the fork, finding the courage to replace its metallic texture with the softness of her fingers.

"If we're being honest Rinoa, can I ask you something?"

"Yes," she nodded, tightening her fingers around his.

"Why did you come here with me? I never really asked you."

"Because I wanted to," she answered as honestly as possible without scaring him off with a bunch of emotional overload. "You don't always have to _ask_ me; just know I will be here. There is a certain amount of unspoken understanding between us. And to me…that is better than hearing any words right now. Time, Squall…it all takes time." She paused, hoping she hadn't said too much. "Um…Squall…now can I ask you something?"

His eyes slowly lifted from where their fingers met to her eyes, giving her silent permission.

"Why did you decide to come back to Winhill all of a sudden? It's been months since you talked with Laguna, and your decision just seemed kind of out of the blue."

"It wasn't." He confessed, placing her hand back on the side of the booth. Just from his demeanor alone, she knew he was withdrawing into a defensive position. "I had been thinking about it for a while. Something Matron said made me realize it was time."

"Matron?" She hadn't meant to repeat the word aloud, but was taken aback that Edea had anything to do with their current trip. It wasn't as if Rinoa knew everything Squall did during the days, or in the evening for that matter. She tried hard to allow him as much personal space as he needed, but she usually would have heard about anything like this, if not from Squall, then from Cid.

"Yeah…a few weeks ago. She showed up during my training exercises one evening. I just never brought it up; I was still trying to figure things out."

"I understand." And she did too. In fact, she was glad that he was able to communicate with someone other than her. Not that Squall always communicated with words; there were other means, if one knew how to read them.

"If I'm going to be a knight…there are things I have to face."

Rinoa crossed her arms on the table, rubbing her forearms with her hands. There was a sudden chill from hearing those words spoken in a public place. It wasn't like they talked about that fact often; for the most part she tried to forget she was a sorceress. Hearing him speak the truth brought her back into a reality - one she wasn't sure she was ready to admit.

"Rinoa…I didn't mean anything by it. I'm just saying…"

"Yeah, that we're not normal." Her voice took a slightly sharper tone than he was expecting.

"What?" He reached across the table, placing his hand on her shoulder, lightly rubbing it with his thumb. "We are normal…we have dysfunctional families just like everyone else." He tried to lighten her mood with a rare attempt at a joke.

She choked back a stifled laugh, "Why can't we just be normal? Is it always going to be sorceress and knight? Can't it just be as boyfriend and girlfriend? Or Squall and Rinoa…just people trying to figure out who they are?"

He understood what she was saying, even if she had never uttered the exact words. Rinoa despised being a sorceress – or despised the label associated with it spanning generations. It was her greatest desire just to fit in with a group, not to distance herself with forced titles.

Squall looked around the restaurant, pulling out his wallet. He left more than enough money to cover the check and gratuity, before standing from the booth and walking over to her. "Come on…" he said, looking into her eyes as he offered his hand. He seemed in a hurry to get away from the livelier part of town, and she had trouble keeping up with his pace. After he led her to where all others were out of sight, he stopped walking and turned around.

"Listen Rinoa, I don't want to be normal."

He reached down and grasped both of her hands, holding them in his, raising them near her chest. He outstretched his pointer finger, letting Griever fall down as far as the chain would allow.

"Do you think they were normal? Look what they founded…look at what gave birth to this symbol."

He let his ring fall back to her chest while he mirrored the gesture with the platinum band, which also adorned the chain.

"Do you think your mother was normal? No, Rinoa they all were different in their own ways…yours is you just happen to be a sorceress…and it makes you special because of that. I'm not going to deny the part of me that is a knight, just like I won't deny the part of me that is their grandson."

Letting the second ring fall, he completely released her hands. He took a few steps away, shaking his head.

"Maybe I talked to Matron because of that. Maybe I talked to her because I didn't want to make the same mistakes as Cid."

This was it she realized, what had been troubling him. Maybe he had found out about his history, and suddenly felt as if it were predestined that he would somehow fail. Felt as if he was doomed to repeat the mistakes of the other who had come before – whether they were warriors or knights.

"Rinoa, when I go to Trabia in two weeks…what will you think of me as?"

She cringed at the thought of him leaving, for she would feel so empty without him around. Although they didn't spend that much time together, it was always the comfort knowing that he was there if she needed him. It was the thought of passing him in the halls, or having a quick lunch in the cafeteria that kept her going.

"I'll think of you as Squall." She wasn't sure what type of answer he was looking for, or what kind of explanation to give. "We're not normal, are we? I guess it isn't too many eighteen year olds that have apprentice knights around."

"Yeah, and then there is that…when…how? How am I supposed to know when I'm no longer an apprentice? I tried to ask Matron, but she never really gave me a straightforward answer…and I really don't want to talk to Cid."

"I think you'll just know." She answered, coming around and linking her arms around his neck. "It's not something that one can perform a ceremony to make happen, it's something within us. I think it's just like you'll know when it is time to call Raine your mother."

* * *

It was too early for the townsfolk to be awake. The droplets of the first morning dew were just beginning to form on the nearby grass. He carefully closed the door to the inn, making sure it had latched securely. The gravel shuffled with each footstep, and was almost the only sound one could hear, save for the crickets. With one hand, he held his thermos of fresh coffee, while the other he found the car door's handle.

Sliding in, he looked at his passenger, who had already found a comfortable position and was once again falling into her silent world of slumber. As he shut his door, her body reacted to the vibration of the car. He turned the key, and started searching for a radio station. When he figured his search to be in vain, the only thing coming through being an am broadcast of current Chocobo breeding conditions, he slipped a CD into the player.

As he listened to the beginning of the song, he was surprised at how much of his existence had revolved around music…even if he wasn't aware of it all the time. Now every time a song played, he thought back to a certain point in his life, in a way it was helping him remember what the GFs had taken away.

Yet the greatest songs where the ones that reminded him of the last year - the black, the white, and all the shades of grey in between. As the melody played in the background, he started to shift his car into gear, but stopped for no explainable reason. It was almost forty-eight hours ago that they had been in these exact positions. Now he felt like he had learned another piece of the puzzle which formed his life. And just like two days ago, he looked at his passenger with her knees curled up beside him. Her skin did not look as pale as the other night, but the shadows of the street lamps were hitting her face slightly differently.

He sighed, reaching up to push the clinging hair from her face. "I'll never forget this weekend."

"Me either." This time it was his turn to jump slightly when she spoke.

"I thought you were asleep."

"I'm not," she answered, opening only one eye and looking at him. He could see her smile, and couldn't help but return the gesture. She reached up, softly touching his hand. "Did you learn what you came here to find out?"

"Yes, and so much more. I had to know who I was, before I knew who we were."

"And you are?"

"Squall Leonhart."


	3. A Time to Speak, A Time to Speak II, and A Time to Break Down

** _Chapter Seven: A Time to Speak – Part I _ **

_April 21st_

Every so often Edea Kramer sat among the students of Balamb Garden. At times, she would justify her actions to Cid by claiming it brought back a sense of her youth. However, if truth were told, she never had a youth to reclaim. Some days it transported her back to simpler times - before any truths were known, and before the first lies were spoken. Regardless of the reasoning, whether logical or not, Edea found tranquility in the students daily rites of teenage passage.

Inhaling deeply, she took in the scent of the lilac blooms whose aroma draped the walls of the Quad. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed a lone figure approaching the bench. To some extent, the movement surprised her, as very few students dared to approach her during her sporadic visits back to Balamb Garden. She closed the leather binder of the book she had been trying to read, although her concentration had been diverted long ago.

"Mrs. Kramer?" Rinoa asked hesitantly, feeling slightly uncomfortable about attempting a conversation.

Edea had to laugh at the mere formal sounding of her name. It was rare that she was addressed properly, and even less that she was addressed _politely_. Placing her hand on the wooden planks of the bench, she offered the space next to her.

"Rinoa, please sit down…and for Pandora's sake, call me Matron."

The younger girl obliged, holding what seemed to be a bag containing her lunch. "I'm surprised Cid has let you out of his sight… Word on the street is that you managed to keep his desk clean for several weeks, a feat thought impossible by many."

"He's not all that bad," Rinoa added with a smile. "You just have to keep an eye on him. Trust me, I've never met anyone who could lose something so quickly…and I worked with Zone and Watts, which is saying a lot."

Edea nodded, pushing long strands of hair behind her shoulder. "I've heard Selphie recount some of your adventures in Timber… Cid at least has some worthy competition."

She watched as Rinoa unwrapped a sandwich, observing how the young sorceress avoided direct eye contact. Edea sighed inwardly, she could tell there was so much fear in this girl, but at the same time, she carried so much strength. Although Edea and Rinoa had talked cordially on several occasions, they had never had a chance to _truthfully_ talk. Edea knew that Rinoa had many questions, especially those revolving around their encounter at Galbadia Garden - events that would forever change both of their lives.

"Rinoa, I'm guessing that you didn't come out here to talk about the state of Cid's desk."

"No…" Rinoa wasn't even sure why she was there. It wasn't as if this encounter had been planned… It was just an empty seat at an opportune moment, right?

"I know we have never had a chance to talk," continued Edea, hoping to relieve some of the pressure stemming from the moment. "If there is anything you ever wanted to ask me, please feel free to do so."

Rinoa lowered her food, as her appetite suddenly seemed to disappear. She half-heartily wrapped clear plastic over the sandwich, placing it back into the bag. Her original intent had been nothing more than to come out to take in the spring air, enjoying a leisurely meal - never did she think it would lead to any life altering questions. There was something she had wondered about for months, but was always too afraid to hear the answer. The question just kind of slipped out, before she even had time to comprehend what her mouth was saying.

"Why?"

Closing her eyes, Edea clenched the closed book on her lap, wrapping her fingers around the seam. She had never thought that Rinoa would be so direct. Maybe she was ready to answer_ any_ other question about their bond…just not that one. Yet, Rinoa summarized it so eloquently with one simple word. The word was far more devastating to hear than she had thought. How do you answer a question, one that has no answer? Well, at least no _good _answer to the one who posed it…

Edea snapped out her trance when Rinoa answered her own question with an eerily truthful answer. "Was it because you knew both Selphie and Quistis…and didn't want to put them through the torment?"

The older woman paused, mentally preparing the subtle answer she was about to give, simply agreeing, "Yes Rinoa, at the time I didn't know you. They were like my children – I raised them from as far back as I can remember. I also was aware of the pain,_ along with the joy_, that could come from being a sorceress."

Rinoa remained silent, nodding as if already expecting that answer. "How? How if Ultimecia controlled you…how could you decide who received the power?"

"Well…it wasn't as if my consciousness wasn't there, in fact, she could draw power and knowledge from it…but only what I allowed. The whole thing is more like a hazy memory. Sometimes I wasn't sure if it was something from my past, or someone else's. For all I knew, I could have been experiencing the memories of a play I had seen or a book I had read as a child."

"So…she could read your mind?"

"Again, only what I allowed. When she was in my shell, she wanted to know, more than anything…what the true meaning of SeeD was. I would not tell her. Since she couldn't hurt me, she hurt those closest to me…splitting me every way she could with my own body. Eventually betraying every bond…" Edea paused realizing she was going to say too much. Rinoa was not ready to hear that, nor was Squall. There would be a better time, after more secrets had been unlocked. "Not now, it's too soon for me to go into that. Today is about your question, not my anguish."

Inhaling the scent of the lilacs Edea continued, "Back to that day in Galbadia Garden…what I do remember amid the fog, was the three of you fighting me. I remember praying that Seifer was alive, and that he would just show some sign of life…_anything_. I remember feeling weak, as if what sanity I had was ebbing out of my reach… I could _hear_ her…hear Ultimecia wanting to abandon my body. She was leaving my shell…I knew it…I was weak and of no use to her. Then the others came running into the auditorium… I just remember looking up at you…and allowing her consciousness to hear my thought_, 'she is strong, use her.'_ It was enough to help Ultimecia decide, but in all honesty, the final decision wasn't left up to me…now was it?"

Rinoa looked away quickly, almost knocking off the lunch from her lap. Edea could feel the hurt that ran through the younger girl, and the demons she still refused to face. Reaching out, she placed her fingers gently on Rinoa's shoulder, who still remained turned away hiding her embarrassment.

"Please dear…if you can believe only one thing…if I truly had my choice, I wouldn't have wished this grueling fate upon anyone. Yet, I still believe firmly in my first thought – I saw you fighting equally alongside people who had trained since childhood…_you were strong_. Yes, all those months ago in a deserted auditorium it _was_ to protect Quistis and Selphie…but if I had to decide again, I would only feel more passionate this time around. Not only because you are strong, but also because you already have someone that would fight valiantly beside you… None of the others could have handled the situation in such a manner as you and Squall. You have not only come out of this situation alive, you have come out of it as far better people. For that reason alone, I will never doubt my decision."

"I…guess I understand…I'm sorry…sometimes I just feel so…well strange, out-of-place I guess."

"I imagine so. Honestly, not a lot of eighteen-year-olds can demolish an entire room with a single blow."

"Oh you heard," Rinoa looked up at the woman sitting next to her for the first time, trying to mask the embarrassment. Still, she couldn't help keeping the traces of a smile off her face. "It was really an accident…and thankfully Squall wasn't all that mad."

"Well…at least you didn't blow up a spaghetti dinner while meeting your fiancé's parents."

"Cid's parents? You didn't?"

"I most certainly did. I'm still not sure what happened; I was so nervous. Went to grab a piece of garlic toast and the next thing I knew… Cid and his parents were covered in noodles…marinara sauce trailing a path down their foreheads."

"Well from what I know, dinner with Laguna won't be happening any time soon."

"Don't you dare worry about that child, all things take time." Edea paused choosing her words wisely, now that the conversation had taken on more of a lighter tone.

"Rinoa, I was wondering…actually Cid and I were wondering…would you and Squall would be able to stop over for dinner before he leaves for Trabia?"

A gruff voice answered from behind them. "I'll have to check my busy social calendar to see if I can fit you in."

"Squall!" Rinoa jumped at the sound of his voice. She just hoped that he hadn't overheard the rest of the conversation, but it wouldn't be like him to do that. Standing up, she placed both hands on her hips, and set her lunch bag to the side. "Was that an attempt at a joke Mr. Leonhart?"

"How many times do I have to tell you – I don't joke."

"How could I forget about that," she replied sarcastically. "Edea invited us over for dinner before you leave. Think you can fit it in?"

She noticed his change of demeanor, slight at best. There was something on his mind, she had learned that much back in Winhill. She recalled his mentioning a talk the two had some time ago, but aside from a few comments, most of the conversation was left between the shadows. His look drifted over to Matron, and then back to her.

"Squall please, there is so much we have to tell you." Edea's voice saddened when he hadn't accepted the offer right away.

"Fine." His answer short and to the point. "I was just going to see if you wanted to grab some lunch Rin." He paused realizing it was the first time he had called her that in front of someone else. A slight blush reddened his cheeks, as Rinoa grinned cocking her head toward him.

"I'd love to."

* * *

 "Do you think they will stop by?" The headmaster picked up a magazine from the top of the pile, quickly flipping through the pages.

"Would you stop worrying dear," countered Edea staring at her husband uncertainly. "Are you really going to read that?"

"Sure, why not?" He stopped at a page before realizing it was a magazine on interior decorating. He smiled nervously covering his mistake, "I was thinking about redecorating the office."

"Yeah…right." She shook her head knowing better, as some things never changed. Cid was hardly one to admit when he was wrong, unless it was something earth shattering. "And yes, I do think they will show up. Rinoa told you they would…and she wouldn't go back on her word. Even if she has to drag Squall up here by one of his belts, they'll be here."

He sighed. "I know…but I just wish she wouldn't have to 'drag' him up here in the first place. I just can't get him to open up to me."

"Cid, for over twelve years you've been his superior, do you think that he is going to be an open book to you? First, and foremost, you are his boss…and that is hard to look past."

He took off his glasses, surrendering the magazine back onto the coffee table. "I know…but Edea I think he still blames me for how everything transpired. You know, I did leave him alone during his first battle…and his second…and his…"

"I get it, I get it… So you made mistakes, you think he'll hold it against you forever? The last year has been an emotional rollercoaster for him. Right now, you are trying to think of him as a son…more than a bemused teenager."

"I guess…you're right. Is it wrong for me to think as a father, not wanting him to make the same mistakes I made? I know all that stands out in his mind are those moments beyond the scope of comprehension… To him, I was just some guy crying in the infirmary."

"Yes, but if you tell him the truth…he certainly isn't going to listen. He will understand in time. He doesn't need a father; he needs a mentor knight. The best thing we can do is show him both paths and let him choose."

"You sound like advice from a fortune cookie."

"Thanks dear," she answered sarcastically.

There was a pause. The headmaster stood, looking out the small window in the door. He wasn't sure why he was so nervous, as he had done far harder things than this. Yet this was personal, here he might have to live up to his own mistakes. If history is bound to repeat itself, there are either two things you can do – to ignore the faults of others, or to gain the knowledge of all those who came before.

"Has she remembered yet?" The sadness in his voice betrayed his tone.

"No, not that I can tell. I'm sure if she had there would have been some outward signs."

"Yeah, like the mysterious throwing of a bookcase at Squall."

"Cid…I said that whole 'bookshelf thing' was an accident." She smiled, pulling back her long hair and placing it over her shoulder.

"Do you know what Ultimecia used against her?"

"Some…" Edea answered hesitantly. "My spirit was weak. I don't have to see what happened to _know_ the pain it caused…or will cause."

The headmaster walked over to his wife, sitting on the couch next to her. Pulling her into an embrace, he held her. For just a moment, and then a moment more…sometimes he felt that she would just fade away. Sometimes, he just had to hold her to make sure she was real. They had made their mistakes. But maybe together, he thought, they could save some pain to the next generation.

"Edea, I can't even begin to imagine. To surrender your body and mind over without much of a fight…it had to be something horrible. But this is the right thing; if she doesn't address it soon…it will only become a weapon against them."

* * *

The question itself is sometimes the greatest mystery. Something had been bothering her all day, as if a small voice was trying to scream out among the masses. And yet, she was failing to hear it. Maybe it was in the words Edea had used this morning, and the sensation of urgency the young sorceress felt about speaking to the couple.

_"It was enough to help Ultimecia decide, but in all honesty the final decision wasn't left up to me…now was it?"_

The words seemed to play like an enigma in her mind. _'Now was it?'_ What did that mean? Of course it was Ultimecia's decision, who else's could it have possibly been?

"Hey, Rinoa." His voice speaking her name snapped her back into the moment.

"Yeah."

"Are you listening?"

"Sure, what did you want?"

"Well, I had casually mentioned we'd passed their door two halls ago."

"Oh, sorry…guess I wasn't listening."

"What a shock." He answered in his usual monotone, before asking, "Are you all right, really?"

"I'll be fine." She reached for him, linking their arms together. "Promise, I'll listen this time."

"I now have a newfound understanding of how annoying it is when I don't listen to you."

"You what?" She said smiling up at him as they walked back.

"Um…I mean…when I am so busy contemplating the words you had already said, that it is hard for me to focus on all the words you are currently speaking."

He looked down at her trying not to show his amusement. "…You're not buying that, are you?" She laughed, shaking her head as he reached down giving her a tiny peck on the cheek. "Didn't think so."

* * *

It felt like an eternity. Okay, maybe that was a _slight_ exaggeration, but pretty darn close. It seemed that all their conversations appeared to be repeating in one infinite circle. Edea had managed to broach every subject, except for the one she had invited them over for. She and Cid had exchanged glances several times, each waiting on the other's silent cue.

Yet, she couldn't do it.

For too long Squall seemed distant, and even though he hadn't said more than three words tonight, he was there. She had never played favorites. It was that simple, she cared for her children with equal amounts of love. But, there were always those who she worried about more.

And sometimes, just sometimes, she wondered if she had made the right choice. Or was it ever really her choice to make? She cleared her mind. It was too late to let doubts intrude. She couldn't. Maybe Cid could sense her hesitation, as it didn't take a knight to understand her fear…just a person who shared love in his heart.

"Squall…Rinoa….I guess you are wondering why we asked you here." Cid placed his arm around his wife, whose look drifted from the other couple to the floor. "There is something we need to warn you about."

"What?" Squall's answer was almost immediate. He was just glad they were finally getting to the truth.

The headmaster tried to keep his bearing. "When Rinoa accepted her powers…and yes _'accepted'_ is the correct word…there was a certain process that she endured. No sorceress can give her powers away without permission…good or bad. It's one of those loopholes that tends to get caught between fact and fiction. The problem then lies in how the powers were absorbed. In Edea's case, she first inherited her powers as a child…and then again several years later."

Matron stood and moved sitting next to Rinoa; reaching down, she took her hand. The young woman was trembling inside, and Edea could perceive the tremendous fear. In her heart, the new sorceress had to have known the truth. It was only the part that was locked within her memory that scared her…the unknown.

Cid took off his glasses, trying to look at Squall. The commander sat very still, watching only Rinoa. The headmaster didn't have to read his expression to know the feeling that he was experiencing. It didn't matter who was upset, both Rinoa and Squall suffered equally.

"It's all right." Rinoa squeezed Matron's hand, before she focused on Squall admitting, "Somehow I knew it. I don't know how, but I did. Sometimes at night, I wake up out of breath…my pulse racing. I can feel every heartbeat in the back of my throat. At first, I thought I was having nightmares, but they only seemed to grow more vivid. I can recall bits and pieces of the emotions…but I can't remember the cause. Only the results, the pain and the fear…I should have said something, but I hoped it would pass."

Holding her hand with firmness, Edea explained, "Rinoa, it is your mind trying to remember. Ultimecia is gone, but the path you took to get here remains the same – you just can't recall the road."

"So what does this mean to us?" Squall was not one to play guessing games. Right now, he felt that they were falling into the same trap that got them there in the first place. People in authority only giving fragments of the whole. He never wanted to blame others, but it was hard to overlook mistakes they had made. Or the answers still left within the unanswered void.

"It depends," confessed Edea a little more solemn than before. "It is the first true test. Whatever she showed her, was enough to convince Rinoa that she would be better off-"

"I'm not listening to this." Squall stood up offering Rinoa his hand. "If you for one second want me to believe that Rinoa would give up control of her mind and body…it's not possible. Just because you did it, doesn't mean she did. Rinoa had no choice. It's that simple."

She took his hand standing up with him, yet she couldn't look him in the eye. "Squall…I know Edea is telling the truth. I let Ultimecia control me." The words sounded worse coming from her mouth than she thought. It was hard facing the truth, no matter how important it was. "I can't explain it right now…or I'm not sure if I ever can. I just remember feeling like, for that moment in time, I wanted to die."

"No Rin-" She cut him off, placing her hand over his mouth.

"Shhh, Squall…please. I'm not saying I '_honestly wanted to die_.' I'm just saying I remember feeling that every horrible event that ever happened to me, cumulated into _that_ one moment. As I said, I don't remember what she showed me…but the pain is still hidden inside."

"Please sit back down," the headmaster offered. "If you don't face this now, it could tear you apart. Not just Rinoa, but the trust and bond that is forming between you. Ultimecia took the past, and played it against her. Time, space, meaning…it's all irrelevant in her reality. She can take bits and pieces of conversations and memories, turning them into a deadly montage. You can hear the voices, see the faces…but it doesn't mean it happened _that way_. It's like building a quilt from the fabric of time. You can take sections and cut them, fit them into a pattern that you desire."

Edea tried to simplify, "It's like getting a ransom note cut from magazine articles. The words are all part of other stories, but if you cut them out, and re-arrange them…you can spell out any story you want."

Squall looked over at Rinoa, waiting for her reaction. She nodded, sitting back onto the couch. He still wasn't comfortable with the idea, and hesitated obviously before finally giving in.

"So what do we do?" Rinoa's voice extremely soft and unsure.

"You find out what she used against you, so it could never be used against you again."

"Rinoa," Edea offered sympathetically. "You _are_ going to have to relive it again. Your mind will unlock it as a repressed memory…the only thing is, it will feel like she is there with you. You will experience the same sensations as last time, but this time you will remember."

"I don't like this." Squall felt he had to be the voice of reason. Then again, what was reason given the situation? Of course, he didn't like it, but what was his choice? To let it dwell inside, until it built up and broke an emotional floodgate. If living with the pain now could help them in the future, he would have to reluctantly agree. Still, that didn't mean he had to like it.

"I don't like it either." She looked at his eyes, trying to hide her fear. "But I have to figure it out – I _have_ to remember."

* * *

He hadn't seen her lying in a bed, in that position, since the hospital in Deling. When she slept peacefully, it brought his thoughts back to an earlier time. A metamorphosis that would change both of their lives forever. Now she was going to relive the pain, the nightmare. Squall hadn't said more than two words to Cid and Edea since Rinoa had agreed. Now he sat in a chair leaning his arms on the bed. Both of his hands carefully wrapped around her left hand, and he tried to veil his concern with a grin.

"That bad huh?" She returned the gesture trying not to show her fear, although her trembling hand revealed her apprehension. He released one of her hands, slowly moving his fingers through her hair. "Squall, I'll be okay…promise."

"I know Rinoa. Just don't know how well I'll do."

"You'll be fine."

"Hey guys." Edea walked in with a glass of water. She carefully set it down on the nightstand, handing Rinoa two small white pills. "They're to help you sleep. Just remember you are going to experience the memory, as if it were happening right now."

"Okay…" She sat up and putting the two capsules in her mouth, followed by a sip of water. "Edea, how come I will remember this time?"

"Because your mind says that your conscience is ready. You had both the key and lock, now you are merely putting them together." Rinoa nodded in understanding, still a little lost, but trusted the older woman nonetheless. She lay back down, turning to face her knight. Moving one hand under the pillow, the other still remained tightly entwined with Squall's fingers.

For several minutes, he watched Rinoa. She watched him until her eyes became too heavy, and the laws of nature could no longer be denied. The hurried breaths of consciousness, turned into the rhythmic pattern found only in sleep. Once in a while her body would twitch. With every movement that passed, he wanted to wake her up, and look into her normally carefree eyes.

And then suddenly, it looked as if she was having and epileptic seizure. Her body convulsed as she thrashed her head from side to side. Squall stood up, grabbing both of her arms. At this point, he almost had his entire body weight resting on her forearms, trying to keep her from hurting herself. He couldn't believe the amount of strength it was taking to restrain her.

"Get her out of this!"

"No," Edea spoke in a motherly tone containing equal amounts of love and firmness. "It would be more dangerous not let her finish this."

"What exactly is she seeing?" His voiced cracked, as he could hardly keep his calm.

"I don't know Squall. As I said earlier, it is a combination of the past and her present _before _she became possessed. Ultimecia will use her thoughts against her, and the thoughts of those around her."

"What? You didn't say anything about the thoughts of others. You mean anything I ever thought…she might hear?"

"Yes Squall, I said that Ultimecia had the ability to play any event recorded on the event horizon of time. I'm sorry, if I didn't make that clear enough. It wasn't only her thoughts, it is anybody's past. Yours included…she could have heard, or seen, anything in your past too. Anyone's for that matter. But Ultimecia would've been selective, and gone for the ones most likely to destroy her will. Sometimes surrendering looks like the only option, you are now forced to feel the burden of pain…everyone's. Ultimecia will look like the mother figure; tell her what she wants to hear…fill the empty void. She will be the only presence that can bring Rinoa solace…and so, Rinoa will surrender. We know the outcome, but the story goes untold…until now."

He closed his eyes. How could he tell Matron that Ultimecia _wouldn't_ have even had to turn some of his thoughts around? How could he tell Rinoa? When they first met, he had so many negative thoughts about her…but it was just how he reacted to everyone. One's inner thoughts were meant to be their own, and right now, it felt like some sort of mental rape…he honestly felt ill. It wasn't the time to think about it, but for a brief second, he actually felt remorse for being in Laguna's thoughts without permission. Either for good or for bad, it was still an intrusion that was gained without permission.

"God Rinoa…please forgive me."

* * *

* * *

** _Chapter Eight: A Time to Speak – Part II _ **

_ April 23rd –  _ _ 12:08 am _

The mist weighed heavily on her skin. It covered her body like a ghostly security blanket. Rinoa opened her eyes to find herself standing among a dense sea of fog. The coarse silhouettes of headstones stood on the near horizon, as the fickle moonlight only offered enough illumination to register where she was. She knew this place too well…_too damn well_.

Rinoa's lungs quickly reminded her that she had to breathe; she answered their call reluctantly. She crossed her arms over her chest, holding them tightly against her body. Anxiety mixed with fear sent a surge of adrenaline to course through her veins. The heel of her shoe sank into the muddy terrain, as an unworldly fear exploded through her body. She took another hesitant step toward the headstones, fighting against the inner turmoil. The air felt unusually stagnant, making her breathing labored and deep. This was reminiscent of the nightmares she had as a child. A small gasp escaped her lips as she read the name on the first headstone. Gravity could no longer be denied, as she found herself collapsing under the pressure of her own weight.

Why…why was she here?

Uncertain hands traced the indentations of her mother's etched name, each letter more painful than the last. The ruthless November wind picked up, causing an indescribable chill. Dead leaves fell off a nearby oak tree, as foliage trickled to the earth like rain. Rinoa shivered alone in her solitude, and for a moment, she felt her sanity slowly ebbing.

"Poor child."

The voice felt so comforting. It seemed to be a beacon in the tempest raging within her mind. Still kneeling on the ground, body frail and trembling, the young girl turned toward the speaker.

"Where…where am I…who are you?" She questioned through her labored gasps.

The woman walked forward, gently reaching for the girl's shoulder. She kneeled next to Rinoa, using her free hand to gently smooth her hair. Every word planned and precise, "I'm here to make the pain go away."

"This isn't…real. I remember running here one night, but I was only a child. I was five years old! This isn't right…I'm older now…this isn't how it…_no._ What is happening?"

"Were you really five when you came here? Can you really be sure?"

"Yes…yes, I remember it like it was yesterday. I was so scared. It was so dark…"

"What do you honestly remember, Rinoa? The pain, the guilt, the images that haunt your every waking moment until this very day? Time is nothing, an illusion, one that can be rewritten… You alone can change this. It is the past, it is the future. It is all the same."

"What are you talking about? Who…what? Please, just quit talking in riddles! Who…who are you?" demanded Rinoa, although not too articulately.

The woman's human form moved closer, again comforting the distressed girl. _"_My name is not important. It's just another useless label placed upon us. It is what we can achieve together that is important. Together, you and I have the ability to change your past, to reshape your future."

"You're the…you're the sorceress," she said in a tone barely above a whisper. Rinoa pushed Ultimecia away, as she struggled to her feet. No longer wanting any form of comfort from the 'motherly figure,' she took a step back, until her body rested next to her mother's grave. "You…you look different than back in Deling."

"That is because that body was not my true form. It belongs to another, just like you, who wants the empty void to cease."

"No, that woman we just faced…it was the person who took care of Squall and the others… Edea, her name is Edea; she's the one we fought. It wasn't you! We won."

"Child, there are no winners or losers. Did you not see the pain reflected in their eyes, the people you fight beside? They have suffered as much, or even more, than you have. Edea only desired to fix the mistakes of the past, to take their emptiness away."

Rinoa wanted to scream, wanted to run, but she had no idea where she was. This woman had to be lying. Rinoa knew Squall still carried the pain of the past, and that is why there was an emptiness in his heart. He would be fine; it was just his nature. Wait…what mistakes was she talking about?

Taking a small step forward, Rinoa realized that she couldn't even see her feet. She almost seemed to glide across the air, long dark robes hiding most of her form.

"Do you not see the hurt within the eyes of their leader, his pain far outweighing that of the others? He will not live past this. His soul is in torment no matter how emotionless he may act. This is the beginning of his self-destruction. This is what Edea wants to change, which is why I need your help…you alone can save him."

"No, you are lying!"

"Am I?" Ultimecia's voice never wavered, the motherly tone always present. No signs of anger or frustration, only a certain confidence projected into each word. "Did you not wonder why all of this is happening at once? Or why the change in the person known as their Matron? The future of those children is dim. She is acting to save their souls. Now you have fought and destroyed her…but in reality, you have destroyed your friends. Their fate has been decided…you condemned them to eternal damnation."

"No, Edea was slain…they are free."

"If they are free, why are you here? I am the only one who can help them. They are mere grains of sand in the hourglass of time… Their existence will be in vain, unless… Never mind, you are not strong enough. Your father is right."

Rinoa started to feel a growing anger. All her life her father thought of her as weak, and she proved him wrong by leaving. She worked for freedom, she worked for honor, and she worked for all those things proving she was strong. This woman in front of her wasn't going to speak about Caraway.

"Don't you talk about him! Why did you bring me here, to this place?"

"I did not bring you anywhere. You are in a place in between reality and fantasy; I can only guide you along this path. I cannot choose it. I think your mind brought you here, to show you what could have been…your deepest regret. You could have saved your mother, you could have saved your friends, and you could still…"

"No! I won't listen to you. This is not real."

"Yes, it is. I can show you the past, much as Ellone did for the others. I cannot show you things that didn't take place…everything is real. I can show you what Squall doesn't want you to know. I can show you why you came back to this point in your life."

"I am fighting beside him because he wants me to be there."

"Foolish child. Do you think he would train all his life for a battle, only to have a stranger fight beside him? No, he has never thought of you as anything but a burden. It is your heritage that he wants around...not you. Caraway is a source of great power. To Leonhart, your father is a great ally."

Rinoa opened her mouth to speak. Before she could protest, soft mud turned into marble, and gusting wind was replaced by familiar music. She now stood among the dancing couples at the SeeD graduation. She blinked whipping her eyes, this was a dream, it had to be. Why did it feel so real?

The sorceress faded into the ballroom shadows. Thankfully, the familiar scene was more welcomed than the cemetery. A couple was dancing close, and for a moment, she believed they would run into her. She tried to move, but didn't make it. Their bodies passed through her image as if it was an apparition. A chill from the encounter caught her off guard. It felt as if her spirit had momentarily entered another's body.

She started scanning the crowd. Frantically, she searched for the person she knew would be there. And there he was, standing against the wall, just as she had remembered. She wanted to run up to Squall and wrap her arms around him. Before for she could act on the idea, another version of herself walked up to him. Was it actually possible to be jealous of yourself? If it was, it was the only way to describe the overwhelming feeling right now.

The music seemed to fade into the background. From behind, the calming voice of the sorceress spoke softly over the crowd's.

"He has always acted that way…but it is not his true self. You were not the first, nor would you be the last. He is putting on a mask just as you were. Ask any of the others he has danced with. He knows how to dance, nobody learns that quickly my dear. The first words out of his mouth to you were a lie. Does that not speak of his character?"

"What are you…how did you know?" Why had she never realized the first words he spoke to her were a lie? He had known how to dance; he had admitted as much later on. He just wasn't good unless he focused…there was a difference. Wait, what others?

"Yes, now I have your attention, don't I? Squall Leonhart is nobody's fool. He is not the angel you made him out to be, nor his he the troubled teenager who cannot love. In fact, quite the opposite, he has played his game as long as you have played yours. Listen, search for the truth within your own heart. His thoughts are recorded onto the script of the past…"

The music ended and fireworks ignited in the nocturnal sky. Rinoa watched her phantom look toward the main door, before seeing the headmaster socializing with a few partygoers.

_"What a bitch."_ She could hear his words echo throughout her mind, _"Whatever…good riddance."_

"He didn't say that, did he?" Rinoa tried to desperately remember. Her mind at the time was so focused on speaking with Cid that anything Squall might have muttered went unnoticed. She turned to Ultimecia, quickly defending an action she wasn't sure even took place.

"He didn't mean it! Look, I just walked away…what else would he say? He didn't…he didn't know me back then…I was the one who was wrong!"

"Oh, but he did know you, didn't he? It wasn't as if you hadn't played that little game before either. Maybe his first impression of you was the most accurate, maybe it is the illusion that he sees before him in the present."

Ultimecia remained patient. She realized that this girl was still defending his actions; her spirit would need to be broken in another time. In that one fatal moment her victim clung to her in her nightmares. To get Rinoa to give up her future, she would have to turn toward the past. Take her to the moment that her fear was born…

Rinoa felt an odd sensation radiating from her fingertips. Outstretching one arm, she was shocked to see her fingers morphing into those of a child. She looked at her teenage reflection in the darkened glass of the ballroom, as the sky behind the window seemed to radiate brighter. Slowly each star became more lucid, and she was no longer in the ballroom…but standing outside, underneath the heavens. Rinoa couldn't speak. Again, she strained to fill her lungs with oxygen. Looking around, she gasped aloud in recognition; she remembered this highway…how could she forget?

Her tiny delicate fingers fisted as she had the memories of a five-year-old mixed with those more embittered by the years. She was reliving this horrible night again, the one she tried so desperately to suppress. She heard two men talking, realizing that she actually was still in her own body…just from twelve years ago.

_"I'm sorry Major Caraway, I cannot let anyone pass."_

_"Dammit, she's my wife! I have to…I have to see her." _

Caraway pushed the man out of the way, disregarding his daughter's own fears. He left her standing alone in the cold. She watched the hypnotic flashing of the red lights until she just had to run. It felt like her feet weren't touching the ground, an urgency she had never known took over.

In the distance, a siren echoed in the background, but the sound went unnoticed by the little girl. Rinoa's younger form stopped running as childhood eyes fixated on the wreckage. A tiny sliver of what appeared to be the taillights emerged from over the embankment. Pieces of glass and fiberglass were strewn like a lethal blizzard. Her tears ran freely, tracing their own unique path down reddened cheeks. Yet, she could not speak…no words came. She felt the hand of someone behind her. Looking over her shoulder, she saw a uniformed man; he offered her little comfort with a forced smile, before embracing her in a hug.

_"It will be all right." _

What an outright lie. Even as her younger self, she knew this soldier was trying to shield her from the reality. Did he not see the carnage, the horror, the blood? The blood…why, why was she forced to witness this again? It had to be another horrific dream, or some sick, cruel joke by fate…it had to be. Again, she was forced to experience the revulsion first hand. Again, her 'father' left her alone in the darkness. Again, her only solace was coming from a stranger. Amid the mortally bitter night, Rinoa felt each tear crystallizing eternally on her face…and eternally on her soul.

"I have to see mommy," she said softly, never telegraphing her intentions to the guard. Ducking underneath his arms, she lowered her head, and ran down the steep incline of the hill. She used every ounce of energy to outrun the man. When Rinoa reached the bottom, she witnessed her father stained with her mother's blood. He cradled her limp body in his arms.

_"Why Julia? Why did it have to be you?"_

The young image took a step back, but the spirit of teenage Rinoa remained standing firm on that spot. Finally, she had broken free from the chains that bound her, from the past she had remembered. Behind her, she could hear the sounds of her younger self being physically restrained by the officer. The soldier spoke to her, trying to calm her younger form, but older Rinoa ignored his words. This time she could do what she couldn't before…go to her mother.

She took a few tentative steps forward, leaving all remnants of her former memories on the hill. All at once, she began running with sudden urgency, afraid that this moment in time would also fade away. The figure of Caraway disappeared into the same nothingness as did everyone else. It left her, the mangled vehicle, and the grotesque remains of her mother.

"Mom…mommy," she gasped falling to the debris and blood soaked pavement. "No…no…please don't leave me. I'm scared, I can't do this alone."

Rinoa shivered, as a sudden rush ran through her body at the familiarity of the words. Her mother's hand fell off her stomach and onto the ground lifelessly.

Feeling the branches of a nearby bush scratch her back, she turned. It felt as if the plant had been reaching for her with skeletal hands. The green leaves turned to an earthen shade of brown; it looked like someone hitting the fast-forward button on Mother Nature. A shimmer reflected from within the brush when the red strobe of the ambulance flashed. Her mother's ring…her wedding band. Rinoa reached through the thicket, retrieving the object. To her surprise, she felt a painful sting on the side of her wrist. She retracted her arm in surprise, and the platinum band fell on to the street.

Between the pain of her heart and the pain on her body, she managed to look down to her wrist. Rinoa saw a large brown spider slowly crawling up her skin like a predator. On adrenaline alone, she shook her arm, tossing the intruder several meters away. She didn't have time to be frightened. At that moment, something far more important was disappearing.

Grabbing the ring, she pressed it firmly against her palm. Returning to her mother, she saw her eyes staring back vacantly. The once beautiful orbs were replaced by a glassy emptiness. Small streams of blood trickled down from Julia's mouth. Yet through it all, her mother held indescribable beauty.

Rinoa slowly raised her hand, wiping the thick liquid from her mother's lips. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw another spider creeping over her mother's corpse. There was this vile creature, laying some kind of demented claim to her mother's body. Her trembling hand wanted to brush it off, yet all she could do was sit paralyzed as it crawled in her mother's blood.

A voice sliced through the night, once again coming to her rescue when nobody else dared. Ultimecia reached down, moving her hand across Julia's face. With one fluid motion, her face returned to normal. Now it just looked as if her mother were sleeping peacefully.

"Now, you remember what it feels like to have paralyzing fear. The images were always there, suppressed in the deepest parts of your mind. You did see your mother that night, not up close…only from afar. You watched your father leave. He walked away from you that evening, forgetting his daughter. You never got over that…you never could."

"He…he did leave…I remember they tried to find him…but someone had driven him back to the manor."

"If that is not abandonment of a child, then what is? You cried alone the night of your mother's death. He forgot you. She never did. This doesn't have to happen…. He left you for two years, to be watched by relatives you hardly knew. Your own flesh and blood dropped you off like a dog at a kennel. Don't try to fight it anymore…"

"Mommy…no…" She rasped out between frantic breaths; she wanted to cry out for anyone…anyone who would listen. Anyone who could give her comfort. "Squall…where are you? Please." It was all becoming too much; she wasn't sure if this was reality, or if the other was. Could one person possibly have the ability to mend all that fate broke?

At last, her tolerance started to waiver. Ultimecia knew she was getting close, as lines were becoming blurred. The last straw however, would be the one grain of hope she still held on to; the one that was also fighting for her soul…even if Rinoa never knew of the battle taking place.

"You can't count on him! He lives a wretched existence. His life is full of lies and deceit. His true self isn't the one you saw fighting next to you. He is the snake, and you are nothing but the mouse he is hunting…slowly, methodically. He wants you for power. Even you know those who are the most quiet, are the most dangerous. They never stop thinking, never stop planning… He doesn't want you as a person, only as a paycheck."

The whole thing appeared like a montage. Bits, pieces, and mere clips of images played in her mind. She was watching herself, watching him…it didn't matter his thoughts were all she could hear.

It was on a train, the second time they met. He pushed her away…

_"Get off me…you leach."_

_"Seifer's girlfriend? I'm sure his and about a thousand others." _

_"Immature, spoiled brat, why the hell would Almasy even want you?"_

_"These people are idiots, led by a superficial ditz."_

Next, the scene changed to an evening in Deling. The Sorceress' coronation Parade had begun. Rinoa was obediently standing behind Edea, lost in a trance. On the street Irvine and Squall, stood…

"Isn't that…" Irvine trailed.

_"It's Rinoa…do I have to keep a leash on her?"_

It was the same night, only minutes after they defeated the Iguions in the palace. Rinoa grabbed his arm as he started walking away.

_"I have to shut her up. Her whining is going to destroy this whole mission," _she heard him inwardly say. His vocal answer was one she had come to treasure over the last year, "Just stay close to me." Now the words seemed irrelevant, knowing the moments leading up to it.

It flipped to three figures sitting on the roof of the clock tower. A carousel filled with jesters and clown figures…

_"She doesn't want Seifer to die…she rather sacrifice me if given the chance."_

The final images were what led her to this moment, the armed conflict that escalated between the two Gardens. Black and white, good and bad, Squall and Seifer….

_"I'm going to kill Zell. I'll never forgive him for this…I liked that ring. I'll never get it back now."_

_"I don't have time to save her, someone else can do it."_

_"Why, why does have to be me? So you guys can continue to live in your fantasy world? There are other people here, not just some woman who I have run around saving like a child."_

_"God, just go back to Seifer. You two deserve each other."_

The next she saw was a montage of images, words, and thoughts that would finally break her. Her mother, her father, every time she mourned the loss of friend or relative…all rolled into one heart-wrenching minute. Moments of Squall's life strategically placed to undermine everything she ever believed about him. Moments of her life to undermine who she was, everything she believed about herself.

She tried to dismiss the images, believe them to be some kind of cruel hoax or hallucination. Yet, she knew they were true. She always had a way of getting on people's nerves, what made her believe Squall would be any different?

"You heard how he truly feels. I worry that you cannot handle more of the truth. Now is the time to turn mouse into mongoose, and kill the snake. Your mother loved you, she was the only one…close your eyes, don't try to fight the sensation... Just go to sleep, and when you wake up, everything will be just how it should have been. Your pain will end. You can change this path, and save the only person who ever loved you… just close your eyes and sleep."

Rinoa looked down to see her mother's face one last time. Every emotion was becoming too much to bear…if her mother hadn't left that night. Maybe Rinoa could do one thing in her life without screwing it up…maybe everything _could _change. The past to become the present and start anew. The pain and hurt she felt seemed to be engulfed with a newfound tranquility and peace. Ultimecia reached down and smoothed her hair with a motherly touch, reminding her once more what it was like to be loved.

Lowering her head onto Julia's chest, Rinoa felt what warmth her mother's body seemed to emit. The soul was already gone, but the morbid comfort of being near her once more, to see her again with the eyes of the present. Even if she was gone, it had been over twelve years and just to have the chance to be near her again was amazing.

"I love you mommy." The last words the broken child spoke before surrendering her soul, and what sanity remained, to Ultimecia.

* * *

It paralleled a scene written in a horror novel, when the character wakes up from the nightmare after repressing memories of the killer. Yet, this wasn't a nightmare…it had been her truth. The killer in this book was a demented soul twisting reality for sadistic pleasure. Rinoa's vision was blurred as her eyes struggled to find a common focus. Sweat drenched her body and her hands clenched the sheets as if clinging to sanity.

She would have screamed if she had contained the energy.

"Rinoa, I'm here. Look at me." His weight was almost entirely on her, as he had been trying to stop her from injuring herself. Slowly he moved to the side of the bed, knowing that she was once again aware of her surroundings. He reached for her fingers that were tightly gripping the sheets. She immediately withdrew her hand when they touched, acting as if the contact stung like poisonous venom. She looked different…apprehension, hatred and betrayal contained in her normally gentle eyes.

"Don't you…don't _you_ dare touch me!" she screamed, not caring who heard her.

"Rinoa…please calm down. Just relax and take a deep breath." Edea tried to step forward, but Cid placed a hand on her shoulder impeding her advance.

"This is your fault. You wanted her to take me…you wanted me go through this. You couldn't put anyone you cared about through this. You don't care about me…no one does."

There was almost no emotion showing on her face. It was as if her life force had been drained in twenty minutes. Everything was locked hidden deep inside; only the pain in her eyes betrayed the void of emotion.

Squall sat completely at a loss for words. He had no idea of how to approach her right now; she was beyond anything he had ever seen. It reminded him of a prisoner of war who had been interrogated for countless months. She had nothing left to give – her will for life had been stolen…again.

The sheet fell to the floor as she placed both feet over the side of the bed. She was a puppet with someone controlling her strings, each movement precise and meticulous. She was careful not to look at him, or the other two within the room.

Her demeanor sent a shiver down his spine. It brought him back to Lunar Base, and for a brief moment, he wondered if someone else was controlling her body. He wondered if some entity that defied the laws of time swallowed her being. He couldn't endure such pain again.

"Oh God," he whispered bitterly, his heart racing frantically in his chest. Whatever she had relived had been enough to make her lose her sanity. And if she was going to be like this, his wasn't that far behind. "Please Rinoa, look at me...say something."

To his surprise, she willingly obeyed his request. Her words were embittered, yet surprisingly lacking of intonation. "I'm nothing but an immature, spoiled brat that ruined your life. You're right, I would be much better off with Seifer."

"Rinoa, what are you talking about?"

"I heard everything…every thought you ever had… Maybe it is better you don't speak your mind, because I now understand how your mind works."

"God, Rinoa…please that was long time ago. You were different then, _we _were different then. You know that isn't how I feel now."

"Get away from me. People don't change, who am I kidding?"

He reached out to grab her. Maybe it was a trained reaction, or maybe it was his growing need to comfort her…whatever it was didn't work. Violently she grabbed his arm, twisting it away from her. Her eyes were swollen, as if she had been crying for hours. It had only been twenty-five minutes… The pain carried far greater than mere minutes, or even hours…it was years layered into one enormous peak that was exploding like a volcano.

She started intensely shaking, and if for the fact she hadn't been standing, he would have thought her to be experiencing a seizure. All she could do was look at him…beyond hurt. Opening her mouth, she was going to say something, but abruptly stopped just shaking her head.

Then she turned…and ran.

Just like the night at the dance, he stood immobile and confused. This magnified a thousand times over. Now he didn't stand as a cadet confused with her suddenly disappearing, but a man watching someone he cared deeply about running - running away from him.

"Let her be," warned Cid. "If you go after her, it will only cause more pain."

Edea couldn't stand the sight of seeing one her children in such turmoil, and tried to remain strong for all of them. On the inside, she was dying just as much as Squall was. She felt responsible and her guilt could never completely fade. She had to try; maybe someday these two would see the other side of their bond, one not mentioned in textbooks. The amazing sense of being that other couples could only dream of. For all its downsides, the upsides far outweighed them if given time.

This time she walked over to the errant knight, placing her hand on his shoulder. "Give her a few days. Right now, Rinoa is facing every trauma that she ever had to face, multiplied tenfold. To her it wasn't in the past, but as if everything just happened in the present. What you thought, what you said…it wasn't a year ago, it was today. Every death, every lie, every word spoken or thought bad about her…"

Squall turned his head to look at Edea, and when their eyes met he could see the sorrow reflected in them. She had gone through it too, it was always the women who suffered the most; their knights just had to make the right choices. Something that up until now, he had never been especially good at.

Maybe it wasn't in Edea that laid the answers, but in Cid. "Did this happen to you?" The commander demanded walking toward the headmaster, pointing his finger accusingly, "Did you watch your wife go through the same thing?"

"Yes, and I was told to give her a few days to comprehend everything she had just seen."

Maybe that was it…somewhere along the line Cid and Edea had taken a wrong turn, no matter how good their intentions were. Squall would not let that happen. "Like hell I'm making that mistake." His words caught the couple off guard or at the very least it was the abruptness in his reasoning. He never said another word, leaving their apartment never even taking the time to close the door.

"Well," Cid paused for a moment reaching his arms around his wife. "He did it."

"I know," she snaked her arm around his back, laying her head on his chest. "I couldn't have asked for as much."

"Do you think he knows it is a test between them?"

"No, but my guess is he doesn't care."

"He didn't wait. He didn't make the first mistake I made…and that is all that matters."

* * *

He never remembered running so fast in his life. It wasn't some kind of hurried walk or slow jog, it was a full-scale run, and neither heaven nor hell could make him stop. The halls were almost barren, but he didn't expect them to be occupied at such a late hour. He could've been breaking a thousand Garden rules…he didn't care.

Finally, he reached her room, and began knocking on her door. At first, he wasn't sure where she might have gone, there were almost endless possibilities. If he knew one thing about her, she'd feel the need to go where she found the most comfort. Where it contained the least amount of memories of him, a neutral zone in her mind.

When there was still no answer, he reached in his jacket pocket for his master key. If ever there was an appropriate time to abuse his authority, he figured this to be it. Sliding the master cardkey in the reader, the door clicked allowing him to enter.

"Rinoa?"

He spoke softly, as if not to frighten her. The only illumination was that of moonlight peering through the closed blinds. Soft muffled cries filled the room, and he could tell she was lying curled up on the bed. Shutting the door behind him, he called her name a second time. It went as unanswered as his first attempt. Suddenly he felt that being there was a horrible invasion of her privacy, but that didn't stop him. She was hurting, and he would be damned if she had to suffer alone. Even if his stupidity was one of the causes.

Sitting down on the bed, he moved his arm slowly toward her. He flinched when she reacted almost at the speed of light. Even in the dark, she grabbed his wrist with precise accuracy stopping his advance.

"Don't you dare touch me."

His heart sank at the pure spitefulness rooted in her words. In one fluid motion, she pushed him away and rolled so her back was toward him.

He gathered a breath before continuing, "Can we talk about this?"

"Oh, now you want to talk – classic."

"Don't…Rinoa we have to talk this out."

"I think you've said quiet enough about me in your lifetime…and I've seen your idea of 'talking' thank you."

He wanted to scream. If it wouldn't have alerted the entire employee wing, he would have given in to the urge.

"Listen, I don't know what you heard or saw, and I can't deny some things that I probably did. If you want me to say what you heard was all lies…I can't give you that satisfaction. But, it's what you didn't know that made all the difference. What you didn't hear was the hundreds of good thoughts mixed with the few negative ones. Or the way I would look at you every time we got into a battle…just to make sure you were all right. I wasn't ready for what I was feeling, and the easiest things to think, as they so often are, are the negative ones. It was easier to think of you as… Rinoa, I'm so sorry"

She didn't react after he was done speaking, which he took as a good sign. At least it was better than hitting him over the head with her laptop; he was half expecting the latter. Looking down, he noticed how his hands were trembling. He had faced some of the greatest battles known to man, and yet he had never been so scared in his life. At least up until this point. He thought if he said one wrong word it would all end, and that thought scared him even more. Calming himself, he took a deep breath before continuing.

"Rinoa, why did Ultimecia think it was so important to focus on what I was thinking? Honestly…I think she knew. She could sense a connection, there had to be a reason she focused on just me. Think about it…we hadn't known each other that long. It wasn't as if you were hearing things from Zell or Irvine, was it? She drew on whatever feelings we had and used that against you."

So many things…she had seen far too many images. And as angry as she was, she somehow couldn't stay 'really mad' at him. Okay, she could still stay just 'mad' at him. But here he was breaking rules just to be with her, this was not the same person she had seen the in dreams. Maybe back then she could have believed it…all right she _did_ believe it.

"Was I… was I that bad?"

"No, you were _you_… and I wouldn't have it any other way."

He moved to the top of the bed, leaning his back against the headboard. Knowing it was a gamble, he reached over to her, placing his hand on her shoulder. She shivered, although it wasn't cold in there. The most important thing was she didn't push him away.

The bed shifted as she rolled to face him. The fresh tears reflected the moonlight as it drifted through the window. She wanted to look him in the eyes. She had so many questions she wanted to ask about what she heard - what she saw. Yet, right now, she didn't want to speak to anyone, even him. The look in his eyes told the story, at least what she needed to know right now. There would be time later, right now she just needed solace.

Reaching out, he cradled her closer to his body, she complied, and laid her head on his chest. His arms encircled her and she felt better, but still upset.

"I'm still mad at you." She rasped out as she moved her arm around his waist, returning the embrace.

"I know," he answered honestly holding her tighter. "I know."

* * *

* * *

** _Chapter Nine: A Time to Break Down_ **

_April 28th_

Why was it always hard to be strong? Why couldn't it become second nature with practice and discipline? Instead, it was something she worked harder at each day, feeling as if she were swimming against the current. Rinoa rolled over, looking at the neon numbers on the alarm clock. She hated this, she hated it with every bone in her body. But she had to be strong in her life, as she had faced far worse than _this._

Maybe it was so hard because part of her was starting to feel an inner dependency on him being there. She sighed, hating the feeling of being dependant on anyone, especially him. He would like knowing that less than she liked admitting it. She tried to convince herself it was something else, and maybe it was, maybe she just didn't have the ability to distinguish between those feelings right now.

Maybe this is why it _had_ to happen.

Over the last months she had lost herself among the students at Garden. She had become one of them, without being 'one' of them. With him gone, maybe she could find that piece that had been missing, then again, maybe him missing would be the piece.

The last five days had been hard, the hardest test between them yet. It wasn't in what she said, rather what she had avoided saying. She still hadn't talked about her experience that night at Cid and Edea's. To be honest, she had distanced herself slightly from her friends…and him in the course of those few days that followed.

That first night Squall stayed for hours, just holding her, neither speaking a single word. Somewhere in the early morning he had left. She knew that if he had stayed any longer, the gossip would have been reached the Quad before morning homeroom. As it stood anyhow, it had been spread around Garden by lunch. Let them think what they wanted…they both knew the truth. She heard the whispers and giggles, and ignored them as much as possible. They could never understand what really had transpired, and that was all right with her. It wasn't their business anyhow.

Granted, had she been a student at Garden, and a complete outsider to the situation, she would have drawn the same conclusions as them. That was one of many things that she had learned during the last year, not to take every situation at face value. It was rarely accurate and in the end only led to bigger problems. Then again, isn't that exactly what she had done, surrendering herself to Ultimecia?

Squall too seemed to allow her extra space, which was the definition of irony in and of itself. She could tell sometimes he wanted to ask something, but then would back away. His eyes carried more emotion than he could ever be aware, and she knew one particular thing he was afraid of. Yet it didn't matter; she was still there and with him, so that should be all the answers he needed for now. The rest would come in time.

Time. Crap. She looked at her alarm clock again, this time placing a pillow over her head in frustration. She actually contemplated screaming into it, trying to relieve some of the tension. However, she figured the action would only draw more attention. She had plenty of that from the students already.

Ever since Rinoa returned to Balamb, she had known this day was inevitable. At first it didn't seem like such a big deal, but as the time grew closer she dreaded his departure even more. Again she tried to think that the separation meant nothing… They could do eight weeks apart with their eyes closed…right? Heck, they had done it for seventeen years, what were a few more weeks?

Three hours – it was three hours before his departure for Trabia. Part of her wanted to run to his room and beg him to stay, but she knew that was the selfish part of her speaking. She would never act on those desires. That didn't mean she still didn't think about doing it.

This was going nowhere. Exhaling in frustration, the restless young woman sat up in bed. She tossed the comforter aside, as she rubbed her eyes attempting to focus on the surroundings. She heard a loud 'grunt' from the foot of the bed, looking over she saw Angelo shaking the heavy blanket off her head. The canine gave her master an annoyed look, before resting her head down on her front paws

"Sorry girl, didn't see you down there."

Placing her feet on the cold tiles, Rinoa mumbled aloud for never buying herself a throw rug. It was an everyday ritual to curse when her bare feet met the ceramic floor, and every day she swore _next time_ she was in Balamb she would buy a rug. Somehow the purchase always eluded her, or something else more pressing came along. That's it. She made the mental note that in the upcoming week she would go buy a stupid rug.

As she stood, her body felt like she had slept curled up in a cardboard box. The effects of tossing and turning were manifesting themselves, as each muscle felt like she had just participated in the world's longest marathon. She made the mistake of glancing in the mirror, and could have sworn that staring back was Medusa's twin sister. Her hair had taken on a life of its own, and the dark circles under her eyes were more pronounced than a Geezard's nose. This was going to be a _long_ eight weeks.

Finally finding inner strength, or maybe it was the overwhelming need for a strong cup of coffee, she dragged herself into the bathroom. The warm water in the shower seemed to run out within the first two minutes, leaving something one could barely deem lukewarm for the remainder. Typical. After a few shots of caffeine, the young woman felt a little more part of the living world. She applied more makeup base than usual, trying to counter the effects caused by sleep deprivation. The last thing she needed was Squall to figure out that she hadn't slept well over the last few nights. She had to be strong, or at least act the part.

The cerulean horizon caught her eye as she took another sip of coffee. It was _supposed_ to be overcast and rainy, that's how these things always went in the movies. When a main character leaves or is disheartened, the weather mysteriously parallels the actor's mood. But no, today only whispers of cirrus clouds were scattered in the brilliant sky. In her opinion, the conditions outside should have been nothing short of a monsoon.

The stillness of the air was broken when the sound of a knock echoed throughout the room. Rinoa nearly dropped her mug as the sound startled her, causing her to involuntarily jump. She cringed in pain as the mug's contents splashed over the rim, her body tensed. In anger, she slammed the cup down too quickly breaking off the ceramic handle. With all her might, she tried not to scream as her aggravation was reaching a boiling point. Not to mention the throbbing fingers that she cradled in her left hand. The bright side to this morning was that only two fingers were suffering from first-degree burns. Well, at least now she had something else to focus on rather than Squall leaving… regrettably, it was the pain of scolded fingers.

Finally reaching the door, the stinging of her fingers quickly subsided as she looked into azure eyes.

"Squall?" She wasn't sure why it sounded like a question, as it was obviously him, but lack of sleep was getting the better of her. Leaning against the doorframe, she smiled while hiding the inflamed fingers behind her back. Now she only hoped she could mask how tired her body was, not to mention the thoughts clouding her mind.

"Hey."

"Hey," she softly answered back…her conversational skills were speaking volumes right now. There seemed to be an awkward pause before she finally continued, "So…um packed?"

"Yeah, don't have too much."

"Guess not…"

Her words trailed, followed by another bout of silence. This time the commander was the one to break the long pause.

"Breakfast?"

"Huh?"

She mentally slapped herself on the head after that witty comeback. _"You know Rinoa…breakfast is a noun meaning the first meal of the day. Crap say something before he defines it for…"_

"Breakfast…it's food…food you eat in the morning. Did you want to go get some?" He was trying to act serious, although his tone echoed his playful sarcasm.

"Yes!" She quickly answered, almost cutting off his last words. Now she went from sounding like an imbecile to sounding completely desperate. "I'll need a few minutes."

"Want me to wait here or meet you in the cafeteria?"

"No, stay!" Great, now she sounded like an imbecile, desperate, and giving him commands as she would Angelo. "I mean, please stay here. I'll just need a minute to clean up this mess."

"I didn't get much sleep last night."

"Me either." Great, the idea of trying to hide that fact just flew out the window. She continued moving toward the shattered ceramic pieces. Maybe he would just ignore her last words or _all the words_ since she had opened the door.

"Rinoa?"

"Yes?"

"Are we…" He paused, unsure how to convey his thoughts clearly, or fearful of the answer she may give. "Are we all right?"

"What?" Quickly turning her head toward him, Rinoa stopped cleaning up the mug remains.

"I mean… God, I don't know." He ran his hand through his hair with his eyes downcast to the floor. He really _didn't_ know how to say it, but he needed to know something before he left. It was slowly eating away at his thoughts, and what little sleep he had was riddled with guilt.

He really didn't have to say anything, of course she understood what he had meant. In all honesty, she was surprised that he was the one to bring it up. Some part of him seemed…well almost scared. They would be 'all right,' this was just something_ she_ had to get past. Re-examining every aspect of her life to this point, she somehow felt…well very 'childish' at times for lack of a better term. How one could feel old beyond their years and childlike at the same time was a paradox to her.

"Rinoa, I can go speak with the headmaster. I'll get out of leaving if you would prefer."

Maybe just hearing him speak those words was all she needed right now. She would never ask him to 'get out of leaving,' but him offering only reaffirmed her importance within his life. Part of her was glad, knowing that her wishes would take precedence over his job. But this certainly wasn't one of the times she would ask, if she _ever_ would. If it came down to that, he would never have to ask, in his heart he would already know the answer.

"Squall, of course you go… I'll miss you, but I'll be just fine." Smiling at him she stood, and placed her arms securely around his back. For the first time ever, she was the one to initiate close physical contact. As before, it was always him taking the lead on anything remotely intimate. Maybe this was a good thing, her feeling comfortable enough, not fearing that he would pull away.

Their lips touched softly a few times, before meeting with more certainty. Momentarily he hesitated, not at the feeling, but just at how much he was growing to like this once foreign sensation. Moving his hands, he ran his fingers through her hair reaching for the base of her neck. It just felt as if he couldn't get her close enough to him as he pressed closer to her body. Before he knew she was against the wall, using it for whatever support it offered.

It was then that the realization hit him of how, for a few minutes, he could do nothing as he was utterly lost, as if intoxicated by her. It scared him. He had always been very much in control, and now he felt that he was losing that ability, at least in one aspect of his life. He was the one to break the moment, withdrawing himself back only slightly. Her eyes contained a combination of sadness and concern.

"Squall?" her tone was gentle, and she was wondering if she had made a mistake.

He remained silent, still searching her eyes, before admitting, "I'll miss you too."

Her smile returned as her young knight ran his hand through her hair, memorizing the texture, the silky touch that danced on his fingertips.

"Do you want to talk?"

"No," she answered softly, "Not yet. Please don't think it's because of you, honestly it is because of me."

"It doesn't matter who it is, it hurts just the same." He stopped wondering if he should elaborate on that, but she didn't need to hear what she already knew. "Please call me anytime, day or night."

Biting her lower lip she nodded in understanding, never speaking another word on the subject.

Finally he moved his hand from her hair, placing a large amount securely behind her ear. "Now Rinoa, do you want to go get some breakfast?"

"Yes I do," her voice was barely above a whisper.

She started to walk away, but noticed that he had remained planted in the same spot. The hand that hadn't been smoothing hair was holding hers, fingers still seizing the few precious moments they had to share. Just as she was about to open her mouth to ask what was wrong, he gently moved her body back toward his. Leaning in, he gave her a gentle kiss on her lips. It wasn't as passionate as the first, but the sensation was breathtaking nonetheless; the pain of her burns had been all but forgotten in such perfect moments.

* * *

Leaning his head back on the cushion, he watched as the waves crashed on the port side of the boat. The way the white tips foamed, leaving small eddies in their wakes. He couldn't help but remember the smell of the salt air on their first date in Balamb. The way it filled his senses along with everything that was her - her strawberry shampoo, her Gardenia lotion, and the slightest hint of vanilla in her perfume.

He sighed in aggravation; he couldn't believe what he was becoming. At one point, he thought all the male SeeDs whose girlfriends sent them off in tearful goodbyes seemed feeble in their duties. In what twisted and demented world would two people in that kind of life find happiness among the bloodshed? It was a weakness, an adolescent fascination that took them away from what they were really there for, their purpose in life, their purpose as SeeD.

Now it all had changed, even something as elementary as 'his purpose in life.' SeeD was no longer his most valued duty, strange how things can change in just over a year. At least he didn't have to make those around suffer through a tearful goodbye; instead theirs was done in private, in beautiful silence. He could think of nothing more fitting, and less agonizing, to everyone himself included.

He closed his eyes as he remembered the feel of her smooth skin, and the way he wiped tears away that she tried desperately not to shed. Yes, normally he would consider crying a fault, but earlier in that moment, he was trying to stop his own from forming within the corners of his eyes. She had smiled up to him, simply nodding. In return, all he could do was nod back to her. If he could have forced himself to smile…then he would have. But it didn't feel natural, so all he did was just stare. He memorized every beautiful feature, and every flaw, but what he saw between the beauty and the flaws was only perfection.

The rocking of the boat had reminded him of the comfort he felt as he gathered her into his arms; how he had held her tight with only minutes until he left. He opened his eyes abruptly, as he tried to convince himself this was only for two months - _eight short weeks_. This was not like when he had said goodbye to her at the Sorceress Memorial. That felt like forever, and he never wanted to feel that way again.

He watched a few seagulls play what resembled a game of aerial tag, before thinking back to his last seconds with her today. After they parted from their embrace, their lips met once more, and then he left her room. He didn't look back. He wanted to, but he never did. How could he? The first time he had looked back, they were already at the docks of Balamb Harbor, and Garden was nothing more than a speck in the distance.

Now here he sat eight hours later, feeling the union of each wave with the forward motion of the vessel. He tried to find the beauty in the sunset at dusk, but as they neared Trabia they were met with overcast skies and a light sprinkling of snow. Glancing down at his watch, he hoped the hours would pass by quickly, once he could get somewhere and do something – well, it would be better than sitting alone doing nothing.

"Yo Squall."

Could he rescind that last statement? _Nothing alone_ was looking better by the moment.

"Yes." He never looked as the man took the seat next to him; the commander just hoped that maybe the martial artist would take his enthusiasm somewhere else…like overboard. Squall caught his own mistake, even as he thought the words, he didn't truthfully mean them. It was thoughts such as those, which had got him into trouble in the first place. Zell only was there to try to be his friend, and no matter how much Squall had ignored him, his comrade never lost hope, or took the actions to heart. Kind of like Rinoa did…Squall inwardly chuckled to himself, wondering how the two would like to be compared.

The commander sighed, deciding to try to be a little less…well _Squall. _His tone softened as he turned toward his companion, "Yes Zell?"

"Hey, the captain said we should reach the Trabian docks in less than an hour. I'm kind of nervous about going… I mean we were there last time, right after everything… But this time...the reality will have set in. I talked to Selphie and she said…" The martial artist paused realizing that Squall hadn't cut him off like he normally would have done. In fact, the commander honestly seemed to be listening. "Um…yeah anyway Trabia, Selphie mentioned…" This was starting to confuse him. He just had to ask, "Squall, are you _listening_ to me?"

"Yes, I am."

"Yeah, I noticed... Is something wrong?" Zell wished he had thought that one out a little more as he suddenly felt slightly awkward. "I didn't mean that like it came out. I'm just surprised that's all. Um...never mind, I really just came by to give you something. Selphie gave them to me this morning when she couldn't find you. She thought you might like them."

The martial artist produced an envelope from inside his jacket pocket. A moment of confusion passed the commander's normally unyielding expression. He accepted the envelope, wondering what Selphie could possibly have for him. Opening the packet, he found several glossy photographs.

It was remarkable; he had never had any pictures of her. It wasn't as if he didn't want any, he had just never thought of asking her, or taking the initiative to take one himself. It would just feel…out of place. There were several shots taken during Zell's birthday party of the entire group, some of her, and a few of just the two of them. Those stood out the most in his eyes. He had never actually _seen_ themselves together; it was a rather overwhelming feeling…yet one that he seemed to be strangely comfortable with.

The last photo was Rinoa sitting on his lap, her head resting against his shoulder. He didn't even remembered Selphie taking the picture. That night he felt trapped almost between two selves - part of him worried about how their actions were being perceived by those around, while the other part wanted to stay that way forever. He hadn't realized how long he had been staring at the photograph, until a voice beside him commented on it.

"Yeah, I like that one best too."

The blond man wondered if he shouldn't have remarked on the photo, but he really did like the picture. Sometimes he found himself trying too much to watch what he said around the commander. Zell was a person who spoke from his heart, and it was hard to change that at times. So instead of getting up and just walking away, as he would have only a short time ago, he added one final thing. "Squall, if you ever need anyone to talk to, I know I'm not her or anything…but I am here if you need someone."

"Thank you," replied Squall, and he truly meant it.

* * *

She tossed and turned, was it even possible to be so tired yet still be awake? At what point would she just pass out from exhaustion? If she hadn't felt so fatigued she would have hurled the alarm clock across the room, but the point was moot as she would just have to buy another clock… Well then maybe she would remember to get a throw rug at the store.

The moonlight poured in through the open drapes, illuminating the entire room with a bluish glow. She tossed on her back once more, looking straight up. The ceiling seemed to have thousands of dots imprinted on each tile. If she stared long enough, the image would become three-dimensional, almost looking as if they were celestial bodies dotting the horizon of space. Great, now she was halfway hallucinating she was in space, which could never be a good sign.

From her nightstand, the phone chimed interrupting her journey into her three-dimensional ceiling universe. Leaning over Rinoa placed her long hair behind her shoulders, before reaching for the receiver. Part of her started imagining the worst, given the hour of the call, which reflected in her voice.

"Hello?"

_"Hi."_

"Squall, is everything all right?"

_"Yeah, I'm sorry I shouldn't have called."_

"No, no, no… please." She took a deep breath, calming herself down. "I'm glad you did. I was just laying here, couldn't sleep." She decided to forgo the details of her psychedelic examination of the ceiling tile.

_"Me either."_

"Really?"

_"Is it that surprising?"_

"Kind of…" Her words trailed off as she reached past her alarm clock, grabbing an object placed carefully on the other side. Early tonight she memorized every detail, until the guilt had made her set it down. Now she again stared at the picture of them together; ones which Selphie had given her copies of this afternoon. With a single finger she traced his jawbone on the photograph, smiling at how happy they both seemed that night. Even if he would refuse to ever admit 'happy' was in his vocabulary.

Rinoa could hear him breathing on the other end, each just sat in silence for the moment. She wondered if he could also hear her breathe; he had to…as it was seemingly increasing louder with every passing second. She had to break the silence before her emotions became too much to bear.

"How…How is everything up there?"

_"It's a mess. I-I just don't know how they do it."_

"They do it because they have to."

_"Everyone just seems so upbeat, even under the circumstances."_

"It's a form of closure… to move on from the past." She paused, her own words mirroring those she wanted to say, somehow she hadn't found the right time. But here, in the stillness, it was easier to face some of her demons. Maybe he was thousands of kilometers away, but somehow it felt that he was right next to her. She looked into his eyes, the ones embossed on paper. "Squall?"

_"Yes?"_

Before she could stop herself, the words just seemed to flow from her heart. "That night I-I saw my mother…and I watched her die - again."

She paused, shocked by her admission. Maybe she needed to say it out loud, so they both could move forward together. She once again looked towards the photo, finding a certain peace on his features.

"I watched her last breaths, and I saw her blood stop flowing with my own eyes. Caraway just walked away, _again_, leaving me with strangers. He…just left me…I was only five. Then I heard you, and things you thought about me… How I always got in your way, how I was annoying. But you know what I realize now? You were right. Maybe the hardest thing for me to face is not how you acted, but how _I _acted and–"

He knew the direction she was taking. She was going to place the blame upon herself, he refused to sit idly by and allow her to twist his thoughts. He cut her off, not with anger, but speaking forcefully all the same.

_"Rinoa, you may have been annoying, you may have acted childish at times…but don't ever stop being you. Right now, I would give anything to be annoyed by you. Your integrity is a rarity in this word today - the childish times, the mature times, the times when it's just us... It is how the qualities balance out that I was drawn to, it is everything that is you, Rinoa Heartilly."_

He paused trying to take in the words he had just spoken. Part of him wasn't sure what he had just said, given the time of night and the emotions clouding his thinking. But he did know one thing - everything he just said was fact. Unlike the half-truths that Ultimecia had allowed her to witness. He only wished she had heard the others that crossed his mind back in those days...then quickly realized that 'those' thoughts could be just as embarrassing.

_"Rinoa, if you tell me what you heard, or saw, I'll explain…please. Trust me, it isn't like what you are thinking. Nothing-"_

This time it was her turn to interrupt him, "Squall, I know. That's the thing - _I know_. I think the problem was in believing in myself. But I do now, and I believe in us. Squall Leonhart, no matter what I witnessed, I trust you with all my heart."

_"Thank you." _His words caught in his throat, and Rinoa had never heard his voice so unsure.

"Squall I…" she started and quickly stopped.

Why? Why in the hell couldn't she just say, _"I love you?"_ Three little words she knew were true, but still couldn't admit to him. Was it because they were on the phone, because she couldn't _really_ look him in the eyes? Was it she had never told anyone else before, with the exception of blood relations? Maybe she had said it to her friends in jest, or casually in passing. She hadn't told another human being in over thirteen years that she loved them, and never this type of love. The one she felt for him today, for tomorrow, forever.

So instead all that she could muster was, "Squall, I really, really miss you." Yes, maybe adding the second 'really' in there would prove her point. She inwardly cursed at herself yet again, it seemed the closer they grew, the more tongue-tied she became.

To her surprise, he didn't laugh, or make any undue comment. _"Rinoa, I miss you too." _His voice was so tender, yet reassuring, never faltering over the reply.

"Goodbye," she softly added.

_"No, never goodbye._ _ Goodnight for now, I'll talk to you soon."_

"Goodnight."

It was her voice this time that cracked under the emotion. She hung up the phone and placed the photo next to her alarm clock. She smiled looking at his image as she rested her head against the pillow. "I love you Squall," she added for only the photograph and her canine companion to hear. But it didn't matter, she had said it, and she knew it was true. More importantly, she knew that he loved her, even if it would be a while before he could say those exact words.

She closed her eyes, and for the first time in five nights, she slept peacefully.


	4. A Time to Heal, A Time to Embrace, and A Time to Embrace: Afternoon/Evening

** _Chapter Ten: A Time to Heal _ **

_ May 14th  _

The metallic prongs emitted a high-pitched screech as they collided with the surface. She sighed, pushing the contents of the plate from one side to the other with her fork. Why on earth had she decided to order a salad? She needed some type of 'comfort food,' and the foreboding look of the lettuce did little to lift her spirits. Her actions on autopilot, Rinoa managed to place the circular ring of a black olive around one of the fork's prongs. She watched in a hypnotic trance as the vegetable slid its way down the base of the metal instrument.

Squall hated black olives.

Okay, it wasn't the greatest revelation in the world, but somehow every thought right now seemed to drift back to him. Yes, even the simplicity of the spherical vegetable flooded her mind with memories, most of which consisted of witnessing the painstaking lengths the man would go through to hide his dislike of vegetables.

Rinoa bet none of his friends even knew the extents he would undertake, just to avoid eating certain ingredients. It was all sleight-of-hand, and years of training that kept his 'secret' safe from most of the population. She giggled softly as a hint of a smile couldn't help but escape her lips.

She had caught him only recently hiding baby carrots in a foil baked potato wrapper. After that, she noticed him passing unwanted vegetables to Angelo… Sadly, unbeknownst to the commander, the canine also shared his dislike for peas, placing them in Rinoa's tennis shoe for safekeeping.

"Earth to Rinoa." The young sorceress jumped slightly as a hand quickly waved in front of her face.

"Sorry Selphie, I'm listening."

"Really?"

"Yeah, just drifted off for a second…go ahead…you were talking about the graduation preparations, right?"

"Yes…five minutes ago. Rin, really it's no problem. We can go home if you don't feel like being out on the town tonight." Selphie offered her friend a sympathetic look.

"No, I really don't want to go back. I just need to get away from Garden for awhile…sorry if I'm not the best company."

"You're always good company, even if your thoughts keep wandering up to Trabia…or should I say someone_ particular_ in Trabia."

"How'd you guess?"

"Trust me Rinoa, you're not the best person at hiding your emotions."

She exhaled, stabbing a rouge radish with her fork. "No, never have been good at that. Then when I want to say something important, it usually comes out sounding immature or foolish."

"It's not foolish if it comes from your heart."

"Thank you, Selphie."

After shifting the contents of her plate again, Rinoa finally gave up, laying the fork down in surrender. Placing a hand on her forehead, she looked at her dinner companion trying to figure out the most subtle way of asking _this_. It had bothered her for some time, since that evening at Cid and Matron's. Squall had more than once hinted about everything she had witnessed, wanting to know what events Ultimecia had allowed her to observe. Yet somehow, even the morning before he had left, she hadn't found the courage to confront him about it.

"Selphie," Rinoa found herself almost holding her breath, as the question escaped her lips. "Do you know if Squall ever had a girlfriend?"

"Girlfriend? Squall?" The brunette couldn't hide the disbelief in her voice. "Our_ Squall_?" Selphie paused a moment, realizing that her friend was serious, not that she would joke about such a matter. Obviously, this was something bothering the young sorceress. Selphie wished that she could have given a straight answer. "I sincerely doubt it Rinoa. I mean…I'm not really the right person to ask. I'd just transferred here a short time before you two met, and I wasn't in on the latest. But I've never heard any gossip about anyone other than you…is there a reason you are asking?"

"It's a long story." Rinoa closed her eyes, almost embarrassed that she had actually asked the question. "Really, it doesn't matter if he did. I just wondered why he'd never mentioned it, or why he acted like I was the first person he'd ever kissed."

"Maybe you are, and you're just letting your mind wander. This is _Squall_ after all."

She wished. Unfortunately, it was one of those images etched in her mind by Ultimecia. Even Matron had agreed that the sorceress from the future didn't have the ability to alter the events of reality, just alter the way in which they were perceived. Honestly, Rinoa didn't care if the images were factual; she just wondered why he hadn't mentioned it to her before. Maybe the memories were too painful, or maybe he just wanted to forget, she didn't care either way. It was the silence that was bothering her.

"You're probably right Selphie." She agreed, wishing just to drop the issue completely. Taking a sip of her iced tea, something Selphie just said dawned on her. Rinoa's tone turned curious as she half-jokingly asked, "You mentioned, 'gossip that didn't involve me?' So you're saying that you've heard something about me…and Squall?"

"Um… can I say no?"

"You can, but I'll make you tell me either way. I have my ways you know."

"I'm scared." Selphie rolled her eyes at her friend's threats.

Rinoa grinned slyly saying four words, "Chocobo feathers and Irvine."

"Oh God! How do you know?"

"Well, you know I'm not the only one who hears gossip… Plus he came to me when he couldn't find Dr. Kadowaki asking if I knew how to get rid of a skin rash. Apparently he is severely allergic to feathers."

* * *

The static on the radio grew more intense, completely overshadowing the music in the background. The martial artist got up from the floor, mumbling about being trapped in a virtual radio 'dead zone.' The only channel they seemed to receive clearly was constantly repeating the skiing conditions in Trabia, which were relatively good thanks to a layer of fresh snow.

"Hey Squall, want to learn how to ski?"

"No." The response was short and to the point.

"Why not? This is the perfect opportunity to learn. It's not like the temperature in Balamb ever falls below freezing, and this way we can impress the girls someday with our awesome abilities."

The commander lifted his head from the blueprints placed before him. He raised an eyebrow repeating, "Awesome abilities?"

"Yeah, well you know, beside those things that just come natural to us. I mean it's like when I first learned the hover board, it took time to master. Now I can impress just about anyone with my mad skills. Think about it, we can all rent a cabin nestled deep in the mountains. During the day we will own the slopes, and at night we drink hot chocolate in front of a roaring fireplace."

Even the commander had to admit the idea of being cuddled up with Rinoa, in front of a fire, was intriguing…but the thought of having the rest of the gang tag along somehow distorted this peaceful image. Somehow the notion of Irvine and Zell playing indoor snowball tag seemed more realistic than the term 'peaceful' was. If it was going to be anyone in a cabin, it was going to be him, Rinoa, and the fireplace.

"Still no, Zell…and did you just say _mad skills_?"

"Geesh Squall…you've been up here for two weeks and you've lost all sense of adventure. I hate to think what you're going to be like after two months without Rinoa."

The knight ran a hand through his hair, wincing inwardly as he heard her name spoken aloud. It wasn't like it should bother him. Just somehow he wasn't ready to admit that he missed her as much as he did. And God did he miss her. But that wasn't the point. This was duty, and not a vacation to learn how to ski. They were rebuilding something that should have never fallen, and his selfish thoughts would accomplish nothing

The residents of Trabia Garden needed the break, so the administration went out of the way to have organized activities. Each student had to live with the guilt and memories for the rest of their lives. Having a few short hours that could distract them was sometimes their only salvation from reality.

Again the young man's mind wandered the what-could-have-been aspect – if only he had escaped the D-District Prison sooner. There were a thousand paths that he could have taken…

Squall mentally stopped himself, before he retreated into that dark world that still resided within his mind. It wasn't going to help anyone, and neither would him learning how to ski. The only thing within his power was putting all his efforts into the rebuilding project, leaving his personal life _personal_ for the duration of his stay.

"Zell, I don't know what I'm going to be like after two months. I only hope after that time, Trabia will be a little closer to completion, and I will have been a part of it."

The martial artist didn't reply to Squall's statement. Zell could tell that he was somehow reliving an old struggle that waged within himself. Part of the commander wanted to communicate his feelings, and part wanted to hide behind old barriers.

In the end, Zell believed his friend just didn't know how to handle the emotions stirring in his heart. He silently wished Rinoa was here, if nothing else to keep Squall from completely retreating into that inner world of his. Yet he knew the commander was trying, and that was the difference separating him from his former self.

* * *

Digging through her purse, she tried desperately to find her dorm key. Cursing under her breath, Rinoa finally dropped the shopping bag, letting it fall to the floor in utter frustration. Stumbling through the contents of her wallet, she finally located the keycard, and slid it with irritation through the reader. Her first attempt only led to a red blinking light, signifying she had inserted it wrong. She felt that technology was somehow mocking her at this moment. She repeated the motion a second time, slower so the machine would clearly register it this time. Hearing the locking mechanism release, she pushed the handle inward, still mentally cursing its existence under her breath. Reaching back for her shopping bag, she was caught off guard when a female cadet stood directly in front.

Placing a hand to her chest, she felt her heartbeat throbbing throughout her body. It seemed as if everything was getting to her, and her stress level reproduced like wild Mogs since he had left sixteen days ago. She smiled, trying to gain some semblance of sanity…which right now was ebbing with every passing minute.

"Can I help you?" Her words were as polite as possible, given her level of frustration.

The young student reached down, grabbing the shopping bag still lying on the floor. She smiled politely at Rinoa, tilting her head slightly to the side.

"I was just wondering if you knew exactly when Squall was coming back?"

"Squall?" Okay, it wasn't supposed to sound like a question. It was obvious 'who' the girl had just asked for, and that he, as commander, would be needed among the masses. But why did the 'masses' appear to be mainly female? Why couldn't this girl find someone else to ask? And did she _really_ have to call him by his first name?

"Yes, you know _the_ _commander."_

Okay, Rinoa couldn't tell if that was stupidity or sarcasm, but there was definitely something radiating from the girl's tone. _"That's 'Commander Leonhart' to you…you little…."_ Her inner voice snapped back. Although on the outside, she tried to remain professional.

"I'm sorry I didn't get your name?"

"Um, that's because you didn't ask."

Rinoa gritted her teeth. The gods were having a good laugh, weren't they?

"And your name is…"

"Weiila, I'm a student at Garden."

_"Great, she has a keen knack for the obvious." _Taking a deep breath, and faking a smile, Rinoa finally answered, "Well, the commander is going to be on assignment for another five weeks. I'm sure if it's an emergency, one of the other more than capable Garden staff could assist you." Wonderful…now she sounded like a SeeD recruiting brochure.

"No," answered the cadet finally, surrendering the shopping bag to Rinoa. "That's okay… it's personal. Do you know if he is checking his e-mail regularly?"

"I would assume so." She managed to get out between breaths. _"Personal my-"_ Rinoa cut off her comment, inwardly slapping herself. This girl had done nothing wrong, well besides calling him 'Squall' and say it was 'personal,' but that was to be expected given the nature of his rank. She had never been the jealous type. All right, maybe that was because she had never been in love…until now. And what exactly did she have to be jealous of at this moment? Some gorgeous young girl, in a short skirt - make that _a very_ short skirt, and way too many vowels in her name, asking about her boyfriend. This kind of thing happened to him on a daily basis.

_"Daily basis?" _All right, that mild breakthrough didn't help the uneasiness already surrounding the moment. She really needed to talk with someone…someone to tell her she was just overreacting. This is just what Ultimecia had wanted, and she was starting to feel the same reservations all over again. Maybe if she could just confide in someone, someone that wasn't Squall. Had she been stronger, she would have just confronted him about everything weeks ago. Maybe if he was here…now. But he was thousands of kilometers away, and the phone somehow didn't seem as personal as looking into his eyes.

"I'm sorry," rushed Rinoa, tossing the plastic bag into her dorm. "I just remembered something I have to do."

* * *

She hurried through the hallways, taking an elevator to the senior staff level. That was where most of the instructors were housed, unlike her section, which was comprised mainly of hourly non-SeeDs. She wasn't sure what was leading her up here, but part of her always knew _this_ was inevitable. Although maybe today wasn't the best day, it was all she had right now. Maybe, no matter how many times she told Squall she'd accepted the images of the past, part of her inner being still harbored doubts. With his absence, she started to question everything. Not their relationship per se, but the role she played in it.

Knocking softly on the door, part of her hoped that the instructor wouldn't answer. It wasn't as if she was going to pour out every detail of her and Squall's relationship, but there were some things she needed reassurance on. Maybe the only person she could talk with…was the person who had studied his behavior the longest. Against her earlier inner protests, the door opened. The instructor smiled, pushing long strands of hair over her shoulder.

"Hey Rin, surprised to see you."

"Quistis, do you have a minute?"

"Sure, I'll welcome any break from checking these senior thesis papers. There is only so many ways that one can reword the history of GFs in our society, before I feel the need to sacrifice them to the Mega Flare of Bahamut."

"That bad, huh?"

"Worse. Come on in, would you like anything?" Quistis stepped back, allowing Rinoa to enter. "I have a fresh pot of coffee, or I could make some herbal tea."

"No, really that's all right. I won't stay long." Looking into the instructor's eyes the sorceress wondered exactly why she had come _here_. What did she hope to gain from talking to Quistis anyway? In the end, it may be worse for both of them…maybe it was best just to let some memories fade. "I'm sorry… I don't even really know what I'm doing here. I have to get going… Sorry for bothering you."

"Rinoa wait," beseeched Quistis, reaching for the younger girl's arm. "I think I know why you're here. Please stay and talk to me a minute."

"How can you know, when I don't even know?" Rinoa admitted softly, not sure of how much the instructor was already aware of.

"Selphie came to me earlier."

Rinoa placed both hands over her face, hiding in embarrassment. She couldn't believe that Selphie had talked to Quistis, especially about any topic that was discussed during dinner. It didn't seem like her friends to be among the gossip, now she was afraid that everyone would know her doubts.

"Rinoa, before you get mad at Selphie, there is something that you must understand. We think of you as part of our family, and if something is wrong - we want to help. Neither of us would ever betray a confidence, and no, she didn't offer specific details. The six of us have been through so more than any mere mortal could imagine, and I honestly believe we would do anything to help each other. You must understand that…she's worried about you, that's all."

The look in the instructor's eyes gave her some reassurance. Still she could tell that while Quistis was being sincere, part of her still was holding back. Selphie was always Rinoa's friend, from the very beginning they bonded like sisters. In some aspects, their personalities were similar, their passions, and their love for life. Yet when it came to Quistis, even after a year's time, she and Rinoa hadn't truly bonded. It wasn't on purpose, but because of something that, since the beginning, had been silently standing between them. Something that both had chosen to keep ignored and unspoken...until this moment.

"When you first met me…you didn't like me much, did you?" Rinoa couldn't believe she had just asked that, and from the expression on the instructor's face, neither could she. It had been a long day, now it was turning into an even longer night. Rinoa had been building up towards an emotional peak for several weeks, and somehow it just plunged into a sea of idiocy.

The blonde turned away momentarily, reaching for words that seemed to escape. Maybe Quistis too had been holding some emotional grudge for the last, well, since the beginning. The older woman knew deep inside that this day would come to pass, although sometimes she wished it could have been completely forgone. Maybe with Squall stationed in Trabia, the current timing was as good as any.

Finding the strength, she faced Rinoa. Sighing deeply, Quistis answered with something that she hoped the young sorceress could understand, _the truth._

"I didn't want to like you. Hyne knows… I didn't want to like you. If we're being honest, when we met I thought your actions seemed well…a little immature. Your whole group appeared slightly um…dysfunctional. But Rinoa, it was your passion that showed through. You're right when you said we were just hired… You held on to a belief so tight that you were willing to risk your life for it. Somewhere along the line, as much as I tried not to…I well… I just couldn't _dislike_ you. I know why Squall fell for you, I always did."

There was an emptiness in the instructor's expression. Her actions and heart remained true, yet something about her only confirmed what the sorceress had always suspected. Rinoa folded her arms over her chest, asking the question they both knew _someday_ would be asked.

"You really did like him. It wasn't just sisterly, was it?"

"I spent a lot of years thinking that I was in love with Squall..." Her words trailed off as she sat down on the couch, avoiding looking directly at Rinoa. If they owed each other something, it was not to be caught up in some complex web of lies.

"First, I want you to know something… Now, I can't imagine him with anybody else but you. But yes…I really did. Part of that is still there, and will never go away. You just don't wake up in the morning and say 'well that's enough of that. I'm going to fall for someone else from today forward.' I can't sit here and say it was _completely _sisterly, because in my heart I feel it was something more."

"It was easier admitting the feelings to Squall…saying it was sisterly, wasn't it?"

Rinoa followed Quistis' lead, taking a seat on the sofa. She watched the outline of the instructor's reflection in the window. Somehow Rinoa couldn't even find the strength to look at her when she spoke. It wasn't as if she'd come here to discuss whether Quistis _did_ or _did not_ have feelings for Squall… It just seemed as per her norm, Rinoa spoke without taking into account the consequences. She was good at that.

"Yeah, it was. I mean there I am in front of everybody and just blurt it out openly. I know most people already _knew_…but here we were in this emotional whirlwind and I announce it at the worst possible time. He didn't need that. You didn't need that… Nobody did at that moment."

The two remained still, until Rinoa could feel the shifting of the couch. She could tell the instructor was again looking at her, and she was almost too embarrassed to return the gesture. But she did. Holding her breath and trying to stop her body from shaking, she turned to meet the gaze of the woman sitting beside her.

"Now Rinoa, can I ask you a question?" The instructor inhaled, trying to calm her own nerves. "Sometimes I believe we are more alike than either of us realize. I just want you to be honest with me, okay?" Rinoa nodded, still trying to take in the previous words. "Why did you first take an interest in Squall?"

Now that was the one thing that Rinoa had never really considered. She could have simply answered, _"Because he was there."_ Honestly, she would have asked anyone to dance at the graduation, she really did hate being at social events alone. Even Rinoa had to admit that she enjoyed getting attention from strangers. Not to mention there was that adolescent part of her ego, which wanted Seifer to see her dancing with another man. Little did she know at that time how deeply Squall and Seifer's pasts were connected. She shivered thinking of how cold she had acted that first night, and how she'd acted all the times before. Maybe she just needed a wakeup call, even if it was from a sorceress spanning centuries into the future.

"I-I really don't know… I guess at first…" Rinoa whispered, embarrassed that she couldn't come up with a specific answer. "Somewhere along the line he became a challenge I guess… I never honestly thought that _I would_…and that _he would_…"

"Fall for you?"

"Yeah."

"See Rinoa," Quistis reached for her friend's hand, squeezing it as if the elder sister advising the younger. "It was the same reasoning for me. I had all these guys who worshiped me, a fan club who would do anything, yet I was scared to death of getting close to anyone. I think that was what drew me to Squall in the first place…there was no possible way he could reciprocate the feelings. I was scared… _I am scared_ of getting hurt…so reach for the impossible."

Rinoa searched her friend's eyes for answers, understanding that she was speaking from her heart. Maybe it was the same for her, she had dated people based on who her father disliked -there was no future with any of them. Rinoa knew that. Even with Seifer, it was as if chasing a wild stallion that couldn't be tamed; it would only lead to heartache in the end. She had accepted that fact, and for that, she had shielded herself from a serious commitment. Maybe in Squall she had recognized the same lone spirit. But somewhere along the line fate had other plans, placing two drifting souls together. Now she found herself agreeing with Quistis, knowing that they had shared the same fear of getting hurt. Somehow they had traveled the same road to avoid the pain, but along that road Rinoa had unwittingly found her salvation.

"I just never thought he really would like me," Rinoa answered honestly. "How could he?"

"He could, and he does. It is because you are a beautiful person inside. Each of us has grown over the last year, and none more than you."

"That's easy for you to say, you don't know the things that he said...never mind." She paused, remembering the words that Ultimecia had allowed her to hear. It was as if breaking some sacred trust with Squall, one he didn't even knew existed. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything. I'm just afraid that he's going to wake up one day, and realize that he could find someone…well better than me."

"Listen Rinoa, in all honesty, Squall could have had any girl at Garden…but he didn't. It was like he was waiting for someone special…_for you_."

"Me, why? What if he just is going out with me because I was convenient, or because you guys talked him into it?"

"Don't ever think he didn't choose you for being _you_, or that you're nothing more than timing. You know how much I studied him, I won't deny that…but that night at the dance…he picked you. You might have been the one to ask him to dance, but he didn't turn you down. That night he saw something in you, something special…something that is clear to everyone now."

"So, he never did have another girlfriend?"

Quistis sighed, not sure how to answer. Although Rinoa noticed that she didn't seem as shocked to hear the question as Selphie was. "No…he never had another girlfriend. Although, I'd heard rumors about an exchange student, but I just dismissed it as more brainless gossip. I couldn't allow myself to believe that he would have interest in anyone at that time. I figured it wasn't his nature."

"And now?"

"And now…I don't know. If what I heard was true, it is nothing to get worried or upset over… I'm guessing that there is a reason that you're asking. By your own admission, you've witnessed parts of both of your pasts. I'm guessing that inside you already know the answer. What I don't understand is why you are here, asking me…" Quistis pushed Rinoa's hair back, exposing her entire face that had been hiding behind the barrier. "I'm sure it's fear, or doubt. But if you've learned one thing, know that he loves you. Don't be afraid to ask him anything."

_"He loves you,"_ the phrase seemed to repeat endlessly in her mind. It was the first time anyone had ever ventured saying the words to her. Maybe she was just feeling doubts magnified by the span of separation, or by the unasked questions that still lingered between them. She knew in her heart how she felt, and how he felt…and Quistis was right, fear was still holding her back. She closed her eyes, wiping away a few stray tears that had fallen to her cheeks.

"Thanks Quistis…I think I need to go make a phone call."

"Yeah, I think so too." She replied smiling, pulling her friend into an embrace.

* * *

The office was dark, given that he was working well past midnight. Cid had been staying later, tying to get his affairs in order before his trip to Trabia. He took off his glasses, rubbing the bridge of his nose; his mind was starting to play tricks on him. Wiping the sleep from his eyes, he looked at the sole manila folder lying on his desk.

In his life he had been so much - teacher, father, and knight. While the kids not his blood, the bond couldn't have been any stronger. He had swayed back and forth a thousand times on his decision, wondering what would be the best for all those involved. He had traveled down every path, those taken, and paths of what could have been. Could _he_ have done anything different? Would the end results have been the same?

Maybe this wasn't the best move right now, but maybe it was the only move. As if reading his thoughts, the phone rang echoing through the room like boisterous thunder.

"Headmaster's office."

The voice spoke softly from the other end, calming his doubts, or at least putting them into a clearer perspective.

"Yes, I have decided… I'll agree with a few conditions. I have to be the one to tell them. After what those two have already gone through, I can't imagine the timing being any worse. On the other hand, if we don't do this now… God, how am I supposed to pick one over the other?"

"Yes Edea, I know. I'm going up there in person. I'll bring her with me…they need to hear this together. I'm just afraid… they still haven't gotten over the last hurdle, and I'm afraid throwing something else at them might be too much. But I have to try. I'd like you to come down to talk to the others."

"I know, I know. They're strong…that's what I'm betting on. I'm just not so sure if _I _can-"

She didn't allow him to finish, knowing where he was headed. "All right, I'll get some sleep."

"I love you too."

He closed the folder, stamping the front with an official seal.

"Forgive me."

* * *

He stared almost defiantly at the clock, before looking back out the window. The black sky laid a contrasting backdrop to the white flakes illuminating under the Garden lights. Squall was not much one for the snow or for cold temperatures in general. He wanted to do nothing more than close his eyes and sleep, but even that eluded him tonight. Maybe he shouldn't have had that second pot of coffee today.

Letting his mind wander back to his imaginary 'cabin,' he momentarily wondered if Rinoa knew how to ski. Then at least he would have a valid excuse to get her up to a cabin. All right, not right off, as they hadn't quite gotten into that aspect of their relationship. However, the idea started to seem more intriguing as his imagination progressed. He contemplated calling Zell's room, telling him that he would be willing to take those skiing lessons. There was nothing he could do to bring back those who had perished in Trabia, but he had to go on living… even if that meant careening down a hill on two wooden sticks. He knew that is how the others carried on, _by living_, and part of it even made sense to him.

On the nightstand, the sound of the phone brought him back to reality. Maybe it was Zell reading his mind…okay another thought he didn't need to contemplate right now. Rolling over, he picked up the receiver.

"Squall Leonhart."

_"So official. Can you just answer hello?"_

"Hello."

She forced a laugh_, "Better."_

"How are you?" He wondered if he had sounded overly anxious, but he was just so glad to hear her voice. Plus it was far better than Zell calling…again.

_"I'm…" _She didn't mean to pause, it just happened naturally. It was all he needed to read between the lines._ "I'm fine…I'm here." _

"Rinoa?"

_"I'm fine Squall, really. It's just… Um… do you remember when you told me to call anytime day or night?"_

"What, what's wrong?" Sitting up quickly, he placed his feet on the floor if for no other reason than to steady himself. He could feel the rhythm of his heart soar with the mere thought of something being wrong. It was still in his nature to fear for the worse; ergo it was those thoughts that first crossed his mind.

_"Squall stop, don't worry… It really is nothing. I just thought I could deal with something. Honestly, it should be nothing, but I just keep going around in circles about asking you and I-"_

"Rinoa, wait…I know what it is..." Placing his hand on his forehead, the commander wished he could hide somewhere among the banks of snow. The whole memory still plagued him, and he tried so hard to pretend that evening had never transpired. Stupid teenage pride almost got him in trouble eighteen months ago. His only consolation was that destiny intervened before there was no reprieve. "I should have said something to you before. I just…wasn't sure how. I promise you Rinoa, it was nothing. She was a mistake I _almost_ made, but by fates will alone, I didn't."

He stopped himself, not wanting to go into the whole sordid explanation over the telephone. It was obvious that it was bothering her, not for the fact it had happened, but for the fact he seemed to deny its existence.

"Rin, I'll tell you about it when I come home."

_"Squall…why…why was I so scared to ask you?"_ A slight hesitation in her words, an intonation that he'd never heard, albeit the change ever so slight.

"I don't know. Maybe for the same reason I was afraid to tell you…or ever ask about your history with Seifer."

He wasn't sure where that name had come from, but it had always weighed on his mind. Not that anything would change his feelings for her. Over the last few weeks he had come to understand they had known very little of each other's pasts, with exception of the connection to the orphanage, her parents, and his heritage in Winhill.

_"When you come home… I'll tell you anything you want to know. Ultimecia, Seifer…just everything. Anything. I don't want there to be any secrets between us. I think that's what Cid and Edea were trying to do…make us talk before any doubts separated us."_

"I'm so sorry again…."

_"For what? Being you? I'm the one who should say I'm sorry. I mean Ultimecia has been gone for months, but it still seems like her presence is affecting my thinking."_

He didn't answer her right away. Maybe they were focusing on knight and sorceress too much, leaving out one important aspect: Humanity. "Rin, I don't know if it's all because of her. I think it's also because of our fears…the same fears every person carries in a relationship. You just be you, I'll be me, and together we'll be us."

_"Squall Leonhart you sound like a greeting card."_

There was a long pause, and he knew enough to let the subject fade for the time being. There was only so much that could be achieved over the line, as some things had to be done in person. His peripheral vision again caught sight of the darkened window. The fluffy clumps of white falling from the sky brought him back to his earlier musings.

"Rinoa, have you ever been skiing?"

_"What? Skiing?"_ she chuckled slightly, sounding more like the person he knew.

The image of him on skis was almost as entertaining as her thoughts of him on Rollerblades - just wearing several more layers of clothes. "_Yes, I've gone before. It's a lot of fun…well, the times that I'm actually standing upright that is."_

"Maybe I'll learn."

_"I think that would be great." _

"Anything else new in Balamb?"

She wanted to say something about the 'short-skirted' cadet from earlier, but opted this wasn't the time for that. _"I bought a throw rug today."_ She wished she could take that intelligent statement back. They go from a highly personal discussion to about the least import event of the decade… maybe she should just inform him of her choice of oatmeal toppings this morning. _"Also Selphie and I went to dinner tonight in Balamb. I used the gift certificates that Zell and __Irvine__ gave me for my birthday."_ Okay, nice save…better than oatmeal.

"Rinoa."

_"Yes?"_ He sounded so serious it almost scared her.

"Don't ever change."

* * *

* * *

** _Chapter Eleven: A Time to Embrace - Morning_ **

_May 18th - Morning_

A sheer coating of ice covered the snow, as the temperatures of the previous night had left their mark on the whitened crest. His boots cracked the surface with each step, but the solidity of the ice allowed only his heel to break through.

He had avoided this place. A year ago, he had walked out here with his friends, but now he was alone. Back then he had an objective to complete, at least that was what he chose to believe… but even then, he knew the only difference between the two sides was the viewpoint each held. If this carnage wasn't the work of the purest evil, he wasn't sure what was.

A large gargoyle watched the gravesites. The same mythical creatures which adorned both Galbadia and Balamb Gardens, now stood vigil out in this battlefield. The field where one side had been young students, and the other faceless missiles, guided by a ruthless warlord.

Back then, he was still trying to figure out so much, and he could never focus on Trabia's loss. Selphie had. The young SeeD had felt _this_ pain multiplied tenfold, yet somehow she mustered the strength to carry on. Right now, he had never held so much respect for his friend.

He wasn't sure where to look. The birth dates etched in the granite seemed too recent, everywhere he turned. The ages went from those among their early twenties, to those just old enough to enter Garden. He stopped at the headstone of a little girl who had turned five only months before _this_ happened. She would have never had a chance.

He couldn't stay there any longer. Outside. Alone. Somehow, he had dreaded this visit to Trabia, he tried to convince himself it would be taking time away from his job in Balamb. His duties would fall further behind under bureaucratic bull. Another part convinced himself that he needed to be with Rinoa, after the revelations she had just endured. But lodged in between both of those reasons, was a smaller part of him that thought maybe he couldn't face this reality alone.

And that part was right.

Pulling his standard issue SeeD jacket around him, he shivered, but not from the bitter temperatures. The force of his will wanted him to go back inside. To return to the painting, the tiling, and the manual labor - that was safe. This was reality.

As he was starting to leave, a dark object in the sea of ashen caught his attention. His breath caught in the depths of his lungs as his eyes fell on something familiar. Something that was almost as much a part of him as his heritage - a black leather jacket with a once fur-lined collar. It was draped over the grave like a robe lying upon the shoulders of royalty. The extreme climate, in combination with the direct sun, had faded the hues from black to an almost stone grey.

He reached out his gloved hand to the collar. Small flakes of ice fell to the snow below, as his fingertips gently brushed the material. For a moment, he truly believed his heart had stopped beating. He wasn't sure if the feeling was distraught about this student's death, or the guilty relief that it wasn't him. It could have been. If he had been a minute longer in any of his decisions, this graveyard would be mirrored in Balamb. But if he had been a minute sooner, maybe this graveyard wouldn't be in Trabia.

It was like looking into a reflecting pool - to a parallel universe. To what might have been; what could have been. He closed his eyes as he thought back to his first trip to Galbadia Garden, to how he had envisioned death. He ran out of the waiting room -away from those who cared most about him. It was only the beginning of repressed emotions yet to surface. Maybe death was more than being talked about in the 'past tense.' Maybe it was how those around the fallen perceived the memories of their life - just not the 'tense' of speech used.

Because here, they still spoke in present tense.

A year ago, he couldn't fathom the possibility of death, he screamed as he left a room full of his comrades… and Rinoa. It was a rare, but honest, emotional outbreak that his friends saw in Galbadia that day. Now he understood it wasn't being scared of 'death' itself, it was being scared of dying… and there was a difference. He had been dying most of his life; now he understood that fully.

And here among the fallen, his jacket sat; a reminder of what could have been. He closed his eyes, fighting back both tears and unrelenting frostbite. Gradually he started removing his gloves, body trembling. He placed the leather objects in each pocket of the weathered jacket, and kneeled to the headstone. The deceased cadet was sixteen according to the engraving - the name unfamiliar to him. But the name didn't matter, did it? This cadet was one of thousands, just like Squall, just like every other student housed in a Garden. For too long, the Garden Faculty knew them as nothing more than numbers… never by their given names.

He knelt in the snow; his legs were numb, and no longer feeling the sting of the cold. The wind swept around him, picking up natural debris from the nearby forests. He watched the crystallized fur shift on the jacket. Time seemed irrelevant. He wasn't sure how long he had been there.

In the distance, he could hear the faint sound of footsteps approaching. He didn't bother turning around, it was probably one of a hundred others offering their condolences. The steps grew louder, as the layer of ice seemed to crack, but never break, under their weight. In a way, he was glad not to be alone anymore. Even if it was a stranger, it was a reminder of life. What he never expected was for someone to place a hand tentatively on the back of his coat.

As he turned, the glare of the sun caught his eyes, temporarily blinding his vision. He stood up to regain his bearings. Dark hair blew freely in the breeze, almost covering her face, but he didn't need to see who it was, he already knew.

"Am…am I dreaming?"

"No," she rasped beneath the bitter cold.

"Rin-" He never finished saying her name as he drew her to his body. Right now, he didn't care if she was really there, or just a vivid figment of his imagination. He _needed_ her to be, and by the gods, she was. He laid his head on hers, searching desperately for the life he needed to be reminded of. The warmth of her arms encircled him, as a thousand emotions passed through his mind. Even in Winhill he hadn't felt this weak, but this gravesite was different… Winhill was a past he could not change; Trabia was one he could have.

"Let's go inside." Her voice was still battered from the elements. His mind never registered the words; it just felt the vibrations of speech running through his body.

The elements whipped around them, as he found the courage to take a step backwards. Her dark hair was pulled into a ponytail, barring the long strands that had broken free from their confines. Those were the ones covering her face. But it didn't matter, she looked angelic even bundled under countless layers of clothing. Their eyes met, but neither spoke, as neither needed to.

He nodded in silent agreement, as she extended her gloved hand. He accepted the gesture with no hesitation, following her lead toward the main building. She noticed something about his hands, rather the absence of something from them. He wasn't wearing any material barriers, no gloves to protect his skin from the harsh climate. He always wore gloves. Even in ninety-degree heat, he wore them.

It was too hard to speak given the circumstances. The emotion, combined with the sub-zero temperatures filling her lungs, made Rinoa put her entire will into the act of walking. As they arrived inside, a warm blast of air welcomed them. The contrast was enough to send a chill through both of their bodies.

Squall was the first to stop; facing her once they had traveled a short distance from the doors. His hand was still within hers, as he momentarily forgot about the physical connection. It felt more like an extension of himself, and for that moment in time, the act felt completely natural.

His free hand moving toward her face, he gently pushed long hairs over her shoulders. Her skin felt so unearthly cold, it almost scared him.

"Why…why are you here?" A mix of confusion and gratitude surrounded his question.

She hid a smile, this wasn't the time or place for it, but the separation seemed more like an eternity than mere weeks. "Cid thought I should spend some time up here. He'd been contemplating having civilian workers help in the restoration, since many were lost here too."

"It's hard…so many needless deaths..."

His words trailed off and she saw no reason to press any further. Rinoa nodded slightly, squeezing his hand in nonverbal support. His eyes didn't leave hers, and she found it increasingly difficult to breathe…although the temperature played no part in it this time.

He was the first to speak again, before doing an action that she would've never have imagined in a hundred lifetimes. "I'm sorry I took so long… I should have done this months ago."

Stepping forward, he wrapped his arms around her waist, as she again rested her head against his shoulder. It caught her off guard, as Squall was standing in a public place holding her…_like this_.

Although the sensation was breathtaking, she was still confused by his meaning. "W-What exactly are you talking about?"

He listened to her breathe, to the words reverberate through her chest, to her very rapid heartbeat…to every sound he could hear. His logical side was telling him to step away, this looked unprofessional, and part of himself didn't want to get used to the comfort she provided.

However, at this moment, he didn't care.

The more powerful side was telling him that he needed her, finding a solace that he hadn't felt since the separation. His heart was on autopilot, as his arms tightened the embrace. Her hair felt like silk against rough cheeks, as he rested his weathered skin against her temple.

She felt his warm breath on the back of her neck, his words sending an amazing euphoria through her body. "I'm talking about on board the Ragnarok."

"Squall I-"

"Shhh," he cautioned, allowing himself to continue. "Rinoa, when you asked me to give you a hug so you could feel alive… I didn't understand. Now I do."

Rinoa nodded again, realizing that some lessons are not learned in a day. They can take weeks, months, or even years to comprehend… and neither of them would ever stop learning. The moment was broken when the voices of older cadets carried through the hallway. The group of female students walked toward the main entrance, and the sound brought him back into the present.

She couldn't help but fall in love with him even more, if that was possible. His actions reminded her of a child that had just been caught by their parents, waiting for a reprimand that would never come. He was trying so hard, yet he couldn't break free from his conservative nature. The two stood in silence, as the group left without giving them as much as a second look. In all honesty, the students of Trabia had greater things to worry about than the Commander of Balamb Garden and his girlfriend.

When the girls were out of sight, he couldn't help but stare at her. It had only been weeks, but somehow time felt like it had ebbed away for years. He wanted to tell her how much he had missed her, how glad he was that she was there. He wanted to tell her a lot of things, but the words just somehow were out of reach.

He wanted to say a million things. But when he started all that came out was a long pause, before finally piecing together a half-coherent sentence, "Rinoa… you're… beautiful."

Did he really just say that so candidly? He felt like he was one step away from sounding like one of 'those guys' he'd labeled as crazy only over a year ago. If he had been watching this from the sidelines, he would have shaken his head, saying this guy was a, well… _chicken-wuss_. No one person was worth the heartache – any guy in this circumstance was weak and his judgment was clouded by irrationality at best.

Now the tides of fate had turned and he was the one standing there calling some woman 'beautiful'...and strangely enough, he meant every bit of it. It was then it dawned on him, it wasn't the worst thing he could have uttered at such a moment. In fact, maybe it was one of the best.

Rinoa smiled. She really didn't know how to respond to that, without sounding…well like her. Should she thank him? Should she say something countering the sentiment like, 'you are too?' Would it sound too corny? Why couldn't she just speak from her heart instead of trying to analyze everything at this moment? She usually spoke openly, why now find some awkward loss for words?

In a momentary confusion, she looked down at his hands, remembering the observation from earlier.

"Where are your gloves?" She couldn't have timed that one much worse, terrific comeback to 'you're beautiful.'

"Outside."

The answer wasn't logical, but she figured it had meaning to him, and that was enough. With Squall, some things were just meant to let be. Rinoa quickly figured a change of topic may be good, given his cryptic answer and her sudden ability not to accept a compliment.

"Want to help me find my dorm?" She offered her hand again, hoping that they could continue where they had left off.

"Sure."

He hesitated briefly this time, before accepting the gesture. Together they started toward the student corridors. Reaching her free hand in to her coat pocket, she produced an official SeeD envelope. He took the paper from her, noticing that Cid had hand-written the room number on himself. As they approached the masses, his demeanor seemed to transform with every step taken. His footing became steadier, and as they grew closer to the main atrium, he slowly let go of her hand. Any signs of confusion or doubt disappeared, and his familiar mannerisms returned. He was no longer the confused teenager, but now acting as commander… at least by outward appearance.

She sighed inwardly, part of her accepted this was just his nature, but still a bigger part thought he wanted to learn. Then she thought back to just minutes before, to when he hugged her openly. Maybe this too would take time, and she knew this lesson would be worth the wait for both of them. In the meanwhile, she was just content to be next to him, because right now, that was more than enough. They were there. They were together.

Her silence was starting to scare him; he thought maybe he had done something wrong. Granted, he wanted to hold her hand…but there were so many people. Somehow he didn't want to downgrade their relationship as something trivial…but he felt everyone was watching. Crap, he did mess up… he wondered if it would be more awkward to grab it again. Or would that just make him look too indecisive? Maybe if he just talked to her…it would be better than just the sound of their footsteps in the hallway.

"So, you're just up here to help?"

She looked over at him curiously, wondering if there was another meaning in his statement. It wasn't as if this was her choice, although she jumped at the chance to be near him again. Maybe he thought she was up here to check up on him, after their last phone call. Great, now she was thinking everything had some double meaning. Why did her mind always have to work overtime on these things?

"I guess. Cid said he had planned to come up here. He only mentioned the whole trip to me yesterday, and trust me, I had no earthly idea that I was coming up here either. Well, until then… I would have called, but I guess I just wanted to surprise you."

They exchanged a quick glance, and for a second she thought he was going to get angry. Instead, he continued to interrogate her about the headmaster's decision.

"So, Cid only brought this up to you yesterday? You weren't aware he was planning _any _travel until then? Did he ride up with you? Is he here?"

First, she wanted to scream. Second, she wanted to drag him by one of his belts into an empty classroom. Never in the history of SeeD had one person switched between two personas so quickly. One minute his actions would amaze her, the next he was putting her on trial and acting her superior… All right, in technicality he was, but she liked his role of boyfriend much better than 'District Attorney on all things Cid.'

"Yes, Commander Leonhart, it was only yesterday that I found out about anything... and again, I was clueless. Usually, I plan his travel itinerary, but this one he had taken care of himself. And no, he isn't with me. He mentioned a stopover in Deling first. Before you start the next line of questioning: I have no idea why he is in Galbadia. I have no clue if he is with his wife, General Caraway, or a Chocobo jockey. And yes, I do know that Deling is in a completely different direction than Trabia. I still have a hard time understanding that man."

"Don't even try." The answer seemed automatic, as his mind was still lost in thought.

"I suppose you're right. Really, I'm sure there is a logical reason for everything. Then again, I shouldn't be complaining about Cid, I'm here right? I get to see you."

"Something like that." This time after his comment, they exchanged a slightly longer glance than before. Rinoa saw a slight crack in his exterior, as a smile briefly crossed his face. It was short, but the action was _definitely_ there. "Chocobo jockey?" he muttered under his breath.

They rounded the corner, following the corridor until it branched off into a smaller hallway. He stopped at the second door they came to, checking the room number. Ripping open the envelope, he removed a bronze colored key. Trabia was using manual locks until their keycard system could be restored, but on the list of priorities, that fell near the very bottom.

Opening the door, he politely stepped aside gesturing for her to enter. He stood on the threshold, watching her subtle body language. The way her body shivered on contact with the cold temperature of the room. The way her boots scuffed on the tile floor, but somehow her steps seemed to be as delicate as a ballerina. The way her chest would rise and fall as she filled her lungs with air. The way she would do the most simplistic tasks, it all fascinated him beyond any logical explanation.

So much for his thoughts only a few days earlier…on keeping his personal life 'personal.' With her there, it was going to be a slight miracle to keep focused on anything for long.

Turning on the thermostat immediately caused the heat to start circulating throughout the room. She snapped the plastic cover shut, feeling relief as a warm surge of air touched her body. She spun around several times, just to bask in the freedom of not being on an uncomfortable transport seat. Her body ached from the trip, but she couldn't have been more relaxed than with him.

After her moment of playfulness, she walked over to the twin bed, which took up a majority of the room. One of Trabia's residents had brought her luggage from the ship, and placed it in the middle of her bed. She briefly wondered why they hadn't thought of turning the heat on at the same time... but then again, this wasn't a hotel. Sitting next to her suitcase, she started to unpack her belongings. When his silence continued, she looked up to see him leaning against the doorway.

"Squall, you can come in."

"I wish I could, but I have to get back to work."

"Oh." She tried not to sound disappointed, even though she completely understood. "I'm going to unpack a little, then see where they want me."

His thoughts still seemed distant, but not like outside. This look she could decipher, this one she knew way too well. "What is it Squall? I know it's work related. Are you still stuck on the Cid thing?"

"Do you find it strange that both of us are up here at the same time?"

"Um… no, not really I guess."

"Who is running Balamb? Xu? It doesn't seem like the headmaster to have both the first and second in command not on the premises, given the circumstances."

"What circumstances? Xu is more than capable of handling anything that comes up. I think you're just letting your imagination work overtime again."

"Whatever." It came out as dry and mordant. He hadn't intended to sound that way, it just sort of slipped out naturally. Some habits die harder than others. Immediately he walked over to where she was sitting, spotting a tinge of hurt within her eyes. "Sorry." He tried to smile, although he wasn't pulling the gesture off right now.

"It's okay."

Bending down slightly, he lifted her chin and searched her eyes for the playfulness he had witnessed previously. "I'll find out if they have any activities planned for this evening. Maybe I'll try the 'social' thing one more time, okay?" She nodded in agreement, finding it increasingly difficult to look into his eyes. The young woman turned away, not sure of why…just the intensity of his stare was becoming too much to bear. He didn't seem stunned by her action, but just moved forward, placing an almost featherlike kiss on her cheek.

With the gentle contact she turned back, reestablishing the connection which she had broken. Their eyes locked, as she accepted his offer.

"Alright."

"Tonight, I promise."

This time, before he left, he rested his lips upon hers, barely applying any pressure. It felt so soft, so gentle, she was just glad to have this moment. While the kiss didn't carry the same fervor as before he departed Balamb, it somehow conveyed a deeper emotion. It was simple and beautiful…enough to make her heart feel a tranquility that had been absent for weeks.

Even in a room she had never been in, in a place she had only visited once…her heart felt at home.

* * *

* * *

** _Chapter Twelve: A Time to Embrace – Afternoon/Evening_ **

_May 18th - Afternoon _

"Rinny!" The voice boomed through the headmaster's office as if it were a hallowed canyon. She jumped as the silence was abruptly shattered, accidentally throwing her pencil in shock.

"Dear Hyne, Zell...are you _trying_ to give me a heart attack?"

"Nah, just going for the surprise factor." He grinned walking into the room.

"You succeeded…and when did you start calling me _Rinny_?"

"I dunno…just don't call me _Zelly_."

She rolled her eyes before standing up, greeting her friend with a warm hug. "Yeah, Zell no problem there." The sarcasm in her voice was evident.

"I heard you were chillin' up here in the frozen tundra, just had to come up and see ya. Trip alright?"

"Fine, but this continent is certainly colder than I remember. I have a newfound appreciation for sweaters. I don't know how these girls wear short skirts up here."

"I don't know either, but it impresses the heck out of me." He winked awaiting her response.

"Zell! You're sounding more like Irvine every day." She punched him playfully in the side with mock disgust. "Just for that one, you're going to be forced escort me to the cafeteria. I really could use some coffee."

Extending his hand, he grinned, "Anything for you, Rinny dear."

Rinoa accepted his gesture, squinting she eyed him suspiciously. "Zell, by any chance have you been around an enormously large amount of paint fumes?"

He winked, opening the door and leading her into the upper foyer. "No, just been trapped in a room with your boyfriend all week."

"Yeah, that would have been my second guess." Somehow, she couldn't keep the laughter bottled up anymore. It had been a long trip, and with all the stress she had been already through, even the smallest thing was making her giggle. She tried hard to conceal her mirth, placing a hand over her mouth.

"So Rin, what were you doing up in the headmaster's office anyhow?"

"Oh they put me up there to enter some student information into the computer system. Rebuild the database…that sort of thing"

"Sounds…um…fun. Although you looked good sitting behind the desk. I know if Headmaster Cid looked more like you, I'd be in the office all the time."

"Uh...huh…right Zell. I'm not even going to touch that one." They continued down the hall until they reached the elevators. Zell pressed one of the circular buttons without thinking, and the lift opened to the dormitory levels.

"Oops, wrong button," he admitted sheepishly.

In unison they both attempted to push the 'main' button. Rinoa reached out first, but her advance was blocked immediately by Zell… The two eyed each other in friendly competition, and for some odd reason it became a game of 'I'm pushing the button.' They went through a series of defensive and offence moves respectfully, neither seeming to gain the upper hand.

"You messed up once, I get to push it!"

"It's your fault, you had me thinking about Cid being a hot girl!"

"Oh my gods Zell, I can't believe you said that!"

"You better be good _Rinny_, or I'm telling Squall."

She pushed him out of the way knocking him back toward the glass elevator wall. Just as she was going to make contact with the aforementioned button, he managed to regain his fighting stance.

"Well, yeah…tell Squall…who is he going to believe…his girlfriend or _Zelly_."

"How about neither." They both turned from their childish game, looking as he stood there with his arms folded. "Zell, haven't I had this discussion with you before?"

The two were trying to conceal their laughter, as he entered the lift.

"Technically Squall, that discussion was on the 'door open' button, and not the 'main floor' button. See the difference."

Rinoa stood there biting her lip, trying not to laugh at her boyfriend's befuddled expression. She tilted her head, smiling innocently up at him. "Hi."

"And you…to think the future of our world could be left in your hands…is something hard to fathom. What is harder to fathom, is that neither of you was able to do this."

He grabbed Rinoa around the waist, moving her to his left side. With lightning fast reflexes, he dodged under Zell's arm, finally able to step forward and hit the button. As the elevator continued downward, he still held Rinoa around the waist.

"Plus, if I ever hear the words 'Cid is a hot girl' from either of you again…there is going to be mandatory therapy involved."

* * *

_ Evening _

It was a door. A rectangular piece of wood that she shouldn't have been afraid of…still it was _his _door. In Balamb she had been to his room several times, but somehow, after everything, this felt different. She knew that they had left this evening's plans vague, but she really needed to see him. Spending most of the day in the isolated headmaster's office had started her thinking, and that wasn't always a good thing. So here she stood, standing outside…his door.

"Rinoa just knock. It's a goddamn door," she spoke quietly, although if any one was walking by, they would have probably thought she was just plain nuts. In life she found it was hard to do many things by herself, yet she never believed 'knocking' to be on that list.

Scuffing her tennis shoes a few times on the carpet, she shifted the weight between each leg in nervous energy. The young woman's arms crossed over her chest, trying to calm herself. It was still foreign wearing jeans and sweater, instead of running around in shorts and t-shirts, or the dresses she usually wore to work.

_"Alright enough thinking about your wardrobe, just knock on the door."_

She held her breath as she moved her hand from its resting place, finally finding the might to knock on the surface. It took a few seconds, but finally the door opened slightly, only enough for him to peer out into the hallway.

"Rinoa?"

"Um…yeah." Now she wasn't sure how to answer that one.

"I thought I was going to pick you up in your room."

His tone seemed to imply some concern over her being there, and she wondered if she had made some rookie mistake by going up to the 'commander's dorm' uninvited. Maybe he was following some strict Garden protocol that Balamb usually forwent, given the nature of their relationship. Or worse yet…maybe he just didn't want her there…maybe he didn't want her in Trabia at all. Now her mind was racing with possibilities, all from his curious wording. She knew she had a way of seeming overanxious in the past, and maybe traveling thousands of kilometers to see him crossed the boundaries of their relationship.

Immediately she felt embarrassed, averting her eyes to the floor. She placed her hands behind her back, moving her toe in a semicircle across the carpet - another nervous tendency she had acquired over the years. "I'm so sorry… I shouldn't have come… I'll talk to you-"

Her words were cut short when she felt the pressure of someone guiding her by the wrist. "What am I going to do with you?" he asked lightheartedly, shaking his head at her behavior.

Opening the door fully, he stepped out, leading her back into his room. At first the action caught her off guard, as her eyes were still intently focused on the paisley design of the carpet. As she moved toward him, she looked up, ready to give him some sort of apologetic answer. But when she saw him, she was truly at a loss for all words. There he stood in his formal SeeD uniform, transporting her back to one night that would forever change her destiny…and that night seemed lifetimes ago. He had always forgone wearing his uniform, even at the parties that he had attended after defeating Ultimecia.

It didn't take her mind a long time to register he wasn't wearing his normal street clothes; it just took her mind a long time to register the basic motor skills of speech. If she could have formed any kind of verbal response she would have, but the young woman found herself in a slight state of shock.

There he was, just like she first remembered. Unruly hair touching the top of his collar, navy and black jacket combined with gold edging - making him look older than his eighteen years. Even his pressed dress pants seemed to bring the memories flooding back. The one thing that had changed was his eyes. They no longer seemed like that stranger standing against a marble pillar, they seemed familiar…they seemed _real._

She wasn't sure how long she had been staring at him, or even when he had escorted her inside his room. Somehow she was still completely engulfed in the memory of their first dance together. When she remained silent he started fumbling for an explanation, although he wasn't sure why he found it hard to explain.

"Trabia named a commander today. They wanted formal pictures of everyone…and I… um…had to you know. I was just going to change before I picked you up. I just feel so uncomfortable-"

"No!" It was the first word that escaped her lips, although it unintentionally came out as a demand. "No…not yet." She shook her head trying to think of anything containing more than one syllable. "Oh wow, Squall…it's just…I can't explain."

He looked at her bewildered by her actions, "It's a uniform Rinoa, what is there to explain?"

She moved by him, allowing herself the simple pleasure of touching the material on his arm, before she made her way to the bed. Sitting down, a thousand memories flooded her mind like a dam that had broken. How do you explain? It was the beginning…the beginning to everything. He just looked so different, and the images of him at the dance were still fresh from uncovering the repressed memories. Only weeks ago, she had seen themselves dancing on the marble floor, the awkwardness, and then the beauty. But that time she had also heard the thoughts in his mind, those never meant to be heard. Now he was a different person, not because she had changed him, but because he wanted to be. There he stood in the uniform that had started it all, but the person wearing it was different. He was eighteen, the Commander of Balamb, and a knight…_her knight._ Not just a good-looking teenager against the wall.

The bed moved as he sat near her, but he seemed to keep his distance. It was obvious that her behavior was confusing to him. Somehow Rinoa believed that everything went back to that first night, the good, the bad, and the shades of gray that seemed to cloud most of her life right now. Maybe if she hadn't acted so immature back then, the whole evening might have gone a little smoother. Yet maybe if she hadn't been her, they wouldn't be sitting together right now.

"Are you okay?" He was trying to console her, even though he was at a loss of what the problem honestly was… but he was _pretty sure_ it had to do with the uniform. "I can take this off, really I was just about to change."

"Don't change..."

It came out unsure, and again, he didn't know how to interpret the comment. "Rinoa, I think we should stay in. I think maybe we need to talk." The sudden change in behavior worried him, and it felt as if she was retreating as she had done back in Balamb. "If this has anything to do with Ultimecia then-"

"It doesn't." It was the first time in minutes that she moved her eyes from the wooden floorboards. "That's the thing… I just realized it doesn't have to do with her. I think it has more to do with me."

"Rinoa, no it doesn't. She manipulated the memories." It was on instinct alone that he placed his arm around her, his heart reacting before his head could protest. It was all he could do to get her to relax, but she seemed to calm with his touch…and for that he was grateful. She composed herself enough to look him in the eyes…sometimes she found it so hard to look at them. In some light they seemed to have the passion of a wayward storm, other times they were as tranquil as a moonlight evening. There was always so much emotion contained in his eyes…even if it was hidden to those who didn't know how to look.

"It's just, Squall…seeing you wearing this..._this_ is how we started. I have so many mixed emotions about that evening, so many times I just want to go back and right all the wrongs. You know, I watched myself… I saw it from another's perspective. I feel like some kind of idiot now saying, 'you're going to like me.' Then dragging you out onto the dance floor, and leaving without so much as a 'thank you' or 'goodnight.' I didn't even tell you my name… I just left you standing there when I saw Cid."

"So it was Cid." He really didn't mean to say it out loud, but right now he just wasn't sure what was going on.

"Who else would it have…oh…"

She looked away, guessing that was something else he was going to learn about that night, even if it was something that she would rather forget. Over the last few weeks, speaking with others and between themselves on the phone, she understood one thing - whatever happened from this point forward was only going to be done in truth and honesty. No hiding, no secrets, she had to admit past mistakes, just as he would inevitable do… their future depended on it.

Her voice faltered, as she admitted, "No, I saw Seifer about halfway through the dance. I think that was part of the reason I tried so hard to keep you out there... Part of me wanted him to be jealous… Squall, I never knew of your history."

Maybe he knew that already, maybe he had figured things out, but somehow hearing it hit him harder than he thought. He hadn't meant to, but he had subconsciously pulled his arm away after the words registered. Maybe part of his mind would have to accept that she had had other boyfriends, but there was also part of his ego that wanted to deny Seifer was among them.

"Wait...please." She begged, placing her left hand on his chest as he moved his gaze away from her.

She was going to continue with some redundant explanation, or offer an apology for something that she couldn't change, but the words were lost to her once again. The material beneath her palm felt almost surreal, transporting her back to the moments she did dance with him… The things that she didn't regret that evening, like meeting him under a shooting star. Her fingers continued to linger on his chest, memorizing every wrinkle in the fabric, every imperfection of the embroidery, but she couldn't stop herself. It was like some irresistible force was leading her hand; before her mind was aware, she was running her fingertips over to the gold edging, as her entire body moved closer to him. The intricate stitching felt like silk, contrasting with the dark coarser material that was covering the majority of his chest. She traced the trim with single finger, following its path to where a chain was fastened connecting the front. It wasn't his usual Griever pendant; she figured was still underneath his jacket. This was a larger decorative chain consisting of about ten links, being held on each end with two diamond shaped clasps.

Placing only the tip of her index finger in a single metallic link, she managed to say aloud the words that were flooding her mind. "Squall, I want us to be honest, I think we've learned that much."

Finding courage with the truth, she turned her entire body to face him. Gradually she moved her free hand, placing it lightly on his far shoulder. Rinoa was surprised that the navy blue fabric covering his shoulders was crushed velvet, a consistency softer than she believed possible. She moved her attention off of his uniform, searching his face for the nerve she so badly needed. She was surprised when she was met with a pair of steely eyes, silently wondering how he could bear to see her right now. It was the first time that they had looked at one another, since she had spoken Seifer's name.

"Squall, I can't change my past either. I've made a lot of mistakes, but at least I did one thing right. I found you."

"Rinoa…" Her name trailed as he placed both arms firmly around her. There she was feeling so culpable about her past, and Squall knew she was right. There was nothing that either could do to change what transpired before they met. It was only the future that mattered…_their future_. She buried her face into his chest as her arms encircled him, returning his gesture with greater intensity. She felt his warm breath tickle, as he soothingly kissed the top of her head.

Hearing him swallow, she thought he was about to speak, so she moved only enough to look at him. Before she knew it, he was pulling her into a deep kiss, and her body started to remember the feeling that had been foreign for weeks. One of his hands worked its way up to her neck, while the other continued pulling her waist closer. It felt like ages, it felt like heaven. She wanted to stay this way forever, gasping for what little air the closeness permitted. But right now, more than she needed his touch, she needed to do something else… She needed to atone for her mistakes, all stemming from that evening underneath a shooting star. Reluctantly, she broke from his advances. The young man seemed disappointed by her action, trying desperately to pull her back.

"Wait…" she spoke between hurried kisses. She sure felt like she was telling him to 'wait' a lot this evening. She only hoped that he would understand in due time. Standing on trembling legs, she was unsure if they could maintain even their own weight. Placing a hand on her chest, she closed her eyes, trying to stop her world from spinning uncontrollably.

"Is everything okay?" He immediately thought that he had acted out-of-line. He'd only acted on instinct, or desire, which he was quickly starting to question.

"Perfect." She answered, as she opened her eyes, reassuring him with a smile. Walking over to a bookcase, she turned on the power to a portable stereo he had placed on a shelf. She pushed the 'play' button, unsure of what CD was in there… In actuality, it didn't matter, she was just trying to find something for the background effect. Within a few seconds, a hip-hop song started playing – it was a slower tempo, although not one that classified anywhere near a ballad. She looked at him strangely for a second, and he answered the question before she could even ask it.

"Zell's… I didn't think of bringing anything."

The young woman smiled good-naturedly, before responding, "I'm just relieved it's not a boy band."

He chuckled faintly at her comment, although still completely mystified by her actions. She took a deep breath before stepping in front of him, as he was still resting on the bed. Tilting her head to one side, she smiled, pointing her index finger upward.

"The ceiling?" He answered, before it dawned on him what she trying to do.

"Work with me here." She insisted, continuing to point skyward.

She watched her knight's expression change from confusion to understanding; his eyes held the emotion that his words sometimes lacked. He grinned slightly, before tilting his head to one side and giving her a look mirroring the one he had the first night. She smiled brightly now, and instinctively reached for the two bands on her necklace. He wondered if she had grabbed her mother's ring that first night. All he could see were her eyes…and then her legs… All right, honestly, the ridiculously short dress was a very close second to the eyes.

Taking a step closer, she kneeled to his level, although the first night he had obviously been standing…not sitting on a bed. She just had to improvise given the circumstance surrounding this 'first' meeting.

"You're the best looking guy in here…dance with me."

"I'm the only guy in here." He answered giving her an uncharacteristic wink.

She placed a hand on her hip, giving him a fairly agitated look. "…Squall."

"…And you know my name." He leaned forward, continuing to move closer to where she was. He could tell in her eyes, she was honestly starting to get upset, so he decided to play along. Sometimes he couldn't help himself, there was something just so fun about giving her a hard time. Rinoa just looked so…for lack of a better word…_cute. _

"Sorry." He answered noncommittally, as he looked away pretending to ignore her this time.

"I know, you will only dance with someone you like. Look me in the eyes…" She stopped. This was the part that had bothered her in the memories…but she was honestly trying to fix past mistakes. So instead of trying to put him in some hypnotic trance, this time when he turned back, she already knew the words she wanted to say. It was just speaking them coherently that would be the challenge.

"Hello… I'm looking for the Headmaster, but I was hoping that you would dance with me at least one time. Honestly, I _don't_ like being at these things alone. I was supposed to meet someone else here but… I waited outside, he seems to have forgotten. I know you don't know me, and probably you wouldn't want to anyhow…" She paused realizing that she was just rambling now. Yet he was still watching her; his eyes were just as incredible as that first night under the ballroom lights. She bit her lip nervously, before stating the next fact, "Hi… I'm Rinoa Caraway."

He wasn't sure if he'd just heard her right. In fact, he believed it was his own imagination playing tricks on his ears. He had seen the name at the hospital on her identification bracelet, and in all honesty, he had always questioned which one was her legal name. Not to mention there had also been that cadet application filled out for a 'Rinoa Caraway' at Galbadia Garden. It was just hearing her say that, instead of 'Heartilly,' seemed so foreign.

She looked away uncomfortably. "I suppose it's hard to start a relationship, when you don't even know who you're going out with." The young woman admitted, going back to all the things she had wished she'd had the chance to say, before he had discovered the truth on his own. "My father is a General in the Galbadian military, my mother used her maiden name for the stage…she was a singer." Her tone softened, as small tears escaped from the corners of her eyes. She didn't know if it was from finally admitting the truth, or just that she was humiliated for concealing her legal name from him for so long. "My mother passed away and…my father and I… Well, when I was older I dropped my last name… 'Heartilly' was a middle name given to me."

Squall stood from the mattress, outstretching his arm toward her. He badly wanted to stop her, to hold her, but he also understood what she was doing; it was something that she had to do. Her hand was trembling when it met with his, and she turned to look him in the face. "I couldn't legally change it until I was eighteen, unless I had become an emancipated minor… but that was too much trouble. Running away was just easier."

The sensation of watching her suffer yet again, became too much. Squall had just watched her endure the memories of Ultimecia, and now she was suffering through something that should have been simple. It wasn't. He knew that this was difficult for her to talk about. He couldn't deny his heart any longer, wrapping his arms around her waist almost vigorously. She felt the warmth and security engulf her, and allowed her body to relax at his touch. Again, she laid her head on his jacket, now feeling the soft fabric caress her cheek. He swayed slowly back and forth, as if they were dancing in time with the music.

After a minute, he started to softly confess his remorse. "My name is Squall Leonhart, I just became a SeeD this evening. I can't dance…_well_." She couldn't help but giggle at the way he emphasized the word 'well.' Unlike their first meeting, when he left that useful bit of information out completely. He gently kissed her forehead before continuing, "I was forced to take etiquette lessons at Garden, but honestly most of the time I spent daydreaming…about anything but etiquette…usually it involved mass weaponry. I've never honestly danced at one of these, but something in my heart is telling me to do this…even though my head is complaining loudly. Unfortunately, it is my head that also controls my feet. So stick with me, okay?"

He could feel her nodding against his chest, although she didn't answer verbally. It was then that he caught something she had said in her admission. Maybe it was his way of apologizing about an earlier comment, now he could see why she continued dancing with him that evening. "And I can't believe anyone would forget about you, Miss Caraway. It's very cold outside, and I would never make you wait. But you must promise me one thing…you won't just walk away when this dance is over."

"Not this time." The young sorceress answered, clasping her arms even tighter around her knight's back. "And never again."

"Did you want to waltz?"

"No, I just want to stay here…like this, forever." She looked up at him wanting to see his face, because his eyes always showed the truth. "Squall, is it really okay that I'm up here? You don't think I'm being too clingy or anything, do you?" It didn't come out like she wanted, but right now she wasn't even sure if she was speaking English.

He had to laugh inwardly; she really did think she was doing something wrong. He rolled his eyes at her, reiterating the same question as when he first opened the door. "What am I going to do with you?" He moved one hand from her waist reaching for her cheek. This time, their eyes locked. "Rin, it's more than okay. Now stop worrying about it."

"Hold on," she responded, squinting her eyes as they continued moving with the tempo. "I thought I was the one who told you to stop worrying this morning…about us being here. You can't tell me not to worry. That's not fair."

"I was never worried that _you_ were here. Just concerned about Cid's sudden behavior. But that's okay right now, it's not him I'm dancing with…even if he was a _hot girl_."

"Don't even start with me." She warned.

"I've learned."

The song was coming to an end, and he moved his hand to her waist, grabbing her wrist. In one swift movement, he spun her out, before she twirled back to meet him. She laughed as she dipped backwards, still being supported by the strength of his arms.

"We don't have any fireworks." He managed still holding her in the final pose.

"Who needs them?" she answered pulling him down to her. As their lips met again, she thought to herself, _"This is a much better ending to the dance."_

He was opening to her, a little more every day. But they still had the battles, the walls, and he was still a different person outside their rooms. He was fighting between who he wanted to be, and with the person that everyone else believed him to be. Her nightmares weren't going to be stopped with this dance, but it at least would help amend the memories. She had sensed a change since arriving in Trabia, but even she couldn't tell what it meant. If it was them, or the future, or an obstacle that yet wasn't named. They just had to rely on the truth, and believe in each other.

Maybe now, she had fixed their first encounter, or somehow made the memories just a little more right within her mind. Either way, it didn't matter. They were going to get through everything, it would just take time.

And right now, she couldn't think of a better 'time' than with him.


	5. A Time to Hate - Part I, Part II, and Part III

** _Chapter Thirteen: A Time to Hate _ **

_May 20th_

The tempo of the music filled the room, and she found herself subconsciously humming along with the melody. Rinoa was grateful that she had accepted Selphie's offer of using her portable CD player, as she too quickly discovered the isolation of Trabia. She was lying on her bed, back resting against the headboard. Well, it wasn't if there were any other options, as the room was seemingly void of any chairs. Still, the built-in desk remained, and she had her radio sitting there, along with a few scattered essentials.

The pencil's lead met the paper with a featherlike touch. Her journal looked more like a scribble pad, rather than something originally intended for writing. Across its pages were sketches of just about everything imaginable. She wasn't that good at art, but found herself fascinated with the process of shading. The way dark and light would contrast, casting numerous degrees of shadows. The shading itself could entirely change the meaning, or the emotion, encompassing an object.

It was a concept she had discovered during her childhood - when only the comfort of her mother's arms could bring her solace. It happened one night, when her drapes were left partially open and the moon filtered in, casting ominous shadows throughout the room. The dolls that filled her room resembled seraphs during the day, but hidden within the nighttime shadows, looked more like replicas of Ultimecia.

It didn't have to be just simplistic objects like dolls, it could be applied on a much grander scale. During the day, the snow-covered Trabian peaks majestically lined the horizon, but at sunset, shade offered an entirely different perspective. Cold, desolate, alone...even deadly. So there Rinoa sat against the headboard, sketching a mountain peak that was outside her window. After the sun disappeared, it too had taken on a more sinister feel, she couldn't see it within the dark, but she knew it was there.

The last two days had been good, almost to the point of 'wonderful.' If that were possible, given the circumstances surrounding their being in Trabia in the first place. She wanted to allow him his space, letting him set the pace of their schedule. Finishing the last pencil stroke of her sketch, she turned the page in a fleeting attempt to actually use the journal for its intended purpose. Writing about nothing particular, more just about things she had seen on her journey up here.

A knock startled her out of the secluded universe she had created around herself. At least this time she was able to hold onto the pencil, without hurling it upwards like a small dagger. It was surprising that anyone would be there given the hour. Rinoa couldn't say that she wasn't glad for the distraction from...um...yeah from whatever she was doing. Honestly, she hoped it was him, but at the same time, tried to guard herself from disappointment.

"Come in, it's unlocked."

The door opened cautiously, before a figure emerged from the hallway. Her smile intensified when her brown eyes met with azure, and she found herself fighting the impulse to jump helplessly into his arms. With a flick of the wrist he motioned that she didn't need to get up, as he closed the door behind him. Squall gave her one of those 'commanderly' looks, before pointing his thumb back towards the entrance.

She closed her journal, suspicious at his actions, tossing it onto the small desk where it landed with an echoed 'thud.'

"Um...the door?"

His look never faltered, as he moved closer. It wasn't if it took him more than three strides to reach the bed, seeing that her room was a quarter the size of his. The commander sat down, looking at her with indifference.

"Rinoa...come here."

She scooted to the end of the mattress, placing both her feet on the floor. Unbeknownst to her, she was smiling... somehow it had become second nature when he was around. Placing both hands on her legs, she leaned closer, somehow expecting some type of romantic greeting from him.

"Yes Squall?" Her tone was as sweet as humanly possible, moving her body even closer.

He inched forward, mirroring her physical movements, while his voice bordered on the seductive, just as hers had on the engaging. "Rinoa, why was your door unlocked? Shouldn't you have at least asked who it was? I could have been anybody and -"

She rolled her eyes in disgust, collapsing back onto the mattress in defeat. It was painfully obvious she wasn't going to get a kiss, or a hug, only a lecture. Unfortunately for her, he had decided to go into his award wining role of 'Cautious SeeD Commander.' It was going to be a long night. She already accepted this was one battle she would have to concede, but darn it, she was still going to win the war. Just not tonight.

"Yes…as usual, you're right commander."

In a momentary lapse of lucidity, she thought of rescinding the white flag. It would be amusing if she could redirect his sermon towards him; she'd barged in his 'unlocked room' more than once before they had officially started dating. But the tired woman figured it wasn't the time or place to bring that fact up. And somehow, as per his norm, he would turn the whole fiasco around on her.

She could mentally hear him lecturing now, _"You hardly knew me and walked in my dorm while I was sleeping...**twice**? Who does that? I wake up and you're looking down at me, and have the nerve to tell me that I talk in my sleep. I can't believe you just walked inside like that - without knocking! It's lucky you didn't end up with a gunblade through your lower intestines." _

Yes, romance, intestines, and Squall Leonhart seemed to go hand in hand. But she hadn't been alone in her escapades, and she could use that vital information in her favor. _"Well, yeah, but Quistis and Selphie both said they walked in on you too! Your door...again, not locked! So, that is who else does it! They both have known you for a long time, and didn't end up on the receiving end of your threats."_

_"When?" _Of course, he would demand to know specifics...logical mind and all.

_"Selphie said you'd left your room open before the graduation dance! Quistis mentioned she'd walked in wanting to play a game of cards...in the middle of the night. Oh, oh, oh! And Zell said he moved the entire contents of your room over, when you weren't around – albeit you had probably less than fifteen items. That is not the point! So don't tell me 'Mr. Paranoid' to make sure that my door is locked and—"_

Oh dear God, was she actually having a mental argument with him while he was... yep, he was looking down at her blankly. This one she wasn't even going to try to explain.

"A... yeah Squall, sorry. I'll make sure it's locked from now on, you're right."

_"You might be right, but at least I don't talk in my sleep!"_ Okay, it was at least a mental leg to stand on right now.

"Just remember that in the future, okay? It's very important."

"Yes Squall, I'll keep my door locked at all times." She sat up, raising her right hand in the air. Her left arm draped over one of the nearby pillows, as she pledged her nonofficial oath.

He looked at her dryly, never breaking from his stern demeanor. "Um, not that Rin. The fact, as you just so eloquently stated, that I'm_ **always** _right." The blur of a pillow soared by his line-of-sight, before another smacked him across the face. His tone never changed even as the second fell abruptly into his lap, "And should I remind you that it against Garden regulations to assault a ranking SeeD."

"Oh yeah, and should I remind you, Commander Leonhart, that it is against regulations to be in bed with a staff member." She covered her mouth, immediately turning her head, _"Oh god, oh god, Rinoa why in did you just say that? Change the subject quick…" _

"Actually, the manual specifically outlines in 'Article 5, Subsection B' that I can't have intimate relations with another SeeD member, instructor, or cadet attending Garden. There is no rule against being with a civilian worker."

_"Did he just say that? Did he just 'know' that technicality right off?" _Rinoa looked back in disbelief, her mouth open in shock. A strange awkwardness passed between them, neither one really knowing how to deal with the implications.

He sat equally as baffled with his own comment. A fleeting idea crossed his mind, _"Would it be physically possible to jump from a third-story window into a mound of Trabian snow, or nearby trash container, without breaking too many bones?"_ Trying not to convey his nervousness, he balled his fist, hoping that she couldn't see how scared he was. He had to change the subject...quick, very, very quick.

Finally, he spoke breaking the tension, albeit not so coherently. "Um…anyway...yeah," he stammered as he nervously scratched the back of his head. For a moment he thought he was having a 'Laguna flashback,' suddenly realizing the 'moron' again in question was him. He just wished he could say things to her, without always thinking about how they would come out. Then again, after his comment moments before, maybe he should have thought a little longer.

"Journal?"

"Huh?" She questioned staring back at him in utter confusion. It was almost cute, how mortified he was. Or at least it would have been, had she not been equally as embarrassed.

He raised his arm slightly, motioning to her desk. "You're keeping a journal?"

"Oh." She reached over grabbing the diary, holding it securely to her chest. Part of her felt like she was protecting the book like a frightened child from their parent. "I've always kept one... since I was younger. I know Selphie wanted people to keep their thoughts online. Some things I wouldn't mind sharing with the world, but some are personal. I don't know...it just doesn't seem like me."

"It's certainly not me."

She giggled at his seriousness. "No, not at all you." She paused, recalling the reason behind Garden's computer entries in the first place. "Are... are your memories coming back at all?" She bit her lip nervously after asking, he still wasn't comfortable broaching some subjects - his parentage, feelings, and 'past in general' topped the list.

"They are. Not all good, not all bad. It's different not to rely on Guardians regularly." He shrugged apathetically, brushing off the topic of the GFs altogether. "But as long as we can properly maintain high combat training standards, SeeD will continue to achieve their diplomatic objectives." Did he just sound like a brochure again? He had to stop doing that, he was scaring himself. "Rinoa, speaking of 'standards,' I was just on my way to the training center. I thought maybe you'd like to go."

_"Speaking of standards? Good one, good one... how is she supposed to take that?"_ He cleared his throat. "I mean training standards, so I can keep up my training standards."

She laughed at both his correction and her memories. Rinoa recalled the first tour of Balamb Garden he reluctantly gave her. Those early days were such a blur, yet his image remained as vivid as yesterday. He wasn't a happy camper then, not as if one could ever classify Squall Leonhart as a 'happy camper.' Although it was one of the first instances that he allowed himself to show a sense of humor, with Dr. Kadowaki no less. It was always there, just a little off of the mainstream.

In truthfulness, the last thing she thought about doing right now was having a monster's innards trailing down her body. However, it was time together with him, and watching him move in battle held an indescribable fascination. With her new job, it had been awhile since she had trained properly - hitting a computer keyboard didn't take nearly the physical stamina as decapitating a Grat. The only problem she could foresee, was not paying enough attention to the monsters. He's the only one who could make monster's intestines look fashionable.

"Thought you said during our tour that you would never take a girl to the training center on a date?" She joked getting off of the bed and unbuckling the case containing her Blaster's Edge.

"I wouldn't," he smiled caustically. "I'm taking _you."_

"Not funny Leonhart." She remarked fastening the straps of the weapon around her arm. "Not funny at all."

* * *

"What do you mean?" Rinoa asked as the hydraulic doors opened. Together they stepped out into the hallway, weapons in tow.

"Well, like Balamb, they've divided the training center into two separate areas. The first is going to be lower level enemies, for younger students. The other will be higher level monsters... Snow Lions, Blue Dragons and the like. They just don't have the advanced area stocked yet, so the only combat option right now is the weaker enemies."

"Ah, sounds..._thrilling_."

"Is that sarcasm?"

"From me, _never_."

"Now I know that was... and who said anything about fighting monsters tonight?"

"You did!" She insisted, stopping outside the sealed doors.

"See how little you pay attention Miss Heartilly? I asked if you wanted to come to the training center with me."

"But we stopped by your room to get your weapon." She rationalized, squinting her eyes in mock anger and pointing at Lionheart for emphasis.

"Well, yes...had to... you brought yours and I couldn't look suspicious."

"You already do," she countered, trying to figure out what was going on in that complex head of his. Sometimes there was more to his words than met the ear, but she wouldn't trade his elusiveness for a million Gil. Placing her palm against the swinging doors, she felt a strange sensation shroud her body. The young woman shook it off mentally, figuring it had to be from the temperature variance.

"So if we aren't going to 'fight' things what _are_ we going to do?"

"We are—" He stopped mid-sentence, looking downward. Moving his weapon to his left hand, he reached to his belt with the other, and grabbed a small pager.

"Squall?" She watched with concern, as he seemed to be entranced with the display screen. "Everything okay?"

"...Not sure."

It was like ice water was rushing through his veins, as his answer seemed to catch in his throat. A text message flashed across the screen, telling him to come directly to the headmaster's office - transmitted by Cid. For the last two days, his superior had mysteriously lost all contact with Garden. More specifically with him, not returning any of his numerous messages. Now the man showed up in Trabia at such a late hour.

"Rinoa... Sorry, I have to go."

"Yeah, no problem." She suddenly felt like an outsider in his world, not positive where she fit in. And for the life of her, she couldn't figure out why.

"Rinoa, are you okay?"

Noticing her change in behavior, he couldn't help but feel an overpowering concern. The small black box continued to vibrate in his hand; he acted indifferent toward the page, as all his attention was now focused on her. Adjusting the strap to her weapon, she tried to remain optimistic, but somehow found it hard to do. Honestly, she couldn't understand her unexplainable change in attitude either. It was like something inside her had almost gone numb in one inescapable second.

"Fine Squall. Just tired, I guess. You said that there were only low level enemies in there?"

This time she met his gaze, trying to force a smile through the friction. The last thing she needed was for him to know about some 'paranoid delusional mood swing from Hades.' She wondered if this was in the handbook for being a sorceress, it certainly didn't feel like a natural occurrence.

"Yes, Bite Bugs, Geezards, maybe a Glacial Eye or two. Don't think about going in there without a training partner... Rinoa there are strict rules and-"

She put her hand up to silence him, the last thing she needed was another SeeD lecture. Somehow her annoyance was growing, and her mind was spinning like an errant carousel. She was trying desperately not to take her baseless frustration out on him. He had nothing to do with her mood, she had no idea of its origins.

"No Commander Leonhart, its fine. I was just wondering. I'm not going in."

The pager continued to relentlessly vibrate in his hand. Shaking his head in frustration, he glanced at the screen once again. "Rinoa, I've got to go."

"Of course you do. Don't worry, I'll be a good girl." She really didn't mean to be so curt, but she really didn't seem to care right that second either.

"Look at me." It came out more an order than a request.

He didn't think twice about turning off the mechanical distraction, before placing it in his pocket. The knight continued to firmly grasp his gunblade in one hand, balancing it on the ground for support. With the other, he placed his fingers on her cheek, forcing her to look him in the eyes. She smiled briefly, experiencing a fleeting peacefulness with the contact. Still, his touch had seemed to calm her, at least slightly, from the anxiety.

"Are you okay?" He reiterated the question, speaking more forcefully than the first time.

"Fine. I'm fine. Now go before Cid gets angry. It's your job."

_"You're my job too."_

He leaned forward, bringing their lips together. It was just supposed to be a simple kiss, a quick gesture, but he found himself unwilling to break free. His right arm went around her neck, while the other securely held his weapon. It was almost an uncontrollable urge to pull her next to his body, and he fought against his more primal of instincts. Something about this felt...well, almost like necessity, rather than for pleasure. There was something unspoken in their fevered kisses, something practically desperate.

"Would you two get a room?"

The sound of the martial artist's voice caught them off guard, as both knight and sorceress realized what they'd been doing..._publicly_. It was out of the norm for them to act with such careless zeal, given their stature. As their bodies parted, Rinoa brought her hands up, hiding her face in apologetic shame. The commander tried to keep a composed manner about him, but part of him was fighting back the overpowering urge to pull her inside the training center and continue unremittingly. He had to get away from her now, for more than one reason. Squall looked at his friend, trying to downplay the encounter.

"Rinoa and I were just headed to the training center, but I'm now on my way up to the headmaster's office. Cid's here."

"Training center...yeah...okay..._right._" The blond said while crossing his arms and shaking his head warily at the two. "I was called by Cid also, he wanted me to look for you on the way up. I could always tell him you had something more pressing." The last words were said with a hint of mockery.

The commander gritted his teeth, trying to keep his cool. "Let's go Zell."

Rinoa shook her head as the two SeeDs walked off. He didn't even turn around to say goodbye. It was as if something was throwing them off kilter, it had to be her imagination working overtime again. Or, like she had told Squall, she was just very tired. Sighing in defeat, she looked down at her weapon, and slowly started to undo the harness surrounding her arm. Something deep within felt the irresistible need to go work off some of her anger, energy... whatever _this_ was. The young woman knew if Squall found out he would absolutely go into strict commander mode, or knight mode - whichever liked to give the longer lectures. Again she looked down the hallway, making sure the two had completely faded from sight. Here she was breaking yet another trust that her and Squall forged, but she couldn't just sit here idly by with this newfound energy.

* * *

There was something nagging at him, something that had burrowed itself into his brain like a tick and didn't seem to let go. The more he tried to ignore it, the deeper it embedded itself. And what was that back there? Two days ago he was afraid to hold her hand in public, now he was practically sticking his tongue down her throat in front of an audience. This wasn't him, that wasn't her. At least Zell was still Zell. The commander turned to his friend as the elevator door closed behind them.

"Did you ever have a feeling that things are going to change?"

"You mean after your little bout of teenage normalcy back there?" Zell countered, still in awe of his friend's actions. If it had been anybody but Squall and Rinoa, there wouldn't have been much of an issue. The commander gave the martial artist a goaded stare, as his fingers wrapped tightly around the gunblade's handle. Never a good idea to upset a hormonal man with a very large sword, the fighter quickly realized.

"Sorry, Squall. What do you mean?"

"I don't know… I've just had this feeling for the last few days. And today...well it has only multiplied."

"Do you mean change - with you and Rinoa?"

"Maybe."

"Well man, if you're worried about her don't. You know she cares about you, and I'm guessing after that performance, you care a lot about her too."

"Yeah." That was the closest the young man had ever been to admitting his feelings aloud, even though most comprehended it without words. Still, saying 'yeah' was a step above the noncommittal 'whatever.' He still had this feeling clouding the back of his mind that refused to subside.

"Why do you think she's here?"

"I don't know, to work?" The martial artist shrugged as the elevator doors opened. "Maybe to keep you out of trouble, although that seems to have backfired. I dunno... guess it's just to help with Trabia, she was part of this too. Just because she isn't SeeD doesn't make her any less valuable. I certainly wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth or a gift headmaster. Um…not that I'm calling Cid a horse or anything and I-"

Zell shut up as they reached the headmaster's office, even he realized he was aimlessly rambling, maybe he could chalk this one up to the Trabian altitude. He'd always been one to offer guidance, but for obvious reasons, found it rather difficult where Squall was concerned.

"I'm glad she's here Zell, but still not sure _why. _It's like there is some underlying reason that I'm missing. _We're missing._ Something that seems like it should be right in front of me…one that I haven't figured out yet."

"Now you're just being paranoid."

The fighter tried to reassure his friend as he knocked on the office door. Somewhere along the line, Squall's heart started pounding and reasoning seemed to have been covered in Trabian frost.

_"Come in." _

Cid's voice was muffled through the wooden barrier. They walked and saw the headmaster staring out the darkened window. He didn't even bother turning to face them as they entered.

"Squall, Zell...please take a seat."

The two exchanged a mutual glance, but obliged the headmaster's request without question. Still carrying his weapon, Squall had placed it on a nearby desktop. Thankfully for Cid... out of the young man's immediate reach.

"You know..." Cid began staring into the endless abyss, as the words seemed to fail him. They could make out his reflection in the glass, something about him looked scared, unsure...and Squall immediately feared for the worst. Mentally, the commander believed he was prepared for anything the headmaster was going to say. He had to - it was his job. He just prayed that whatever it may be was on a professional, not personal, level.

Taking off his eyeglasses, the older man turned to the two teenagers seated before him. "You know, there are many things that I have spent my life questioning. Could I have handled a situation differently? Could I have changed the outcome along the way? Was there some small path where I could have turned, while the highway continued on..."

"Sir," Squall finally interrupted; his heart was racing with unparalleled anticipation. "If there is something we need to know, just say it."

_"Please nothing about Rinoa, please."_

The headmaster nodded, they did deserve the truth, although he wasn't sure how well they were going to handle it. He wasn't sure how well he was handling it. "Part of me wishes this could have been under different circumstances. I'm not one who likes throwing surprises on two of my child-" He paused, no, this decision was as a headmaster, not on their past relations. "I do not like throwing surprises on either students or staff. Squall, can you tell me, is there something troubling you."

"What in the hell?" He didn't mean to say it so direct, but yes there were about a thousand things troubling him. And as usual, nobody was giving him any answers.

"Off the record." Cid insisted as he sat down. "How have you been feeling?"

The commander raised both hands in the air in disgust. He swore if there was one more guessing game involved, he was going to lose the tinge of sanity he had been clinging to the last few minutes. "How have** _I_** been feeling? Off the record? Well, I wish for one that somebody would give me straight answers around here. I've left several messages for you. Xu, Quistis, _everybody_ has left messages for you and you've seemed to pull another disappearing act. Rinoa shows up out-of-the-blue and says you were heading to Deling on some 'unscheduled trip.' I'm tired of the guessing games. I think it seems a little irresponsible at best."

"You're right." Cid nodded in complete agreement. "It certainly is and I'm sorry for that. Some thing came up quickly, and I had to make a decision. Not only weigh what would be best for Garden, but also what would be the best for the parties involved. I had to place personal feelings aside, and look at the larger picture. Something I'm hoping that eventually I'll have your support on..."

"My support? How am I supposed to give you support when I have no clue what you are talking about? What does this have to do with how I'm feeling?" He fisted his hand trying to calm down, as his emotions appeared to be running independently of his brain. He desperately wished for those days when he had learned to suppress them with so much indifference. God, he wished for those days right now.

"Zell, I do apologize about bringing you into this, but I thought it was better that you two heard this together. Squall, since you are a knight-"

"No!" The commander hadn't meant to yell so loudly, but it slipped as he stood up angrily. "Whatever you say, don't tell me this has to do with being a knight! Whatever this is _cannot_ involve Rinoa, she's gone through too much. Make it a Garden issue, make it a SeeD issue, just don't make it her issue, please..."

"Squall, I'm sorry... it's not on purpose. It really is a Garden issue, unfortunately it just blurs the line between commander and knight, and we need to come to some type of mutual understanding before-" The headmaster stopped, rubbed the bridge of his nose, and placed his palm on his forehead. Why was this so hard to say? Why did he feel like he was sacrificing one of his children for another? How could he tell Squall this went far beyond a military issue, but one forged at an orphanage a lifetime ago and a world away?

"Before what?" Squall demanded an answer.

"Squall do you know the difference between empathy and sympathy?"

"Yes, headmaster I do, it's Physiology 101." His anger wasn't being masked with his tone.

"A knight can sense some of a sorceress' emotions to a point, just as she can sense some of theirs. When Rinoa relived the nightmares back in Balamb, and started opening up to you, and you her, some of the feelings can get crossed kind of like a supernatural switchboard. It's your job to learn when they are normal, or when they are a warning."

"Great. Terrific. Whatever. How are Rinoa's feelings a Garden issue? And this 'switchboard' thing...is it going to last forever?"

"No. Just until you get what is causing the problem fixed."

"We're doing just fine 'thankyouverymuch' for your concern. Is this why you brought her up here, so you could give us yet another obscure test? What does any of this have to do with you being gone in Deling for three days? If you want to help so badly, call a supernatural repairman to fix the _switchboard_." He inhaled deeply, trying to calm down. This was going nowhere fast, and all he was going to end up doing was prolonging the inevitable. How do some people live with such passionate emotions all the time? "I'm sorry sir, I'm just not feeling like myself right now."

"Wait," Zell interrupted. He had been listening to their emotional exchange, especially to what was being said between the lines. Before Rinoa, there were only a few select occasions Squall showed any aggressiveness, and the martial artist had a sickening feeling growing in his stomach. "I'm sorry, but I have to ask something headmaster. Basically you are saying that a sorceress and knight share some kind of empathic connection. It's not mind reading or anything, just basically concerns, fears, whatever are playing off of each other. Now could Rinoa sense let's say um...your emotions because you were a knight?"

The headmaster closed his eyes, he really had wished that Squall would have made the connection. The martial artist, if anything, had been brought in as an objective third party, but that in and of itself was sardonic. The emotion was too new for the young knight, and adding the extra burden of Rinoa's emotions was proving to be difficult. Although honestly, it was something Cid Kramer had never learned to do completely in his bond. If he had, then maybe they wouldn't be sitting in this situation now.

"No Zell... if I knew her better, probably she could project, but it doesn't work that way. She has to have had a previous emotional connection to the person, such as Squall or..."

Squall's head flipped up looking at the headmaster with defiance, in one second everything made sense to him, whether he wanted it to or not. He looked over to his weapon and thought how simple it could be...all the pain, all the death, avenged in one slice of his blade.

"No!" Cid jumped from his chair, realizing the commander was contemplated reaching for his weapon. "You can't Squall. It's over."

"Over? Why, why can't I? I want to kill him." He said through barely able to speak through is anger. "Where, where is he?"

"The training center." The headmaster said meekly. He prayed that one of his children wouldn't hurt the other, for all of their sakes. Squall eyed his weapon one last time before walking out, slamming the door forcefully behind him. The knight knew that if he had grabbed it, there would be only one way their story would end. And he wouldn't do that to Rinoa...

* * *

* * *

** _Chapter Fourteen: A Time to Hate - Part II _ **

_ May 20th _

The unsteady and shifting earth moved below her feet. The young sorceress walked through the desolate section of the training area. Believing the weaker monsters were on the left side as in Balamb, she was surprised to find nothing there but greenery and fences. She saw her breath as she moved, the almost smoke like mist appeared with every labored gasp. Thankfully, she had still been wearing a sweater, or she would have made a beeline for the warmth by now. It was only fitting that Trabia's training center would reflect their surroundings, bursting with evergreens and stocked with regional monsters.

It was late and she had no idea why she was there, but something was drawing her like a magnet, so she followed its overpowering pull. Her steps grew heavy and she stumbled over a small root twisting like a serpent from the ground. As she regained her balance, she accidentally brushed her hands together. When she touched her own skin, she recoiled from what she believed to be shock from static electricity. It was fleeting, but still intense, causing her feet to stand firmly in place. Every part of her mind was telling her to turn, to leave...but again she was being drawn to that magnetic pole.

There were no enemies in sight, but she could sense the danger surrounding her. The young woman's breathing quickened and she felt herself on the verge of hyperventilation. A distorted image flashed before her eyes; this was no longer safe, as emotions were oozing like crimson sweat through her pores. She needed to find Squall immediately. The fear was consuming her and she believed that she was reliving the horrid nightmares again. The sorceress turned quickly, and was greeted by the sight of a knight - just not hers.

"S-Seifer?" She tried not to drop to the ground as the name barely escaped her lips. She didn't know what these emotions were building inside - fear, hatred... pity?

"In the flesh."

It wasn't as if she knew this moment would go unanswered by the design of fate. It was almost predestined that their paths would cross before this lifetime's end. The only factor remaining in the equation was her reaction. She had thought about this reunion more than she cared admit to anyone. They would never understand. _She_ did not understand. Never once did she picture this encounter to be in Trabia, in a vacant room within a Garden, and alone. Why did it have to be alone?

It wasn't as if any romantic feelings lingered. But there were still memories that she carried with him, ones nobody else could ever share. And to a point, those memories from that summer remained sacred. It was from his actions and support that she chose her eventual path. Stronger than her contempt were the questions she had to ask. Out of a thousand questions she could have formed, spoken words were left just out of her reach.

"I can tell by your silence you're glad to see me Rin."

Her fingers balled into a tight fist at the sound of his voice. It took all her will just to move a few steps closer. The man's smug look only fed her anger like flames. The tips of her fingernails were slowly breaking a fine layer of skin, but she did not care. It would be so easy just to let all her anger to manifest into one powerful blow. Or even better, launch her Blaster's Edge at pointblank range into his groin. _Or both_. It didn't matter, as long as excruciating physical pain resulted at the receiving end.

"D-Don't call me Rin." It was the first coherent sentence she could form. To hear her name from his lips now made it sound so dirty, so tainted. "Don't you **ever** call me that!"

"Sorry, do I need signed permission in triplicate from lover boy…correction I mean Commander Lover Boy?"

"Leave Squall out of this – _this_ is between you and me." Her voice demanded hesitantly as she tried to compose herself. The pressure of her fingernails lingered in her palms as she focused her attention on the sight of a fallen tree limb. "Seifer…I-I can't do this."

The blond knight stopped his impish grin; it was the reality of seeing the pain in her eyes. The sorrow he caused. Her face was a mixture of hurt and anger. But most of all, it was the same look of betrayal which had attracted him to her that summer. This time it wasn't her father's politics that betrayed her spirit, it was him.

"Rinoa, I'm sorry...listen I'm not here to hurt you."

He raised his hands slowly demonstrating that he was unarmed. His only intention was an act of surrender. He couldn't believe that he was trembling inside as he took a symbolic step away, allowing her to be the one to move forward. Somehow, he had believed this part of his redemption would be easy. Now he witnessed firsthand the pain that he had caused - not only to faceless students, but also to one he had cared genuinely for. It wasn't something simple; what he saw in her eyes was a deep-seeded betrayal from which he may never be forgiven.

"I've made a few mistakes… I'm just trying to fix some of them."

"A few?" Her voice never rose above a whisper. "You killed hundreds of innocents, you destroyed a Garden, and you have the audacity to call _that_ a few?"

"A few really bad ones, but that is why I am here… to fix what I can."

"How? How can you fix this?" Her voice remained a whisper in the cold, a soft murmur that would haunt his dreams. It wasn't anger, it wasn't hurt, it just contained the soberness of a hundred funerals. She pointed to the remains of a fallen support beam now used as makeshift monster blockade. Then wordlessly, she tried to point towards the graveyard, but found that she couldn't finish the simple gesture. She brought her arms to her chest. Finally, she gave into the vulnerability and fell to her knees.

"D-Did you see the tombstones, Seifer? Did you read any of them? Do you know each one of their names, their ages, or where each one died? Can you tell their family and friends that it was nothing more than a 'bad' mistake? You can pass that one off on everyone else, but I know you Seifer... I-I know the truth."

"Rinoa, you're right, you _do_ know the truth." His tone was not forceful, but held a certain conviction. "You _know_ how easy it was to let the facts and the reality to be twisted, manipulated until the only hope is to surrender. You know how easy that was, don't you? Or should I not bring up the fact that you were the one that actually surrendered to Ultimecia? I might have given her my allegiance, but I never gave her control over my body."

She shivered as she remembered the horrendous event. The guilt consumed her as she looked him directly in the eyes for the first time. Neither of them was faultless in their actions, both felt a moment of weakness and Ultimecia preyed on it like they were injured quarry. Rinoa had told both Quistis and Selphie months ago she had no idea what emotion she would feel at their reunion. She would never have imagined in a hundred years to be her own consuming guilt.

Looking down at her own hands, she saw the red liquid mixing with the specks of dirt. Her fingernails leaving eight perfectly sized gashes through her skin. It was only now that the pain was starting to register. The same hands that had held Squall earlier, were also the same ones that freed Adel. Her hands stained with the blood of all the Estharian soldiers who died righting her wrongs. It was after all from her mouth that Seifer was told to search for the Lunatic Pandora. It was from her hands that the Lunar Cry was inevitably born.

She could hear his steps as he moved toward her, and was surprised when he offered her a helping hand. There was something familiar about it, something she had once known, but also some thing that had always been foreign. The last time those fingers had held her was before he offered her as the sacrificial lamb.

The emotions were cycling through her like a wheel, and she was hinging on bitterness - towards herself, towards him. Shaking her head, she refused his help, remembering the look on Squall's face as she was junctioned to Adel. The hurt, the hatred...the failure. She would be damned if she ever accepted anything from this man again. With a newfound resolve she stood, brushing the dirt off of her clothes.

Her words came out spiteful. "You threw me to Adel."

"Yeah, and you threw me away for the first SeeD that walked by with a pretty face."

"It wasn't like that Seifer." Why she defended her relationship with Squall, she didn't know. But it was hers, and he wasn't going to taint something so pure. "I never meant to fall in love."

"Yeah, but you did. From where I'm sitting, it happened amazingly fast."

"I couldn't help it. I just didn't think-"

"Ha, like that's something new."

"Shut up, you have no right!"

"Don't I? This chain of events all started because of_ you_, but I bet you tend to forget that minor detail. Did you ever tell him about after the graduation dance? Or did that little fact slip your mind too?"

"I told him that you stood me up before," she replied vehemently. "Nothing, I repeat _nothing_, happened between us that night."

He laughed bitterly. "Yeah, sure. Fine. So, he was some SeeD who was randomly hired to do what I was willing to do for free. Because I believed in Timber, I believed in your cause, I believed in _you._ And because of my beliefs after the graduation dance, **_I_ **was sent to the Disciplinary Committee room."

"It wasn't your beliefs that got you thrown in there Seifer! It was your actions!"

He shook his head in resentment. "_Your_ actions, Rinoa, your actions! I was in charge of the whole committee! Still, even after that, I found out that those Garden fools only sent three rookie SeeDs. I broke out...because I couldn't stand the idea of anything happening to-"

He balled his hands to his sides, how could she ever understand? He had believed in her, even if it wasn't love it was a relationship that he had believed in with all his heart... and she could have cared less.

"What Seifer?" It had never dawned on her that it was because of her and her passions he had been at the television station in the first place. She vaguely recalled Quistis saying that he had broken out of some room. At the time, her heart and soul were clouded with a thousand emotions. She involuntary reached out, grabbing the material of his trench coat when he refused to continue. When he maintained his silence, choosing to ignore her, she moved in front of him. Was it because of her betrayals that Seifer turned to Ultimecia? Was it her growing interest in Squall that was his final push into unspeakable sins?

"Please, Seifer...please. I'm so sorry." She tried to look into his eyes, unconsciously pulling the fabric even tighter.

He had never meant to hurt her. His life had been a competition since the day he was born. Always someone had been waiting in the shadows to better his accomplishments. Waiting for their chance to strike. Even if they didn't mean to, the outcome was no less painful. He knew she had never meant to fall in love with Squall. In some sick, demented way he was almost glad they had found each other. At least she was happy, and that is all he could want for her. Still, couldn't it have been Zell? The chicken-wuss was annoying, but not nearly as annoying as Mr. Depressing was. Shaking his head clear of the thought, he placed his hand on top of hers.

"Rinoa, it's just that-"

"Get the hell away from her you bastard!"

* * *

His feet had carried him faster than he ever knew possible down three flights of stairs. The commander tried to convince himself that she had gone back to her room, but when did she ever listen to him? If he even slightly comprehended what the headmaster had said, it was something about Rinoa having an emotional connection to someone else. And the thought scared the life out of him.

In one second, all his worst fears had once again surfaced from his heart. As he opened the training center doors, he could see two distant figures touching. The one person who tried to destroy any amount of hope he'd ever had, and the person that gave him that hope. The area surrounding him faded into oblivion, his vision tunneled fixated on the two. She was touching him. Rinoa was touching _him. _Her arm outstretched to his rival, to the person who had caused him torment beyond words.

And there _she_ was... touching _him._

His legs carried him at the speed of light. It registered in his mind as she moved in front of Seifer's body, trying to get his attention. That was all he needed, one split second for the blond intruder to be caught unaware.

Eighteen years of emotions boiled down into this one moment. Never in his life had the commander initiated a personal attack on another human being. That is, if you could classify Seifer Almasy as human. For the orphanage, for the years at Garden, for the scar, for the death that followed in his wake, and for trying to kill the only thing that he had ever loved... Squall Leonhart took out his anger in one defining strike.

Squall's words barely had time to register as Rinoa felt Seifer being jerked from her grasp. In one fluid motion, she watched helplessly as the commander turned him around, and took out his anger in one swift blow.

"Squall! No, don't...Please!" Rinoa yelled pleadingly as she ran over to her boyfriend. Squall held his rival by the collar and it appeared Seifer wasn't making an attempt to retaliate. Her weapon fell to the ground, as she had quickly disarmed herself. Reaching out she placed both hands on Squall, silently begging to let it end. One hand grabbed his jacket, while the other rested on the fabric of his t-shirt. Her fingers trembled as she tried to calm both herself and her knight.

"Please, Squall, don't hurt him. Please."

"Rinoa...he..." He managed in between breaths. "He hurt..."

"I know."

The knight stood watching as the tears streamed down his sorceress' face. As she was beseeching mercy, he had never felt so torn, or so confused. Glaring back at his enemy, the commander shook his head angrily letting out a heated scream. Their eyes locked in unadulterated hate as years of buildup had quickly reached a peak.

Squall released him with enough force to knock him backwards. It wasn't worth it. This piece of trash was worth neither the price nor the heartache. Rinoa was all that mattered. Ever. The blood was running from Seifer's nose in a steady stream; the injured man brought his hands up in a vain attempt to stop the flow.

"Nice aim Puberty Boy." The man maliciously added through his pain.

"Seifer don't." Rinoa warned, keeping her hand firmly on Squall's chest. His heart was racing, his body covered with a layer of sweat even in the frigid temperatures. She continued to touch him, just so he would know she was there. Then she continued to touch him, so _she_ knew he was still there.

"I have no idea what was going through Cid's head bringing you up here. Stay away from us."

Reaching up, Squall captured her trembling hand from his chest, never taking his eyes off of his rival. He intertwined their fingers, before reaching down and retrieving her weapon. Without a word of warning, he turned and headed toward the door. Rinoa was caught off guard at his forcefulness and lost her footing. She stumbled over her own feet, almost falling as her body was being practically dragged.

"Squall, wait a second." She stopped, pulling back on his arm. She glanced over her shoulder at Seifer as he stood in utter silence.

"What?" He hadn't meant to bark at her, but he wanted to get as far away from there as physically possible.

She held her breath. How could she explain? It had been so hard to know where she and Seifer had gone wrong. To know what would make someone she cared about turn into a madman. Part of her needed to know what happened while she was unconscious - to understand parts of the puzzle that never fit. Ultimecia had somehow manipulated both of them, two people who on the outside seemed as confident and as sure in their beliefs as anybody. Maybe Seifer held on to a portion of her memory that she couldn't unlock; maybe the only way for her to move on was to fully accept the past. All of it. Even the parts that she would rather keep locked within her mind.

"Squall," she tried to soften her tone as much as possible. He would understand, he always did. "I need to talk to Seifer."

"Y-You what?"

She could feel him involuntarily grasping her hand tighter, like she was all he had left. Their eyes met, and instead of understanding she found contempt. His face...something in his eyes looked so scared, so unsure, she wanted to reach out and hold him. She would talk to Seifer later. It was evident that right now, Squall needed her more. Even if he was unwilling to admit it. She offered him a soft smile, shaking her head trying to erase her hesitation.

"I'm sorry. Never mind-"

"Never mind what, Rinoa? Do you want to stay in here with him?"

"No, no... it's not that. I just-"

"Fine. Whatever." Letting go of her fingers, he pushed her hand away forcefully. All she could do was look at him in shock, he seemed so cold. "Have fun." He added with malice as he walked out the door tossing her weapon down.

In shock, she stood feeling like her legs would give way a second time tonight. In a span of only minutes, it felt like the waves came crashing around her world. In that short time, she feared everything they had built had been washed away in the undercurrent.

* * *

If there was one comparison to be made about Trabia, it was that all the cadets willingly imposed a curfew. They didn't need the Garden staff yelling at them to return to quarters, or had students running off to a secret area. The martial artist looked down at his watch as he circled the main entrance. His steps were the only sounds that could be heard in the halls, beside the soft instrumental music being piped through the speakers. He wasn't sure what to make of anything anymore, it seemed like one horrific joke after another.

But it wasn't.

Zell had stayed with Cid, trying to gather as much information as possible. It was in some strange twist of irony that the martial artist could be Seifer's greatest ally. Not that he could ever forgive him, or even like him on a personal level, but he understood Cid's dilemma. If Seifer was forced to work off his punishment, what better way than witnessing the devastation firsthand? It would the coward's way out to sit in a cell and count the hours to freedom. What would be a far worse punishment would to be among those who suffered. There was no doubt that Ultimecia had brainwashed him, but the final acts came down to free will, even Seifer admitted to that.

It was also a realization of how close Rinoa and Squall were becoming, that they could feel each other's uncertainty. For the last three days the commander had worried something was wrong, but tried to stay focused on work. Until now, Zell had never fully understood that their relationship would be any different from any other couple. Sure, Squall was basically a pain in the butt, and Rinoa could drive him a little crazy, but now he had a newfound appreciation of the obstacles in their way.

The halls in this place seemed like a giant labyrinth compared to the simplistic design of Balamb. The added hazards of the construction made it all that more difficult to navigate. Finally, he found the right corridor, feeling a wave of relief as he saw the number on his room. A loud 'thud' echoing down the hall made him look up from his lock. In the distance, he noticed the commander slamming his fist into his door, apparently for the second time. He had never seen the normally detached man lose his temper so obviously. With no signs of Rinoa nearby, he could fairly easily surmise what the source of the outburst was about.

The martial artist mentally chastised himself about bothering his friend - logic said to stay away from Squall when he was upset. But part of him also knew that whether the commander knew it or not, he could use someone. This was all new to him, and adding Seifer on the top of the proverbial cake was more than any sane person could handle.

"Yo man, wait up a sec."

Squall closed his eyes, what did he do in a previous life to deserve this? What deity did he insult at the gates? He was going to beg forgiveness from all of them tonight, and maybe that would stop their relentless torment. He continued to ignore the footsteps heading his way, attempting to get the key in the lock without breaking it off.

"Hey look, I know it's been a long day, and you probably don't want to talk."

"You're right. I don't." He bit his tongue, trying to keep his anger from infuriating yet another person tonight.

"I know. Is everything okay with you and Rinoa?" Yes, even Zell realized it was a stupid question, but it just slipped out before he could think.

If looks could kill, Zell would have been lying six feet under.

"Ahh...yeah...sorry. Where is she?" For a moment, his concern focused on his other friend. If this is what 'unemotional Squall' was acting like, he could only imagine what Rinoa was going through.

"Where is she?" He spat out, like he was supposed to know? She wasn't his concern now. He had already lost her with his stupidity. "With her boyfriend...ask him."

"The hell, man?"

"You heard me, she's with Seifer. She wants to be with him. Okay with you?"

For once Zell forgot about his usual evasiveness on advice concerning Squall. Now it was something far more personal. The commander's shortsightedness could not only hurt himself, but also Rinoa who was one of his dearest friends. Seifer's return would be the hardest on Squall. Even Rinoa would show compassion after the first flood of emotion. The commander was just learning how to express feelings, and romantic jealously wasn't one that his friend had experience with.

"You know Squall... I'm not going to say I'm an expert on this knight/sorceress connection, but I do have a basic idea about normal relationships. I'm going to try to explain this the simplest way I can - you're jealous."

"Of Seifer, never!"

"Yeah, right…" Zell tried to play off the denial. "Listen, whatever happened between them is in the past. You know that, I know that, and most importantly Rinoa knows it."

"What did she possibly see in him?" He sneered under his breath. Adding the bigger question in his own head, "_What does she possibly see in me?"_

Zell was positive that this was an apostolic sign of Armageddon, Squall Leonhart was jealous of Seifer Almasy.

"Squall, trust me, I want nothing to do with him, but I'm guessing that in the days they were together, he was different. Rinoa's no idiot; she wouldn't stay with someone who was constantly putting her down, or a condescending jerk – that is the Seifer we knew. She knew another one…one who actually was willing to sacrifice everything to help her in Timber."

"Great, bring that up."

"Squall, listen… I'm talking about their entire past. I'm talking about how Rinoa was thrown to Adel by someone she once trusted. As much as you and I want to know his reasons…she needs to know tenfold."

"Whatever. I don't see how she can trust him again…to be in there alone…like that."

_"God Rinoa, are you okay. I left you...I just left."_

"Squall, he is her past, and you are her present and future. She might need to deal with this one by herself. She might be physically 'by herself' in there, but she's not alone. She's in a Garden full of people she trusts. But most of all -you are still with her. She feels safe enough not to be scared alone anymore…that's because of you man."

"I could've killed him earlier... If I _had_ grabbed my gunblade. I-I don't know what I would have done."

He leaned against the wall, letting better judgment return. Slowly the veil of insecurity was lifting, and he felt horrendous culpability for his actions. If he could have crawled into a hole, he would have done just that. Maybe the emotional overload was somehow finding a balanced level; maybe facing the truth was what he needed to return to the person he should have been earlier. Zell's words continued to sink in, and he was glad that somebody was there to tell him what a moronic jerk he was being.

"Stand in line Squall…seriously. You know how many people would agree, try this entire Garden for one. Hey, again, I don't like the guy…but it takes some godly courage to walk into a place where you know you'll be hated. Maybe he really does want to make amends."

"There isn't enough courage in the world for him to atone for his sins."

"No, but being here is a start, and I'm guessing facing Rinoa is another."

"I can't believe you're siding with Cid on this. Of all people, I thought you would understand the most. You're starting to sound more like Quistis."

"I'll take that as a compliment." He chuckled softly. "What I do understand, is that you are using what Seifer did as a shield from what's really bothering you now. If it were any other ex-boyfriend in there with her, would you not feel the same? Squall, at this moment, you are not upset that it is Seifer with her…you are upset that it isn't you. Rinoa led a life for seventeen years before she met you. I'm guessing that this won't be the only time you face things like this…but knowing _who_ the third party is makes it worse."

"I have to go find her."

"Yeah, you do." Zell agreed as he offered a knowing smile. It wasn't as if he was surprised when Squall didn't answer anymore. He had greater fences to mend.

* * *

The pain throbbed, constricting with every beat of his heart. He tried to shake of the barraging fire, but it had manifested itself into a war being raged in his frontal lobes. He reached in his pant's pocket, finding a small bottle of aspirin. Ha, like that was going to help. It was all he had, and he didn't want to waste the time to make the trip to the infirmary. The resident doctor would just end up giving him a lecture on stress relief, and the notion seemed so archaic right now. When had the young man never felt stress, when had anybody in this place never felt stress?

He didn't even stop at a water fountain as he shoved a small handful into his mouth. He was parched, but he forced himself to swallow the small capsules. In a little less than an hour his whole world seemed to be crumbling, the walls cracking like ancient architecture. This was going to take some time to fix, and no longer was it a one-step process. His heart was telling him to run to Rinoa, and beg her forgiveness for yet another one of his irrational actions. She was just getting over the Ultimecia memories; let's toss a little more kindling into the raging inferno that was her life.

He rubbed his temples in aggravation as he stood outside the door. Yes, running to Rinoa was what he wanted, but that would be the final, and greatest, obstacle tonight. First, he had to find out exactly what was going on, and hopefully, not run again in some huge emotional firestorm. In honesty, the empathetic connection he had shared with Rinoa was gone, and that fact alone scared him.

Thirty minutes ago, he had now left her alone with _that man_. Was she still there with him? He trusted her, of course he trusted her. Right? He wanted to scream but that would have been too easy, so instead he just kept it bottled inside.

He knocked on the door, not sure of how the headmaster would greet him. Disappointment, anger...betrayal? Earlier tonight he had told Rinoa she couldn't assault a ranking SeeD. Not that Seifer was one, but it was apparent he was now some kind of ward of Garden. Therefore, he fell under its articles of conduct - which he threw out the window with one large blow to the face. Although, he hated admitting, part of him felt some twisted pleasure in the man's agony. But that was the jealousy of a man, not disrespect from the commander.

"Commander Leonhart." Yes, Cid was being formal, never a good sign.

"May I please have a moment of your time sir?"

The elder never looked shocked, or in the least bit surprised to see Squall there. It was like he knew he would eventually return. Why did everyone think they knew him? Had he gotten that predictable in the last few months? It took a second to register there was another person sitting in front of the desk. He would know that bloody, filth-covered, gut-stained trench coat anywhere. You would think that somewhere along the line, it would have met with the unfortunate accident of being washed. The laws of averages should have been weighing heavily in its favor.

"Well Squall, first I must congratulate you for only breaking his nose."

"I apologize, sir." The young man said remorsefully. It wasn't that he regretted throwing the punch, more like he regretted the disappointment in his superior's eyes. Not to mention Rinoa's.

"It's not me that you hit." No it wasn't. But that idea too was really tempting thirty minutes ago.

The headmaster indicated with a half wave motion to step out into the hall. The commander remained silent, waiting for the experienced knight to initiate the conversation.

"Don't for one minute think I don't understand what was rushing through your mind." Cid closed the door, to keep his words from drifting to the room's other inhabitant. "You have no idea what I go through, what I see every time I look at Seifer. Part of me _does _admire your restraint for not doing more bodily damage."

"Why Headmaster? That is all I have to ask you...why bring him back?"

"Because... he was one of our children too. Squall, we knew about you. We didn't know about him... And because of that, Edea and I feel that we let him slip into the cracks."

"Knew about _me? _What in the..." He quelled his anger. That highway he had already driven tonight and didn't exactly take him to the exit ramp of reason. "You're not going to tell me anyhow. It's something that I'm going to have to figure out on my own, or Rinoa is going to have to figure out. And it's just going to end up with her and I miserable and fighting. I get it. I get it."

"No you don't. All I'm going to say is that there is a reason for everything. That I promise you. If you want to call them tests, go ahead. Or if you want to call it ultimate training, go ahead and do that too. We were young like you two once, and someone stood right before me, giving me almost identical advice. But do you know what – I gave in too easily and he eventually gave me the answers. It's like being able to read the blueprints of this Garden. You can memorize the plans, commit them to memory, you may be even able to go to the construction site and know every centimeter of the building. The only thing is you know nothing of _how_ it is built. It's the nails, the wood, the wires, and every minute piece of material used to create the structure. You know the building, yet you know nothing of it."

"So what, you want me to be able to _theoretically_ know every board and every nail in the foundation?"

"Yes, because when the storm comes and the building is left in ruins, it can be rebuilt. Without knowing how to repair it properly... it is just as useless as trying to live in the blueprint itself."

"And Seifer?"

"Well, let's call him the spackle that surrounds the electric plugs. He's needed to make the building safe and complete, but can be very dangerous if you don't know what you are doing."

"...And I was electrocuted."

"Something like that. But you learned, and I bet next time you will be more careful."

"If you are saying what I think you are... you knew from my childhood I was destined to be a knight. That's what the last year and a half was... a huge test?" He looked down at the floor as a few things fell into place. "So, if Rinoa could sense that Seifer was around, even though she had no idea what the emotions were... then Edea could sense me... in the past. She had a prior emotional relationship with me as a child."

It was all making so much sense now. Even Ellone's powers were based on people she had previously met. That had been the difficulty in reaching Rinoa's mind on Lunar Base. Everything had always revolved around emotions, but he just hadn't seen it.

"Yes." Cid admitted, finally relieved that at least part of his evasiveness could be over. "We had an approximant age, knowing when you appeared to Edea at the orphanage. What we couldn't figure out though was who was going to inherit the powers. By the time Rinoa was in the picture, Edea was...well not herself. I had to put all my trust that she would pass the powers to the right person. I wasn't sure myself...you showed no interest in anyone until the night of the graduation. Even then, it was basically a stab in the dark."

"She came to you about a mission, and so you accepted it for little money."

He chucked as he shifted the weight on his legs. "_Little _money is an overstatement. You know they got you for less than two thousand Gil. I had put in another twenty-three thousand just to get Norg to accept the job, albeit reluctantly. I used my last bit of influence to send you three."

"Your own money?"

"Squall, I was desperate. I had to take a gamble, and it paid off. What Edea and I didn't know...what we couldn't know...was that there was another of our children who was destined to be a knight."

Okay, so much about that 'inferno theory' and Rinoa, now his whole life was set ablaze with a few words. His life had never been random, nothing it in was... For a minute he wondered if there was anything in the headmaster's temporary office stronger than aspirin. This was another bombshell he couldn't deal with right now. He had to focus on the present, and then maybe he and Rinoa could sort this out later. So what if his life wasn't arbitrary, or at least what got him to this point. What wasn't up to chance was going to be Rinoa forgiving him.

"Headmaster, I can't go into this right now. I just need to talk to Seifer."

"I understand."

Cid did not offer any more support or wisdom. He did not even offer a goodbye as he walked away. Maybe it was harder on the man than Squall had realized. He cleared his mind of but only one thought as he turned the doorknob. _"Rinoa."_

* * *

"Oh look what the cat dragged in - a homicidal mouse bent on taking over the world, one cheese wheel at a time."

"Glad to see you still have a sense of humor about all of this." Squall tried not to show any undue emotion. This was just another test, and he was going to pass it without prejudice. "Are you doing okay?"

"Do you really mean that Leonhart?"

"No." Well, he could at least be honest. "But I'm asking all the same."

"Yes, I'm fine. Had some issues with a few dominating women the last year. Then of course, those delusions of grandeur thing reared its ugly head; which by the way looked identical to Adel without makeup. Scary really. I broke my best fishing rod when a large flying building roared over my head. Ran into an old friend today, then I unexpectedly ran into the fist of another. But on the positive side, I do get to wear this stylish white gauze over my nose. You know how much women love this look. So...how's life been treating you?" The blonde smirked, baiting Squall into the mousetrap. Although, he really didn't know why, guess old habits took longer to grow out of than sixty minutes.

Squall walked around the desk, taking a seat in the leather chair. He looked over an open folder that was scattered about the desk. There wasn't anything the man could say that would break his façade.

"Fine. Life is fine."

"So hear Rinoa is working at Balamb Garden. Didn't see that one coming."

The commander's body involuntary flinched as her name left Seifer's mouth. He certainly didn't feel like elaborating on the statement. This was supposed to be a time to try to understand his rival's motives. All it appeared to be right then, is the same immature banter they had done all their lives. Okay, that Seifer had done. Squall just listened until he reached his boiling point. In the past, the words would eventually get him to retaliate. Not this time.

"People change, Seifer."

"Well, Rinoa isn't all people. Other people might change. She will not."

"No, she is not _all_ people." Squall tossed the folder onto the desk and a few papers shifted in the air. "Seems to me that the only change you've ever accomplished has been for the worst. There was a time, even as late as the field exam, that I thought you were a decent fighter. A little passionate, but still a reliable comrade in battle."

"Oh God, I feel the guilt. I didn't think about offending the great Squall Leonhart before I acted so irrationally."

"Not to mention you know nothing of Rinoa now. **_Nothing_."**

"Maybe you're right. Because the Rinoa I knew would have never accepted a job at Garden – no matter who she was trying to impress. She had her beliefs, and certainly wouldn't work for a place where they were sold to the highest bidder. That's us Squall, that's who we are. Not her. You and I were always the same, whether you admit it or not."

"Same?" He gritted his teeth as he leaned forward in the chair. First, there was no way he was right about Rinoa. She felt at home at Garden, her earlier protest about 'how sad their lives were' was before she got to know them. Right? And she would never try to 'impress' him. Second, they were not the same, they never had been. "Do enlighten me Seifer, please tell me how you and I could ever be classified as 'the same.' We might have both chosen the gunblade, and been equal on the battlefield. That is where all similarities start and end."

"You know, cut the crap Leonhart. You can pull this bull on everyone else, but I know you better. We've only ever wanted the same things, just gone about it different ways. And I guess it's pretty obvious who did it better. You can sit there and tell the others that you don't care what people think of you, and you never did. It's a lie. You used some _back-asswards_ way of getting what you want. 'Oh look at me...what ever you do, don't care about what I think.' It's like a child purposely pulling away so the parents will drop everything and pay attention to him. It's some reverse physiology that had nearly an entire Garden fooled. You never fooled me."

"Fooled? What in the-" As he slammed his fist down on the desk, he realized he wasn't doing as well as he had hoped. Taking a deep breath, he ran his hand through his hair exhaling slowly. If there was an off chance that Seifer had something productive to add, he would begrudgingly listen.

"I'll tell you what I mean. It's always been that way from the orphanage until now. 'Oh no, Sis left...everyone take care of me. I know you all lost her too, but not like I did, because I need constant attention.' You waited to the last day to take your fire cavern exam, just so everyone would crowd around you for support. What about Dollet? 'Oh Quistis, save me from the evil spider monster so you can be more dependent on my brooding aloofness,' even though Zell and Selphie made it easily on to the transport without mass theatrics! Or my favorite, 'I can't dance...oh keep me out here against my will...wait is everyone watching yet? Fine yeah, I've taken four _years_ of classes like every other person in this frickin' Garden... look at me, god's gift to the anal retentive loners."

"Thank you for summing up my life so eloquently, Seifer." He took a piece of paper, balling it, and threw it forcefully into the trashcan. "I could do yours, but I'm not going to waste my breath. Military, police, and Garden records pretty much do it for me."

"That is supposed to hurt? I'll tell you who you did hurt today. Hyne forbid Rinoa doesn't follow you for five minutes and needs to face her demons. How dare she have a life before you. 'Okay, I will push her away, walking off like a jealous idiot until she comes back begging my forgiveness.' Squall, I'm certainly not saying I'm innocent, but I'm saying you aren't either."

"You have no right to talk about our relationship! Never in a million years would I do what you did to her."

"Really? That's strange, because you didn't see her after you stormed out. I'm sure that tossing her to Adel would have been far less painful. When I did sacrifice her, I did it just so you wouldn't get what you wanted. How self-righteous is that? I put a life..._her life_...in front of everything, just so the great Mr. Leonhart wouldn't get something he wanted for once. But you did...you always do. Let's keep score here, since that seems to be a big one for your ego: you make SeeD on the first try. You're named the commander at seventeen. You find out you have a mother who loved you, a father who is a President of the largest country in the world. You become a knight, save the world, and you get the girl. Did I miss something in there? In all your greatness I might have left out a pertinent detail of hero worship or something."

"Stop it! This isn't about me."

Standing from the chair, Squall refused to speak anymore to this man. Did he really hurt Rinoa that badly? Everything was just becoming a giant blur. He had accomplished nothing since he had walked in there, besides hearing some demented synopsis of his life. What scared him most was that Seifer wasn't completely off on some of his accusations. It was the first time anyone had ever called him on anything. He knew this was a road he didn't want to go down, but he couldn't help it as the question slipped from his thoughts.

"How...is...she?"

"Upset." It was a simple, truthful answer that the commander didn't expect.

"Do you know where she went?"

"Her room, I guess."

"Did she say anything?"

He shook his head. "No, nothing."

Squall sat back down, placing all the paperwork back into the file. "It's obvious that Cid wants you here. He thinks there's still a chance."

"You don't want me here. You think I'm a lost cause."

"No, I don't suppose I want you here, but I'm not exactly saying you're a lost cause either. If not for Rinoa..." he admitted hesitantly. "I don't think this would be much of an issue. I could avoid you easily. So, as Commander of Balamb, I won't stand in your way. But as someone who cares deeply about Rinoa, I will kill you if hurt her."

"Fair enough. As someone working off their sentence in Trabia, I will respect your authority. But if you treat Rinoa like I saw today, I will not be responsible for my actions."

Squall nodded in soundless agreement. He too had to admit his actions today were not on the better side of judgment. For the first time, he had seen a crack in Seifer's uncaring exterior. In that fleeting instance, the commander saw a hint of the person Rinoa had two years ago. Maybe it was also an instant quite similar that Rinoa had seen through his own façade.

"You really did care for her." Squall made sure it wasn't a question; it was a statement.

"Yes." Seifer looked away, his voice being dictated by a more solemn tone. "Not a lot of people would ever give me the chances she did. Even back then, I knew it wasn't going to be permanent, but I actually found myself wanting to help. The betrayal I saw in her eyes today sickened me. I had caused that pain to the one person who believed in me. The way she looked at you while she was trying to calm you... I had never seen her look at me like that."

"You know, it could have been either of us...back at the television station. If I had walked into the room first, maybe Ultimecia would have tried to sway me."

"Ha, like the almighty lion would have turned so easily?"

"Look Seifer, I know what Rinoa went through was enough to make her do unthinkable things. I also know that Rinoa is a far more kindhearted person than either you or I could ever dream of being. I understand how Ultimecia could manipulate memories and time itself. And like you said earlier, we have our similarities... maybe her vice grip on me wouldn't have been power, or to be a knight. But she could have found something to turn me, you yourself just brushed on a few. You weren't completely right, but you weren't completely wrong either."

"Leonhart, there are three knights in this building...and two of us have failed. I'm not saying this for your benefit in the least, but for Rinoa. You're the only one who hasn't screwed up _that badly_ yet. Don't ever lie to her. If there is a problem, don't walk away. It's in that moment of weakness that something can happen, and thirteen years later you are ordering her assassination."

Squall closed his eyes as Rinoa's saddened image overwhelmed his thoughts. Her eyes harbored such fear at his earlier actions. He had to speak to her; he had to hear her voice whisper his forgiveness. He had to know everything was all right between them. His mind needed to know, his heart needed to know…he needed to know.

* * *

* * *

** _Chapter Fifteen: A Time to Hate - Part III _ **

_ May 20th _

In his head, he had whispered the apology a hundred times. Each time the confession was complete, his actions seemed crueler than the time before. Jerk, moron, bastard... whatever you wanted to call him, Squall Leonhart made Laguna's memories look like the acts of a distinguished gentleman. This relationship stuff was just so hard. Seeing Seifer and Rinoa together awakened a part of him that he never knew existed. One that had lain dormant for eighteen years.

Softly he rapped on her door, waiting nervously for an answer. When he didn't get one, he tried knocking for a second time. On a hunch, he tried turning the doorknob only to be met with resistance. Of course, this was the time that she remembered to lock her door. Figures she would pick _now_ to finally start heeding his advice.

Inside the room, Rinoa bit her lip apprehensively. Honestly, she didn't want to be seen in her volatile state. Squall wouldn't show up – he was the type to work through his inner turmoil by himself. Naturally, a part of her wanted to run to wherever he was, and convince him that everything was going to be all right. But right now, she had enough of her own past demons to sort through. So here she was lying silently in the dark like a petrified child, certainly not reminiscent of the young woman she should have been.

With Squall mentally eliminated, it left the visitor to be either one of three people. She really didn't feel like going through the 'big brother' routine with Zell. Although, even she knew, the martial artist only had her best interests at heart. Cid would treat her as a daughter, which on some level was extremely comforting. Yet the man was, for lack of a better term, a 'parent' to all parties involved, and might make it more complicated. The third choice in the possible trio was Seifer. _That_ conversation wasn't going to happen, alone, in the next millennium. Right now, she preferred her boyfriend's tried and true method of brooding alone.

"Rinoa, are you in there?"

Squall's voice caught her off guard, and a surge of warmth surrounded her body like a kindling of fire. A gasp escaped her lips, as the tears seemed to flow freer with this revelation. It was a mixture of heartache and undying relief that he had actually sought her out. He repeated his question slightly louder, again waiting for a response. Rinoa couldn't tell if he was upset or apologetic, it seemed to be an amalgamation of both. The young woman tried to wipe her eyes, but she had been _trying_ to do that for well over forty-five minutes.

Lying on the bed, she brought her knees up to her chest, hoping that he had gone away. She was suppressing the even larger part of herself who wanted to run and jump haplessly into his arms. This was going to kill her. It was either pride or stupidity keeping her from running to him. She cursed herself for her own vulnerability. Instead of facing him, she was lying curled in a fetal position.

Silence was the only thing that passed between her and the door for countless minutes. It occurred that her wish to be alone might have been granted. The realization that her foolishness drove him away hit her with the strength of a monsoon. This brought on yet another onslaught of tears. She steadied herself enough to crawl off of the bed, edging slowly toward the door. Honestly, she wasn't sure of what she expected to find in the hallway. She just prayed for _something._

He heard the mechanical release of the lock, before the door gradually opened. There he sat on the floor, back against the wall, looking like some kind of pathetic fool. He had to remind himself that was a fairly accurate statement right now. Swallowing when he finally found the courage to look at her, the apology he had prepared seemed hopelessly lost. She couldn't even look him in the eyes. Her focus remained on her bare feet, as she stood balanced with one leg behind the other. All he could do was look at her, and think in his heart he had caused this.

Her hair was up in a high ponytail, with large clumps falling from their restraint. A navy blue t-shirt and shorts had replaced her sweater and jeans. It looked like she had already retired to bed for the evening. Her face made him realize just what a fool he had been. Her eyes were swollen with tears that he had caused. It would have been easier to blame their existence on Seifer, but he wasn't the one who had hurt her today. Squall wanted to sweep her up in his arms, protecting her from everything. The only problem was - how was he supposed to protect her from himself?

"Rinoa… can I talk to you?"

"Whatever, it's a free country."

Her statement might have been abrupt, but he could tell she was having difficulty trying to keep her poise. Turning around, while still watching the floor, she headed back into her dorm without another word. Standing up, he took a deep calming breath before following her lead. It seemed all he had been doing lately was asking her forgiveness for his foolishness. He silently wondered just how long she would put up with this nonsense.

When he entered the room, she had already made her way back to the bed. Crawling under the comforter, she refused to look in his direction. Her body turned away, she faced towards the barrenness of the window. There was no light in the room, save for the natural light reflecting off of the snow. Her body remained mostly obscured in the shadows, and his eyes fought hard to focus. Still he could make out her saddened face in the glass; he wondered if she was looking outside. Some part of him holding out hope that she was looking at him.

"Rinoa, I shouldn't have-"

"No, you shouldn't have."

He wasn't expecting her tone to be so sharp. "But I did, I'm sorry."

"No kidding Squall. I didn't notice... I was too busy being in awe of your power."

"I deserve that."

"Did you break any more of his bones in the last few minutes? Or is his sentence a public execution for just speaking with me."

"No…Rinoa...no. Will you look at me?"

His voice softened as he sat on the edge of the bed. He had been here only an hour before, now it felt like a lifetime ago. He wished back those earlier moments, to hear her laughter. And of course, to be utterly confused by some of her actions. Now he wasn't confused by them, but had driven her to her current state. Another fugitive sob escaped her when the bed shifted with his weight. She clung to a nearby pillow as if it where a life preserver.

"Why?" Her voice cracked.

"Because, I want to apologize."

"You can do that just as well to my back as my front." God, she wanted to turn around. But she just wanted to hold back a few moments longer. By her defiance, she hoped he wouldn't think her as being weak, and ready to give in to his every whim. She knew that when it came to Squall, her heart was always fragile, but a part of her yearned to be stronger.

"Rinoa, I just saw you two together and…" The apology he had planned before now officially packed up and built a small hut on Minde Isle. Any words that came to mind seemed juvenile or delusional. "I-I don't know."

She tossed a pillow angrily against the windowpane. Maybe it wasn't what he wanted, but at least she was finally expressing her emotions. He could handle that better than her silent indifference. "What Squall? What did you think? I was going to run back to Seifer, now that he is trying to turn his life around? You think that you're only a substation for him? What…really?"

"Yes, if that makes you feel any better, I was scared." The young man paused as the words left his mouth. He couldn't believe how easy that just slipped out. A year ago he would not have admitted fear to anyone, now he felt as he wanted to share himself completely. Involuntarily he reached out placing his hand on her shoulder. The warmth of her body under his touch gave him the strength to continue. "I don't know how to explain it. Here was some guy, who spent his life tormenting me, and I walk in and he's holding you."

"Correction, _**I**_ was holding him."

He chose to ignore that comment. It was for the better. "Rinoa, it's like the last year had been a cruel delusion, and I suddenly discovered the truth. With him, where he was before, and with you gone. It was like some slap in the face of reality… and I hated it."

It was the final weight that broke her stubbornness. The hold was released and she could no longer keep her tongue. Sitting up quickly, she looked him in the eyes for the first time since entering her room.

"Reality Squall? Our_ reality_ is the time we spend together. The day we watched movies at the hospital, our trip to Winhill, dancing in your room, from our very first hesitant kiss... to the way you kissed me tonight. My 'reality' with Seifer was long talks, a few awkward kisses, and summer memories with someone who listened to me. The same 'someone' who threw me away like chum to a school full of hungry sharks. Don't you think I, _at the very least_, deserved to know why? God Squall, it's not him that I want to be with. Why would you even question the fact that I love you, just because Seifer's back? If you doubt this relationship, then I'm not even sure what we're doing anymore!"

The sorceress hadn't started out yelling, but somewhere along the line, both the tone and exigency increased. The knight held in firm silence, looking dumfounded at the emotional outburst. Wasn't it him that was supposed to be apologizing - not sitting blankly in some comatose state?

In the soft light, she could just make out his expression. Suddenly Rinoa felt like she had crossed some unwritten line. In all their time together, she had never seen this much uncertainty shrouding his face. For the life of her, she couldn't figure out what she said that would cause such a reaction. The numbness spread through her body as she tried frantically to recount her words. She had 'kissed Seifer,' was that it? Did the thought disgust him so much that he couldn't be around her anymore?

"W-What Squall?" She finally had to question aloud. All attempts to mask her fear washed into oblivion.

"You said…" He whispered the start of something, before trailing his thoughts.

"I'm sorry." Reaching out her trembling hand, she slowly wrapped unsure fingers around his arm. He didn't jump at the contact and she was grateful for that. It was nothing more than a mental crutch, trying to keep him from getting up and walking out the door. "I-I'm so sorry," she stuttered once again. It was so long ago, and the feelings for Seifer had faded way before now. How could she truly apologize for something she had done before she met him? She was going to try though. "Yes...I kissed him. Squall, I-I promise you it was nothing much. Seifer had much more experience than I did and-"

"No."

He shook his head cutting her words abruptly, never taking his eyes off of hers. This drastic change in behavior was starting to concern her. She mentally went back trying to retrace her words...hospital, Winhill, kisses, summertime, sharks, I love...Then it hit her with all the force of a Ruby Dragon's tail.

"Oh crap." Rinoa hid her face in her hands in embarrassment_. "At least it wasn't from the lunch lady."_ She shook her head in disbelief, how did she let that one slip out, especially in the same sentence as the name 'Seifer?'

"You what?"

Yeah, okay those were the words he caught. There went her last ditch effort to think, maybe he was upset about the shark reference or something. Again, any romantic notion of this declaration seemed a far cry from reality. But as she stated earlier, this was _their _reality, and maybe it somehow fit into their myriad of awkward moments. If she was going to say it again, she was going to do it right. Taking a deep breath, she removed her hands from her face, looking him directly in his eyes.

"I love you." She said with conviction through her tears. "Squall Leonhart, I love you... I certainly didn't mean to blurt it out like that. It's just today...and you... I was so scared. And I..."

Her words softened, and she had to look away. Like so many other times, the emotion became too much to bear. As much as she wanted to search his face for a reaction, the tears were becoming too painful. In that moment, no other words were needed. She had spoken from her heart, and that was all she could ever do. She just prayed that it would be enough.

The feeling of strong arms encircling her brought her that needed moment of salvation. Giving in to the serenity, she placed her head against his chest like she had done countless times. But this time it was different, he knew how she felt... and he was still there. He didn't back away; he didn't leave in a drunken state of fear. Instead, he came to her, accepting the gift with heartfelt gratitude. She never expected a reply, knowing he still needed time. She would allow him forever if he wanted it. Inside she felt as if a huge burden had been lifted; one that she didn't even know was consuming her.

His left hand moved to her waist, capturing the cotton t-shirt fabric in his palm. The other hand traced the path from the small of her back up to her neck. She leaned closer, drawing their bodies together. Her two arms resting on his back, finding a safe harbor from the storm. Her eyes closed as she listened to the fervent beat of his heart. So scared, so frightened, but like a paradox – he was never more at ease. Minutes passed within the silence. The only sounds remained their breathing, their heartbeats, and the low hum of the room's heat being forced through the ceiling vents.

"Rin-"

His gravely voice finally spoke through hapless breaths, unable to say anything more. His mind was screaming to respond, but no words seemed to materialize. Some feelings were simply beyond all spoken words, when only the silence bound them within the dark. The sweet fragrance from her skin was starting to flood his senses. Moisture from earlier tears coated her neck, glistening faintly in the ashen moonlight. Before his mind registered what his body was doing, he softly traced small kisses along the sensitive skin of her collarbone. Praying in the darkness that he could somehow erase the pain he had caused. Allowing himself to continue in the moment, he explored the material of her shirt near her waist. He had never known cotton could feel like the finest of silk on his coarse hands. It was then that her earlier wardrobe registered in his mind, as did the small embroidered logo on the front of her t-shirt.

Between kisses he managed, "Rinoa... you...took my shirt, didn't you?"

She giggled aloud. A combination of the memory and sensation of his breath, brushing against her skin like raindrops. Maybe his comment wasn't what she was expecting at such an intimate moment, yet somehow it fit perfectly. Reality had to ground Squall, before he would allow himself to get lost in the unknown. The sorceress had noticed this tendency, but wished this newfound closeness would have lasted longer. Eventually he would allow himself to lose control, to get lost within his human desires. But certainly not tonight. So as he had done countless times before, he changed the subject completely.

Her words were soft, tender, and spoken unsurely from the momentary exhilaration. Then again, she was hoping this one would have slipped passed him.

"Yes, it's yours. Before we went to the Tomb of the Unknown King, you guys had us doing laundry in Deling. Please... don't be mad. I honestly thought it was Selphie's and put it in her basket. I was supposed to return it but..."

"But... what?" He questioned, feigning concern. Still softly placing tender kisses on her neck.

"I ended up wearing it that night. I didn't have your ring yet, and I just wanted something that was a part of you. Plus, how was I supposed to know that you would have a shirt with a skunk embroidered on the front?"

He stopped his advances and parted slightly, allowing their foreheads to gently rest together. His left hand still gently caressing the back of her neck, letting his fingertips soothingly play with the end of her ponytail. The light reflected deeply in her eyes, and he felt as if he could see eternity. He didn't care that she was wearing his shirt; he just had to stop himself before drowning in his own desires. She remained silent, allowing her knight to take the lead. Tenderly he pressed a finger to her lips, curling up the corners of his mouth in a tiny smile.

"I'll have you know, Miss Heartilly, that isn't a 'skunk,' it's a badger." She couldn't help but chuckle as he defended his shirt. He seemed so sincere about it; it was a mischievous side of him she would have never expected. Lifting an eyebrow, his finger still was placed gently on her lips, continuing to hush her. "_That_ badger is the mascot for the world's finest gunblade oils, imported from Eldbeak Peninsula. Don't ever underestimate a badger. They can be just as fierce as Wendigos if threatened. They can get up to whopping ninety centimeters in length...razor sharp claws...huge teeth...they're terrifying, really."

"Wendigos, Squall?" she finally countered, still enamored with his presence. A single finger resting on her mouth.

The movement of her lips under his touch fascinated him, the way her warm breath tickled his finger. He couldn't help but give her a full-blown smile. Not from their conversation, but just from the amazing comfort he had unknowingly found.

"Very small Wendigos...but Wendigos nonetheless."

The gunblader tried to remain serious, but couldn't help but join her in a moment of unadulterated laughter. He finally dropped his finger, wrapping his second arm tightly around her back. It felt good to laugh, amid all the problems of the evening. The young man just wished he could find the words to tell her how he truly felt. For a minute, he forgot why they were amused. Whether the situation was truly that humorous, or it was from all the tension that had been building through the night. It was amazing to be this close to anyone, and part of him wondered if he could ever survive without it.

Laughing, they fell onto the bed cradled in each other's arms. Rinoa still under the covers and Squall lying to the outside edge. He rolled onto his side, still grasping her tightly. She adjusted her positioning, giving him more room instead of clinging to the edge of the mattress.

"Rinoa, keep the shirt, it looks a lot better on you. I'll just save labels for another one."

"Thank you Squall, but you weren't getting it back anyhow."

"I figured. I know how stubborn you can be."

Letting out a small snicker, she exhaled as she rested her head against the pillow. She just wanted to stay this close to him forever. In his arms, the world just seemed to fade away into nothingness, as if it was only them. The young man paused, reverting to his more serious self.

Every conscious thought was telling Squall not to bring earlier events up, and just to enjoy the captivating magic of being near her. He wished to let his mind fully comprehend the three little words she had given freely, but he couldn't, it was his duty to protect her. They were on this journey together, taking each obstacle as it was laid before them. The emotional bond they had shared this evening was still plaguing his thoughts. He wished them back to that logical part of his brain usually set aside for work.

"I need to let you know something." She started to pull away, but he wouldn't allow her escape. He didn't want the euphoria to end. "No don't. It's okay. I just need to let you know something about us."

"Us?" She questioned, somewhat concerned. Her head resting on the pillow, she turned to look into his eyes. Their focus had leveled in the dim light, and she could make out every centimeter of his features.

"Well, about this whole sorceress/knight relationship. Honestly, not sure how to explain this, I hope you'll understand. According to Cid, it seems we can be empathic to each other's emotions. Even if the other isn't aware they are experiencing them. I'm not claiming to understand all the details, but it explains why neither of us were acting ourselves tonight. The short version is that you could sense Seifer, because you'd had some sort a previous relationship with him. Because your relationship was left unresolved...the physically closer you got to him."

"The more I couldn't control my...um...irrationalness?"

"Something like that. I somehow can perceive your emotions, drawing on them. The results can manifest themselves in different forms... not always anger. It's part of my job to know when the connection is a warning to something else. We'll learn more with time. I should have listened to my first instincts, and not left you alone tonight."

"You couldn't have known Squall." She assured him, starting to subconsciously massage his shoulder. "It wasn't _all_ bad. Plus, we got to freak out Zell a little bit."

"That's true." He chuckled, slightly remembering the martial artist's expression when he found them 'making-out' in the hallway. It was more fervent than anything they had shared to that point. Now the knight could understand the passion surrounding the kiss – they were both slightly emotionally overloaded.

"So, I guess this means next time I steal your shirt, you'll feel my guilt," she teased.

"I think it has to be something major... something that would affect both of us. But don't worry Rin, you better believe I'm going to keep a tighter inventory on my wardrobe after this."

"That hurts." Rinoa stopped massaging long enough to slap him playfully on the bicep. The young sorceress could not recall a time when they had been this close, for this long. Okay, there was the night he had stayed with her after Cid and Edea's. But she was upset with him back then, so technically that didn't count. Tonight she wasn't really _mad_, but hurt by the way he had dismissed her so easily.

Maybe the gravity of everything that had happened tonight was beginning to dawn on her. Looking into his eyes now, she remembered the scared child she saw staring back in the training center. That five-year-old who had everything stolen, silently yearning for someone to reach out and comfort him. Someone to whisper everything was going to be all right. It was the child afraid to ask, but desperately seeking comfort and acceptance.

Rinoa had never known Squall and Seifer at the same time. At least during a meeting that could be classified as peaceful. Judging from what little she had firsthand knowledge of, their pasts could not have been one based in anything less than a complex rivalry. It was not only the mirroring scars engraved on their faces, but also ones that ran deeply carved between the two. It was something that would never completely heal. It simply _couldn't. _In all her desires to hear Seifer's reasoning, she never stopped to fully comprehend the significance of his return on the man lying next to her. She had known Seifer only a few months, Squall had to deal with a betrayal of someone he had known all his life.

"I-I'm so sorry Squall."

"Why?" He hadn't initially grasped her meaning, believing their conversation still was lighthearted, joking about pilfered clothing. "Rinoa, honestly you can have the shirt, it's okay."

"No," she gently answered. She shook her head almost embarrassedly. "I'm sorry about the training center. I'm sorry I didn't let you in the room right away, and that I feel the need to be stubborn some times. I didn't think about how hard it was on _you_...to see him again. I guess I was just thinking about myself, and didn't stop to realize... I-I'm so sorry."

"It was hard." He hadn't meant to be so candid, but for once, his heart was guiding his words. Moving his hand to her face, he traced her jaw with a fingertip. "But it was harder to think of losing you."

"Squall, you aren't going to lose me. I'm not going anywhere. Please, please believe me."

"I want to, God I want to." It came out more of a plea than he had intended.

His throat felt as parched as the Kashkabald Desert, but he swallowed his pride anyway. Part of him had to know, if not for him, then for them. Maybe he would find solace in knowing the truth, maybe he just needed to know more about her. Maybe the truth was much less painful than some of the images that plagued his mind.

"Rinoa, I have to ask... what exactly was your relationship like with Seifer?" Okay, he had officially crossed into 'jealous boyfriend territory.' Zell would be so proud.

Searching her memories, she tried to find the right words. She smiled knowingly, this had to be so hard on him; he was acting so brave in the face of danger. She would expect no less from her knight. Before they got into the whole sordid history, they had to get comfortable...this could take awhile. There was also this small voice in the back of her head that didn't want to be looking in his eyes. It was still hard to talk about. The thought of hurting him with any words made her ill.

"Wait one second." She moved from her position, grabbing a few bed pillows and leaned them against the headboard. He laid there captivated at her actions; sometimes it just took his mind a few moments to register pertinent information. She wouldn't change a thing about him, even if it was within her ability. It was only then that he took her cue, sitting up and removing his shoes before returning to the bed. Leaning against the headboard, he placed his arm around her and she leaned onto him, putting herself once again in the familiar position, finding comfort on his muscular chest. Although, she could never tire of this closeness.

"I can't believe I've known you well over a year now, and you're finally asking me about Seifer." All right, not the best statement she could have made, but it was the truth.

"Maybe a part of me was afraid to know." Definitely not the words she expected as a reply, if she expected any words at all. He leaned down, placing a small kiss on her head. What surprised her most was that he didn't retract, resting his chin softly in her hair. His warm breath was like a longed-for friend, comforting her through the next several minutes.

"I met Seifer at the Deling Train station. Actually...I ran into him - _literally_. As usual, I overslept and was running late to the platform. Hurrying to catch the train, I turned the corner quickly and wham... well you get it. He uttered a few choice words under his breath, looking down at me. He just stared at me with disgust, while one of his friends helped me to my feet. I mumbled some kind of apology, still embarrassed. What I didn't know was that my train had been delayed due to a mechanical failure... The four of us ended up on the same train, and I remember walking down the aisle by them a few times...on purpose. Finally, the last time Seifer reached out, grabbing my wrist asking me if 'I had a problem.' I wish I could tell you why I found him fascinating... Maybe because he didn't help me. The guy had been _anything_ but a gentleman."

She reluctantly continued, listening to his heartbeat like a metronome. She honestly didn't know how much he wanted to hear, but she knew there could be no secrets between them. Experience had taught her that much.

"So anyway, I found the need to tell them all about myself... I'm pretty sure Seifer wasn't listening to half of my rambling. Raijin and Fujin were nice and the three of us talked the entire trip. Arriving in Timber, I got off the train after saying my goodbyes... I figured I'd never see any of them again. When I was walking out of the station, someone tapped me on the shoulder. Seifer asked if I wanted to go grab some dinner... I learned about him that night, when his friends weren't around... He was attending Balamb Garden and was going to be a SeeD. It was early June, and he said he had the weekends free. We agreed to meet every Friday night outside the train station."

Did he really want to hear all of this? Of course not, but he listened, absorbing all the details. One thing made sense, Seifer seemed to be away from the posse when he talked freely. Nobody at Garden would have taken the time to get to know him one-on-one. Then again, he wouldn't have allowed anybody that close. Maybe Seifer saw the same quality in Rinoa that he had, someone that you wanted to put all your faith in, and slowly chip away at the walls. It was something natural about her personality. Sometimes the commander just wanted to drown himself in that quality.

"When school started again full-time, I'd write long letters and tried to call. He always seemed too busy to talk, and never once wrote back. Still, I was holding onto the memories... I just couldn't let them go. I even went to Balamb over winter break and things seemed fine between us. Part of me always wondered if there was somebody else, and he just didn't have the heart to tell me. He still seemed concerned about me, wanting to know how things were going with the resistance. But...um something happened on that trip...and..."

She bit her lip, feeling her pulse reverberate throughout her throat. He involuntarily tightened his grip, feeling as if she was going to fade away into nonexistence. "I could tell he was stressed about the exams coming up... We went out to dinner and then returned to my hotel room. I guess I was too naïve to think much about it, or maybe some part of me subconsciously understood the implications. I was just a month away from turning seventeen, and part of me wanted to grow up so much... to feel like an adult... to feel like a woman. But I couldn't... _I just couldn't."_

The tears were trailing down her face again, for the countless time that evening. She couldn't believe that there was anything left in her. Against her will, the sorceress' body trembled as the knight held her securely. Never relinquishing his hold, his heart ached with hers as she tried anxiously to finish.

"H-He was so mad and left. I blamed myself. I figured I'd never hear from him again, after what I'd pulled. He could have been with any woman, but he wanted me that night... God, I don't know. Maybe I just read everything wrong... I'm still confused. Seifer called in late March, which was the first time he'd _ever_ called me. He had been apologetic, but never apologized... it's kinda hard to explain. The conversation felt different. He did mention that things were changing at Garden, for the better, saying he was going to make it this time... He was just so positive about himself. He thought if I wanted to hire SeeD, that it would be the right time. So, he invited me to the graduation... told me to wait outside and he'd escort me up. That was going to be the first time I would be around people he knew. I was so happy. I finally felt like he wanted me to be a part of his life..."

She continued breaking down, to a point where she was barely audible through the sobs.

"Rinoa, its okay... I get what happened from there."

"N-No," the young sorceress faltered. She wiped away her current tears with the thickness of her blanket. "I have to finish... I also made up my mind that night I wasn't going to back down; I was going to spend the night in his room. Dressing up, I actually planned to give myself completely to him. Squall, hindsight is twenty/twenty honestly... I'm so, so sorry I'm telling you all of this. I think I really would have been with him that night too... if one thing hadn't come along. You."

Part of him was already resigned to the fact he would accept if Rinoa and Seifer had been physically together. He had convinced himself that it didn't matter; it was in the past. It didn't change the way he felt about her, the way she felt about him, or the future they were destined to share. Yet on hearing that they had not, he felt an enormous relief surge through his body. Maybe it was selfish, maybe it was only human nature, whatever it was he didn't know. He just knew it went down to the most primal of feelings.

"Seifer never met me downstairs, so I went to the ballroom to find him. I looked around for a while, trying not to let any of my irritation show. Thinking maybe if I could dance, or get out and talk to someone, it might calm my nerves. Whatever I did, I wanted it to look like nothing was bothering me. The music... I just listened to the music and felt lost in its melody. I remember thinking how happy everyone looked. Even in a place that trained children to fight, couples had found each other. Here I had planned the biggest night of my adult life, and I was alone in a room filled with people. That's when I saw you looking at me."

_"I was alone in a room full of people too, until I saw you too." _He left his thoughts to himself, not wanting to interrupt her. After all, it was Rinoa that caught him staring at her. If you asked him one reason why he looked, he couldn't give one, but maybe he could give you a hundred. He would have tried to deny the fact had it been anyone else, but she had caught him staring that night, and many nights following that. Somehow, he didn't care.

"After leaving you, I talked with Cid. He agreed to help... it was like a small miracle. I mean, I know Seifer just stood me up, but I felt that I was doing something for Timber... That was better than anything I could've done for myself. I wanted to run to someone, shout it to the entire world. So I decided to head back to the train station, figuring I could at least share the moment with Zone and Watts. I stepped outside the main doors, and someone tapped my shoulder from behind. I turned... it was Seifer... H-He seemed so bitter, so hurt. Seifer never mentioned anything about failing, I still was under the impression he'd passed... He said he'd been drinking and wasn't aware of the time... That's when he went upstairs and saw us dancing..."

Catching her breath, she lifted her head from the safety of her human pillow. She rolled over, moving to her elbows, and resting them gently on his chest. This way she could see his face, and every darkened shadow shading his masculine features. He moved one arm securely around her waist, while the other drifted to her face. Softly he brushed long tendrils behind her ears, wiping her tears with his thumb. She smiled, nuzzling her cheek into his palm. He cupped her face as she turned her head slightly, placing a soft kiss on his fingers.

"The next seconds were kind of a blur... he was so just angry. He reached forward and stumbled from the alcohol, falling into me. I remember shifting sideways and letting out a shocked yelp, as he fell into my shoulder. His weight knocked me back, hitting a nearby wall... The next thing I knew, two guys in robes were pulling him off of me. And Cid... Cid was there and ordered them to take Seifer to the disciplinary room, until he sobered up. The headmaster asked if I needed an escort... I told him I was fine. I think I was just in shock at how fast everything happened. I wasn't mad, just confused... they took him away so quickly."

"I'm sorry."

"Squall, it's not your fault; you have nothing to apologize for. I've always felt bad... like the whole ordeal somehow came back to me. All of it. If it hadn't been for me, Seifer wouldn't have been at the television station in Timber. Ultimecia would have never controlled him and-"

"Rinoa_ stop_." His words were forceful, yet he delicately caressed her face in his palm. She winced, closing her eyes at his authoritative tone. "It would have never mattered. Ultimecia would have appeared to him eventually. It wasn't you that connected our fates; it was our past at the orphanage. Your arrival may have been a catalyst, but it was never the cause."

"Are... are you mad at me Squall?" her voice shivered slightly.

"At you? How could I be?"

"Well... because of Seifer."

"If anything, I understand the conflict towards him a lot better. I shouldn't have acted like I did today. You two honestly did need to work things through. I'm the one who is sorry from stopping you."

"I was just shocked to see him again, in a Garden training center no less. It was about the last thing I had on my mind. I guess I wasn't thinking about how it would appear in the long run." As much as Rinoa enjoyed the close proximity, the numbness was spreading quickly through her arms. Begrudgingly, she moved into a sitting position. Never wanting to break the physical contact, she kept one arm gently placed on his chest. Shaking the tingling sensation from the other limb, the young woman looked down to where he was lying. It seemed that he hadn't taken his eyes off of her since she had changed positions. "So where do we go from here?"

"The only place we can go... forward." His voice seemed hoarse as the whisper cut through the darkness. He reached out both of his arms, capturing her free hand in one fluid motion. He brought both of her hands together, placing them on his abdomen, where they joined his. "We go forward... together."

"Squall, thank you."

"Thank you for what?"

_"I should be thanking you, Rinoa... for saving me. Thank you for loving me."_

"For breaking Seifer's nose," she giggled breaking the tense mood.

He gave her a wry smile. "I thought you were mad about that?"

"Well, I'm supposed to be, I guess... but really he did deserve it. Most guys just badmouth their ex-girlfriends, not sacrifice them so they are joined eternally with a psychotic tyrant." She tried to make light of the situation, but he could tell that the truth still bothered her.

"He won't hurt you anymore." The knight clutched her hands tighter, closing his eyes as he made the promise.

She withdrew her right hand, moving it up to his forehead. Softly she traced the line of his scar with her index finger. "No Squall, he won't hurt _us_ anymore."

Trembling under her velvety touch, his eyes closed tighter at the sudden realization that he was laying on her bed, with her caressing his forehead. All words seemed to be lost, along with that logical side of his brain that commanded the most basic of actions. The fingers from one hand still rested on his stomach, and he could feel the weight of the bed shifting. In the darkness, the feathery touch of her lips replaced the trail that her finger had blazed. Softly, delicately, her warm breath met with the imperfection highlighting his face. Not only kissing the physical wound, but also trying to make all those fears and doubts bottled inside him ebb forever from his soul.

Rinoa fought against herself not to continue. To sit back up and temporarily push the fiery sensation of his skin from her mind. He may not be ready for any more contact. It had usually been him initiating their closeness, taking the lead at his own pace. Yet the temptation was becoming too much, and she wanted to take a chance, throwing months of caution to the snowfields outside. It was all a risk, a calculated risk. She had to be willing to accept the consequences.

She found herself pulled into a trance, unable to stop at just his scar. With skillful vigilance, she moved to his lips, wondering how he was going react. At first, the contact was tentative, and he seemed to be resisting any advances. Her warm breath mingled with his as she hovered over his mouth waiting for a reaction. Afraid she had already tested the limit of his boundaries, she started to back away. She cursed herself for throwing too much on him already. The confessions of both her true feelings for him, and her history with Seifer, were enough for any one person to absorb.

She smiled, extremely self-conscious about her actions, as his eyes fluttered open. She could not read his expression, not due to the lack of illumination, but because it was something she had never laid witness to. The last thing she expected was to feel a hand on the back of her head, bringing her back to him. His eyes shut as their lips united once more, not the tender pecks from before, but a blending of emotion and passion surpassing any previous barriers.

Her body felt so weightless as she fell on top of his chest, his mind couldn't even register that another human being could feel so light. The young man had not consciously realized that his hand had moved under the material barrier of her shirt. His second hand joined the first moving to her back, finding comfort in the silken texture of her skin. One hand pressed into her shoulder blades, while the other continued mingling with her ponytail and neck.

Every silken strand of hair felt like heaven as it twisted around his fingers. Somewhere along the line, he had forgotten how to breathe and now was trying to steal needed gasps between kisses. His mind screamed this was wrong, it was too soon, and he would have to stop this before he lost all control. But his heart couldn't get over the simple fact that she loved him. Through all the heartache, through all his foolishness, this person had seen all his faults... and loved him any way. Could he have ever asked for any greater gift?

His throat let out a groveled moan as he moved her to the side. Together, she allowed him to take the lead by rolling together. Her fingernails scratched gently against his back, as neither seemed to be yielding to the moment. It was her turn to let out a soft cry as he started tracing kisses down her neck, much as he had done earlier. Her body shivered at the touch, and she couldn't help letting out a small giggle every so often.

It was in a moment of clarity that Squall realized just what he was doing. Again, he had allowed himself to be overtaken with her. To be lost within her touch. He gave her another short kiss on her neck, before giving her a slightly longer one on the lips. But she had sensed the change too; she was surprised he had allowed himself to be lost for that long. Although, a part of her couldn't help but feel the disappointment, still she knew his lucidity was for the best. With arms still tightly wrapped around her, he maneuvered so he could look directly into her eyes. It was him that was the first to smile, reassuring that he wasn't offended. Letting her silently know that he had found a certain exultation in the moments they had just shared.

"Rinoa, I... I really wish I could-" It wasn't the thought he had planned on admitting, but somehow it is what came out. "It's just that-"

"I know Squall." She brushed his bangs out his eyes, although they fell right back. "It's been a long day for both of us. You don't have to explain anything."

"It's just our emotions are still a little off, and I don't want to do-"

"Shhh." Rinoa placed her finger on his lips this time cutting his words. "No explanations, all right? We don't need excuses, when something is right... we'll both know it, okay?" He nodded in understanding. She moved the single finger that rested on his lips back to the edge of the scar. "But Mr. Leonhart, you are not getting off that easy."

Raising an eyebrow, he felt a surge of panic. Although from his current position, he wasn't sure what he possibly had left to be unnerved about. Right now, he was literally laying on top of his girlfriend, in her bed... not exactly the easiest thing to try to explain away. Not that he would even try.

"Squall... the training center, earlier? What were you taking me there for if it wasn't to _train_?"

"Oh that." He grinned, slightly humiliated at his line of thinking. "After everything else tonight, it is nothing of real importance." Shifting his weight, he moved back onto his side. Although feeling her body beneath his was amazing, it wasn't exactly the most comfortable position... given the circumstances. He finally managed to roll over, sitting up at the edge of the bed. He turned back noticing she was grinning sneakily like a Cheshire cat.

"Well you're going to tell me, right?"

"I suppose I could... or I could just _show_ you."

"_Show_ me?" Her voice took on a seductive edge as she winked in his direction. He gave her a slightly confused look at her implications.

Shaking his head he looked at her shrewdly, "Get some clothes on."

"You really don't know how this whole thing works, do you?" She said the last part teasingly as she sat upright in the bed. Part of her was shocked she felt that relaxed joking about the subject. Sometimes she had dealt with testing or uncomfortable situations with humor – tonight had been a combination of more than both.

Standing up, he turned back to where she sat. Leaning over he inched closer to her face, to where only a small space separated them. The commander mirrored her first tone, speaking softly in his own alluring manner. "I know _exactly_ how it works Heartilly. You must remember you're dealing with a SeeD, trained in the art of making the enemy helplessly surrender. To know the enemy better than he _or she_ knows themselves. To make them feel secure in order to obtain the needed result."

He moved forward to where his lips were millimeters from hers. Just like before, she could feel his breath dance on her mouth. She leaned forward, closing her eyes, the commander acting as if he was going to close the final gap. In that instant, he turned his head standing up quickly. She caught herself falling forward onto the bed when he had moved away. She squinted her eyes in aggravation at his malicious retreat.

"Then again, SeeDs have been known to be given withdrawal orders." He chuckled faintly before pointing at her suitcase. "Now just get some sweats on or something; it's cold in there."

* * *

They had walked the whole distance hand in hand. Somehow, it felt more natural than anything in the world right now. Maybe it was because most of the students were asleep in their dorms, or maybe it was just that he had reached a new level of understanding. One that superseded any fears or concern of outward appearances. He still would maintain professional decorum when necessary, but right now, he only wanted to be her boyfriend, her knight... the person she loved. He could never tire of that.

On reaching the training center, he held the door open for her as she entered. Again, the air greeted her like a cold blanket wrapping her body. They silently walked in the room that currently housed no monsters. Reaching another set of double doors, which acted as a divider, they entered another room. It reminded Rinoa of Balamb Garden and the secret area... just without the teenage hideout. Squall led her back to a tiled area surrounded by yellow and black caution tape. She mused to herself that he wouldn't seriously bring her here to 'make-out' now. They were quite capable of handling that by themselves in her room.

"There." He pointed to the marked off area.

"Caution tape... it is really nice." She said, slightly confused, and examining the thinly colored plastic. He was unusually silent, and then in a moment of extreme tiredness, she wondered if that is really what he was showing her. "Um, the technique in the display over the barricades is excellent, Squall."

"Thank you, I put it up myself." His answer was completely serious.

"What, that's really it?" This had to be a weird joke forged in the mind of Squall Leonhart, right? "Please tell me it's not the tape." Okay, she needed sleep badly.

"No Rinoa, of course it's not the tape..." He glanced over his shoulder, giving her a wink this time. "Come here."

Staying to her side, he squatted down to the floor still grasping her hand. She followed his lead, ending up sitting on her knees. It was then that she discovered what he had brought her to see... it was something etched within all the cement tiles themselves. She looked toward the one nearest them, as he nodded in that direction.

"I was helping in here earlier this month. All these tiles were originally designed by students and staff. A cadet suggested that every tile should have a name, and something symbolic of a fallen student engraved on its face... so they did. But there were more tiles than students, so the headmaster thought that everyone who helped with the restoration should also have one... At first I declined, I didn't want to have my name on anything... I figured it should be left to the residents of Trabia Garden. Then one of the instructors said if I didn't want my own, how about something that I was grateful for..."

"Squall... I..." She tried desperately not to cry, feeling as if her tears would crystallize on her face if she did. It was so cold, and she could feel the familiar sting in the corners of her eyes. Reaching out her right hand, she traced a pair of delicate angel wings etched on the marbled tile. In the center, a lion's head profile, being valiantly protected by its heavenly, feathered guardian.

"Just like Winhill," she echoed aloud, remembering drawing wings on the Leonhart family mausoleum. There she etched them into the years of filth, it was nothing lasting ...such as this. Now that she examined each stone, they all had some symbolic meaning to those who had suffered and endured. "It's so beautiful Squall... they are all beautiful."

"One of the artisans in Shumi Village made them. Each individual just had to design their own tile."

There was foreign lettering written below the image. It was like something she had never seen. She ran her fingertips of the cold stone. "W-What does it say?"

"It's written in an ancient Shumi dialect."

Taking her eyes off of the tile, she glanced at him apprehensively. "Shumi dialect, huh? Somehow, I think you're avoiding my question."

"Hey, I have to at least have some surprises, right?" Moving to his knees, he let go of her hand and placed his arm around her back. Resting her head on his shoulder, the sorceress let out a small laugh.

"Squall, I thought that 'secrets' were what we've spent the last few months avoiding. I don't suppose it will work if I said it was an 'order from your client'?"

"Nice try Rin, Timber held its free elections months ago. Although, I'm pretty sure you're never going to stop ordering me around."

"Hey!" She turned, peering in annoyance. He gave her soft reassuring peck on the lips.

"Secondly, we _are_ working to avoid secrets. I promise you this isn't one... I will tell you eventually... just not right now. You have to trust me, okay?"

"I trust you," she admitted, albeit reluctantly. "Not even a _tiny_ clue?"

He smiled resting their foreheads together. "It has nothing to do with Wendigos or badger shirts." She started to protest, but was cut off by his lips pressing against hers. He parted and she found it best not to continue the line of questioning... at least for the moment.

"Come on," his words brittle in the cold air. Standing up, he helped her to her feet. "You're going to get sick if you stay in here. Plus, we've better get some sleep. I'll take you back to your room, okay?"

Agreeing silently, she placed her head back on his shoulder as they walked out slowly. His arm found a resting place snuggly on her waist. She looked around the main room when they left the smaller part, remembering everything that had happened tonight - the good, the bad, but mostly the overwhelming relief that filled her soul. She had faced her fears tonight, and came face to face with her past. Two people whose histories had intertwined for a short time, now had two decisively different paths to follow. Seifer was earning his redemption as a ward of Trabia Garden, a complicated and dangerous journey in its own right. And her, coming to terms with emotions running deep within her heart, and discovering her place among this world. Walking down the path not alone, but hand in hand with her knight.


	6. A Time of War, A Time to Keep, and A Time to Cast Away Stones - Part I

** _Chapter Sixteen: A Time of War _ **

_ May 28th _

He looked down at the orders printed on the official letterhead. This _couldn't_ be right. It had to be a mix-up or some kind of malicious hoax. Squall opened the second folder, checking to confirm that its contents were identical to the first. _Him, Zell, kids... overnight?_ Suddenly that entire Ultimecia ordeal was starting to look a tad more appealing. Squall looked out the window at the Trabian landscape – covered in a vast blanket of white. He needed a bottle of aspirin, some water, and an excuse... Think anyone would believe he was severely allergic to children?

The headmaster buzzed the intercom, requesting a pitcher of water from his assistant. It appeared as if the parched young commander was in desperate need of liquid. The young woman walked in, trying to leave as quickly as possible. Rinoa only worked on an administrative level, and attempted to stay clear of official Garden matters. It felt even more awkward when Squall was around - not to mention the three were still thousands of kilometers from Balamb. Rinoa placed two glasses in front of the men, and then retrieved a pitcher of ice water from the kitchenette.

The commander's silence was finally broken, disregarding any concern about Rinoa's presence. "You've got to be...joking...right?" his voice stammered. "Isn't there anyone else in this Garden capable of handling eight five-year-olds for a night?"

"Sure, but the only experience you and Zell ever had has been with older cadets. I want to see how you handle yourself around younger students."

Squall eyed the headmaster suspiciously after all the recent events. "Sir, respectfully, I must ask if this is another one of your tests?"

"No, this one is just for fun." Cid stated very matter-of-factly as a smile crept onto his lips.

Rinoa couldn't help but chuckle at the headmaster's wry comment. There was something rather humorous about picturing Squall and Zell in charge of five-year-olds – eight of them no less. She averted her eyes from the men as her laughter continued. She set the pitcher on the desk and started to walk away. The sorceress felt a strong hand grab her wrist and looked to her boyfriend biting back the laughter.

"What's so funny?" Squall asked meeting her gaze, seemingly displeased about the source of her amusement.

"Nothing, absolutely nothing," she added, covering her mouth with her free hand. "I'm sure it will be a very 'educational' trip for the children... _those not fed to the nearest Snow Lion_." The last part was said under her breath.

"I'm glad you feel that way Miss Heartilly. With the reduction in useable staff, I have cleared it with the Trabian Commander that you shall be the third escort on the trip."

"I wha-?"

"I knew you would be thrilled to help out." He handed an identical folder to the two already in the Balamb Commander's possession to her.

"Sir, it's cold outside! There's snow!" She protested.

"And people say you're not observant." Squall countered giving her a wink.

"You stay out of this," she squinted her eyes back at her boyfriend. Wiggling her wrist free from his grasp, she placed both hands on her hips. "Somehow I'm guessing you are getting enjoyment out of this."

Squall grinned openly, "Better believe it."

"Sir," Rinoa turned toward Cid, praying she could appeal to the headmaster's sense of diplomacy. "I have not received the proper training that would coincide with such an outing. Zell Dincht and Squall Leonhart have both been trained in the basics of outdoor survival. I don't believe having an inexperienced staff member along would reflect well on the Garden Program. Where it_ is_ true that I have had my share of instruction in the area of defense, those principles would only be used in the direst of circumstances. I believe my abilities are better suited in remaining here."

"Wow," stated Cid as he stood from his desk. "Remind me when we get home to look into placing you into the diplomatic corps. I almost believed you. Now get packing you two, you leave at 1400 hours."

Squall stood, saluting the headmaster, and then turned to Rinoa, whispering in her ear. "Bring a sweater, it's cold out there."

* * *

"Oh man, whose bright idea was this?" Zell looked at the kids lined up in the main hallway.

_"Cid's..."_ The commander grumbled through clenched teeth. "I just went on one of these things in March with twelve-year-olds... it wasn't pleasant. Not to mention that we will find ourselves in the middle of a stupid blizzard outside."

"And how did Rinoa get dragged into this again?"

"I'm guessing guilt by association. He said it was due to lack of usable staff... I mean when has the headmaster ever sent the janitor or a cafeteria worker on an overnight retreat?"

"So, it's some kind of test for you two?"

"Zell, I think everything is some kind of test with that man."

"It's like Ma used to say... You can lead a Chocobo to a remedy, but you can't make him drink it. But Squall, if anybody could make that bird drink... it would be you two."

The commander looked at him completely baffled, "What?" Then he suddenly realized that maybe he didn't want to know. Squall raised his hand quickly, waving it off. "Never mind, I need some of my sanity left for this."

The two SeeDs made their way to the main entrance, carefully observing their young travel companions. Cid was giving the students a summary of the night's events and going over basic rules of conduct. Rinoa walked up, dragging under the weight of her gear.

"Who in the world designed this stuff?" She huffed, tossing her belongings onto the floor. "And how far is it to the campsite?"

"About ten kilometers..." answered the martial artist.

"Uphill." Squall added with a humorous undertone.

"Over a large river."

"...And through scary woods."

"Haha – you two are so funny." Rinoa countered, rolling her eyes. "That's it, when we get back to Balamb I'm demanding a raise."

Squall turned and looked over at his girlfriend, shaking his head. "Rinoa, are you wearing that coat? You'll freeze out there."

"Squall," she shot back slightly agitated, "I'm from _Deling, _it doesn't get anywhere near freezing...it rains all the time. This is the warmest coat I own."

"I'll be right back." He stated before heading towards the dorms.

Rinoa stared at him as he disappeared down the hallway, realizing somewhere along the line that Zell was watching her watch Squall. She turned back smiling innocently, trying to downplay her momentary weakness.

"So, five-year-olds... have much experience with children, Zell?"

"Nice cover Rin...would you pay more attention to me if I showed you my rear?" To emphasize his point, he turned away, slightly shaking his backside. She narrowed her eyes, playfully punching him on the shoulder in jest. Laughing, he turned back facing her. "Yeah, I've had some experience with children. Back in Balamb, I would watch the neighbor kids regularly, plus I come from a very large extended family. You?"

"A little, I guess. Just never... kids so well behaved, wearing military uniforms, and standing at attention. It just seems so unnatural. If they break into song, I'm leaving."

"What?"

"Never mind." Rinoa quickly dismissed. "I'm just a little nervous about this. The only people who listened to me before were Zone and Watts, and that never went too well. Oh, and Angelo... wish she was here for moral support."

"Who is watching her?" He asked, for the first time realizing that Rinoa's furry companion was absent.

"Selphie. I just hope she isn't feeding her hot dogs and chopped steak again. The dog snubbed 'Cactuars N' Bits' for a week after our trip to Winhill."

"I remember," he added with a slight hint of jealousy. "Feeding Angelo hot dogs should be considered a form of cannibalism. Anyway, I hear Cid is heading back to Balamb soon, you going with him?"

"Well..." she tried to mask the disappointment in her voice. "He asked me to, if I felt that I was ready. Part of me wants to stay, God, a very big part... but I also know that I need to go back. My regular duties are piling up. Xu is doing her normal job, plus handling a lot of the matters normally done by Squall. It's unfair to give her the added weight of my administrative responsibilities. As much as I want to stay... I need to be objective."

Rinoa felt a tinge of guilt about not discussing the matter with Squall before. In her mind, she never wanted their time together to end. The last week had been emotionally consuming, but one she wouldn't have traded for all the stars in the heavens. She feared by returning to Balamb, he would fall back into old habits. All their progress would take a backseat to his work once he returned. She knew it was the uncertainty clouding her judgment, he would not change - _they_ would not change. Still it was hard to let go of this time together.

She heard the echoed steps of someone walking down the corridor. It was strange; she could sense his presence without turning around. When Squall stepped into view, he held a standard issue heavy-duty SeeD coat in hand. She watched him silently as he ran his fingers over the outside of the garment, removing any traces of debris. He met her gaze, and for a second, she felt like an infatuated schoolgirl. The only consolation being that she was caught staring at his face this time - not his backside.

"Here Rinoa, take this." He held out his arm, offering her the coat.

It was hard to believe that eight days ago she had let her feelings slip. Right then, she couldn't even form a lucid sentence. The feeling overwhelming her was impossible to put into mere words. She had known him over a year, had been 'dating' for some time, but still he had this way of making her speechless – without ever trying.

He looked so confused, wondering if he had done something wrong. It was just _these_ moments that she feared losing by returning to Balamb. She chided herself, their separation would only last a few weeks. The time apart would be much shorter than the two months they were original slated for. Either way, she would have to deal with it...and soon, as the confusion on his face right now was almost priceless.

"Did I do something wrong?" He finally asked, thinking that he broke some unwritten 'boyfriend rule' that he was supposed to inherently know.

Of course, what was he supposed to think as he had still been holding the coat this entire time? She reached out, embarrassed by the fact. Taking the jacket, she smiled amiably, trying to cover her momentary idiocy yet again.

"Not in the least," she managed. "Not in the least."

She heard the loud snickering of the person directly beside her. Somehow, Zell was getting much enjoyment out of the entire situation.

"Don't mind me," he laughed. "I just um... thought of this joke and... Oh forget it, it isn't even worth coming up with a valid excuse. I'll go check and see how Cid's doing, so you two kids can be alone."

Rinoa quickly turned back to her boyfriend, hoping he wouldn't take their friend's behavior too seriously. She wasn't sure if Squall was embarrassed, or figuring a physical way to launch Zell up to the ceiling – seeing if his spiky hair would stick in the tiles like a pencil.

"Squall, where did you get this?"

"I have a spare... you can keep that one. It's one of those perks about being Commander."

The young woman looked at her hands, the navy blue coat was identical to his and the rest of the group. All these years she had disliked the idea of conformity, now she viewed this small act as an honor. She couldn't help but notice the musky scent - the garment taking on the likeness of its owner. Removing her thinner jacket, she tossed it on top of her gear. Her hands trembled as she tried to align the teeth of the zipper. She wasn't sure why she felt so nervous, it was just an act of kindness she would have never believed a year ago.

Two steady hands wrapped around hers. She blinked for a second, thinking she was imagining this, although her daydreams never included him _fastening_ a zipper. She looked up as he worked on the coat's fastener. His bangs covered his face, and she could only partially make out his features. Still each one had already been engraved into her memories.

"This zipper can be tricky," he justified, although not sure why. He looked into her eyes, as he finally managed to fasten the coat, and couldn't help smiling in return. It was this effect she had over him, like lightning to a metallic rod. "Plus, you already took my favorite t-shirt and ring. I figured that the coat wasn't far behind. Why do you think I left my leather jacket back in Balamb?"

* * *

Their mission was simple – to introduce the cadets to some of the native wildlife. It wasn't on how to fight the creatures, but how to look for signs of their presence, and even teach avoidance. Combat was looked at as a last necessity, preparation being the primary focus of Garden. Because of their age, their first outing was only a single night. After that, the duration would lengthen, but Garden wanted this to be a very positive experience.

The journey itself was nowhere near the torturous trek the teenagers had imagined. Although the temperature remained far below freezing point, the warmth of the sun offered some relief – at least mentally if not physically. Trabia Garden was still within eyeshot, and all of them had radio communicators assigned in case of emergency.

They made camp in a nearby cave, which was known to be abandoned, and was thus often used for such purposes. After they had gathered materials for a campfire, the cadets were given some time to undo their sleeping bags, and adjust to their surroundings. Squall called the children over after a given time, and they sat on blankets near the fire. He stood in front with several index cards. It was his job to teach the information the students would be tested on upon their return.

When they settled, the commander began reading...

* * *

_"...Next, the Snow Lion is considered an elemental monster, and can be defeated easily with advanced preparations. Its main attack when threatened is known as 'Ice Breath.' The Snow Lion primarily drops 'North Winds,' with the notable exceptions of 'Healing Mails' on certain instances. On very rare occasions, they have also been known to drop 'Silver Mails.' It is considered..." _

Zell and Rinoa leaned against the cave wall, lost in a trancelike state, as Squall droned on endlessly about the region's inhabitants. It felt as if they had been there for days, when in fact, he had only been speaking a little over an hour.

"Help me Rinny, I'm going to bang my head into a wall...he...is...never...going...to...stop. I can't believe it, he makes Quistis' lectures seem somehow..._exhilarating_."

"I've never heard Squall say so much, but say so little at the same time." Rinoa stared on in horror as she slowly lowered herself down the wall.

Zell shook his hands, trying to regain the feeling in his fingertips. "Is the numbness from the cold or from Squall's speech?"

"Dear Hyne, the speech."

"What I wouldn't do for a GF and a silence spell. Can I at least pelt him with snowballs? Pebbles? Wizard stones? I think I saw some petrified Chocobo droppings over in that corner." Zell begged, sliding down the granite wall and joining her on the ground.

"No, that would look... bad..." Rinoa smiled mischievously. "But darn funny. I think it's time we did our bit for the future of SeeD. If not, they'll send a search party to discover our frozen corpses still waiting for him to shut up about the Snow Lion."

"What are you going to do?" The blond couldn't help but smirk at Rinoa's sudden change in demeanor. "And are you completely sure that Chocobo droppings can't be involved?"

"No, that's just disgusting!" She shook her head laughing, before returning to her stealth-attack mode. "Okay... do you have my back?"

"Always. I don't care what punishment I have to endure, it has to be better than this unspeakable torture."

_"...Blizzard, Blizzara, Blizzaga, and Berserk.__ To recap again, the Trabian Snow Lion is vulnerable to Fire, Earth, and-" _Squall continued to speak, but no sound came out as he silently mouthed the next several words. He turned furiously towards the two who were now covering their faces in fits of uncontrollable laughter.

"Rinoa...you...just...silenced the commander!" Zell choked out between breaths.

"I'm sooo going to get it. But it was sooo worth it. Come on, let's go save the helpless children, before they become legal adults." Rinoa jumped up reaching for Zell's hand. He got to his feet trying to ignore the irate glare radiating from his superior. "I wasn't sure if I could even do it," she admitted sheepishly as they walked over. "I'm just glad I didn't petrify him."

"You might leave that option open for the near future... the _very_ near future."

"Hey kids," Rinoa walked up, speaking enthusiastically to the youngsters. She avoided the 'death gaze' of her boyfriend. He'd get over it...eventually. "The commander has been battling laryngitis now for a few days. So instead of hearing more 'fascinating' information about the Snow Lion, how about we play a game using all the information he has given us?"

"...That's right!" Zell joined in, playing along with Rinoa's little charade. "And guess what first place is? A piggyback ride from the commander himself!"

_"We are so dead,"_ she whispered to her cohort.

The martial artist nodded in agreement, "_I know, that's why at least I'm going to make it worth the while. I brought a digital camera – this will be the perfect shot for the Garden Website."_

_"...or identify the 'before' shot for the authorities."_ She softy counted before looking back out to the audience. Gesturing with her hand, she divided the line of students down the middle. "Okay, now you four go to this side and you four on this side. Now, first we need team names. This side shall be christened the 'The Courageous Cockatrices.' And this side is now bequeathed the title of 'The Brave Blobras.' Now, I need one member of each team to come up here. If you think you have the _best_ answer, raise your hand. The person who raises it first gets a chance to answer, but if it's not the most common one... the other team has a chance to take the points."

Two young girls walked up and stood facing the rest of the group. They seemed slightly hesitant at first, but started to relax as the two energetic teens continued having fun.

Zell spoke in his best announcer voice. "Ladies, Gentleman, and the most forgiving commander this side of Obel Lake, welcome to today's show! Now for your lovely hostess – that Darling of Deling - Miss Rinoa Heartilly!"

"Thank you, Mr. Dincht! We're all excited about today's program!" Kneeling on one knee, Rinoa placed her arm around the little girl to her right, "Now can you tell the studio audience what your name is and where you are from?"

"Um... it's N-Nicky... I'm from Trabia Garden? Um... second floor?"

"What a beautiful name, for a beautiful little girl! Thanks for coming all the way from the second floor. You must be a huge fan of our show." Her arm encircled the other 'contestant,' while still hugging the first. "And what is your name and where did you come from?"

"Ah... Krissy... I'm from the third floor. Er... Trabia third floor."

"Oh wow, I've heard of the heated rivalry between the second and third floors, spanning generations! But right now, we are all united on one floor... mainly because it's a cave..."

"Rinny, maybe you should use a Silence spell on yourself," the martial artist teased toward his friend.

"Be nice_ Zelly_, I still will not hesitate to attempt that Petrify spell."

"Good point! Okay contestants, first question - there are five possible answers. I need the most common one first: what spells can you draw from the Blue Dragon?"

Nicky raised her hand, smiling brightly. "Um... Blind?"

"Yes, blind is the first spell available at a level one monster! Do the _Courageous Cockatrices_ think they can come up with more?"

"Yeah!"

"Okay, Brave Blobras, be thinking of other answers, in case it gets back to you. Now the question goes to the next _Cockatrice_ team member... the next answer will be from..." She pointed to a little boy, waiting for him to say his name.

"Robert," he spoke confidently.

"All right Robert, you have an answer?"

"...Berser...no...no that was the Snow Lion. Oh, Drain!"

"Correct! Drain is found beginning at level twenty!"

Squall stood against the wall with his arms folded across his chest, and his eyes fixated on the group, watching in admiration. He would have been mad had it been anyone else, but somehow he simply stood speechless – silence spell not counting. Rinoa and Zell seemed to have this natural way around children, never once doubting their actions. It was as if they could relate to them, treat them as equals, and yet still teach with a world of wisdom. He envied that.

For over an hour he watched the children laugh, play, and above all learn. He noticed how easy it was for Rinoa to handle them, to make them feel loved. A hug, a simple hand placement, a way of knowing they weren't alone in the world. Or maybe that was how he felt around her... Either way, she just had this natural instinct about her that he could never explain. It was almost magical, without ever being related to the Para-magic they had grown into. This was internal, something that she had possessed since childhood he imagined. Something he knew he could never live without. Finally, their 'game show' was coming to a close and he couldn't help but smile, hidden in the shadows.

Rinoa stood in front of the group, placing her arm around Zell. "Guess what? Here on 'Trabian Trivia' there are no losers only winners. Which means each of you shall receive these wonderful prizes... take it away Mr. Dincht."

"Today you shall each receive: a year's supply of snow, fresh from the mountains of Trabia. Two Wizard Stones of your very own. A strip of fresh Mesmerize jerky, packaged with love at the local Shumi plant... And of course, a piggyback ride from the illustrious Balamb Commander, Squall Leonhart!"

Okay, his smile somewhat faded at _that _thought.

* * *

Zell walked over, after the kids had settled down, as Squall was forcibly finishing the last of the piggyback rides. "You did an amazing job out there Rinoa; you're going to be a natural at parenting."

Her expression immediately fell as she continued to search through her duffle bag. "Zell, because of who I am, _what _I've become... I can't have children."

He sat on the ground next to her, knowing how hard that had to be. Rinoa was such a caring person. Although she was still young, there was always that hint of maternal instinct toward all of them. It wasn't overwhelming, but a calming way she had about her demeanor.

"Rinoa, are you sure?"

"Yeah, pretty much. When have you ever heard of it happening? I guess it's just something that I have to learn to accept."

"I'm so sorry Rin."

"It's all right. I mean it's not like I'm even thinking about it now. Guess I thought it was something in my future, _way_ down the line. But they say things always are meant for a reason, and I'm guessing I'm not meant to be a mother... Well, at least not have biological children."

"Man, what does Squall say?"

"Squall?" She let out an unintentional laugh. Zipping up her bag, she looked back toward her friend. "Squall and kids go together like Leviathan and Quezacotl. I'm trying to get him used to the idea of calling me his 'girlfriend,' and even that's a major challenge. I think if I even mentioned children, he'd hyperventilate in fear. Even in _not_ having them... It would still be me acknowledging the future - for more than a month at a time. The 'future' for Squall is defined as when the next issue of Weapons Monthly is on the newsstands."

"You know, he could surprise you."

"Yeah, I'm sure he could." She admitted honestly. She knew she was making light of the situation, and Squall really did think about the future... probably more than was healthy. There was so much he was still trying to accept. He barely stepped into his role of commander, before she tossed 'knight' on him. He didn't need any more of her problems right now.

* * *

The group finished the night with a few horror stories, mainly Zell's rendition of Selphie's concert. It wasn't meant to be scary, but the thought of the martial artist 'tap dancing' seemed to leave the kids speechless. Rinoa told of how Garden became mobile, and almost crashed into the poor master fisherman at FH. Squall was quiet through the evening, letting the other two take the leadership roles.

After the tales were finished, and all the bed checks completed, they settled for the night. Zell stayed on one side of the cave with three male cadets following his every move. They had taken a liking to him, and wanted to emulate his fighting style...and everything else he did. Rinoa had settled against the opposite wall, originally just waiting for the children to fall asleep. Two of the girls had somehow managed to work their way on her legs, using them as an extra pillow of sorts. Now she felt obligated not to move, as uncomfortable as she may be. It was still an amazing feeling to be able to bring reassurance to other human beings.

The commander was the last to settle, finally selecting a spot next to Rinoa. She had already fallen asleep when he sat down. He couldn't help but think how soothing it was to have her near. Even in the almost intolerable conditions, he felt a tranquility within her company. As cold as it was outside, he couldn't have felt any deeper warmth. Something deep inside wondered if this is how it would feel to share a bed with her – to wake with her in the morning. God, he hated feeling that way, wanting, yearning to know something...something that he considered to be a weakness at one time. He looked at her one last peaceful moment, before closing his eyes.

* * *

A chill ran through her body, waking her from tentative sleep. It took a second for the sorceress to regain her bearings, as the numbness in her legs was spreading. She looked down to see the two children, still resting their heads against her legs. Rinoa smiled softly, reaching out and running her hand protectively over the closest girl. Her name was Carrie, she believed. The girl looked so peaceful, so comfortable, even bedded among the dirt and scattered rocks. It was hard to believe that this little girl, _these children,_ had a future of fighting, and years of relentless training. Kids this age should be playing make-believe and dressing dolls, not learning about what spells could defeat an Ochu the most efficiently.

For a second, she wondered how her life would have differed had her grandparents not taken her in... had she attended Galbadia Garden after her mother's death. Her early years in Timber seemed like some of the best. Hot summer afternoons and her grandmother, always ready with a cold glass of lemonade. Her grandfather was always ready with some story, usually about her mother's childhood. Even when she was six, Rinoa could see the tinge of pain that crossed their eyes when they spoke of their daughter. But she felt that retelling the stories kept her mother's memory alive, and that helped out all of them at the time.

She wasn't going to mourn the dead, here of all places. These children had purpose, and they would find happiness no matter what, she honestly believed that. Look at her friends; they all seemed to have a positive outlook, despite their training. Selphie and Irvine were two people who found happiness among the scattered ruins. Quistis found a purpose teaching - not only textbooks, but in the guidance that only she could provide. Zell, who was quickly becoming one of Rinoa's closest friends, never let the world get to him. He always found the positive aspect even in the direst of circumstances. And even Squall... the child more lost than any of them, slowly allowing himself to live.

"Rinoa?" A voice startled her out of her thoughts. "You okay?"

"I'm fine." She answered, hoping he couldn't see the water forming in her eyes.

"Sure?"

"Of course, Squall... just cold and a little uncomfortable."

"In this place? It's like staying in a luxury suit in Deling." He tried to joke, but he could tell that she was holding something back. It was something he wouldn't have fathomed a year ago, but he honestly wanted to know, _needed to know._ It wasn't just an empty question said out of habit; it was what his heart truly felt. "Rinoa... please, I know you're upset. Will you tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

"What you were thinking about?"

So much was running through her mind, she couldn't list just one thought. "Everything. Nothing. Past, future... just life."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Yeah, just be there."

Rinoa seemed not to want to talk about it now, and he didn't want to push her. Even though she was close, a deep part of him needed to feel her. A gloved hand reached out, gently resting it on her thigh. She turned, looking at him through the radiant flames, reaching her hand down to his. Their fingers wrapped together, in a silent attempt to make sure neither was imagining. Although material separated their skin, it brought each a comfort in the union.

A question had burned in the back of his mind, yet he had not found the right time to ask. But honestly, there was never going to be a 'right time.' Part of him was scared that Seifer knew her better than he did. _That_ thought sickened him. Was it jealousy, or rivalry, or just a sense of failure that he might not have foreseen? The conversation with his past rival had been repeating in his mind.

_"So hear Rinoa is working at Balamb Garden. Didn't see that one coming."_

_"People change, Seifer." _

_"Well, Rinoa isn't all people. Other people might change. She will not."_

God, she had to have changed, he did right? But was he really '_changing'_ or just '_discovering'_ who he had always been through the fear? Now she was living, working, and taking almost every breath within Garden's walls. Something, that a year ago, would have been the furthest from her thoughts. Now she was here, by his side, in a situation she once defined as 'a sad life,' blindly following other's orders. SeeD had changed its mission, but was it truly any different in her eyes? A year ago, she lived her life based on emotions, now she lived to file last weeks' expense reports. Maybe she could never truly be happy at Garden, maybe he wasn't enough. Why would he be?

"Are you happy?"

The words left his mouth, and he felt like a complete and total moron. Here was something that was bothering him, and he made it sound like one of the five-year-olds was raising the question. Sadly, any of them probably could have been more articulate than him at the moment.

"I'd be happier with an electric blanket and a Chocobo down pillow, but I'll survive." She smiled, giving him a lighthearted glance.

"No," he shook his head, involuntarily gripping her fingers tighter. "God, I just don't know how to—" His voice cracked from the cold. Leaning his head against the wall, he sighed in frustration. He shouldn't be doing this now, here. What was he thinking?

"Squall?" Her expression changed, realizing he wasn't discussing something materialistic, although, she wasn't sure what he was honestly getting at. So much had happened in the last few weeks, and still a lot was left unsaid. "Please, don't be afraid to ask me anything..."

How could he not be afraid to ask? He may not want to hear the answer - for more than one reason. But it was too late now, and he wasn't quick enough with these emotional situations to cover his ambiguity. If he even tried to come up with something else, she would have sensed his diversion from the truth. So he swallowed hard and hoped that she would answer him with honesty, whether he wanted to hear it or not.

"Are you happy... happy with your life at Garden?"

"You mean my job?" She asked confused.

"Rinoa...everything...your life, your job, your living at Garden. Everything that I was concerned about when you moved in three months ago. Are you truly happy where you are at now?"

"Squall, I'm-" She stopped mid sentence, rethinking her answer. It would be easy to say something superficial like _'it's great, I love my job, or of course I'm happy - you're there!'_ But that wasn't what he was looking for and she knew it. "When I was younger, I just wanted to fit in somewhere...to have a big family. If you're asking me if I thought my career would consist of typing disciplinary reprimands, or memos concerning hot dog consumption, I would definitely say no. If you're asking if I can see myself staying at Garden for fifty years, and then retiring as an administrative assistant...again, I would have to answer no. I've never had a job until now that wasn't decided in a train car. I always wanted to make a difference. I'm hoping that something I'm doing somehow is...although, I just don't know. I guess the only way I can answer is with the truth... Squall, I am happy. It isn't the building or the job... honestly, the material things mean little to me. It's the people... It's all of my friends... Squall, it's you."

"Will you promise me one thing?"

"Anything." This time she grasped his hand tighter in assurance.

"If you ever feel trapped, or if you no longer feel comfortable at Garden, please tell me. Don't ever hide your true feelings, all right?"

"Okay, I promise...but Squall, the same goes for you too."

"What?"

"I'm just saying, if you ever feel trapped either from being at Garden... or because of me... don't keep it to yourself. We need to be open with one another."

"I promise too. Always." He stated firmly. Maybe he didn't realize the full scope of her request, or maybe his heart understood it more than his mind could comprehend. He just knew that it wasn't Garden he needed in his life. There seemed to be an uncomfortable silence passing between them, and she felt the need to lighten the mood.

"Always?"

"Yes."

"Then tell me what the tile in the training center says." Her words were so serious at first, before they trailed into a hint of mischievousness. Still he could tell that it was something she felt ardently about knowing. But he couldn't...not yet...he would know the right time. The commander couldn't help himself, softly smiling in the iridescent light.

"Always being open with each other also means I'll tell you when I am ready...when you're ready... Until then, you will have to believe in me...and know that we are in this together. And most importantly, I will be watching your expense reports for weekend trips up to Shumi Village."

"I wouldn't do that!" she protested.

"Yes, you would."

"Fine," she rolled her eyes. "I _might_ have done something like that before...but I've changed."

"No digital pictures sent via the internet for translation either."

"Darn, guess I can tell Zell to erase it. You should change your middle name to _Meanie_," she mumbled teasingly.

"How do you know it's not already?"

"Wait, what is your middle name?"

"It's on the tile," he countered smiling.

"You're impossible."

"That's why you love me."

He hadn't meant to say that. In fact, since she had told him that night, Rinoa had been careful not to say it openly. To allow him time, not to overuse the words trivializing their meaning. But right now she couldn't help it, for it was what her heart felt.

"You're right Squall _Meanie_ Leonhart... that is why I love you."

Their eyes locked. Through the flicking illumination of the fire, they could see forever. It felt like eternity - an endless source of emotion for each to partake. Mutually they sensed an understanding passing between them in the last few minutes; it was both verbal and something reaching far beyond spoken language. Each accepted that somewhere in the future, their relationship might grow outside the confines of Garden. There would be no given time set, no defined outline. It could be a year or it could be a decade. But the reality was that along the line they, as a couple, might follow another path away from Garden.

He stared in awe as the fire reflected in her eyes. Each flame set ablaze a wonderment in his mind; intense, fierce, and crackling under the smoldering embers. The glow was beautiful, giving her warmth and compassion. He had never seen her in the fire's light, and for a moment, he couldn't believe that she was with him. Still with him after all the heartache, and after all the pain. His body was oblivious to the fact that he was in freezing conditions, as a warmth coursed through his veins. A part of him was beginning to comprehend that he needed her, both mentally and physically. To feel her touch on his skin was a comfort of which he would never tire.

"Come here," he whispered leaning toward her.

She smiled consciously, shifting in his direction, "Squall... you're so bad."

"They're asleep." He responded before meeting his lips to hers.

It was a moment of solitude in a room full of people, all of who were sleeping under the protective arms of the cavern. He could taste her strawberry flavored lib balm within his own mouth, and she could feel his lips lightly chapped from the elements. The smoothness and roughness mixing in a perfect moment of unity. His mind reasoned this was inappropriate, this wasn't the responsible thing... But his heart was screaming something else entirely. He felt weak against her, and that thought scared him to death. As reason reigned over frivolity, he started to pull away. From across the room, they heard the rustle of a nylon sleeping bag

"Eeewwww gross!" A mocking childlike voice spoke through the darkness.

It wasn't from the fire that the commander turned a thousand shades of red, acting as if he had been caught doing something blatantly criminal.

"I think Zell is awake." The young woman sarcastically replied. She quickly averted her own eyes in embarrassment.

"Don't you two know that there are impressionable minds present?" The martial artist teasingly responded. "And the _kids_ may also see you!"

Squall and Rinoa turned in unison looking across the room. Zell was completely awake and grinning from ear to ear. A small boy resting nearby appeared to have also caught the guilty parties. The cadet didn't seem phased asking the commander, "Is she your wife?"

Rinoa covered her face as a combination between a laugh and snort escaped from her mouth. There was some morose humor in watching Squall squirm like an Abyss Worm in water. Zell too found immense humor in the question, outwardly chuckling at the commander's reaction.

"Ah...no...Vick...she's my girlfriend." Squall finally answered after listening to his comrades' laughter.

Zell jokingly pointed toward Rinoa with his thumb. "Yes, his wife doesn't know about her."

"Shut up Dincht." The commander deadpanned before looking back to Rinoa. She smiled knowingly, closing her eyes and leaning her head against the wall. Still their fingers were intertwined, bringing a sense of closeness. They fell back to sleep that way, bathing in the warmth of the fire and each other.

* * *

* * *

** _Chapter Seventeen: A Time to Keep_ **

_ May 29th _

Once the morning light broke the camp's horizon, the group gathered their belongings and headed back to the comforts they had taken for granted. In a typed up mission report, the retreat would have appeared uneventful, but to those who knew the parties involved, it was much more than an overnight's stay. It was growing and understanding, not just between a knight and a sorceress...but also a bond strengthening between their friend and the presence of youth.

With each step closer to Trabia Garden, Rinoa's muscles were begging for relief. She hadn't felt this much soreness since before having her tonsils removed. At least back then, a small battalion of painkillers weren't too far behind. Every so often, she would glance to Squall, who would quickly avert his gaze – both teens trying to conceal the unspoken need to keep checking on one another. Rinoa would have found the moment a lot 'cuter' if her body had not been screaming in such agony.

"Hey Rinny!" Zell scurried beside her, breaking her internal contemplations. She glanced, slightly annoyed at his exuberance. He had found the added strength to give a cadet a piggyback ride. Then again, she had to remind herself, he was a trained SeeD after all...and she was Cid's assistant. Rinoa bet that she could outmaneuver him at designing a practical use for a spreadsheet in nothing flat. Somehow, the thought seemed of little comfort at the moment. Right now, all she wanted was to collapse headfirst into the snow.

"Wow, you really aren't a fun one in the mornings without coffee, Squall wasn't kidding. Anyway, I forgot to tell you, when I gave my portion of this morning's report to Cid, he mentioned that you'd be working with Squall and I in general labor until you leave. That's you and construction Rin...you know with hammers and nails and other things that Zone and Watts warned us to keep you away from." Somehow, the martial artist seemed way too enthusiastic about sharing this information with her.

"Work? What? Why?" she questioned exasperated, continuing to walk in horror as the words were sinking in.

"You're so cute when you're freaking out." He added with a wink and chuckle. "Yeah Rinoa, _work,_ you know that thing you get paid for in between the angst and the fighting you and Squall do. I'm sure you've heard of it."

"I am so going to get you one of these days." She managed under her breath.

The martial artist continued as if he hadn't given any validity to her threat. He looked upward to the boy positioned on his shoulders. "Hey Vick, remember what I told you about Rinoa and Commander Leonhart?"

The little boy held on to the martial artist's shoulders, proudly mimicking his posture. "That there is more electricity produced between them, than between all of the solar panels at Fisherman's Horizon."

"Right! And that is your science lesson for the day."

"Zell!" Rinoa protested, gritting her teeth through her embarrassment. "I can't believe you told him that!"

"Mr. Dincht," the little boy said with confusion in his voice. "I still don't exactly understand what that means. How can two people have electricity just between them? Unless it's like static electricity, but that wouldn't be specific to two people. I mean, static electricity can also occur with a person and an object. Like when I walk across the carpet, and then I get shocked when I touch the doorknob. So are you also saying that saying that Commander Leonhart and a doorknob have more electricity than the solar panels too?"

"Ummm...why don't you go ask him?" Zell finally answered triumphantly, removing the child down from his back. "While you're at it, ask him to explain the function of ovaries. He loves going into vast amounts of detail about the subject."

"Oh...my..." Rinoa covered her mouth in utter shock as the little boy ran toward the commander. They both exploded in thunderous laughter, as Squall turned back, glaring at them with a ferocious look. No, this was past ferocious, this was something that would border on the homicidal.

Yet still, all the duo could do was find humor with the extremely odd situation. And somewhere, deep inside, both Rinoa and Zell were sure Squall did too... Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not even next year...okay, honestly, maybe _never._ The commander shook his head in pure frustration before turning back to the cadet. Squall hesitantly spoke with the youngster as they continued trudging through the snow.

Rinoa noticed how much Squall used his arms when he was talking. He moved his hands in simple gestures, emphasizing certain points, bringing both life and animation into the conversation. She couldn't help but smile at the miraculous sight that most of the world wouldn't have given a second glance to. This was not a 'change' as so many would label her influence on him; this was something internal not brought on by her at all. This was achieved through his own freewill. He seemed pulled into the conversation, rather than simply speaking like the military cutout that she had met over a year ago. Okay, there still was that 'Snow Lion' speech to work on. _Baby steps._

Squall's anger had completely ebbed, as he was engrossed in conversation with the cadet. Rinoa figured the commander had managed to steer the boy to another topic. There was no possible way that Squall would get that animated about electricity or the female reproductive system...at least to God she hoped not. Then again, she'd had a few overzealous health teachers in her lifetime, but Squall Leonhart was the furthest from a person who would be teaching a health class.

Rinoa couldn't help getting lost within her own thoughts as she often did. She wondered that, if Squall had been an instructor at her school, what type of class he would have been most likely to teach... algebra, trigonometry, calculus? Yes, something relative to the math family. He was good with numbers and had a great figure. Oh, Hyne help her, now she was using juvenile puns that was what sleep deprivation could do to her mentality... Maybe if he had taught her geometry, she would have paid a little more attention, and not sketched random doodles into her notebook. Then again, staying after school for extra credit may have gotten her in a little bit of...

"Earth to Rinoa! For the hundredth time!" She saw a hand wave in front of her face and Zell's shouting brought her crashing back into reality. "Have you joined us back among the land of the walking Trabian popsicles?"

She winced, realizing that she had been caught daydreaming on their hike back. What a qualified leader she was turning out to be. Not that she had asked for the position, well, not that any of them had asked. It just seemed that some were adapting better than others – like the spiky haired chameleon walking next to her.

"Sorry Zell, what were you saying?" Rinoa whispered softly, embarrassed to be caught in such a position. Unfortunately, she found herself in these situations a little too often.

"Yeah, right Rin...do you think you're going to get off that easy?"

"I was just daydreaming. I should have been paying more attention to my responsibilities. I promise to take my duty more seriously, I'm sorry." She offered, watching the kids as they moved single file, except for the one still walking next to Squall.

The martial artist stopped dead in his tracks, grabbing her arm. She halted abruptly, looking her friend in the eyes. "Rinoa, this is an intervention... seriously. You've been working with him way too long... If you start quoting verbatim specific Garden codes, utter the phrase 'whatever', or wear more than one belt at any given time, this friendship is over. Seriously, a guy has to have his limitations."

She laughed and led him by the arm, "Come on we can't fall behind, and I'm not that bad... If I ever am 'that bad' you have permission to use the most torturous punishment known to humankind."

"You mean?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes." She replied, crossing the thick sleeves of the jacket over her chest. She acted like she was protecting her body from the thought of the hideous retribution.

**_"The singing tape!"_** they both screamed in fear. Luckily, not loud enough for Squall to hear their specifics as he glanced back towards them.

Zell saluted, letting his commanding officer know they were fine, before asking her out of curiosity, "What do you think Squall would do if he found out? I still can't believe that Irvine opened the air duct of his dorm, and lowered the tape recorder to the inside of Squall bathroom's vent."

Rinoa shook her head, "I think that would be an intervention that none of us could stop. But I mean, if Squall's going to sing at three in the morning and wake Irvine up...serves him right...least he could do is learn to sing _well_." She laughed. "And from what I heard on the tape... His singing isn't even classified as _semi-tolerable_...not even close. Who knew that someone who has such a remarkable, indescribable voice that burns into your soul when softly whispering your name...well, when singing could sound...ah..."

"Worse than a Wendigo's mating call."

"Um...yeah...thanks, Zell."

"Great...now Rinny dear, unless you want me to tell your boyfriend that you just said aloud his voice is _'worse than a Wendigos mating call'_...you are going to tell me what you were daydreaming about." He announced slyly as she was still leading her by the sleeve.

"Why you little!" Rinoa threw his arm down as he laughed. "That is _so_ not fair; you took that _so _out of context."

"So you're going to tell me right? We're almost back." He countered as he pointed to the large structure looming directly in front of them.

"Thank you, Mr. Obvious. Fine, I'll tell you...but it's not like it is going to make sense anyhow. I could lie to you and it would probably end up making more sense."

"Yeah, that's how I know if you were lying." She punched him in the arm as they continued bringing up the rear of the single file line.

"Fine... I noticed how Squall was using arm gestures when he was talking to Vick. It's just a little change, but he is more animated in his conversations. I don't know, I guess it sounds ridiculous saying it out loud. And then..." She looked away as they stopped moving, knowing this part was really going to sound like it was coming from an adolescent with a crush. Could she just for once daydream about something a little less pathetic - like imagining him working out, glistening in sweat, rather than teaching her math?

She took a quick breath, mumbling the thoughts in one incoherent sentence. "I was wondering what Squall would be, had he been an instructor at my school. If I would have paid more attention in geometry if Squall had been my math teacher - instead of drawing so much, but then that entire extra credit thing could have gotten me into a whole lot of trouble. Okay are you happy now that I sound like a rambling idiot?"

He laughed, "Squall, math? You've got to be kidding Rin? What planet are you living on? He has the makings for a history teacher if I ever heard one...facts and more useless facts. Did you not hear the thrilling lecture on the Snow Lion? We could have lived through three historical time periods and that thing still wouldn't have concluded!"

"Paleontology."

"What?" Rinoa almost screamed inadvertently, recognizing the voice behind her.

"Paleontology...that's what _I _would teach. The study of life existing in prehistoric time...such as fossils, bones, and other extinct things... Such as you two are going to be if you don't keep up with the rest of the class."

"Squall!" the martial artist smiled, realizing that they weren't alone. "Hey, look, we're already back at Garden...in one piece! You're the greatest man... I'd follow you into the frozen tundra anywhere...thick or thin...thin or thick! Whose da man? You da man!"

"Are you done sucking up yet?" Squall looked at his friend, slightly irritated.

"Yeah, that should about cover it for now... I may have some time later this evening, if your schedule is clear."

The commander closed his eyes as he slowly applied pressure to his temples. He was way too tired for this. There were times Squall felt as if he had been watching ten children on this trip, not just the eight cadets.

"Zell...Rinoa if I could bother to ask you two to pay attention, like the rest of the children are respectfully doing... Could the two _supposed_ adult leaders escort the cadets back to the main entrance? The Trabian dorm advisors should be meeting you shortly and take the students back to their rooms... I just need to return the communicators to the audio/video department and then sign the paperwork that no children, nor adult escorts, were fed to the nearest Snow Lion. Can you two handle it?"

Rinoa nodded agreeably, still embarrassed by the situation as Zell saluted. Squall broke his stern appearance with the smallest hint of a smile. "Both of you just wait in there for me. Until the paperwork is completed, it's not too late for any unforeseen accidents. Then again, I did have an entire speech prepared on the Mesmerize that I never got around to."

"Tell me you're not serious." Rinoa looked her boyfriend directly in the eyes, trying to gage his seriousness.

"Tell me what brought on the idea of me teaching math."

Rinoa forged a smile. "Mesmerizes...my favorite!"

* * *

The young woman closed her eyes, listening to the sounds that resonated from the hollowed entryway. It was an acoustic marvel as each noise magnified - whether it was two persons whispering, a student's hurried footsteps, or even an errant shout from a classroom two halls over – it all mixed into a kaleidoscope of sound. The cadets that they had been responsible for had already gone. In some way, Rinoa found herself missing their company. For the first few minutes, she and Zell had occupied themselves by talking until she finally couldn't fight the need to sit down. The exhaustion was quickly catching up, and Squall's paperwork was taking longer than any of them originally anticipated.

Zell had found a nearby bench. The high screech of his rubber soles meeting the floor echoed every so often. She figured he wasn't too thrilled about having to wait patiently for the commander's return. He wasn't one for sitting still for long periods of time – especially without Triple Triad, fighting magazines, or any form of beef byproduct around. Rinoa sat on the floor, leaning against a wall, legs crossed, and desperately fighting to stay awake.

"Zell, go ahead...I can wait here for him."

"He told us both to wait. I'm certainly not going to disobey an order."

"It wasn't exactly a _direct_ order." Rinoa replied leaning her head against the wall. "It was more like a verbal request and he can get over it."

"When does Squall 'get over' anything?"

She let out a slight snort. "Go Zell, I can handle him. Which one of us is he more likely to forgive?"

"Good answer." He stood from the bench, stretching his arms over his head before looking back to her one last time. "Rin, you sure about this?"

"Yeah, I need to talk with him anyhow... this will hopefully give me a chance. I'm sure he won't be much longer. With my luck he's probably stopping by the library for a few more invigorating monster facts."

"Dear Hyne... on that thought... I'm outta here!" Zell quickly snapped into military attention position and then saluted. He smiled wryly before quickly dismissing himself. All she could do was shake her head at his abrupt exit.

"I can feel the love, Dincht."

* * *

The commander hurried down the corridor, running his fingers through entangled strands of hair. He sighed as his hand rested on the back of his neck, applying pressure to the tender muscles at the top of his spine. The pain might have registered had he not been more concerned about getting to the main entrance. He wondered if they would still be there, moreover, if _she_ would still be there. He would have never asked his friends to wait had he thought it would have taken so long.

His mind was already prepared for them to have returned to their dorms. Not that it would have been an inconceivable notion, actually quite logical. Squall was just one for believing and accepting the negative before the positive. It was an attribute that was hard to overcome, although he was trying.

As he rounded the corner, he saw a lone figure sitting against the wall. There she was, knees to one side, his spare SeeD coat partially unzipped, and her right elbow propped on her duffle bag – using her palm as support for her chin. Her dark hair was pulled back into a ponytail that, for the most part, had become unfastened with large clumps hanging in front of her eyes. Right then she seemed to have no care for her physical appearance, but all Rinoa could ever do, was look was beautiful in his eyes.

She either sensed his presence, or heard the sounds of his boots hitting the floor; he wasn't positive which. Her eyes flew open and her gaze locked directly on his. It was all he could do to hold back the immediate formation of a smile, yet inner reason won over impetuosity. He continued walking to her, pretending to be more concerned that her partner in crime had not stayed.

"So, Zell not around?"

"Told him I could handle you." She answered without breaking her expression.

"You have a lot of confidence in yourself." He finally allowed a small smile, extending his arm to help her off of the floor. "Couldn't find a more suitable spot to wait?"

"If I did, I would have been asleep before I could count to ten." She stood, taking a moment to regain her bearings.

"Guess I should count my blessings... I know how much fun waking you up can be." His mind flashed to his feeble attempt in a car outside of Winhill. "Need an escort back to your room?"

"And they say chivalry is dead."

"No, 'chivalry' would be if I offered to carry your stuff... I was just offering to accompany you. Maybe hit the elevator button if the mood struck..." He shook his head, retrieving her duffle bag off the ground. She remained staring at him in complete silence. "You really are tired, aren't you?"

"I just need sleep... you, Zell, the kids... I don't know how you guys keep going. I just don't have the same training."

"Oh_, now_ you realize this. Why didn't this epiphany dawn upon you while we were fighting Ultimecia?" He wrapped his left arm around her as she rested her head back on his bicep.

"Because I'm difficult."

"That's the understatement of the year."

* * *

He wasn't positive when Rinoa put her head completely on his shoulder, or when her body fell onto his chest a little more, but somewhere during the walk, he was supporting her entire bodyweight. It was quite amazing that her feet were still able to move as if engaged on some type of internal autopilot. When they reached her door, he shifted her weight just enough to unzip the small pocket of her duffle bag and fish out her room key.

"Work with me here." He whispered, trying to put the key in with his right hand, while supporting her with his left. With a little finagling, and absolutely no grace or elegance, he managed to balance her between the wall and his chest. He pushed the door ajar, using his foot to open it the remainder of the way, and finally guiding her over the threshold.

Rinoa staggered into the small dorm and removed her coat. She barely cleared the doorframe, as she tossed her jacket onto the built-in desk. It took all of her remaining will to walk the distance to the bed, before collapsing gracelessly onto the mattress. She wasn't sure if it was purely from the physical exhaustion, or lack of sleep, or a combination of both. It seemed that in the last few minutes she had been fighting with herself to keep her eyelids open, and that it had been a losing battle. In fact, if it hadn't been for the support of Squall, she was positive she would have walked face first into the nearest wall...or worse. Squall... he was still there... this sudden realization made her body tense with a rush of adrenaline. Oh great, as if her actions weren't already beyond unexplainable on a daily basis, what would he be thinking about this?

She would have never imagined.

Her body met the bed with some force, and yet all he could do was stand there like the clichéd immovable object. Did he offer to help her? Did he get her a blanket? Did he even say goodbye and leave her to her rest? No, of course not. He looked down wanting to say something, wanting this day, night, morning - whatever time itself had morphed into - to last a little longer. The way her face rested on the pillow, the way each of her fingers wrapped around the cotton pillowcase.

He would have never imagined himself here a year ago, standing in the same room as this girl. Forget that...this woman - an extraordinary person, so full of life, who for some unknown reason wanted to be with him. He still couldn't figure out what earthly reason why.

Maybe a part of him wanted to know what it would be like to lay next to her, to sleep in the same bed with her. All his life he had followed the rules, and even now, he worried about appearances above all. He had responsibility whether he wanted it or not, but there was also that part of him that was still a teenager. It was a big part of him, a part that he had suppressed for far too long.

"Are you just going to stand there?" She asked with the realization that he was still in the room. She was nervous inside, but she remained calm outwardly, asking the question as if it were as common as a greeting.

Squall swore that her eyes remained shut, as her hand reached with precise accuracy. The same fingers he had just looked at were now wrapped around his wrist. He knew that he needed to say something, because just standing there, he was feeling like the moron of the century, again. His voice caught in his throat and, for a moment, he forgot all rudimentary skills.

"Squall, do you have anything to do...I mean now?" she asked, not only for his benefit but for hers.

"Uh...uh...no... meeting and a thing later... but nothing now. Bed, going to bed... I mean don't worry... not with you." There were certain times that he felt more like a teenager than others...and then there were times he felt 'King of all things Moron', this would have been one of the latter. He never dreamt of a time when he actually could sympathize with some of Laguna's earlier encounters with Julia. If there had been a way to slither out of the room and keep any sense of masculinity, he would have seized the opportunity.

Rinoa slowly opened a single eye, looking up at him. "You know, earlier when I said that I was difficult...? Let me amend that statement: we are both difficult, that's why we work so well together." She smiled as she brushed her fingers through her fallen bangs with her free hand.

"Squall, can you..." she sighed, inhaling deeply. It seemed that everything she wanted to say was a swirling cloud of stupidity. If she could form one lucid thought, it would be a small miracle. "Stay here... just for a while, please."

His heart was already made up; she really didn't even have to ask. He couldn't deny how tired he was, and how much he wanted to be next to her. He knew it wouldn't look professional, but honestly, they had been in each other rooms longer, watching movies or eating meals. This time the only difference was they would be napping after a tiring mission.

He slowly removed his own boots and then noticed that she hadn't taken off her shoes before falling onto the bed. He wasn't exactly sure where the protocol in removing one's girlfriend's shoes lied...but he hoped this wouldn't be crossing some unwritten barrier that Quistis would lecture him on later. Slowly he reached down, unlacing her boots, strangely wondering why he felt so uncomfortable taking off another's footwear. They were boots for Hyne's sake, boots! He could tell she was awake by the way she was tensing and pointing her toes, aiding his efforts. Finally, he dropped both of her shoes onto the floor and started to lie down on the bed, and as if on cue, Rinoa softly spoke from beside him.

"Squall."

"Yes?"

"My feet are cold."

_"Shock." _He should have seen this one coming. Honestly, he should have.

"Really cold."

"Aren't you asleep yet?"

"Can't, too cold."

He sighed, looking around and noticed a quilt tossed haphazardly across the only chair in the room. It was Rinoa after all; folding and organization were not priorities in her makeshift domicile. He grumbled slightly, most of it just for show, as he got off the bed and retrieved the blanket. Carefully he spread it out over her, taking extra time to make sure her toes were completely covered.

"Better?"

"Yes."

"Anything else?"

"Um...no...but thank you."

"It wasn't that difficult." He sat back down on the outer edge of the bed, before nudging her with his elbow. "I suppose asking you to move a little closer to the wall would be crossing that 'difficult' line though."

This time Rinoa didn't answer. In one seamless motion, she rolled onto her side, moving closer to the wall. Squall took that as the opportunity to lie down on the bed, turning onto his back. He tried to ignore the awkwardness he felt, hoping that she would fall asleep quickly. Not that he wanted to leave, but honestly, he was a tired mass of a hormonally confused teenage knight and commander, who also had a meeting with his superior in a few hours... This wasn't helping him very much.

But could Rinoa let the situation wane that easily? No, of course not...she was Rinoa after all. There was of course that part of him that was more than thrilled that she was. He felt the bed shifting as she rolled towards him. It was a split second before the blanket snared him like a net, followed by her arm capturing his upper body. Before he registered his own actions, the commander reached up, as if it were as natural as breathing, and grabbed the corner of the quilt. He carefully wrapped it around both of them, before placing his arm around her back.

Somehow, even in her semi-conscious state, she rested her head onto his chest, using it as an improvised pillow. Momentarily, he allowed the realization to sink in – they were under the same blanket, in the same bed, and how used to _this_ feeling he could get. It was a comfort, a security, a unity far beyond that known to most teenage couples. He closed his eyes, as he unconsciously wrapped his fingers through what remained of her ponytail. He mused that she hadn't taken a shower in the last twenty-four hours, but still her hair felt just like silk. Of course, then he realized that he hadn't taken a shower in the last twenty-four hours...but figured at this point neither of them really cared as Rinoa was fast asleep.

* * *

Rinoa shifted, believing she had the misfortune of discovering the world's most uncomfortable mattress. She tried to move again, and in the process, heard a loud crack resonate through her neck. Muttering a few words of unpleasantness, she started to roll onto her other side, cursing the manufacture responsible for this atrocity. Not only was it rather lumpy, one of the springs apparently was sticking through, making an imprint on the side of her cheek. She moved her hand up to her face to sooth the pain, realizing almost instantaneously that it wasn't from a spring, rather from a pendant.

Her eyes slowly opened as comprehension dawned upon her; she wasn't on a mattress, rather the uneven form of a masculine chest. The spring wasn't a wayward coil protruding from the mattress – rather the edge of a stylized lion's head.

With her first movement, Squall woke from whatever tentative 'sleep' he may have been in. Honestly, he wasn't sure if it was even classified as sleep...there was no possible way he could have slept under those conditions. It did take a second for him to focus, deducing the intruder wasn't a threat... Well okay, that was yet to be determined, but at least she was a welcomed trespasser. He wasn't used to having large clingy objects lying on top of him...especially ones who seemed to slightly curse in their sleep. He almost chuckled as she said a few choice things under her breath, forgetting all forms of decorum. It was then she must have realized that she wasn't alone as her eyes slowly opened looking stunned and incredibly embarrassed.

"Really Rinoa, wasn't the welcome I was expecting."

"I'm so sor-" she couldn't even finish, turning the compulsory _shades of red._ Well, she would have, had she not buried her head into his chest in utter embarrassment.

"Don't be." If anyone shouldn't be sorry for letting their guard down in a moment of normalcy, it would be Rinoa. "I think I have heard far worse in my line of work."

She waved her hand as she slowly sat up, trying to dismiss her actions, "Yes, but I was trying to keep the illusion a little longer, before you found out the bitter truth."

"Trust me, that façade was lost our first meeting in Timber."

"Thanks..." she mumbled, pushing herself onto her side.

He looked over to the clock, already regretting his next statement. "Rinoa, I need to get back to my room. I have a meeting with Cid, and I really would like to change first." He stopped momentary, waiting for her to answer. When she didn't, he continued trying to explain, "I can't believe I slept as long as I did. Don't worry about getting up."

It was funny how he still took everything Rinoa did, said, or, as in this case, didn't say, personally. It wasn't that she was angry, just still half-asleep. Only every other one of his words was registering in her mind, not to mention the fact that he had actually stayed with her. Stayed with her...crap that reminded her she needed to tell him before the meeting with Cid.

"Squall...I'm leaving for home."

A strange uneasiness overtook his body. Leaving...home? Was she referring to Balamb or Deling? Even after all this time, he wasn't sure where 'home' truly was for her.

It was from his hesitation that she caught her mistake, correcting herself immediately. "I mean I'm leaving Trabia. I...was just scared to say anything, but I didn't want you hearing it from Cid either...we're heading back for Balamb sometime at the end of the week. I don't want this to end."

Balamb, of course, how could he even think she meant something else? He had to stop believing the worst would happen - it was just so easy. He sat on the edge of the bed, turning back to her. He gently covered her back up with the blanket, moving his hand slowly over her shoulder.

"Don't want what to end?"

"This..." She reached her hand from under the blanket interlocking it with his. "I just feel... I don't know... I just think once we get back things will change..."

He squeezed her hand tighter, wishing that he could offer her some form of comfort, but both of them knew the truth. Their relationship was still new, and wouldn't change, but their surroundings, their priorities, and the responsibilities that each faced in Balamb would change the dynamics surrounding the relationship. It never dulled the importance, only the amount of time and effort.

Even Squall could admit he felt a different comfort level in Trabia. Here the students and instructors had a greater goal, and although he was the Commander of Balamb, he was still another teenager trying to find himself among the rubble. If there was one thing he wouldn't do it would be lie to her – making an empty promise. All he could do was build on what he had tried so desperately to convince himself over the last weeks. He felt closer to her than ever - through the past weeks, through the return of Seifer, and through the three simple words she gave to him so freely.

Then why...why...why did he react that way on her saying she was going _home_? He shook the thought from his head; it was obvious that she was concerned and tired...

"Listen, we'll talk tomorrow, okay? You just get your rest."

She would have argued, but right now, the 'rest' part was looking pretty darn good. She managed a smile, not wanting to upset him before his meeting. "Oh, plus I get to work with you and Zell tomorrow."

"Work?"

"Yeah, supposedly it is that thing we do between the angst and fighting."

"Between what?"

_"Never mind."_ She mumbled almost incoherently.

"Okay...you get some sleep. I'll see you tomorrow then." He let go of her hand, softly giving her a kiss on the cheek.

* * *

Her feet made barely a sound as they met with the carpeted floor. Once again, Rinoa found herself standing at Squall's door. This time, she didn't hesitate to knock. Her body still ached from sleeping on the cavern floor, but she wouldn't have traded the experience for all the Gil in Esthar. Part of her wondered if he would be surprised to see her tonight, figuring that they hadn't planned on meeting until tomorrow.

The door opened and their eyes met. "Hey Rinoa, what are you doing here?"

"I thought maybe you'd like to go get some dinner in the cafeteria... I hear they have a killer meatloaf."

"I didn't think we had plans tonight. Come on in."

She followed him. He seemed to be hurrying around the room, acting like he was late for a meeting. His behavior seemed slightly peculiar, but she stood wordlessly and watched him comb his hair. He grabbed a sweater from a drawer, raising his arms, and then pulled it over his head. She could sense the momentary frustration when he realized that he should have combed his hair _after_ putting the sweater on. She held back a giggle as he wet the comb down, attempting to remove the static making his unruly mane stand on end. Finally, he tossed the comb onto the counter, grabbed his wallet, and then placed it in his back pocket.

He moved in front of her, looking her in the eyes, and reached for her left hand. "Rinoa, I'm really sorry... I would love to go out with you tonight... But I have a date."

His eyes were so serious, so beautiful, so... what?

"Huh?" she spoke in dazed realization. Honestly, she believed her ears were playing tricks on her. There was no possible way in Shiva's Diamond Dust that he just said what she thought he said. She vaguely recalled him stammering something about a meeting with Cid followed by a 'thing' and by the gods, a date wasn't classified as a 'thing.'

"I'm sorry Rinoa. I'll have to take a rain check on that meatloaf. I have a date."

"Wha?" she questioned aloud, understanding that she had heard him right the first time. It felt as if someone had poured superglue on the bottom of her shoes and placed an anvil in her stomach.

He moved behind her, gently sliding his arms around her waist. The silkiness of her hair caressed his cheek, instinct alone made him close his eyes on contact. He wanted to absorb every 'feel' into memory, her warmth, her hair, and the way her skin contrasted to his. It was a good thing she was in shock, or he would probably be face down in the floor by now.

"Don't be mad... but actually... I have three."

It was that comment that finally made her yell a semi-coherent statement. "A what? A date? Three dates? Squall...you? Date?"

"Cid's right...you'd be a natural in the diplomatic corps." He softly kissed the side of her neck. "It's just one night, I promise."

"What? Who?" Somehow, she still refused to believe him. There was some catch, or he was pulling the world's worst practical joke. She knew his humor...it could be slightly dark and warped...but this situation was just plain cruel.

"Well, you know them...pretty well in fact. Their names are Nicky, Krissy and Carrie...three of the contestants on the hit show '_Trabian Trivia_."

She turned to face him, still speechless, but on a completely different level. She would have looked into his eyes, but couldn't. It was all she could do to keep standing. She wrapped her arms around his neck, resting her head against his shoulder. His steady heartbeat echoed through his chest, as he moved his arms around her back.

"Shh...don't say anything. I just want to see if they can introduce me to the show's hostess...she's hot. I would have said something earlier, but you were still half-asleep, and I was hoping to slip this one by." She laughed into his chest, allowing him to continue. "Seriously, turns out those girls have never had a Dollet style deep-dish pizza. The things you learn while giving piggyback rides, huh?"

Still she was soundless, wrapping her arms around him tighter.

"Rin, I know it sounds strange...just one of the first good memories I have at Garden. Without using the GFs, some of the moments of my childhood are coming back... I remember a group of us students going with an Instructor out for dinner... He was from Dollet, and always talked about how nobody could duplicate the way they made pizza. I can't remember why we went, some type of reward for good behavior or something. I thought whoever invented all those layers of cheese and meat was a genius. Please remember that I was young...although I still think the man who invented it is a genius." He softly kissed the top of her head, "I guess when I heard they had never had a traditional Dollet pizza, I wanted them to share that memory."

"Squall," her voice was soft, muffled through the thickness of his sweater. "Don't be late for your date...um _dates_."

"I won't be..." He paused, not wanting to let her go. "You know, those girls really look up to you. They'd love to see you again, and of course, I could use a chaperone. Would you like to tag along?"

"I could not think of any greater honor." She held him for just a moment longer, hearing Zell's words.

_"You know, he could surprise you." _

And then she realized that Squall surprised her each and every day.

* * *

* * *

** _Chapter Eighteen: A Time to Cast Away Stones - Part I_ **

_June 2nd_

Specks of dust mirrored the movements of falling snowflakes, as the windows allowed light to sieve into the room. The Trabian students were divided into several groups, each containing four to five members. Within each, a leader had been appointed, preserving the military hierarchy. The groups had been assigned a specific section and task inside, taking into account any individualized skills that the students may have had to contribute in the restoration.

And like that one moment in time when all the planets aligned, and all the sands shifted, and a great force was unleashed upon the world... Zell Dincht was named head of his group. Which is why he would covet his newfound, _albeit extremely temporary,_ leadership role for every precious second.

The martial artist had been appointed based on his previous experience, three summers working with his uncle in his family painting business. Zell's fate could have turned out to be very different had he failed to become SeeD. Instead of saving the world, he could've been coating it one primer at a time. It was on this assignment that he temporary outranked the commander, at least for appearances sake. Somehow, Zell was having a little more fun with his authority than should have been allowed. Then again, with Rinoa as his cohort, Squall had a better chance of being treated with more reverence by Mayor Dobe of Fisherman's Horizon.

"Squall."

"What?" His voice shot back, rather emotionless.

"You're supposed to be painting the wall by making a small _'N'_ pattern with the roller, that definitely does not resemble the letter _'N.'_ It looks more like a small white rainbow. We do not paint rainbows here."

"It's a lower case _'n'_." The commander deadpanned, without missing a stroke.

"Lower case? Nobody would assume it to be a lower case letter Squall! You're just being difficult aren't you?"

Squall never had the opportunity to answer, as Rinoa decided it was best that she play the referee. Somehow, her heart went out to Quistis after the last few days, always being the necessary peacemaker. That was just with two of the 'boys,' she could not imagine throwing Seifer and Irvine into such a mix of lunacy. Squall had this subtle way of getting to Zell, with little or no words; it was almost amusing. Yet, the best part was Rinoa knew that this time, it was done good-naturedly. The martial artist also had become extremely overzealous with his provisional leadership, yet all were taking a lifetime of experience with them.

"Hey, I would like to take this time to lodge a formal protest to the man in charge," Rinoa began, casually trying to push her bangs out of her eyes. "I think I should have at least one chance to prove myself... Again, I want to state on record that the _'Deling Train Car Incident'_ was not valid evidence of my work. As I stated back then, it reflected my feelings towards Vinzer Deling, and not my ability to paint as a whole."

"I'm sure it doesn't Rin," Zell tried to defend his decision diplomatically. "But right now you are the biggest help washing out the brushes and rollers, plus refilling the paint trays. I know the job itself is rather tedious, but you're responsible for so much. We're all depending on your abilities here."

"That and your train car really did suck." A low voice stated from above her.

She turned, looking behind her clearly irritated, and then placed a hand on her hip as she glanced up. "Excuse me Mr. Leonhart, was that an opinion that you just expressed?"

"Well, technically I thought it back then, I just didn't say it. So let's just call it a delayed reaction. Now, if you had taught Angelo to paint it..."

"Squall Leonhart!" the martial artist spoke rather firmly, "I will not have you insulting one of my hardest workers. That is not the _'team-orientated'_ attitude I expect from my senior SeeDs. You of all people should be setting an excellent example." Zell finished his statement by offering Rinoa a wink. She chuckled as Squall rolled his eyes, obviously biting back any further comments.

The group continued to work throughout the day, listening to Zell's choice of music, which ranged from Country to Salsa. Rinoa believed it was just another test to see how much Squall could tolerate from the newfound leader, yet found herself wordlessly enjoying the torture. Then again, she had been around plenty of paint fumes that day. Her entire day consisting of nothing more than opening and closing paint and primer, and the washing of paintbrushes until...

_"Owww!"_ She screamed as the hammer hit the floor with a resounding 'thud.' Rinoa clamped her thumb tightly, while jumping to avoid the hammer's rebound. It recoiled off of the floor, narrowly avoiding her toe on its descent. She mumbled a few other inaudible syllables, which was a small reprieve to anybody within earshot.

Only the blond spikes of Zell's hair peeked from around the corner of the wall. "You alright? Whadya do?""

"Fine…hit…my...self. No biggie." She lied...it hurt...bad.

Why is it that people do not wait until the pain has subsided before asking the obvious? Hammering of paint lid abruptly stops, hammer falls to floor, and then person writhes around in pain holding finger. She held back any sarcastic remarks, but this question plagued her often. Then again, she had the keen knack for being injured _often_. She knew Zell, like the others, meant well, but could they just realize the obvious?

"You're not supposed to hit yourself Rin."

Or state the obvious.

"Thank you." She snarled under her breath, trying not to let the insincerity seep through.

Squall climbed down the ladder, extending his hand to her. "Let me see."

It was clear by her demeanor she was in pain, as she pulled both hands away protectively and held them to her chest. Rinoa didn't want him thinking she was being melodramatic, trying to hide the bruised digit that once resembled a thumb.

"Squall, I'm fine… I just tapped it." He wasn't going to buy that excuse; she wasn't even buying it as the words were leaving her mouth. Maybe if she hadn't screamed like a banshee in the seconds before, it might have been a tad more convincing.

"I saw blood. Give me your hand."

"No, I'm fine… really." Not a chance...he wasn't buying any of it. She should just give in, but now it was a matter of pride.

Zell listened to the exchange continue, knowing neither would back down from their innate stubbornness. He peered around the corner, pointing accusingly at them with his paintbrush for emphasis. "Crap Rinoa, just give him your hand. Obviously, you two just need to find some excuse to touch each other. So, just get the touchy-feely stuff over with and spare some of us the torture. That is an order...from_ me_."

"Whatever." Rinoa rolled her eyes at the realization she was picking up more and more of her boyfriend's vocabulary skills with each passing day. She gave in, hoping Squall would ignore the editorial comments from the peanut gallery. "See, just a small tap on my thumb no biggie."

"Are you sure? It looks bad...it's already bruising. You should go to the infirmary. Get it bandaged or..."

"I'm sure Squall, I'm fine."

"No you're not."

The martial artist sighed in frustration, "Okay you two…really…get a darn room! There's one conveniently located two halls over." He motioned with his paintbrush to where the Disciplinary Committee's holding area was located. "I'm seriously feeling extremely nauseous here. Seriously."

"Zell!" Rinoa protested, giving one of her bothered looks, again narrowing her eyes, and placing her uninjured hand on her hip.

"Hey, I'm just saying there's enough tension in this room to smother a Behemoth."

The commander turned toward his friend, his expression one not to be taken lightly.

"Yeah, alright, a small behemoth, but a behemoth nonetheless."

_"Behemoth this,"_ Rinoa whispered to Squall with annoyance. The commander couldn't help the grin that crept across his face at the implied meaning.

Holding Rinoa's still tender hand, he led her to a corner, hopefully outside of Zell's earshot. "Go to the infirmary, all right? Don't force me to have Zell make it an order."

She sighed in defeat. "Fine, but what's the worst that can happen? I tell you I'll be fine."

He looked at her thumb again, this time she noticed the slightest cringe at his examination. He returned his gaze back to her eyes, trying to answer with the utmost seriousness. "It could spread into a severe bacterial infection or…or the fingernail could fall off and…"

"Squall Leonhart!" interrupted Rinoa eying him suspiciously, "you can't handle the idea of a fingernail falling off, can you?"

He knew there was no way of covering, so he didn't even try. It was just easier to look out the window and hope she would drop the subject, or at the very least, talk in a lower tone so Zell _'Capital 'N'_ Dincht didn't hear.

"So you can run into battle, and see things worse than death, yet you can't handle the idea of a fingernail falling off?"

"That's just disgusting, all right?"

Rinoa giggled as he let go of her hand, and immediately she brought her thumb protectively to her body. "Okay, you win…I'll go. But know this is for you, because honestly, I'll be fine. I just don't need you to be traumatized." Standing on her tiptoes, she leaned forward giving him a kiss on the lips. He hesitated, before quickly reciprocating.

"A room, I tell you two…get a darn room!" A voice echoed.

"How did he even see that?" She wondered aloud.

"Do you think it would be 'un-team-orientated' to accidentally drop a bucket of paint on his head?"

Smiling she added, "You really are a meanie, aren't you?"

"I try."

* * *

For a moment, Rinoa honestly believed that she was experiencing a mild form of vertigo. Her head was numb and starting to spin like a carousel gaining momentum with each turn. No room should be this small, this white, this bright, or nowhere near this sterile. It was driving her to the brink of insanity...this room was an anomaly that went against the laws of nature, moreover, against the laws of Rinoa Heartilly.

Yes, this was the infirmary, but still there could be a splash of color or a touch of personality. It made her long for the pediatric ward back in Deling. Okay, Garden did technically have illustrations of purple and pink internal organs posted on the backside of the door, but those didn't really count as 'color' in her opinion. Nor did translucent views of the human body classify as art. It was a biology lesson badly disguised to discredit the name of art. Only someone like Squall would find some macabre curiosity studying the inner workings of the pancreas. As long as it wasn't diagramming on how fingernails grow back. God forbid it show the formation of a fingernail - that thought at least made her giggle.

After a few more minutes of frustration, she sighed, falling back on to the examining table...all this over hitting her thumb. The paper below made a crinkling sound, which echoed like it was thunder in the otherwise silent room. The door opened abruptly, making her jump into a sitting position. Of course, as per her norm, she whammed her already injured thumb on the underside of the table, yet somehow she restrained herself from making any inappropriate comments. The last thing she needed right now was additional humiliation.

"Miss Heartilly?" The older woman feverishly ran her pen across a clipboard, scribbling as if taking notes on the current placements during a Chocobo race. Although, never once looking up, or establishing any type of eye contact with her patient.

"You can call me Rinoa."

"Lovely." The woman pushed her dark-rimmed glasses up to her nose, glaring at the chart callously. The small chains attached to the stems dangled back and forth, making the only sound in the room. Rinoa suddenly had flashbacks of disciplinary moments in school she had rather have left repressed. "Miss Heartilly, let me take a look at this 'medical emergency' that I was whisked away for other patients to examine."

Then and there, Rinoa made a mental note to make Squall suffer for this trip to the infirmary. As a Garden Commander, he had to have had some suspicion of Trabia's medical staff, right? She would find a way to get some form of retribution - country music, salsa music. At this point, surprising him with his own singing tape may have been the closest thing to justice.

"Exactly how does one hurt themselves in this fashion, while using a paintbrush composed entirely of Moghair?"

"I wasn't doing the actual painting. They...won't let me after last time with the President's train car... I mean not a real train car, a model one. I wouldn't paint the real one. That would have been impractical; we had that professionally done. Really." She wished she had that hammer to hit herself on the head with, this woman was staring at her like she was a babbling idiot...and well, at the moment she was one. Somehow, people in authority had this effect on her brain sometimes.

"Whatever. A member of the debate team you are not."

"A-Ah...no," Rinoa finally managed, wondering if there was a possibility of her boyfriend having a long lost relative currently on-staff in Trabia. She really thought she was over this awkward thing, well with the notable exception of Squall. "Hammer. I um...hurt my thumb using a hammer to seal a can of primer and missed."

"Nor a member of Garden's Sniper Division."

"Actually, not a student of Garden...I'm an Administrative Assistant from Balamb."

"Great...a secretary," she snidely commented, poking at the bruised thumb with reckless abandon.

_"Eew-ouch."_ Rinoa yelped, noting that 'bedside manners' seemed to be as absent with this woman as appeared to be clothing tailored within the last two decades. Yet, in typical Rinoa fashion, the sorceress gritted her teeth, trying to continue with some form of conversation. "Actually, I'm Headmaster Kramer's personal assistant. I'm here to help with the restoration."

"A secretary with an expense account, bully for you. Now, if I could return to the future workman's comp claim _at hand_." The nurse followed her feeble attempt at a pun with what could be best described as a 'wheezing snort.' Rinoa could only assume it was some bizarre form of laughter radiating from a parallel universe. "We amuse ourselves sometimes, don't we?"

"Uh-huh," Rinoa answered hesitantly, noticing that she and this woman were still the only two people in the room. The sorceress would have faked a laugh if she could, but really, the only kind she may have been able to believably pull off was one of those 'nervous fear' type things. The young woman swallowed hard, before finding the courage, or stupidity, to again attempt engaging in conversation. "Have you...worked in Trabia long?"

"No. I'm from Deling Memorial Hospital, I was sent up here on a Nurse/Practitioner Aid program. I hate kids, I hate cold, and I hate SeeDs. But for some reason my bosses decided that **I** was the perfect candidate for this assignment. Swear they had a party, it's all political hoodwinking I tell you."

"You do sound like the obvious choice," Rinoa tried to say with a straight face. Well, maybe the woman was in the top of her field at work.

"Great, when I want the opinion of an overpaid 'coffee-gopher,' I'll know exactly who to ask."

Then again, maybe the woman had some blackmail photos of somebody somewhere on the medical board.

"The good news is it just looks like it's bruised under the surface. The purplish discoloration is blood. You'll have to have it drained, I'll have someone come in and do that in a moment. It doesn't appear that it was separated from the matrix, so you shouldn't be losing your nail, barring any complications. That would be a national tragedy, I know. We wouldn't want any of those unforeseen 'typing emergencies' out on the field, now would we?"

Rinoa took a deep breath, slowly exhaling as she managed a smile. It took a lot for her to lose her patience, but somehow this woman, this room, and the last thirty minutes was starting to test her boundaries.

"Thank you," Rinoa forced the words out. She was unsure why she said them, but they were a lot nicer than the actual thoughts going through her mind.

"Just wait in here, I'll have one of the interns take care of your hand...that is if you don't have to scurry back to your keyboard."

Running her right hand through her hair, Rinoa wondered if this 'visit' was ever going to end. At least she was glad to be alone again. With every moment that passed, she felt it had been a huge waste of time, and also wondered how she was so easily influenced to come to the infirmary in the first place. But one look into Squall's eyes, and hearing the voice that she so often thought about before falling into her dreams, asking her to come here...she felt helpless to deny his request.

"Rinoa Heartilly?" An unknown voice called from the door, waking her from her daydreams.

"Um...yeah...sorry."

"No problem," the intern laughed slightly. "Trust me, you are not the first person to drift off in one of these rooms. Half of the patients are asleep, and lately, the other half are making voodoo dolls of Agnes...so don't worry."

"Really, I'm not the only one thinking it?"

The young woman smiled, pulling out supplies from a nearby drawer. "Not in the least."

"Her name is Agnes? I don't recall her ever saying..."

"Well, trust me...she has a few, but that is the one I can repeat to you."

"Guess, I don't feel so bad now." Rinoa giggled.

"Don't. We didn't have to call security on you, write up an incident report, or notify the Headmaster with a complaint... So I would say that you are in the top eighty-five percentile of all our patients."

"...You've had to call security? I can't believe any member of Garden actually was that bad... Not that I don't have some sympathy, but still..." Rinoa smiled.

The intern walked up to Rinoa, carefully taking her hand and inspecting her thumb before starting to clean the wound. "Actually, that was just yesterday. We really didn't have to call...it was more or less a threat. Instead, we ended up giving Mr. Almasy a mild sedative... Honestly, the bad part is that most of the permanent staff was secretly rooting for him... Someone finally had the nerve to say what we have all been thinking."

"..._Seifer_ Almasy?"

"Is there any other?"

"I guess not..." Rinoa admitted softly, torn between memories of the past and concerns of the present. Part of her didn't want to ask, but she had to know. "Why...why is he here? Is he okay?"

"I'm sorry, I really can't give you any details about a patient's condition..." The intern answered awkwardly as she started wrapping the nail. Even the sorceress could tell the other woman was avoiding eye contact, realizing the mistake in mentioning Seifer's name. It seemed that Rinoa's private life was...well, not private, not even up here. But still in Trabia, the students seemed to have more important issues than the commander and his girlfriend.

"Miss Heartilly, I honestly didn't mean to say what I did...it just kind of slipped out inadvertently. But what I can tell you is, that particular patient is still two doors down..." The young woman looked at the sorceress, and somehow knew she was honestly concerned. Present situation withstanding, the intern felt that the woman sitting in front of her, still seemed to care about the wellbeing of an old friend. At least, something in her heart truly believed that was the type of person Rinoa was.

Maybe sometimes, rules were meant to be bent, to put another patient at ease. "Off the record, don't worry too much about Mr. Almasy... I'll tell you, the only 'real' danger he is in, is getting a few _very intrusive_ medical procedures if he doesn't learn to behave... Agnes has a very demented sense of humor."

"I understand, thank you." And at least this time, she meant it.

* * *

The sorceress held her breath as she walked through his open door. Really, this was one of those moments she wasn't planning on facing today, and maybe even hoping to avoid the next millennia or so... Although Rinoa and Seifer had been in the same building, there was a mutual understanding to keep their distance. If they had seen each other in passing, it had been nothing more than an acknowledging nod and a smile from her end. Maybe in a way she wanted to talk, to say more, to understand more, but in another way, she wasn't ready... or Squall wasn't ready... or Squall and Rinoa as a couple weren't ready.

Yet, somehow with Seifer injured, this broke the unwritten truce they had wordlessly agreed on. She knew Seifer and Squall had talked after the Training Center, maybe she and Seifer should at least have that chance before she left for Balamb, but somehow...she felt as if she should have let Squall know.

"Great... I don't suppose you are just here to drop off the latest copies of _Weapons Monthly_ or _Better Dorms at Gardens_? If not, you better at least have cigarettes... or at the very least, have smuggled in a chocolate bar... 'Squallzilla took the last one from me."

"Seifer, what...what happened?"

"Simple really, she said it wasn't on my 'approved diet' list. It couldn't fit in the IV tube...or some crap like that. I kinda pictured dear Agnes as the love spawn of Squall and Godzilla so naturally..."

"Stop it, you're doing it again!" Rinoa interrupted, folding her arms and looking completely serious. She moved forward, sitting on the bed, and seeming to defy his behavior. She had known him too well; his sarcasm was a defense mechanism when he felt vulnerable, or if he didn't want someone getting close.

She asked the same question with forcefulness. "Seifer, what happened?"

"To me? Haven't you been keeping up on the memos in the last year? Didn't realize that Commander Nitwit had you that entranced? Cliff notes version: betrayal, Sorceress, Lunatic Pandora...big ugly mess..."

Rinoa grabbed his arm, making him look her in the eyes. He only held her gaze for a second, before breaking visual contact and turning toward the wall. His arm was in a cast, and an IV tube was running into his left wrist. He had multiple bruises and abrasions, a large dressing surrounded his head.

Of course, he was still wearing the bandage over his nose from Squall's initial 'encounter.' Officially going down in Garden's paperwork as 'Mr. Almasy tripping over a fallen tree limb in the Training Center', Seifer's story...never Squall's. Cid knew the truth. Nodding his head, while putting his hand on Seifer's shoulder in understanding, Cid took the report. Maybe that was something between two former knights that Squall and Rinoa were never meant to understand. Maybe that was a good thing.

But right now, she wanted answers. Rinoa put pressure around his arm, not out of anger, but frustration. "Stop, Seifer! Just stop."

"Fine... a few students here shared the same sentiments as your boyfriend. Can't blame them. Guess it's par for the course. If sending me to Trabia was going to be easy, I don't think it would have been an option."

"They...beat you up?"

"Yeah...some students...I don't know which ones...before you start a federal inquisition. Even if I did know who, I don't think I would turn them in... Even now I can only feel a portion of the pain they feel...and I get medicine. Look, I really don't want to talk about it. I've spent all day talking about it to different people. Not you too, okay?" His words were soft and his eyes still refusing to look back at her.

"Okay." She replied, finally letting go of his arm. She honestly could tell it was bothering him, not the fact he had been beaten up, but knowing the pain he had caused. This was far worse than rotting in any jail cell in Deling, for this punishment was going to slowly tear him apart...but maybe in the end he would become a better person. She could never forget, but somehow she believed that maybe he could find some kind of peace.

He finally looked back at her, giving her a questioning stare. "Shouldn't you be going back somewhere? I don't imagine Mr. Personality would be too happy if he found you in here behind enemy lines. Trust me, the painkillers I'm on, aren't that strong... I don't think I could handle another direct assault today."

"We're painting... I mean Squall and Zell are painting... It's okay, he wouldn't care."

"Trust me, he'd care."

"What are you talking about?"

"Because, I would." He sighed, deciding to forgo any further explanation on that matter. "Why are you here anyway? Unless your sole purpose was to come to the infirmary and physically harass the patients."

"I..." She paused, not really wanting to admit the truth, nonetheless holding her thumb up to emphasis her reason for being there. "I hurt myself painting, but I wasn't painting, I was using a hammer, again not painting! Anyway, they don't think I am going to lose the nail...so yeah, I hurt myself."

"Shock."

* * *

Squall walked into the infirmary, checking his watch once again. Part of him worried about what had taken her so long; it was only a simple finger, right? He still wasn't used to this 'worrying' about someone else thing, and part of him honestly didn't like it. Of course, he liked all the other times that didn't involve the worrying, so he would take the bad, with the immeasurable amounts of good that accompanied it. As he entered the infirmary, there stood an older woman looking at a clipboard. He didn't see anyone sitting at the reception desk, so he approached slowly...

"Ma'am I'm sorry to interrupt, but I'm looking for someone who might have stopped by this afternoon, Rinoa Heartilly."

"And you are?"

"I'm Squall Leonhart, Commander of Balamb Garden."

"Why yes...and the puzzle pieces fall in place now, don't they? Miss Heartilly was our top priority." She answered mockingly, although the comment was slightly lost on him. "Last I saw of her, one of the interns was wrapping her hand, and then the med staff was deciding whether to airlift her to Esthar."

This time he caught the sarcasm. He was turning around to say something, when the woman pointed a pen toward the hallway.

"She is down the hall and to the left, room five, last I saw her... And buddy, before you even say a word... First and foremost, I am not Garden staff; I am here on a semi volunteer/semi forced basis. I have been working the last twenty hours straight and, at this rate, will be lucky to grab a few hours of sleep... I have had one granola bar, which was five months past its expiration date, for my only source of nutrition today. I have been thrown up on twice in the last five hours, and will be grateful to make it out of this with some sanity intact... So excuse me if I seem a little irritated...your girlfriend is nice enough, okay? It's just that overprotective boyfriends are not high on my list of things that make me all warm and fuzzy inside, understand."

"Uh huh." Now it was the commander's turn to remain speechless. Honestly, that outburst was the last thing he had expected. Although a huge part of him was aggravated this woman showed his rank so little respect, there was a strange part of him that liked being referred to as an 'overprotective boyfriend' - two words he never thought would be used to describe him.

He decided it was for the best to head into the hall, never turning back around...somehow he didn't want to look her in the eyes. Years of training had taught him to let some things be, and right now "Ms. Warm and Fuzzy" seemed to be one of those things. He arrived at room five only to discover an empty bed.

Then he heard it...it was strange, he heard her laughing and it made him feel better. Not that he should have been worried, it was just something he couldn't help whether he liked it or not. Leave it to Rinoa to spend time in the infirmary, probably with one of the many cadets she had grown to know over the last weeks. It wouldn't surprise him; nothing did anymore.

Okay, forget that last statement, a few things still could shock the hell out of him.

He took a step toward the sound of her laughter, and found himself unable to move. His heart was suddenly torn between trust and doubt. He trusted her, he honestly did. But there still was that childish side of him that knew Seifer, and could only see him as the bully who tormented him not only with words, but with actions that went far beyond anything spoken. That hurt far more.

Hearing Rinoa's laughter, resonating throughout the infirmary, made his heart soar and crash all in one fleeting moment. To hear the innocence of something so pure in his mind, only be tainted by something to him that was stained with the purest of evil. It was a deluge of new emotions, all within a few a few heartbeats.

The commander saw Rinoa reach over to the small table, picking up a glass of water, before handing it to the man lying before her. He took it. They were laughing as he accepted the small cup from her hand. Their fingers touched. Squall knew it meant nothing, he had sworn to himself that he could handle something like this.

The rivalry and the bitterness...they belonged to the past, they were meant to be a closed chapter of his life, something repressed in the darkest of memories. He had come to an uneasy 'truce' with his old rival, but that was merely conceptual, not to be taken literally. In his mind, he still felt that Seifer had no right to sit with Rinoa, or laugh with her. And for the sake of everything that he ever believed...to damn well not touch her. Rinoa was sacred.

Didn't he know that?

Didn't she know that?


	7. A Time to Cast Away Stones II, A Time to Gather Stones Together, and A Time to Rend

** _Chapter Nineteen: A Time to Cast Away Stones - Part II _ **

_ June 2nd _

He wasn't sure what to do, caught between pride and circumstance. Stepping out of the doorway, and back into the main hall, he leaned against the wall gathering fragmented thoughts. They hadn't seen him; he knew they hadn't... Rinoa and Seifer - they were too busy laughing and catching up on old times. No, he _knew_ it wasn't like that, but it was always easier to simplify the situation, always perceiving it for the worst.

Here he stood, a commander and a knight, yet he was still filled with juvenile doubt. This feeling inside was doubt, wasn't it? He didn't know anymore. Military procedures were outlined in ink, but something as volatile as this was beyond all reason. He would rather have taken a thousand SeeD exams, than have walked into this emotional minefield.

What Squall did know, however, was as much as he wanted to go in there, as much as he desperately wanted to play that role of 'overprotective boyfriend,' that was not in their best interest right now. Maybe that part of this, for lack of a better term, _emotional field_ _exam,_ he had already taken a few days ago. Seeing that he had broken Seifer's nose during their previous encounter, Squall wouldn't say that he had passed with any honors.

The three of them had traveled down the path of bitterness and resentment before, and the commander believed he had learned something. Although it never completely quelled the primal instinct that made him want to run in that room to protect Rinoa. But from what? From who? Seifer? Himself? He wasn't sure anymore. It wasn't in Squall's nature to believe the best in people, let alone put trust in former enemies. Especially with something... _someone_ like Rinoa. But he had to, he just had to.

History, reasoning, years of training, everything that he had ever believed was telling him one thing, but he had to listen to something greater right now, his heart. Clenching his fists tightly, he knew he was left with only one option – to leave. He had to get out of there before either Rinoa or Seifer saw him. He had to allow Rinoa her space, just as she had always allowed him to have his.

Taking a deep breath, he started to move away when he heard footsteps echoing from around the corner. The realization that it could be _'Ms. Warm and Fuzzy' _from the waiting area hit him like a horde of speeding Cactuars. She would be more than willing to announce his presence to Rinoa, to Seifer, or to anybody else in 'lecturing distance.'

He turned to face the wall quickly, remembering a billboard that caught his peripheral vision. Grabbing one of the pinned flyers, he attempted to causally act as if he were reading the printed information. Maybe if he was facing the wall, and seemed preoccupied, the woman would just leave him to his solitary state of confusion.

Luckily, the person continued by without a word. A grateful sigh passed his lips as the figure disappeared into a nearby room. Reaching up, he started tacking the flyer back onto the board. That was when he noticed something for the first time since his arrival – _they were_ _talking_. He could actually hear them, hear their words. They must have remained silent after Rinoa handed him the glass of water, maybe some awkward moments had followed, he knew those all too well. After Rinoa's laughter there had been nothing, but he had not noticed that, until now.

The acoustics were almost perfect, like he was standing in the same room. It wasn't as if they were speaking loudly, it was just that their voices carried perfectly all the way through the hall. Suddenly, he felt as if he was breaking every rule ever written. Every line that he shouldn't cross was set before him, but it wasn't like he could stop himself from overhearing either... the articulation was too acute. In that moment, it was as if he was standing in the room beside them, whether he wanted to hear or not.

"Do you remember?" Seifer asked, almost tauntingly in Squall's opinion.

"Remember what?"

"Last time we were together in a hospital?"

"Oh that?" she gasped after a slight pause. "I wouldn't classify that as the 'last' time. I believe that was the 'only' time. And I think I made you swear never to mention that incident ever again."

"No, you made me swear not to _tell_ anybody else," he corrected. "Which I haven't. Since you were there, I'm not breaking any promises... I was only asking if _you_ remembered that night in the Emergency Room."

"Yes, of course I remember. I have..." Rinoa trailed off, stopping mid sentence. Squall knew he should leave, he wasn't even pretending to read the flyer anymore. It was just... it was so easy... He was right _here,_ they were right _there._ At times he wanted to know more of her past with Seifer, maybe, or maybe he didn't. Was it human nature not to want to walk away? Would any other man easily dismiss this? Or was this just his weakness on the situation? This part of the exam he was quickly failing.

"Rinoa, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. They um... just gave me something for the pain. I think it's starting to kick in. Anyway, yes, of course I remember."

She paused momentarily, sounding like she didn't want to continue with the questioning, but Seifer did not seem to want to let the subject drop.

"Did you ever?"

"Did I what?"

"Tell anybody?"

"Oh, no... that? I would feel..."

She stopped a second time. Squall knew this was his final chance to leave, the one last grace he would be given. He found the will that had been lacking, or maybe it was the fear of being caught eavesdropping unintentionally on his girlfriend; either way, he started walking away. He knowingly picked the longer route, so he didn't have to walk directly in front of Seifer's room. He rather have chanced running into his 'new friend' at that moment. He was a commander, and yet he was taking an extra corridor just so he could avoid his girlfriend seeing him. What had happened to him? When had he allowed this to happen? Why did there never seem like a right answer?

* * *

For the second time, a sudden feeling had overtaken Rinoa's body. One identical to that which had happened moments before, the one she had blamed on pain medication. It was something_ unfamiliar _yet she knew it at the same time... a contradiction within itself, but really she couldn't describe it in any other terms. She tried to clear her mind from the sensation, focusing on the discussion in front of her. It was then that something else entered her thoughts, bothering her just the same.

"Seifer? What are you trying to do?"

"_Do?_ I was just wondering if you ever told anybody, that's all."

"No...no you weren't." She stated more firmly. "I didn't tell anybody back then because I was extremely embarrassed. But you aren't referring to 'anybody,' are you? You mean Squall."

Seifer leaned back onto the bed, looking a cross between guilty and pleased. She wasn't one for understanding him, but that had been part of the attraction towards him during that summer.

"So, never mentioned it to him?"

"Seifer... No, I haven't. It wasn't because I was hiding it. Yes, I am still embarrassed... but that doesn't mean I'm keeping some deep, dark secret from Squall. I honestly just hadn't thought about it." She stood from the bed, speaking with complete clarity, defending her relationship with her knight. "I don't need you twisting something like _that_ into some sordid secret between us. My relationship with Squall is something I can't describe to you – that I won't describe to you. I wouldn't if I could find the words... Just please."

"Did I ask you to? So why are you trying?"

"What?" She folded her arms over her chest, making sure to protect her bandage. Still, posturing alone could tell she was upset, trying to keep it together in an emotional situation.

"Then _don't_ stand here and describe your relationship. Not to me, not to anybody."

There was so much running through her mind; how dare he even talk of her and Squall's relationship! She could have screamed her feelings for Squall, but that wouldn't help. How do you describe the indescribable, and to Seifer Almasy no less?

Maybe it was for the better that he would never allow her the chance to answer.

"Rinoa, if you would just listen to me. The last thing I have any right to do is give you relationship advice. But more than I can't stand Leonhart, I can't stand the idea of putting you through more than I already have."

She walked forward and unfolded her arms, realizing now that the question earlier wasn't just to irritate her... Well, maybe a tad, he was Seifer after all.

"Rinoa, you spend too much time worrying how others see you. People are going to talk about the two of you. It doesn't matter what you do or how nice you are to them. I lived with those people at Garden for most of my life. Hell, I would've been leading the gossip if I was still at Balamb. Squall has always been different and you are an outsider. Just never defend your relationship, to me, to Garden, or to each other. Your emotions have always been your biggest weakness, but if used right, they can also be your greatest strength."

The strange thing was - he was right. For her, it had always been emotion over logic, and Squall was logic over emotion. Maybe in some way they balanced out, they complemented each other and could grow from their differences. She did worry about what others thought, she always had.

Looking at Seifer again, Rinoa realized maybe in some way this was their 'goodbye.' At least for now, but she was all right with that. Maybe it was the closure that she never had before. Somewhere inside he really did feel remorse for his actions. Maybe he could never make up for what he had done to her, but he could give her the only thing he had left... his knowledge of his mistakes. He never admitted he was wrong, he never said he was sorry. She reached out with her good hand, taking his, and looking down at him. It was strange, to see him like this. This really wasn't the man she remembered. And that was a good thing.

"Seifer, I need you to know that I never meant... I never meant for things to turn out like this... I really didn't know... I just..."

"There you go again." He tried to laugh, not being comfortable in emotional situations. "Not listening to me and being all sentimental. Beside, _you_ don't owe_ me_ a single thing. I honestly tried to think you did, I wanted to believe that you did. I wanted to blame you, blame him, blame SeeD, I went through an entire list of people to blame...but eventually the list ran out and only one person was left on it. And here I am."

"Seifer, I wish that I could say that I'd always be there for you, but that's not the truth. Do know that part of me will always think of you as someone special to me back then. I'm going to remember the good, not the bad. I believe I saw the real you that first time in Timber, and I think you can be that person again. But right now, I'm struggling to find out who I am, who I've become... But most importantly, who Squall and I are together. Please know... I never meant for any of this to happen, but for good or bad, I wouldn't change what I've become for anything." She stopped, realizing that was the first time she had ever admitted something positive about becoming a sorceress to anyone. For the first time not looking at it as some type of curse, but as something she was grateful in sharing with Squall.

"I know you wouldn't." He said letting go of her hand. And he wondered if she knew that Squall felt the same, that he wouldn't have changed becoming who he was for anything. Even if the knight had yet to realize it.

* * *

Every brush stroke met the surface with precise accuracy. If this had been a military maneuver, it would have been performed with seamless, almost flawless, execution. Each bristle flowed in perfect unison, an accomplishment that had not gone unnoticed by the provisional leader. Zell had noted the change in the commander, it would have been nearly impossible to overlook. Before Squall's participation had only been met with his 'normal enthusiasm' for a mundane task, now he had a focused passion, far too serious for painting.

Looking at his watch, Zell noted how long Rinoa had been gone... not to mention the fact she didn't return with Squall. Whatever had happened during his absence, it was obvious the commander didn't want to discuss it. Not that he would _discuss _anything with the martial artist, but sometimes Squall could do the unexpected. Granted, not a fountain of information, but fragments could sometimes be pieced together, usually leaving the main point unsaid, but somehow Zell understood.

"Hope you guys weren't too worried."

The familiar voice caught the martial artist a little off guard, but he felt definite relief in Rinoa's return. Turning to look behind him, he quietly noted how Squall merely glanced at her, before returning his attention to his work.

"Nah, I think you can take care of yourself," teased Zell, trying to ease the situation with humor, it always felt natural to do so in awkward situations. "Remember, I've tried to wake you up. You throw a darn good left hook."

"Funny Dincht."

She answered halfheartedly; in all honesty, she couldn't keep her eyes from leaving the one thing she needed to know was truly okay. One simple fact remained, Squall was off in his own thoughts, and that scared her more than she could possible fathom. Rinoa realized that she had stopped talking aloud, along with the martial artist, who was now giving her a curious look. It was more with his eyes, silently asking if everything 'was all right.' God, she wanted to answer with a resounding _yes_, scream it aloud, but honestly she wasn't sure herself. Still, Rinoa nodded with the hint of a smile, because maybe even then, she knew it would be ...maybe some things are just a matter of time and this was one of them.

"Zell," Rinoa whispered under her breath, "I think I'm going to take you up on that offer now _to get a room."_ Her eyes darted to the commander, before returning to the person standing in front of her. Even though earlier the martial artist's comment was said in jest, now it was meant with all seriousness. Zell grinned sheepishly, he couldn't help it, something had just struck him as ironic about the statement, but he motioned across the hallway without another comment. And for that, Rinoa was very grateful.

* * *

Now the hard part, getting Squall to follow her; he could be the epitome of stubbornness. That was a lesson she had learned well. Then again, she would have to admit she had a slightly stubborn streak in her as well. Maybe that was yet another thing that made them complementary to one another. Well, on desperation's side, if he didn't want to go, she could always ask Zell to 'order' him to follow... But then again, she doubted the commander would actually comply.

As she took a few hesitant steps toward Squall, the logical side of her, cried out _'wait until he was ready. Let him be the one to come to you.' _But when would that be? An hour, a day, a week...who knew? Maybe she was being selfish, feeling the overwhelming desire to talk this out right now, she would freely admit that... or partially selfish, or something... But, she also couldn't handle the thought of him thinking God-knows-what in that over analytic mind of his either. Or maybe it was _her_ over analyzing this entire situation. This was just all so... confusing. Sometimes she just felt like screaming in frustration, but doubted that would accomplish anything now, besides draw a whole lot of unwanted attention from the Trabian residents. How did some couples make relationships look so easy, something as inherent as breathing?

She continued walking trying to calm herself, this was simple, very simple. She had to keep reminding herself that. She wasn't going to walk away, she wasn't going to leave... and she honestly believed he was starting to believe that, even if he wouldn't admit it completely. If there was one thing she had learned from her conversation with Seifer it was that she had to find out who she was, to find out who her and Squall were together. To get past the insignificant things, to face them, before they spread like a cancer tearing apart at their foundation... To not let someone like Ultimecia divide them on something that could have been avoided with a few simple words. Okay, maybe she was thinking down the line a little too far, but their foundation for the future was being laid now, that fact couldn't be denied.

"Got a minute."

"The paint will dry uneven if I stop." He answered not even believing his own excuse as he heard himself say it.

Standing at the bottom of the ladder, she reached out, grabbing it for support. It was more or less something to keep her good hand occupied, as she tightened her fingers around a single rung.

"Okay." She didn't want to discredit his reasoning, but she really didn't want to do this here. "You were there." It had come out as a fact, a statement, she really hadn't meant to utter quite like that, but it was direct, if that counted for anything right now.

"I wasn't..." He stopped, God he hated explaining things. "I wasn't there to... It had just been awhile, I was just checking."

"I know," she answered softly.

"Do you?" He didn't mean to sound irritated, but somehow that is how it came across.

"Well," she paused, as he still wasn't looking directly at her. "I would like to take the time to know a little more. I guess if nothing else I would like to talk to you, if your painting could just wait a few minutes. You asked me to go to the infirmary as a favor to you, now I am asking you to come across the hall as a favor to me. Zell said the Disciplinary room has benches we could sit on."

Now he couldn't help but look at her. What kind of comparison was that? She was sitting and laughing with Seifer for goodness sakes! And in return she wanted to drag him across the hall and tell him about him what a great time her and Seifer had? That seemed to be a fair and equal exchange.

"Fine. Whatever." Setting his brush down he wondered why he was getting so upset, it was obvious she just wanted to talk. Maybe in a way he needed it also. No, he knew he needed to, and that upset him also. There had been a time in his life where he could hide behind the fighting, behind his sword, now he couldn't, and sometimes _that_ bothered him.

* * *

She had never been inside a Disciplinary room, well not one at Garden anyway. In all her time at Balamb, Rinoa had walked by the office often enough, but never had seen the actual 'room' where the students were detained. She wasn't sure what she had been expecting, if anything, but what she found was nothing like she would have imagined.

It was larger than it appeared from the outside, enough for several students if necessary. Sometimes she forgot that Garden was still a military facility, built on military conduct. It was a school designed for training first and foremost. All of her friends were SeeDs, so discipline was rarely required. The holding room was usually used for younger cadets, the unruly students, and they would be treated as such. It was almost like a prison cell, less the bars. Grey concrete walls, ceiling, and cement benches, the only contrasting color was a _dark_ grey door.

Feeling a chill pass through her, she stood fixated in the hollowed room. How horrible it would be to be locked in there for hours, days, weeks, to the countless voids of nothingness. It suddenly reminded her of being at the D-District prison and she involuntarily gasped at the memory.

She had to say something... something as the thoughts of the past were plaguing her mind. The silence was making the room into a greater prison, one from which she longed to escape. Yet he sat on a bench unfazed by his surroundings, it was the life he had grown up into, the one he was accustom to.

"Squall, have you ever had to spend time in here before? I mean the room back in Balamb."

"Yes."

"A lot?" Somehow his response didn't surprise her, although it still stung to hear his answer. She wasn't sure why it bothered her so much, it wasn't as if she could have changed history, maybe part of her only hoped to ease some of the memories. Then again, she chastised herself for being the one to bring it up in the first place.

"Never mind." She quickly tried to add, grasping just what she had asked, the history she alone was dredging up. Yet again, she was letting her emotions lead her... not thinking about Squall. She couldn't even look at him, turning to intently stare at the door, as if she could find some consolation in its existence.

"I was there enough." He leaned his head against the wall. "If we're here to talk about my run-ins with the Disciplinary Committee, I can have my file faxed to you, or you could just go talk with Seifer again."

"No, no... It's not Seifer that I need to talk to. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked. That's the past. I guess the room caught me off guard. I... don't know what I was expecting."

"Rinoa, it's not camp." He stopped himself; he knew that sometimes Garden was still foreign to her. To him, it was the only life he knew. But she was here by choice, he was here by chance. Although Garden had changed its path over the last few months, and the missions they had accepted, it was still that life she lobbied against on this very playground in Trabia almost a year ago. Sometimes he forgot their differences. Now that she was living there, reality sometimes came in the form of four concrete walls.

That wasn't why they were there; it only served as a reminder of how fragile their relationship could be. Moreover, how much she was becoming an integral part of his daily life, and how he never wanted to go back to where things were just 'four concrete walls' again.

"It's all right." He answered, breaking his earlier tone. "I'm sure the accommodations are not as nice as when Caraway locked you in your room. But I'm guessing we each did our fair share in our own cells, whether we deserved it or not."

To some it might have seemed like he was being callous, but she knew better and could see an opening... he was communicating. She finally turned away from the door looking at him, and to her surprise he was now intently looking at her. It was the first time they had made any substantiated eye contact since she came in, and she softly smiled as an involuntary reaction. Somehow, he had a way of making her do that, even in the most trying of times.

"Yeah, maybe we were a little more alike than I thought." It came out almost a whisper, but her voice carried perfectly.

"The room doesn't always make the prison." He answered with equal compassion.

"No... no it doesn't."

There was still one thing she had to clarify before they, well _she_, continued talking... The fact that she hadn't actually seen him in the infirmary, but how? He was so closed-mouthed when it came to emotions, how could she say what she had felt back there? She could barely describe it herself, let alone to another person, to him. But it was amazing, and he had to know... In the infirmary when she had been sitting on the bed, something had passed through her, a vague sensation of raw emotion... _his_.

"Squall... do you remember the training center?" Well, that was vague, maybe she should have been a little more specific, like given the _when_ and _where_. "I'm talking about the night you took me down to the training center here in Trabia."

"I remember, what about it?" Honestly, how could he forget, it had been the day Seifer sauntered back into their lives. Some things are etched in stone.

"How..."

Her voice caught in the back of her throat as she trailed off, why was this so hard? She averted her gaze from him, carefully folding her arms over her chest. The chill she felt walking into the room was nothing like the sensation she was experiencing now - nerves becoming a tangled mess in her being. She had to say this quickly, to get the words out before she backed down. "Squall, it's just then, I didn't know exactly why my emotions went slightly...um...askew. In the end, it turned out it was because of Seifer's presence, because of our proximity to him. You were the one that came to my room and explained...to help me understand... that I could _sense_ him."

"Yes and? ...Oh." He closed his eyes. Maybe it was a good thing she wasn't looking at him at this moment. All his trying to hide in the hall didn't mean a thing because she didn't need her eyes to see him. He almost wanted to laugh at his sheer idiocy.

"Yeah, that's how I kinda knew you were there... But Squall, it was so much more than that this time..." Her voice was faint, so unsure of how to explain. _"It was incredible."_ Well, honestly it _was_ incredible, but she didn't want to say that; she wasn't sure if he would feel the same way. Wondering somehow if Squall would feel that the empathy was an invasion of his thoughts, his feelings...his privacy. Although extremely weak, she could feel them pass through her.

The emotional strain was finally getting the better of her. She had to sit, before her legs collapsed from under her. Taking a seat next to him, she looked down at her own feet, inadvertently kicking them back and forth, like a nervous child waiting to face a parent for discipline.

After a moment of her continued silence, he started to grow restless by her avoidance, "Go on."

"Squall, with you... I could feel your emotions. It was instantaneous, passing through my body almost like a chill. At first, I didn't understand what I was experiencing... honestly. Actually... in the beginning I blamed the sensation on the pain medication, thinking it was some side effect... But, by the second time, I just somehow understood... I could sense the turmoil... and I just knew it wasn't mine. The emotions were fleeting. But the truly amazing part is that it wasn't confusing like before, it was all very clear."

"And."

Well there was no way she could interpret that response, it was completely monotone, and _definitely_ not the reaction she was expecting. Although, she wasn't really sure what she was expecting. Maybe if she had been looking him in the eyes, or reading the expression written on his face, but it was the unknown that was driving what sanity remained to the point of an emotional breakdown.

"And..." She repeated quietly not sure how much more she should say on the subject, or wondering if she had already said too much. She knew how it bothered him earlier, to see her sitting there alongside Seifer. Was this feeble explanation the best she could do? She owed him so much more.

"..._And_ thank you, Squall, for trusting me."

"You're welcome." Truthfully, the words of gratitude were not what he was expecting to hear from her, not that anything surprised him after what she had just acknowledged. Moreover, that certainly wasn't the reply he had intended to give, but somehow, the words came naturally at that moment.

"You're... you're not upset? I wasn't sure how you would handle it."

"Well, if we're being honest," he paused looking at her for the first time after her admission, "I'm not thrilled. But there's a reason for everything, so I'm guessing in the end it will make us stronger."

"To help us find out who we are together." Her voice was faint, barely audible over the sound of nervous breath.

"What?"

"It was just something that I'd mentioned to Seifer... That I couldn't be there in the future for him, because I was struggling to find out who I've become, to find out who we are together."

He reached down and took her hand, realizing he wasn't still the only one struggling. "You are now and always will be Rinoa Heartily. That didn't change because of what you have become." In some way he found solace in her apprehension. To know he wasn't the only one unsure and fraught with inner demons still trying to claw their way to the surface. "And together we will figure it out, as knight and sorceress, as Rinoa and Squall."

She leaned over, brushing the hair from his face with her un-bandaged hand. As they looked into one another's eyes, she couldn't help from saying what she felt. She had tried so desperately not to abuse the words, afraid somehow she would scare him away. But right now she couldn't stop herself; it was what was truly inside her heart.

"I love you."

At that moment, it didn't scare him. Although, he still had a hard time believing the words. Never questioning her feelings, but believing someone would say them to him, that anyone could sincerely love _him_. He wished that he could have said something, but again he found himself unable to speak. It was always easier to show through action, to draw her into an embrace, to feel her breath on his neck, to feel her heartbeat against his, and to feel that they were both growing stronger each day. Together.

* * *

* * *

** _Chapter Twenty: A Time to Gather Stones Together _ **

_ June 2nd  _

The disciplinary room certainly wasn't the most romantic place in the world. Yet in that moment, neither Squall nor Rinoa could have imagined a more appropriate setting. It was clear they had a long way to go, but him accepting her words proved how far they had come over the last few months. Maybe it had not been the easiest road, but it was one they were traveling down together - one step at a time, day by day, and sometimes, if need be, hour by hour.

That was exactly why she had to explain.

It was Rinoa who first pulled away from the embrace, placing a soft lingering kiss on his lips. The action caught him off guard, although it wasn't that he minded. Still, sometimes, actions such as that took a moment to register in his mind – this was a reality that seemed more like a fantasy at times.

Rinoa had wanted to stay that way forever, remain locked in his arms, but she _needed_ to say something else first. She _had _to say something else first. The one thing that she had vowed never to confess to another living soul, beside Seifer. But he only knew through fate and circumstance ...and that was almost two years and a lifetime ago.

She had come to understand that Squall would talk about certain things only when he felt ready, events in his life, his past, and whatever emotions he was feeling. She would not press him on something so personal. He would openly and willingly tell her when he was ready and that was also a part of who they were. Learning, discovering, and always understanding towards one another - that is what made his gifts all that much greater, they were always given with unbound freedom.

But she wasn't going to keep anything from him, even the very, _very_ embarrassing moments of her past. The ones she wished would have remained buried under bureaucracy, red tape, and a small militia of insurance forms.

Her hand remained on his shoulder for support, but the bandage surrounding her thumb made it increasingly difficult. Somehow, she needed to be closer to him - to have more than feeling his shirt's thin material beneath her fingertips. She couldn't explain her reasoning right now, as if she ever could. Maybe it was that same unknown that drove her aboard the Ragnarok when she weightlessly jumped into his arms – it was that unspoken desire to be closer.

Usually, it was the unknown that scared her. But with him, the unknown sometimes exhilarated her.

Then it hit her, _the Ragnarok_, the security she felt sitting in his lap, even if he was hesitant to reciprocate. He seemed so confused by the whole concept back then. Yet those memories were ones she would always deeply cherish.

Finding a new resolve, she stood walking directly in front of him. Her hand acted as a pivot on his shoulder and kept him from moving in his seat. Even now, he still wore that look of confusion as he had in space. Maybe it was true, some things never changed. And maybe for that she was glad. He eyed her suspiciously, not understanding her intentions. Again, that part was also rather identical to the Ragnarok. Thankfully, at least this time, she had the foresight to carefully sit on his lap instead of jumping... the absence of zero gravity weighing heavily into that factor.

At first, the commander's reaction was almost as rigid as back on the ship. It finally softened as her un-bandaged hand wrapped around his neck and she rested her body against his chest. Sometimes it was just her mere touch that could make him relax, feel a comfort that still scared beyond any reasonable thoughts. At least this time, it didn't take him nearly as long to realize what she was planning, history had taught him that much.

No, it wasn't exactly as if he was _used_ to having her sit on his lap, especially after freely confessing that she loved him only a few minutes before. Still, it was becoming an almost involuntary response as he wrapped his arms around her body, resting his cheek on the top of head. Something back then, he could have never done with such little hesitation.

Rinoa shifted slightly, placing more weight against his torso. For a split second, he thought she was going to say something in his ear, instead he felt a chill run down his spine as she placed a few butterfly kisses on his neck, something she _definitely_ didn't do aboard the Ragnarok. He was thankful when she stopped. Well kind of... at least… okay… on a professional level he was glad. He wondered if she had any idea what she could do with a few simple touches.

"Rinoa... what... what exactly are you doing?"

"I just need to explain something."

"Uh huh… okay." That was authoritative, wasn't it? He hoped that had not sounded as feeble out loud as it had in his own head. He silently cursed any genes inherited from the Loire side of the family. Then he silently wondered why he was thinking of his father's heritage at this moment. Well, maybe it was easier than thinking about his more immediate problems right now.

"Squall?"

"…Yeah?"

Taking a deep breath, Rinoa inhaled the scent of his cologne. Somehow, she had wanted to completely forgo this explanation. The outcome wasn't truthfully that big of deal, she just wasn't sure how he would handle the beginning of the god-awful experience. But he had to know, so she bit her lip and started to explain with all the resolve she could muster.

"Squall, I know you heard Seifer and I talking about our 'so called secret' and I wanted to be the one to tell you what happened. I want you to know... I never was intentionally trying to hide anything." He started to speak, stopping just as quickly. Her voice, although slightly hesitant, still carried a determined undertone and sometimes silence really was his best friend. Another lesson learned with time and experience.

She began, "It was summer, one of our first dates in Timber. I guess if you want to call it that. Seifer and I had decided to drive to the coast. So there we were walking along the beach. I just remember feeling nervous... It was really our first time alone together... away from all other people. Part of me didn't know what to expect and was a little apprehensive, but there was also another part of me which was a little too anxious. It's all a little cloudy looking back and now it seems rather..."

Rinoa paused not sure how to word it, not wanting to say too much or too little. "Pointless. Yeah, pointless." She whispered as a nervous laugh passed by her lips, her voice trailing into nothingness.

"I take it there's more?" He finally questioned as her silence continued. In this situation, he wasn't in the mood for guessing games, or the prospect of waiting. He was quickly learning that he didn't like having to wait when it came to certain topics.

"I'm sorry, of course there is." So much for the resolve that she had found only moments before. _"Just get it over with, Rinoa, say it," _she chided to herself. "Um, like I was saying, we were alone, and somehow there we were on the beach... I mean literally _on the beach_... lying on the sand and... both of us were on the sand. I mean honestly nothing really happened between the two of us, you know that. It's just that I... somehow rolled over on top of a broken bottle neither of us had seen and... see it was buried in the sand... and..."

In that moment he understood, whether he wanted to or not. It wasn't that he wanted to imagine that scene, but he couldn't fault her or Seifer as much as he would like to place the blame on his childhood rival... and God he would've loved to have done just that. Rinoa's apprehension came from admitting the sheer fact that she had been, well, for the lack of a better term, 'making out' with Seifer on the beach. Not that it was something he wanted to picture. **_It wasn't_**. If it was only that she was afraid to admit her and Seifer had some sort of past, and if that was the extent of it, well... it was in the past. He had to face that Rinoa had witnessed worse, Ultimecia had seen to that. Showing her firsthand vivid images, memories he rather had left buried beneath the rubble. Yet here she was brave enough to admit this to him, she would never know how much courage she had and how much he respected her for it.

Still he understood that she was struggling, so he tried to help her along. Well, for both of their sakes. "There was buried glass in the sand... it cut your back?"

"No!" she adamantly denied, probably a little too quickly. "That would have been a lot _less_ embarrassing at the hospital."

"What?"

"Well, let's just say that _sitting down_ for the next few weeks was a little painful." She buried her face between his shoulder and neck.

"Squall, I just was afraid to tell you by how it all came about. I swear, it wasn't that big of deal. It was just a very awkward drive back to the Emergency Room. There was a lot of blood, or at least from what I can remember, plus the stitches." She still kept her eyes from him, figuring he knew exactly what she was talking about. "It was a clean cut though... maybe I should have been more grateful. I mean, it's nothing compared to what I have gone through in the last year, but at the time I could've died from embarrassment."

She caught her breath momentarily before continuing, keeping her face strategically masked from his sight. "I guess time really does have a way of making you see things with clarity after all. I mean, it wasn't the cut itself. It really didn't have anything to do with the physical aspects of the injury. I was just... so embarrassed. How do you explain that to people? It always seemed like I was trying to do something and I ended up doing something stupid instead. I didn't even want to try. So I asked Seifer never to tell anybody. Then I proceeded to tell Zone and Watts that I had a severe strain of the flu... That at least kept me _lying_ down in bed for a long time. I still don't know if they bought it or not, but that was one thing about those two, they never questioned me."

She listened for any response, a comment, a sigh, or any reaction either verbal or non-verbal. What she heard next truly astounded her…he started to laugh. No, it wasn't loud, but almost a whisper of a chuckle that made his upper body slightly vibrate as she was still pressed tightly against him.

"Squall Leonhart, are you laughing at me?"

"No," he answered as he softly kissed the top of her head. "I'm not laughing at you... it's just... I don't know Rinoa. You never cease to amaze me. And I can honestly say that with all my heart."

It was then she pushed away to look him in the eyes, squinting in confusion. In a million years this wouldn't have been the reaction she was expecting. "So the fact I needed several stitches in my rear... makes you laugh?" He was trying to remain silent. "You have one demented sense of humor, Leonhart," she sarcastically replied before she smiled and began to softly laugh along with him. Maybe this wasn't the response she had expected. Actually, it was far better... to know that he was that comfortable with her. To show her such a part of himself that others, including their closest friends, rarely caught a glimpse of.

"No, it's not that honestly," he tried to defend looking her in the eyes. He was trying to be as serious as possible. "I just... just you, are so you."

"Well and you are you... I guess this is a good thing we figured that out, huh?"

"No, it's actually a great thing."

Narrowing her eyes, Rinoa managed to place her free hand on her outer hip. In reply she teasingly responded, "Yeah _you_ can say that easily now. _You_ weren't the one who couldn't sit down for a few weeks."

"You don't happen to have pictures?"

"Squall!" Taking her hand off of her waist, she slapped him playfully on the shoulder, "I can't believe you asked that!"

_"Oh crap,"_ he mentally chastised himself casting his eyes downward, he certainly didn't mean it in that way,_ although_... He tried to correct himself, "I meant of... _not of..."_ Well, this was going well, he needed to get out of this predicament quickly.

"It's really okay," she said taking her hand and gently brushing the hair from his eyes, although her attempts were rather fruitless. "I know what you meant... _I think_."

"Thank you, Rinoa." Looking up, he gave her a weak smile. "You know, it seems like I am always thanking you... one way or another. The last year, the last few months have just been so different for me and I just thank you for trusting me, for trusting_ in_ me."

She shook her head, "Squall, you don't have to thank me for anything. If anything I should be the one thanking you. You have always accepted everything about me, no matter how childish or annoying I might have seemed at the time. Just believe me that I never meant to... I just tend to let my emotions lead me, and-"

"...And I think I've told you before," he interrupted, "don't ever apologize for being yourself. Truth be told, I think that is why you will make a great sorceress. You are an amazing person. Once you learn to channel your emotions, you will be an amazing sorceress. If the powers had to pass on to someone, I couldn't think of a better person on this earth to entrust them to. You'll learn, we'll learn."

"Yeah," she laughed in frustration, "Is that before or after I accidentally blow up my room trying to control my powers?"

"Rinoa, I do understand. The powers are connected to your emotions and that is why you _are_ going to be strong. That doesn't mean that you will ever be the most powerful, but when it comes to strength there is so much more than _power_. It's finding the balance, our balance. That is what makes you strong, remember that. But until we get these things worked out... maybe it's best if you don't use your sorceress powers to annihilate large spiders."

_"_Very large_ fuzzy_ spiders," she replied tilting her head slightly. "But if you remember, I kinda missed."

"Well yes, but see wasn't your knight there to help you? I think we'll figure this knight/sorceress connection out eventually. In fact when we return to Balamb, I think we need to work on controlling your magic a little more, maybe focus on our strengths."

"Sounds like a date," she answered before adding, "Although, if memory serves me correct, it was actually _Irvine_ that saved Selphie and I from that evil spider."

"Let's not dwell on technicalities," he stated with a straight face. "The point was that I was in the room, right? I might have been a little upset at first, but I think I ended up laughing."

She sighed raising her arms in mock frustration. "See, there is a very bad pattern forming here. Something upsetting happens and look at the response from you!" Leaning forward gently placed her lips on his, as their breath intermingled she whispered, "But I'm glad you feel like you can laugh around me, it's something I never thought I would hear."

"It's something I never thought I would do. Along with this..." He moved his arm to support her neck, pulling her body forward into a deep kiss. After a few moments he pulled away, knowing it wasn't really proper if they had been caught in that position. Then again, it wasn't exactly proper for her to be sitting on his lap either.

She forced herself to sit upright, running her hand down his chest. Their eyes locked and she smiled absentmindedly, "Squall, tell me something you've never told anybody else."

He blinked in confusion. Almost everything that he told her was something nobody else knew. What more could she want? Did she expect him to say he loved her? He suddenly felt his body tense. It wasn't that he didn't feel almost overwhelming emotion at times, but he just wasn't ready. There was so much that he wanted to say, that his heart wanted to scream, but his mind wasn't ready to admit. The thing was it wasn't that he wasn't afraid to say the words out loud to her; it was that he was afraid to hear the words spoken from his own mouth. It was a childish fear, something still residing from the deepest nightmares haunting his mind.

Rinoa reached up running her bandaged hand through her knight's hair. Tender fingers spread just enough for silky clumps to fall between her knuckles. The palm of her hand traced its way over his chin and he closed his eyes helpless to the sensation - the soft feel of her skin meeting with the abrasive feel of his unshaven cheeks. She smiled as she closed her own eyes. Her other hand moved down his throat, moving over his Adam's apple, and finally blindly reaching for the silver pendent around his neck. With her good hand, she moved down to where the lion's head rested at the end of the platinum chain. She grasped it in her hand as if it were her life preserver to reality - a keyhole into the portal of veracity.

She opened her eyes suddenly realizing that he interpreted her statement as something far more. She eased his mind answering his unspoken question. "Squall... I'm not talking about something life changing here. I'm sorry, that isn't at all what I meant... I just... don't know. I guess I just want to learn something more about you. Nothing that you're not willing to share at this moment, I know that certain things take time. I would never expect that from you, please believe me."

It was within those simple words he understood what she meant, she didn't expect some huge declaration of love, or lifelong commitment. Somehow, deep down he knew that she would never expect those words forced from him. Maybe that bothered him too, because part of him knew that Rinoa might willingly accept a lifetime without ever hearing them, yet Squall didn't think he could accept a lifetime without saying them. That was an internal weakness that he, himself, would have to overcome.

The disciplinary room offered a little comfort, but even sitting on the concrete bench he felt relaxed. His eyes still closed as he listened to the harmonic sounds of her breathing. With soothing words as she continued, "Squall, I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked. It's just that you know a few of my embarrassing stories and so much about my life. I just was thinking... I shouldn't have. I'm sorry."

"A _few _of your embarrassing stories?" He questioned opening one eye and raising an eyebrow at her. "You mean there are more?"

"Well," she chuckled breaking the tension from before. "I'm sure you will learn a hundred more... Trust me, Zone and Watts are a plethora of useless information. What they don't share, I'm sure Caraway will give you the outlined, diagramed medical charts to."

"That bad?" He laughed quietly as she tightened her grip on his chain.

"Worse. Just... never mind, pretend I didn't say anything." He could feel her shift from her position.

"Hey wait. I didn't say anything about not answering you, did I?" He looked at her knowing she was about ready to leave, to go back into the other room and paint. Truth be told he wanted to stay a little bit longer, maybe it was selfish, but it was the least they deserved in that moment. She smiled in response almost radiantly and somewhere deep down, it amazed him that he could make anybody smile, especially her.

"Okay, okay... I think I got something, maybe it shouldn't be embarrassing, but to me, it is. I'm telling you only because I think somehow it relates to our pasts." He whispered moving his right arm from around her waist, putting it directly into her line of sight.

"Do you see this?" He exposed the back of his wrist, motioning with his head to place an emphasis on his point. She fixated on the thin layer of skin between his hand and where his arm began. "See that scar?"

She nodded looking at it and tracing it gently with her fingernail.

"There are two scars... two small ones," she said softly.

"Yep." He pulled his arm down, quickly returning it around her body. "That would be my infamous 'Ping Pong paddle and ball scar.' Really, I wish I come up with something more creative in what it resembles, but you know me... Mr. Excitement."

"Ping Pong scar?" she laughed at the name. "And how did you get that?"

"Now see, you want me to tell you something personal... yet you laugh at me. I think a certain sorceress was just complaining about that_ very_ thing a few minutes ago. Doesn't exactly want to make me run out and tell you all the secrets I have hidden in the Leonhart closet, now does it?" he joked.

"Seriously, you are a meanie!" she retorted as she tried to calm her laughter.

"I know. I have a reputation to maintain and all."

"Haha... now please tell me the story, I really do want to know." Rinoa rested her head on his shoulder using it as a makeshift pillow.

"Okay, in all seriousness, this was the first scar Seifer ever gave me. No, that isn't exactly right... This was the first scar that I _allowed_ Seifer to give me. We were about ten-years-old, I think, already both students at Garden. I don't remember the details much, but I do remember it was a science class. I remember we were outside with magnifying glasses... looking for something in our textbooks. I really can't remember what we were _supposed_ to be studying. Now the last thing we were expected to be doing was burning insects... and well I didn't, I don't think. I remember Seifer had been doing something and laughing about it in some corner of the Quad."

"Squall Leonhart, you sound like you were being a typical kid." She bit her lip, hoping that he would not take offense, but she had known boys who had done the same thing at that age.

"Yeah... okay," he slightly chuckled at the thought. "I guess in that moment we were being typical boys. It's just later we were in the Quad and found some leftover trash from lunch that had been swept into a bush... some type of plastic wrapper. Seifer bet me that I couldn't put it on my hand and let it burn into my skin. I told him I could. So... I did. I know, not one of my greatest moments either. I just couldn't back down from him, even though sometimes I really wanted to walk away. Needless to say... I let him hold a magnifying glass directly to the sun and burn a plastic bag into my skin. I refused to admit that it hurt. I wouldn't cry... I just left afterwards acting as if nothing had happened."

"Squall..." she said softly, he almost had not heard his name as she spoke with raspy breath. But he could feel each and every delicate movement against his body.

"Yes?"

"It hurt, didn't it?"

"Yes, it did... It honestly hurt." Somehow saying the admission was so much more than a simple childhood scar. It covered far more than any one instance in a lifetime.

He continued reliving his past, "Honestly, it didn't hurt in the beginning. I couldn't feel a thing. It was almost like I was waiting for the pain to get worse, I was getting used to the idea... So when it finally did hurt, I convinced myself that I was strong enough to handle the pain alone. Within seconds it was searing into my skin and before I knew what had happened, I had a scar. It hurt, it always has. I guess I've been waiting a long time to say that. Longer than I even knew."

"You know what is the most amazing?"

"What?" He questioned, not sure what she was going to say. Then again, it was the surprises he was starting to live for - the never knowing, but always wanting to discover.

"I want you to know that you didn't have to tell me it hurt, even though I technically did ask." Her voice was hesitant, again knowing this wasn't always about physical scars it was something far greater. "I guess what I'm saying, badly as always, is some things just might be hard to say. It might take years to admit, it might take a lifetime. But I understand how you felt, Squall, I understand the pain you were in. I know how you feel."

He looked down to his wrist, silently making his hand into a fist. "Because it left a scar?"

Rinoa shook her head again, smiling tenderly, "Because I just know."

"What if _not_ saying something leaves a scar?" He had jumped from the physical to the metaphorical, even a leap he was surprised he made. Maybe she understood, maybe she didn't... he wasn't sure. He hoped she had, part of him believed that she did, if not maybe half of their journey was in vain – he refused to believe that. Because with them it wasn't always what was spoken, but the words and feelings left unsaid. He was scarred, not only in a physical sense, but something far deeper. But he loved her, he knew that. He couldn't say it with ease like a thousand of others probably could have admitted to her, and the world, without a second thought. That still didn't change how he felt, but he wasn't ready to admit it to himself, to afraid of getting hurt – of burning yet another scar.

Maybe she did know him well; placing her fingers under his chin she forced him to look her in the eyes. "Scars are what you allow them to be, they can define you or they can control you. I wish I could tell what everything would be like in several years... But believe me, right now, in the present tense, you don't have to worry. I promise you that." And he understood, the past was the past and they were the only future. Together they would face that unknown that she feared so much. That life wasn't always what it appeared - faded with scars or not.

* * *

* * *

** _Chapter Twenty-One: A Time to Rend _ **

_ June 5th  _

It was unnatural how much of a home Trabia had become over the last few weeks. Rinoa examined the room once more, committing her surroundings to memory. She wanted to remember how valuable this experience had been, down to the minute details of her dorm. She wondered how such a small room had become more of a home in two and half weeks than all those years living with Caraway.

Maybe it came down to one pivotal factor, being in a place where she felt needed. A place she belonged no matter what obstacles were placed in her path. In her heart she believed she could help rather than feel like a hindrance. Maybe the process was gradual, never happening over night, but obtained through a series of events. Events she believed that had to be decided by destiny; each was a stepping stone to finally gaining that inner peace she never knew resided in her. Of course, it still was not one hundred percent... there were always doubts, questions, and that feeling she didn't belong. A whole lifetime of doubt did not ebb within a few months, no matter how magical they may be.

Back in Timber she felt a certain comfort with the Forest Owls, and now it was living among her friends at Garden. But here in Trabia, it was simply being around _him_. It was the process of learning, growing, and becoming stronger as individuals to make them stronger as a whole.

It was the fact that here life simply went on. The reconstruction had become an everyday ritual to the students, but she had found refuge nestled between the mountains. Nobody cared who her and Squall honestly were, what they had accomplished, or their job titles, and that was a freedom she treasured. Then again, maybe if they had known _what_ she had become the situation might have been a little different. She would have to deal with that as time saw fit. She only hoped that no matter what Garden she was in, they would still see her as _her_, and not as a reflection of her predecessors.

Rinoa looked at her suitcase trying to remain focused as she haphazardly tossed in the last of her winter sweaters. Finally she closed it, securely fastening the locks on either side. It wasn't often that she had the chance to use her larger suitcase usually a duffle bag would suffice for overnight trips. She wondered when she would get another extended stay from Balamb, moreover, if she would be alone in her travels. Her silent reverie was broken with a sudden rapping at her door.

A small smile crept onto the corners of her mouth. She thought back to when Squall first left for Trabia and that morning in her room. The young sorceress wondered if this sendoff would be as... _memorable._ At least now the separation wouldn't be nearly as long, their two months was now cut down to just under three weeks. Somehow that was a lot easier for her to grasp, although it remained a huge mental barrier.

She quickly looked in the mirror, it was a habit. True, he never cared about her appearance, but still, she wanted to be presentable - especially when these moments would have to last. Placing a few wayward strands of hair into her ponytail, she walked to the door, smiling as she pushed it open. It was then she realized how different this sendoff was going to be.

"Heya Rin!" The martial artist exclaimed, a little too eagerly for her mood. "I'm here to get your suitcase, doing that gentleman thing and all."

"Thank you," she answered cheerfully, hiding all disappointment. Of course she wanted to say goodbye to Zell that was never in question, but still, she couldn't deny the fact she was expecting Squall to escort her to the docks. Then again, maybe she was expecting too much, reading too much into everything. She did that a lot.

"Um... is Squall coming to meet me then?"

The blond scratched the back of his neck, looking as his feet nervously scuffed the floor. "Yeah, about that, he is in a meeting right now. It kinda came up unexpectedly. He really wanted to be here, so he asked me to make sure that you got to the boat alright. He's going to try to meet you there, if he can get away."

"Try?" she softly questioned. She knew it wasn't Squall's fault; he would be there if he could. But above all else right now, he was Balamb's Commander, and she was just... Rinoa. She tried to never question her place in his life, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt to face the reality. Right now he was at work, for that matter she was at work... and that had to come first as much as it plain out well... sucked.

"Yeah, but I wouldn't worry too much, this is Squall we are talking about." Zell tried to give her reassurance, although it was something he hadn't done much in his lifetime. Maybe all of them were growing up a little over the last few years. "You know he will do everything in his power to be there. If not, I'm sure Trabia's Commander and staff will need to schedule critical recovery time in the infirmary. Plus, I'm sure all of them would want to see Headmaster Cid before he leaves." He paused nervously laughing, "Um not that Squall would want to see Cid more than you, that isn't what I was trying to imply. That would just be really wrong."

She smiled, shaking her head at her friend. "I know exactly what you mean. Thank you." Opening the door, she watched as the blond reached down to her suitcase. "You know, Zell, I really could take that."

"Yeah, riiigghhhtt... with that bandaged finger? Plus, I would never hear the end of it, you know, once Squall starts talking how he never shuts up. Then he'll get all emotional on me, the whole thing really isn't becoming of a commander."

Rinoa laughed at the mental image that flashed through her mind, "You know... I have that problem _all_ the time too. It's amazing if I can get a word in edgewise. So to spare you his verbal wrath, I'll let you carry it. That's what friends are for."

"Gee thanks, but you didn't tell me it weighed more than an Iron Giant. What did you pack?"

"Stuff," she laughed taking one last look around before closing the door. "Lots of stuff."

* * *

The feeling in the atmosphere mirrored the day she arrived. Choppy waves crashed into the seawall, while others collided with a thick layer of ice reaching toward the ocean. The ice wasn't evenly frozen; rather small platelets forced themselves upward, mimicking miniature glaciers. But it held its own natural beauty, its randomization forming a majestic intricate pattern. Nothing was symmetrical - nothing was ever flat on the ocean, rather a constant moving entity giving itself life. Maybe that is why she found beauty in it.

As they continued silently toward the docks, she noticed the horizon. The skies rarely seemed to be blue in Trabia rather they held a constant gray. She wasn't sure if she could live in something like this year round, she loved to watch the seasons change - the colors fade and then become vibrant again. But she couldn't deny there was something peaceful about this continent. She had discovered that even visiting the Shumi Village, there was an unspoken magic up here, an aura that you could never quite grasp. She was walking toward the boat and found herself wanting to do nothing more than turn around and run back to her room.

She was wearing the coat he had given her. It was too big, but it kept her warm. It still carried his scent, a trace of musk sweeping with the crispness in the air. If she closed her eyes, it felt like it was his arms encircling her, not the thick material. She always had such a vivid imagination, even her mother had mentioned that to her before she died. Maybe it was a blessing, maybe it was a curse.

She shut her eyes momentarily, trying to shake the images of her mother from her mind. Now wasn't the time or place, but somehow it was always in the moments she needed the most strength she found herself thinking of her. No, this wasn't the time. In comparison she had been through far worse. She was simply going 'back home,' back to her job, and back to her all friends. Still she could not help but think she was leaving a part of herself. Even when Squall returned, a part of him would also remain. But maybe that is just how it was meant to be.

God, she wished he was here right now, but maybe that was selfish on her part. He was doing his duty as a SeeD, what he had trained relentlessly for over the past thirteen years. She had barely known him over a year, to believe anything else would have felt arrogant in her mind. Yes, if this was a life or death situation, she would never question his allegiance, but she had to keep _this_ in perspective. That was often the hardest part for her.

"You're being uncharacteristically quiet." Zell finally broke the awkward silence. "It's starting to frighten me."

"Sorry." Rinoa answered softly, biting her lower lip. As the cold breeze hit her face, she knew it wouldn't take long for her lips to chap, but it was a habit she couldn't break, especially right now. "Just thinking."

"You? Thinking? Do you want me to call someone?"

"Very funny," she tried to fake a laugh knowing her friend had her best interest at heart. "Only if you want to meet a very slow, painful death..."

"Painful death as in _the singing tape_?" The martial artist raised an eyebrow questionably, pretending to be fearful of the very thought.

"Is there any other kind of torture?" she scoffed at the comment.

"Have you ever lived through one of Quistis' junctioning lectures?" Zell unfortunately reminisced about the countless hours he tried to remain awake during one of those.

"Ah, point well taken," giggled Rinoa as the continued to slowly walk. "Then again, there was also that night of sitting through Irvine trying his best pick-up lines on Selphie." There was still horrible imagery lingering in her head from that evening. Zell nodded in agreement, silently wondering how one man could possess so many cheesy lines.

As they reached the end of the dock, another thought occurred to them, one a little closer to home at the moment. The two almost spoke in perfect unison, "The Snow Lion lecture!"

Both stood with their back toward the mainland facing the restless water. Zell changed his posture, doing his best impersonation of the commander. In a completely monotone voice he attempted to imitate Squall's mannerisms. "And next we have the Snow Lion native to the Northern Trabian region. But after forcibly sitting through this lecture, the species is now seeking a new home far away from all humanity. Common side effects of this lecture are sleepiness, a sensation of vertigo, and the desire to wish you were actually listening to Quistis' junctioning lecture, which is saying a whole lot."

"I would've actually been more convinced by your impression if you were able to recite one _actual_ fact." A deep voice countered from behind them. Rinoa and Zell immediately recognized it as they turned to face the commander; this wasn't the first time they had been caught doing something like this... and probably wouldn't be the last.

"For instance," Squall continued never missing a beat, "one of the spells commonly drawn from the Snow Lion."

"Blizzard, Blizzara, and... Did anyone ever tell you that you not to sneak up on people?" Zell tried to cover his embarrassment with a sheepish grin. Squall just had an impeccable sense of timing; then again, the martial artist always had a knack of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time... and never facing the right direction. "Ever thought of wearing a bell around your neck?"

The commander scowled, he wasn't in the mood. Nothing had gone as he had planned today. The last thing he needed was to be chastised by Zell in front of Rinoa no less. Of course he knew it was good natured, but right now, any sense of humor flew out the window five cups of coffee ago. Still he wasn't going to let this get to him, he was here for one reason and it wasn't to listen to Zell. He would have ample time to do that in the upcoming weeks, whether by choice or not.

The martial artist always had been one to understand human nature, but it didn't take a rocket scientist to know why his friend came to the docks. He found himself relieved that Squall had found a way to break from the morning meetings. Although deep down, he never doubted his friend's desire, or the lengths he would go to send Rinoa off. The blond released the handle of the suitcase, grinning as he reached forward to embrace the young sorceress.

"I'll see you soon, Rin. Behave yourself."

"You too," she countered hugging him tightly. "Make sure you keep Squall in line for me, you know how difficult he can be." Rinoa glanced over to her boyfriend who still appeared rather emotionless. Their eyes locked and she smiled softly, hoping she hadn't done anything to upset him. She tried to push back the thought as she released Zell from the embrace.

"No problem, I'll talk to you later okay?"

"Okay." She watched in silence as Zell returned to the mainland. It was then in the background she saw Headmaster Cid talking with the Trabian Commander and three members of his staff. She motioned in that direction as the four men seemed to appear very formal on the shore.

"They seem like hours of fun."

"You couldn't begin to imagine," muttered Squall under his breath. "Did you get everything packed?" He knew it sounded like a generic question, but right now, he wasn't sure what else to ask or say. He wasn't good in these situations.

"I think so, but I always manage to leave something behind."

"Yeah." He stood there intently watching her for a moment; her body almost lost swimming in the fabric of the coat. Yet he had never seen one of the standard issue jackets look so good on anyone in his life. Dark hair clung to the sides of her pale skin, which remained barely visible underneath the hood. Still he could see everything, her eyes, her face, every feature that accentuated the person she was. Maybe he reviled this moment too, because somehow he knew, they both knew, things were about to change. Even his plans had changed without notice today.

He felt as if he was fully thrust into his political aspect of being commander. Once he returned, that's exactly what he would be full-time, Balamb's Commander. Maybe this experience was an awaking in himself that he had never expected. Not only had he learned the strength in Trabia's students, but also a strength in Rinoa, one that he hadn't seen before.

Everything today was beginning to pile up; maybe he would have handled it better if it wasn't for her leaving. He was never good at separation, ever since Ellone left, saying goodbye was something he simply didn't do. He wondered how long they had stood there in silence staring at one another. More importantly, wondered if anyone on the docks noticed his behavior. Everything felt uncomfortable right now, even things he was the most comfortable in.

He ran his hand through his hair, a habit he had for who knows how long. Yet with the thick gloves and the abnormal cold, the ritual felt completely foreign. He knew he wasn't concealing his uncertainty well, but he was never into disguising emotions, especially ones that used to be so commonplace for almost eighteen years. He found himself struggling to regain his deteriorating composure, but finally managed to steady his poise.

"Close your eyes." He hoped that she wouldn't question his request.

"Squall, you're so romantic." She teased, wrinkling her nose in the cold. Rinoa continued looking up at him, her eyes barely visible underneath the fur around the collar.

"And you're so maddening. Now, close your eyes and put out your hands."

"Romantic and authoritative... my favorite combination in a boyfriend."

"Obviously not authoritative enough if I can't get my supposed girlfriend to follow a basic request."

"Romantic, authoritative, and very _grouchy..._" she said teasingly, placing her hands on her hips.

"I need an aspirin." He sighed in exasperation, rubbing his temple with his forefingers. "Forget it Rinoa, I'll see you in a few weeks."

He wasn't sure why he had taken that tone with her, it really wasn't what he wanted to say, but right now it just seemed easier than anything else. He started to turn to leave, but wasn't surprised when he felt gloved fingers wrap around his upper arm. In a way, maybe he would have been disappointed if she _hadn't _stopped him. That didn't make much sense to him either, nothing did anymore.

"Wait Squall, where are you going? You can't leave... I was kidding... sorry." She felt like she was pleading, and honestly she didn't know why. He seemed so distant right now; almost reminiscent of the person she had met a year ago.

"It's just been a long morning." He apologized in general, for whatever he had done or said. He just hoped she understood, because he sure didn't half of the time.

"I'm sure it has, but I know you can handle it. Everyone believes in you, Cid believes in you, I believe in you."

"Thanks." He mumbled. Honestly, it meant a lot, but he couldn't understand how she could believe in his abilities to lead anything, when he could hardly believe in himself most of the time. He wasn't meant for this, he wasn't trained for paperwork and board meetings. If this was Destiny's great plan, Destiny had better hire a new architect real quick.

He preferred doing something tangible, fighting, training, or even being her knight was something he could comprehend. Trying to work with Trabia's Commander so they could get a better deal on uniforms felt so mundane. He was not one for politics, and being in command seemed to have more than its fair share.

"Earth to Squall!"

"What?" He caught a glimpse of her breath as it mixed with the frigid air. It billowed reminiscent of smoke, hypnotic to a point. "I'm sorry, I was just thinking."

"You, thinking in your own little world... that is a shock." She said sarcastically, rolling her eyes for effect. Finally she released his arm from her grasp, immediately regretting the lack of contact. "Though, I'm glad to see you have rejoined me here in the frozen North."

"You have to be freezing." It dawned on him that she had been standing on the dock for a terribly long time. First waiting for him, then waiting on him, and then well... just being with him. She always seemed to waiting, in some form or another... and yet, she never seemed to complain.

"I'll survive. Some nice SeeD gave me his coat the other day. Comes in handy. Very warm."

"Well tell him thank you for me."

"I'll do that. I promise."

"Speaking of which... before I return to the meeting, I really do need to stop and get that aspirin or bottle of aspirin at this rate. This will go a lot easier if you just listen to me for once... So please, put out your hands."

She smiled hesitantly as she obeyed, placing both palms upward toward him. It still wasn't like him to give gifts, she was not expecting much, if anything, but he did have that uncanny way of surprising her.

Reaching to his chest, he unzipped his jacket ever so slightly. He reached in just enough to produce a ceramic mug. She hadn't closed her eyes this time. Instead she found herself consumed with the thoughts of being without him, even for just three weeks. He said nothing as he placed the mug in her hands.

She smiled in confusion grasping the handle. "It's a coffee mug... from Trabia Garden?" Then it dawned on her, the day he originally left was the day she broke her own coffee mug. She laughed comprehending the full meaning now. Not to mention his knowledge of how much she adored her morning ritual of coffee.

"Rinoa, I'm just saving the citizens of Balamb Garden any undue torture. You without caffeine is a very volatile subject."

"Well, if they could just schedule mornings sometime in the afternoon, I might not need to rely on it so much." The mug itself was nothing spectacular, glazed black ceramic with the SeeD logo, overlaid with the Trabian emblem adopted by that Garden. It was the thought, the meaning behind it, and that was something that was very spectacular.

Maybe she didn't mean to say the next words, feeling a little embarrassed about her earlier behavior, but part of her wanted to know. She understood he was tired, having a bad day, and yet she found herself giving him a hard time. Maybe it was easier for her than facing reality.

"Squall, did you just walk away so I would finally listen?"

"Took you long enough."

"You wouldn't have... just left? Right?" Her tone sounded almost pitiful in comparison.

He started to shake his head when they heard a voice behind them. She watched her boyfriend as his demeanor changed when the Headmaster approached.

"Well, you about ready to set sail Miss Heartilly? I have never been one for traveling the seas, ironic for a guy who is in charge of a floating Garden."

"Just about, sir." She answered politely, although she was far from ready.

"Well, when you are done, just come aboard." The older man turned to face Squall, who had now fallen into attention. "Commander Leonhart, I'll leave the rest of the negotiations in your capable hands. If you need any assistance, feel free to conference in Xu or Quistis. They know a lot about the finer details of everyday operations. I'll officially return to my office tomorrow. Call my assistant if you need anything." The last part was said with wink, knowing the awkwardness the teenager sometimes felt about that subject.

"Yes, Sir."

Squall tried to answer as professionally as possible, ignoring any implication in the last statement. Cid saluted and Squall immediately returned the gesture in precise military fashion. To Rinoa it was something hard to comprehend, how Squall could almost switch from one mask to another - from boyfriend to soldier, and back again, usually without missing a beat. But sometimes his duties to SeeD took their psychological toll; she had learned to live with that. Military was who he was, who he had been for so long. She thought back to the first time they were in Trabia, and the man she saw then, compared with the person she saw today. Different, the same, two personalities almost woven into one, he was also still trying to find his balance between the two lives.

"You all right?" she asked, her voice barely audible though the churning of the nearby waters.

"Yes, fine." They stood in another round of silence, neither exactly knowing what to say.

"I think you need to get on the boat." It came out a little more authoritative than he had intended. Still he knew that people were waiting, _were watching _them from the shore, it wasn't just them anymore.

"Oh, now you can't get rid of me fast enough."

"I've been trying to ditch you since the first Timber mission... Trust me, I gave up a long time ago."

"Funny Leonhart."

"Who is joking?"

"You wouldn't know life without me."

"Peaceful, quiet, sane..."

"Boring, lonely, depressing..."

He shook his head slightly, "Nobody to argue with while standing in the cold. A stubborn young woman who refuses to listen before she catches pneumonia."

"Fine, you win." She smiled knowing she really did have to board. Cid was waiting and she owed it to him on a professional level to be punctual. "I'll see you in three weeks then." Rinoa's voice cracked from a blend of the cold and her emotions. "I guess it is goodbye for now then, huh?"

His demeanor quickly changed, not to anger, but something that carried a very serious undertone. "What have I told you before? Never say goodbye."

"I'm sorry." She remembered him vaguely mentioning something on the phone, but never knew it would visibly bother him to hear. "So what is the right thing to say?"

"Well, you can say _see you later_..."

"Squall... is there a particular reason?" Rinoa silently questioned her decision to broach the subject further, wishing she had just let it rest. It was out there now, and sometimes her words slipped before she thought them through. She honestly would have to work on retaining her emotions a little better.

"Yes, because I won't see you now, I'll see you later." He tried to cover his uneasy reaction with sarcastic humor. He really didn't want to go into this right now, especially right before she left.

"You meanie, you know that isn't what I meant!"

"Maybe. Just get on the boat, all right? The last thing I need is for you to miss it... I hate paperwork."

"Did I mention the meanie thing?"

"In passing, yes."

He remained his usual calm self now, the one she had grown accustomed to over the last few months. She was going to miss him and all his moods. Even though he would vehemently deny that he had any 'moods.' But that was just something she had learned over time - the different facets to his persona, ones that others rarely, if ever, saw.

She smiled grasping the handle of the mug between her fingers. Part of her wanted to reach out and hug him; she had done it so freely with Zell, but right now she wasn't sure how Squall would react. There was an even deeper part of her that wanted him to reach out and grab her, but she knew that reality was even further off. So she moved forward, placing her free hand to his bicep and squeezing tightly. It was a silent moment passing between them, an understanding, but she knew that was all she could expect. Glancing back, she couldn't help but notice the four uniformed men were watching her actions, and she suddenly felt that even touching Squall was violating some ethical code.

Sighing, she released his arm, and held onto the mug as she turned to get go aboard the vessel. Part of her wanted to look back, but part of her was also afraid he had already walked away, returning to his duty. The ship's captain yelled something and she could hear the churn of the engine as the boat suddenly vibrated beneath her feet.

It was her own weakness that finally gave way; she finally turned back to look at the dock only to discover that she was partially right. He had walked halfway back to the shore, but then, he had stopped and was watching her. Their eyes locked and he mouthed something. She couldn't understand and tilted her head as the boat had begun to pull further away. In a last attempt, he held up three fingers and she finally understood what he was saying, _'three weeks.' _Maybe she could survive the short separation after all.

As the boat faded into the distance, he rejoined his peers on the shore. Pushing away any other emotions, he found himself a SeeD once more, no longer standing in the middle between his two duties. Maybe she would understand, maybe she wouldn't. Hopefully she knew it wasn't his choice, just what was considered proper for someone in his position. But what position was that - knight or SeeD? Right now, he had to be the latter. He had a job, a responsibility, and he honestly believed that everything he was doing made him into a better knight, or maybe he wouldn't have been doing it.

The young commander looked back over his shoulder as the group of Trabian officials walked back toward Garden. He never had answered her question, but he would when he saw her again. He made himself that promise. If he couldn't find the courage to tell her how he felt about her, he could at least explain his reasoning when it came to saying the simple word 'goodbye.' Why couldn't he say goodbye? Goodbye was a finality, an end... something said to those never coming back. As a cadet he had attended too many funerals, heard too many others say the word, but never used it himself, always the observer as life passed him by. Maybe he held some sort of deep rooted superstition, maybe it honestly was nothing... but in his line of work every moment counted. He wouldn't say goodbye to Rinoa, that simple.


	8. A Time to Refrain from Embracing, A Time to Keep Silence, and A Time to Plant

_ **Chapter Twenty-Two: A Time to Refrain from Embracing ** _

_June 6th _

The blade resembled an ashen flash as the metallic edge caught in the overhead lighting. His body moved with predatory instincts, twisting and turning in a perfect dance of elegance. He couldn't help the small smile creep onto his lips as the adrenalin coursed under his skin. It was more than a momentary rush; it was an intoxicating drug pulling him deeper into his solitary trance. In that instant, there was only him and the dragon like beast standing before him.

There was no logic in their encounter; he, _the man_, was the invader and the aggressor into the monster's lair. But that is when the beast became the most defensive, when protecting its home. It was both tragic and poetic in the commander's mind.

The Blue Dragon's deadly talons contained poison, maybe that was some of the allure. True, Garden carried the antidotes; nonetheless, any uncalculated move could prove fatal – even in a 'controlled' setting.

But it wasn't in his nature to back down, nor was it in the beast's.

In one fluid motion, the gunblade sliced into the creature as it stumbled backwards writhing in pain. The knight could feel the hide rip as if paper; the blade severed layers upon layers of skin. The Blue Dragon agonized in what, in any other situation, would have been a mortal wound. In the wild the moral dilemma would have been non existent, but human compassion won over the warrior's trained instincts. Squall took a step back trying to regain the breath that he so desperately needed.

"Got it," a second figure stated walking toward the wounded animal. In one movement Zell opened a small container giving it to the creature.

The translucent hues of the healing potion swirled around the Blue Dragon as both parties watched in morbid fascination. The sport in itself was something obscenely gruesome; wound a creature only to heal the very blows the assailant had dealt. But those facts could not be dwelled on; everything was always for the greater good. Garden was always the greater good, so he had been trained to believe.

He cleared his mind; he always had a way of overanalyzing everything, even down to the beings that roamed Trabia's training center. It was all irrelevant right now. He stood catching his breath in silence after his supposed victory. The training center here was kept at near freezing temperatures, and the heat radiating off his body was a vast contrast. Still, he couldn't deny the allure of the battle, even under fabricated conditions.

"Now personally, I don't see what the challenge was in that for you," the martial artist stated breaking the silence. "Of course... if we were to make it more of a fair fight..."

Squall remained wordless, only arching his brow at the blond man. He silently wondered what possessed him to ask Zell to train with him tonight. Then of course, he remembered the rules which stated 'no one was to be in the training center without a partner.' Stupid rules.

Zell smirked as a small challenge formed in his mind. "Hey Squall, wanna try something a little different?"

"What?" The commander snapped unintentionally. His heartbeat was still rapidly echoing throughout his chest cavity. Maybe there was an unspoken fear in his reply; whatever the martial artist had planned probably would rank right up there with the Forest Owl train mission.

"Oh again, ye of little faith, trust in 'Mr.-Know-it-All' as you so dubbed me all those months ago. How can you doubt me, before you hear me out?"

Squall shook his head slightly running his fingers though his sweat dampened hair. "You really want me to answer that?"

"Um... yeah... no. Anyway, I was thinking why don't you try the next Blue Dragon _without_ your gunblade. There's no doubt what damage you can do with that thing, but how about with your fists? I mean... just basic martial arts here... mono on mono... man against beast... large blue creature against silent angsty guy."

The commander was about ready to snap back some reply, but the blond cut him off before he could. "In all seriousness, it wouldn't hurt to train a little more in hand to hand. What if something happened and you couldn't reach your weapon? I mean it could be good practice if you needed to suddenly defend Rinoa."

"Whatever," replied the young man as he turned to rest his gunblade on a nearby rock.

Zell smiled knowing that the 'Rinoa' comment was the sealer on the deal, though the commander would never admit to that. They had been fighting along side each other for almost two hours, and Squall barely managed to string together a few sentences. He hadn't mentioned anything about her leaving yesterday, but Zell could tell that it affected Squall more than he would care to admit.

* * *

The commander clenched his fists and then rolled his wrists, trying to stretch his hands before the first offensive strike. He didn't care to admit how long it had been since he had done something like this; his hand to hand was probably somewhat rusty on this advanced level. Everyone in Garden had been trained for combat; he never doubted his skills on the general populous, but starting right off with a Blue Dragon could be more of a challenge than he first anticipated.

He stood with his hands protecting his face. Everything from basic training was coming back as he clenched his fists before letting them slightly relax. Equaling the weight between both feet, he tried to remain as stable as possible. From this stance he could move in any direction with ease, well that was at least the theory, the Blue Dragon might have other ideas.

The creature made the initial move, lunging forward with a powerful swipe. Squall avoided its claws with ease the first time, before readying for his turn to strike. The knight rotated quickly, pivoting his body only enough to throw his first punch. It was almost a textbook jab, palm down, as he contacted with the beast's leathery hide. He wouldn't allow any pain to register from the contact, the sting in his hand was fleeting.

The dragon made a loud sound reminiscent of a battle cry.

Squall wasn't sure what he had gotten himself into. He only knew it was going to be a long battle by himself. Though in a way, the thought was very enticing. It had been a long time since he felt he would really have to draw on all his strength. They all had grown used to the added effects the GFs would allow; now it came down to pure physical endurance.

He would have performed a shin kick, but since he wasn't positive of where the dragon's shins _were_, he decided on something more appropriate. His feet did an almost intricate dance, although not graceful, unless it was appreciated by another master of the art. He gained what momentum he could in the confined space, before stepping into a side kick. The creature let out a howl before countering with his own primal attack. There was no military training to its assault, only the instinct to survive.

"I don't suppose you would want to settle this over a game of rock, paper scissors?" The dragon roared louder swiping one of his talons dangerously near the commander's ear. "Didn't think so," Squall quipped slightly annoyed at this new development.

The creature lunged forward as the young knight skillfully dodged its blows, the exchange between man and beast continued. Squall did not remember battling a single enemy for so long, at least since the final showdown with Ultimecia. It was only the adrenaline keeping him standing, or dodging, or rolling... or even falling ungracefully on the ground as the case may be. But he wouldn't back down from the challenge; it had become a personal quest.

With a final battered cry, the creature collapsed under its own weight. Unfortunately, Squall wasn't too far behind as he fell to his knees in pure exhaustion. Every muscle in his body ached. He hadn't remembered such strenuous training in years. Maybe that was a good thing, as he had grown too comfortable in his abilities and needed this as a reminder.

"See, now _that_ was entertainment," Zell said as he offered his hand to the commander.

Squall accepted the gesture, getting back up to his feet. His body felt overheated as the pain spread though his muscles, though he would show no outer signs of his exhaustion. As he regained his bearings, he turned to look at the fallen beast.

"Zell, when we get back to Balamb, you can have my Blue Dragon Triple Triad card. I never want to see another one again – alive or in print."

"Well you could have given him your Snow Lion lecture and he would have died of boredom... literally," countered the martial artist with a hint of laughter.

"Shut up, Dincht."

"I feel the love man, I really do."

"Great," Squall muttered under his breath as he walked over to retrieve his weapon. He looked back to see Zell administering a potion to the newly defeated creature. It was getting late and the only thing the commander wanted now was a hot shower and some much needed rest. He hadn't slept well the night before, contemplating too many things in his mind. Every time he closed his eyes all he could see was Rinoa standing on the boat, not that it was a bad thing - just that he didn't know how to sort through everything filling his mind.

The two men walked through a set of double doors which led to the connecting area between various monsters, separating the beginner and the advanced levels. It was in here that the memory tiles were on the ground, each a symbol of hope or remembrance to those who helped with the restoration of Trabia. He inwardly smiled at the memory of how irritated Rinoa was when he wouldn't tell her what his stone said. She would know it in time, and that was all that mattered. But seeing her get so annoyed could be rather humorous, though he dared never to tell her that. A few moments ago, lost in his memories, he had stopped walking. He was now staring at the tile with the image of Griever and the angel's wings etched onto its surface.

The blond man watched as his friend silently contemplated, he would never venture to guess what ran through Squall's mind. There had been something that had bothered the Zell the past week, but he wasn't positive how to address the situation. Rinoa had become one of his best friends - they had grown extremely close over the last year. Something she had said awhile back had struck a chord within him, although he knew that was never her intention. Part of him felt that he was betraying a trust that he had been inadvertently given. In a way, Squall was probably the last person she would want this mentioned to, but he also was the first that should know. Again, it wasn't as if Rinoa had come out and said it point blank, in fact she had tried to brush it off as nothing important. It was just a feeling that Zell had picked up on that evening in the cave.

"Um Squall..." The young man cracked his knuckles, looking down nervously.

"Are you going to stare at the ground all day or tell me?" Squall asked after the continued silence.

"Yeah... um it's about Rinoa." Zell paused noticing the commander's demeanor change. It was one of those things only obvious to those who knew him well enough. "Before I say anything, I just want you to know it was only said in passing... and she meant _nothing _by it. I just... I think it is something that may be bothering her... although I'm not sure if she has even dealt with the reality."

"What?"

"It was just something said that night we did trivia with the cadets, and she was watching you give the piggyback rides to the children. I mentioned in an offhand remark that she had done a great job, that she was a natural with the kids. Then... I just sorta mentioned that she'd make a good mother someday... That's when she told me she couldn't have children, because of what she is."

"She can't?" His words were quiet; he could hardly believe he had uttered them at all. Somehow they just slipped out, though, barely above a whisper.

"Well, she is pretty sure it would be impossible... being... well, you know,_ a sorceress._ I guess I just saw this look in her eyes, although she was trying to hide it. I think it bothers her more than she may want to let on."

This certainly wasn't what Squall was expecting; honestly he wasn't sure what he had been expecting. He would be the first to admit children were the furthest thing from his mind. **Ever.** Then again, just over a year ago, having a girlfriend was the furthest thing from his mind. At the moment, he thought it was best he didn't say anything more on the subject, or maybe it was because he didn't really know how to reply. This was something he would have to think about... for more than the span of a few seconds.

* * *

_June 12th _

It had been exactly one week. Precisely seven days since she had heard his voice. One hundred and sixty eight hours, give or take, since she had left him standing on a Trabian pier. All right, maybe she was overanalyzing, Rinoa would be the first to admit that. Call it a weakness, call it personality trait, or call it sheer boredom.

Again, as so often in the last few months, she found herself lying on her bed staring blankly up at the ceiling. Nothing felt right over the last week; it felt as if a piece of her had been missing. Try as she might, she just couldn't make herself feel complete.

The young sorceress kept replaying the last of her days in Trabia, wondering if somewhere along the line she had done something to upset him, or was it just the time apart that he found to be the moments of the most solace? A large part of her believed that wasn't the case, but still, the simple fact was she was only human and somehow those nasty little doubts always found a way to creep into her thoughts. Maybe if she had talked to him in person, had the chance to hear his voice on the other end of the line, but it was his absence, always the unknown, which scared her.

To be fair, she had known things would change upon her return to Balamb, but maybe she hoped that they wouldn't change so suddenly, without warning. The night she had arrived home, she had left Squall a message, but his cell phone went directly into voicemail. That hadn't surprised her, she had known that his upcoming meeting schedule was in a word: grueling. He had returned the message, only with a few short sentences that she found left on her own voicemail system the next day. In other words, he didn't call her dorm that evening; he called and left the message on her work line. She gave him the benefit of the doubt, knowing that he probably didn't want to deprive her from any much needed sleep. So she hadn't read much into that... but it was the continued amount of time that started to worry her.

Then again, she had the ability to pick up and dial the phone. She wasn't a helpless child waiting for a call that might never come. Rinoa could easily be the aggressor in the situation, though something was holding her back and that too she couldn't comprehend. So instead of fighting off her doubts, biting back her fears, and picking up the phone -she found herself transfixed on the ceiling tiles instead. She had to stop doing this endless daydreaming; it was becoming an extremely annoying habit.

A knock disturbed her from the hypnotic trance. Flinching at the sound, she let out a small gasp, and placed a hand on her chest to calm herself.

"Hey Rinny, you in there?" Selphie's voice was muffled through the door.

"Yeah, one sec," she replied hastily, trying to regain her composure.

Placing her feet over the side of the bed, she stood up straightening her ponytail. The young woman wasn't positive why she did that either. That too had been another nervous habit she had picked up over the last few months. Rinoa wasn't even sure why she felt as if she had been caught doing something horrible, yet there was a guilt that she couldn't deny. She felt that way often when caught drifting into her own mind, which again, had become almost her norm.

Smiling as she opened the door, she tried to act completely innocent. She really didn't have a reason to feel that way, except for possibly doubting her relationship. It didn't matter that it was probably a normal emotion; she felt guilt for even fathoming the thoughts of doubt.

"You look sooo guilty," Selphie laughed seeing her friend try to mask her emotions. If there was one thing Rinoa didn't do well, it was hide any form of guilt or embarrassment.

"Am not," she stated emphatically.

"And you're also a very bad liar."

Rinoa rolled her eyes defeated, as her friend entered the room plopping herself onto the twin bed. Selphie haphazardly started shuffling her feet back and forth watching the nervous sorceress close the door.

"I hope you're here to do more than give me a hard time," Rinoa joked placing a hand on her hip. "I get enough of that from other people."

"Speaking of which," Selphie giggled as she produced a cardkey from her pocket, knowing specifically who Rinoa meant by the _'other people'_ comment. "I got a key to his place, thought we could go in and check it out."

"Selphie! No way! I'm not going in his room... he would never speak to me again."

"No silly," Selphie laughed falling back on the bed. She knew exactly what Rinoa believed, and that was true, Squall would not be a happy camper if someone was in his currently occupied room. Though the term _'happy camper'_ and Squall mixed like Shiva and Ifrit. "Rin, his **_new_** apartment. The crew finished construction earlier today and Cid said we could go take a look around before Mr. Hospitality moves in. Not sure if the rest of us mere mortals will ever get the privilege of seeing into the lair of Squall."

"Lair?" Rinoa laughed, "You mean like where he does all his secret Squall duties?"

"Yes, brooding, thinking, contemplating, and if time allows... more brooding. The life of a SeeD Commander, not for the faint of heart."

"...And how exactly did you come into possession of this key?" Rinoa asked, eyeing her friend suspiciously.

Selphie rolled onto her side, propping herself up on an elbow and grinned, "Years of being trained in the art of stealth, espionage, and counter intelligence."

"You mean Cid gave it to you?"

"Yep, but I had to ask really, really, really nicely."

"Your SeeD abilities never cease to amaze me."

Rinoa sighed looking around her dorm. The fact was she wasn't accomplishing anything here, besides memorizing every imperfection in the ceiling. The young woman raised her hands in defeat. Selphie continued to grin at her, though she figured that her friend already knew that she would easily give in. Rinoa wasn't that hard to persuade in some matters, plus she had to admit, the curiosity was getting the better of her too.

"Fine Selph, give me a minute to change."

With those words, her friend hopped off the bed, squealing in delight, "Woo-hoo!"

* * *

It was so... spacious. All right, maybe not compared to the mansion she had grown up in, but in contrast to just about every room in Garden, with a few notable exceptions. Rinoa stood spellbound in the center of the main living area. The plush carpet between her toes felt like a fluffy clouds. All right, maybe her analogies really were off, but she didn't remember ever feeling something so soft, well as far as carpeting goes at least. Both of the girls had decided to remove their shoes. The last thing either needed was to track dirt on Squall's new carpet. He had the uncanny ability to find the most microscopic stain known to man – and these two girls historically tended to be the biggest culprits in that department.

The apartment's walls were slightly off white, almost cream in color, while the carpet was a darker shade of tan. Rinoa momentarily reveled in the smell of the newly painted apartment; it temporarily took her back to the memories of her time in Trabia. Funny, before she would have never given the odor a second thought, now it only made her smile.

There was something homey about this place, though there wasn't a single article within its walls. She knew it would not take long to get used to this place. Then again, that was really never the issue, anywhere Squall was she could get used to rather quickly.

"Rin, did you see all this counter space! This place is so awesome!"

Unlike Rinoa, Selphie wasn't as shy - finding it necessary to vigorously open every door and cabinet in the apartment. Before Rinoa was aware, she saw a blur of yellow disappearing down a small hallway. The young sorceress smiled, it was as if Selphie was the proverbial kid in the candy store. She doubted Squall would show any emotion over this place. In fact if anything, he probably would say that this was an extreme and that his small bed and desk were quite enough. A loud squeal of delight made Rinoa trace her friend's footsteps, apparently Selphie found something that elated her.

"Rin look, look at this! I've always wanted a bathtub like this!" Selphie pointed jumping up and down outside a door, obviously staring into a bathroom.

"Wow," was the only comment Rinoa managed looking at the huge corner garden tub. "This whole place is amazing… but you're right, I would kill to have a bathtub like that. Heck, I'd kill to just take a bath. I mean, it's been forever. I never knew how much I'd miss a tub until I only had a shower."

"What are you talking about Rin? At least you're going to get to use it."

Rinoa laughed for a moment, trying to contain herself from erupting into full-blown hysterics. "Oh yeah… right… My only hope would be to take a bath before Squall comes home. I don't think he's exactly going to want me in his tub."

Now it was Selphie's turn to laugh, "Oh we'll so see about that one."

Playfully slapping her friend on the forearm, Rinoa shook her head. "Trust me, the only chance I'll have to take a bath is to ask Cid or Edea if I could use it before Squall returns from Trabia." She had to admit not having been able to relax in a tub for, well a few years now, the thought was extremely enticing. Suddenly asking Edea didn't seem like such a bad idea. Squall would never have to know, would he?

Before she had a chance to finish her thoughts, Rinoa noticed her friend had taken off, obviously ready to explore the next destination.

"Come out here," yelled Selphie from the master bedroom. "This balcony is huge!"

Rinoa followed behind again, suddenly realizing that taking care of the Trabian cadets was a tad easier than keeping up with Selphie. She could not help but smile as she walked through the large bedroom. Part of her hoped that Squall would buy a real bed, instead of his standard issued SeeD one. Subconsciously she found herself placing her hand on her forehead, wondering all of a sudden why she was concerned about the size of Squall's bed. Maybe she had been around Selphie and Irvine too much, or maybe there was just a small part of her that hoped one day she would get to stay with him, though she knew the day might be far off into the distant future.

Stepping out onto the balcony, the hint of a summer breeze met her senses. Again Rinoa found herself smiling as the wind made her ponytail tickle the nape of her neck. The lights of Balamb were in the distance; off in the other direction she could hear the remote sounds of the ocean echoing over the planes. Although it was night, she could imagine how breathtaking this would look during the sunlit hours.

"This... this view is incredible," Rinoa whispered as her breath caught in her throat. "This whole place is... I can't believe Squall is going to live here."

"I can't believe Squall is going to have to buy furniture," countered Selphie. The two girls shared a giggle at the comment. It was true, the idea of Squall shopping for furniture was extremely humorous.

"So how is mister lively anyhow?" asked Selphie leaning over the railing and looking towards the ground.

"I-I haven't heard from him," Rinoa's smile faded with that confession. Sure she had known it, but admitting it Selphie was quite another thing.

"You mean, since you've been home?"

"Well, I did get a voice mail the first day, returning a message I'd left him... and then nothing in the last week."

"Do you think everything is okay?"

"Yeah, I mean... I hope," she answered a little too softly betraying her doubts. Placing her hands on the railing, she wrapped her fingers tightly around the edge. Although the night was warm for early summer, the railing still felt unseasonably cool.

"Could you call Zell and see what's up?"

"You know, I could," Rinoa quietly admitted. "But it wouldn't feel right. I mean, it would be like I'm checking up on him. We're not that type of couple..." Rinoa stopped sighing, "All right, all right, I am _that_ kind of person, but I don't want to be. Not now, not on something this important."

"Looks like someone's growing up," Selphie stated matter-of-factly from beside her.

"You know coming from you that... is just scary. I just don't want to mess up again. I think I already messed up telling Squall that I was in love with him."

"You what?" Selphie jumped a little too excitedly for Rinoa at the moment. At least she was glad that someone got a kick out of her slip of the tongue up in Trabia.

"I sorta, kinda _accidentally_ told Squall that I loved him. The worst part was that I blurted it out in the same sentence as 'Seifer.' Somehow, I never pictured the moment quite like that."

"That is sooo cool! Well, except for the Seifer part," Selphie giggled understanding the situation. But she was glad that Squall found out what Rinoa had admitted to her and Quistis the night of Zell's birthday party. She would have asked how Squall responded, but figured Rinoa would have volunteered that information if it was something she wanted to talk about. So she just let it rest for now and enjoyed the fresh air.

Rinoa looked off into the horizon contemplating Selphie's enthusiasm. Maybe it was 'cool' as pointed out. Still there was that part of her that wondered if she had done the right thing. He seemed all right with everything when she left, still those lingering doubts creped with every day of his silence. She made a promise to herself not to call Zell, or to be the clingy girlfriend that she had often been rumored to be. Instead, she would allow him his space, just as she had always tried to do. No matter how difficult that seemed to be at the moment. She would make it over the next two weeks. Smiling to herself, she looked down at her watch, finally noticing it was getting close to curfew. The young sorceress decided to stay on the balcony for just a few more minutes; somehow there was a tranquility in just being there.

* * *

Shutting the door to her room, Rinoa scanned her eyes over the small dormitory. Angelo lifted her head, only to realize that her master didn't have leftovers in tow, so the canine quickly returned to sleep. It was then the young woman caught the blinking red light emitting from the handset on her desk. She walked over to the phone, hitting the button to retrieve the lone message. The moment she heard his voice, it felt as if a weight had been lifted; the weight of exactly what she still had yet to figure out.

"_Rinoa it's me, but I guess you can figure that out. I just wanted to say..."_ There was a pause, followed by some shuffling of papers on the other end. _"I just wanted to call. I've been extremely busy... No, I'm not going to make excuses. I should have called before tonight. There are a lot of things going on, I hope you can understand._ _Anyway, I'll be home in two weeks, talk to you later."_

The message ended without him saying goodbye, but she honestly had not expected it. If there was one thing she had learned, is that there were some things Squall Leonhart didn't say yet, and right now, that was among them. She wasn't offended; she was just thankful for everything that he did say to her. Tonight he didn't try to make excuses, and that fact meant more than he could ever comprehend.

Rinoa finally changed into her night clothes, before slowly pulling back the covers of her bed. Angelo looked at her with slight disgust as she had to physically push canine out of the way. Though the dog quickly resettled nesting at Rinoa's feet after doing the obligatory spinning in a circle. Rinoa had to mentally chuckle. Things never were simple with dogs; they each had their own personalities. Then again, so did people she supposed.

She closed her eyes thinking back to the nights in Trabia and looking forward to all the nights to come, with him.

* * *

* * *

** _Chapter Twenty-Three: A Time to Keep Silence _ **

_June 16th _

She sank down into the warm water, the scent of fresh gardenias filling her scenes. It was a source of nirvana; her body submerged in the undisturbed moments of the solitary pleasure. The young sorceress couldn't remember the last time she had taken a bath, let alone had the luxury of relaxing in a tub overflowing with bubbles. Rinoa smiled wistfully holding a handful of the iridescent suds above the water's crest. Gently she blew the foam watching it fly across the air like weightless snowflakes.

Closing her eyes she listened to the soothing music as it played on the radio. Peace engulfed her being as she felt her body trying to resist the temptation of sleep. Her mind was somewhere in between the realm of slumber and consciousness and the latter was ebbing fast.

For the last few days she found herself daydreaming about next week, honestly she had thought of nothing else since leaving Trabia just under two weeks ago. Part of her couldn't deny a slight uneasiness about Squall's return; so many emotions had played out up there. She left feeling there were words left unspoken between them and hoped that Seifer's return wouldn't dissuade any progression in their relationship. God, she hated doubting everything. But none of those worries mattered at the present - this was her time to relax. He would be home soon; there was no greater comfort than in knowing that simple fact.

Opening her eyes, she looked around again, attempting to fight off the drowsiness. The master bathroom was beautiful, with a combination of black and white marble, highlighted with gold trimming. Somehow if Squall had to be 'forced' into having an elegant bathroom, this one blended with his personality. The addition of the large whirlpool tub was an ironic surprise to her. Again she mused to herself how Squall will probably consider this nothing more than a waste of space.

Rinoa openly smiled picturing his initial reaction to the entire apartment. Looking back at the floor plan, she figured that Edea had something to do with the overall design. No man would have considered the ample amount of built-in storage, or putting something so frivolous like a garden tub in the Commander's suite. Yet she couldn't wait to be the first one to give him a tour of his new accommodations. Then again she hoped that wouldn't seem too presumptuous on her part, sometimes she found herself questioning even the most simplistic of her ideas.

Sinking deeper into the water, she knew that this would be a near impossibility once he had returned. So she seized this moment of escape as a rare opportunity, one she just couldn't let slip by. If Squall had even known she was bathing in his apartment, she guessed he would have been upset due to how it might reflect on him. Everything was still by the book relationship wise more or less - dating a sorceress, let alone a Garden employee, withstanding.

The cold hard truth was that Squall Leonhart still had not been accepted by many of his fellow students. Although he had earned a decent amount of respect, others believed the same as Seifer – that everything had been handed to him on a silver platter. Garden was, above all else, political and when any large amount of people gathered together, there were bound to be disagreements. Yes, they would all follow him willingly into battle, that didn't mean they didn't harbor reservations about his quick ascension to power. They never disrespected his command and authority, only some of his choices. At least according to the whispers among a few students, though Rinoa tried hard not to place any weight on them.

Of course her being allowed to stay at Garden also raised a lot of unwanted questions as far as she was concerned. Maybe she just found herself more aware of this fact after her talk with Seifer. It was true - she was too concerned with what others thought. She always had been. Now was the time to let go of her adolescent concerns and focus on her relationship. Still, she found it hard to ignore some of the comments she would hear, though a majority of the students were extremely friendly. She sighed; this wasn't the time to dwell on the negative, just focus on the relaxing bliss of this interlude.

After her visit to this apartment with Selphie, the idea of a long, tranquil bath seemed to have an unfathomable pull. And as usual, she found herself far from the irresistible force. When Edea returned to Balamb from the orphanage two days ago, Rinoa found her opening. Finally mustering up the courage, the young sorceress ran the idea past the Headmaster's wife. Rinoa needed validation, wanting some kind of 'unofficial' permission that she wasn't breaking any of Garden's regulations. The older woman only smiled with a wry chuckle, sometimes Rinoa believed that former sorceress knew more than she ever let on.

The upcoming week seemed like it was going to be one of the longest in her life, watching every tick of the clock that slowly crawled by. She grumbled again, realizing just how pathetic she was sounding in her mind. When had she turned this way over a guy? Okay, the 'guy' in question was Squall... but still that sense of independence she once greatly treasured seemed rather pedestrian anymore.

Raising her arms over her head, Rinoa lowered herself even deeper into the blanket of suds. In her wildest dreams she couldn't imagine the foam being so thick. It was only for the convenience of movie ratings had she ever seen so many actual bubbles filling a tub so completely. She mentally made a note to thank Quistis for the recommendation on the brand of bubble bath, this was the most relaxed she had felt in ages.

The soothing music cut away to a commercial and she took that moment to slowly sink the rest of her head under the water. She closed her eyes letting the solitude and the warm water surround her body completely. Okay, maybe going completely under a mass of soapy bubbles wasn't the brightest move at the moment as she felt the slight sting in the corner of her eyes. The voices from the radio seemed to increase in volume as she finally emerged from the water, quickly wiping stray bubbles from her face.

"…_and there is the bathroom." _

It was only a split second that it took her mind to register that the voice was no longer emitting from the radio, but from behind the bathroom door. If she could have screamed, _"Don't come in!"_ she would have, but it was far too late for that.

The door opened suddenly and she sat in shock as her eyes met another's. That was, she truly believed it was only one, given the fact she found seeing clearly a difficult task. Then again, maybe it was a good thing she couldn't focus clearly... she momentary found herself trying not to emerge herself in the bubbles again, as if somehow that would erase everything... Yeah, right...why her, always _her_?

"Oh my God," Rinoa softly muttered lowering her gaze. She quickly placed her face in her hands as if somehow that would make the reality of the situation go away.

He, on the other hand, was more than speechless, and stood frozen colder than a pond in Trabia. A few stray clumps of bubbles fell from the ends of her hair into the suds below, and he tried not to follow the path of each and every one. Though in those moments her eyes remained covered, and in a way, he was extremely glad. The last thing he needed was to be caught... staring.

"So Squall, what's it look like?"

"_Amazing,"_ he thought, making sure not to voice that opinion out loud. Then again the rudimentary ability to speak was further away than the Shumi village right now. Zell's voice grew closer to the commander's location. With the second speaker approaching, Rinoa finally found the nerve to again look toward the doorway. She could barely make out another shadowy figure from behind. Seriously, this wasn't...good.

Squall regained his senses, well at least most of them. With expert timing the commander turned, forcefully pushing the martial artist back from the threshold. The door shut with so much force that the walls of the bathroom momentarily rattled from the impact.

"What man? Is the bathroom that bad or something?"

"No…." That was the only part of Squall's answer that she could decipher, followed by a few syllables of gods only knew what.

In that instant she wanted to die from sheer embarrassment, but a bigger part of her wanted to get dressed and go welcome him back...well, at least properly welcome him back. As happened often, Squall truly had a way of surprising her; unfortunately this time, she found a way to equally surprise him. Hopefully he would understand and maybe find some kind of humor in the situation later – very later. As she figured Zell was probably already having a field day with this situation.

* * *

Rinoa quickly managed to get out of the tub, drying herself off as fast as possible. She continued dressing, putting on a pair of gray shorts and an oversized t-shirt. Her hair was still wet, placed up in a now loose ponytail. Looking in a mirror, she quickly wiped off the remnants of the bubbles clinging to the strands of her hair.

Taking a deep breath, she opened the door that lead out into the master bedroom, mustering the courage to go out and face the embarrassment she so richly deserved. Tentatively she walked down the hallway with thoughts of running back and locking herself into the bathroom. Okay, it wasn't the most mature option at the moment, but right then, it held its own appeal. To her shock, Squall was standing in the main living area by himself and leaning casually against a wall. At least the rest of the humiliation with Zell could be saved for a later time.

"Surprise," he said in a monotone voice cocking an eyebrow at her.

"Yes, yes, it certainly is." She tried to remain calm and collected, tilting her head and acting as unaffected as physically possible, though her insides were literally doing flip-flops. The fact he seemed to be betraying just as little emotion was not encouraging, but Squall never read as an open book. At least he didn't appear too upset; then again, she wasn't positive what his reaction would be on this particular type of situation.

"Cid tried to locate you, but you were apparently... unavailable."

"Um… yeah… sorry," she stammered diverting her eyes toward the kitchen. Maybe somehow she could hide herself among that vast amount of storage space. Or possibly she could try to conjure up a Stop spell and make a break for the exit. But with her luck, she would end up blowing him up - somewhat reminiscent of the fated chair and spider incident a few months prior. Well, technically the spider made it through that part of the ordeal unscathed. All right neither of her options favored on the mature side, but right now they held their own appeal. So she bit her lip nervously, attempting to make it through this situation as maturely as possible. She would own up to her well... her doing something that was typically 'Rinoa.'

"About?" he asked still betraying no unnecessary emotion.

"I shouldn't have used your bathtub... I know this is your room and I should have thought about how it would reflect. I'm sorry Squall... it's been ages since... well since I had taken… I mean... that's no excuse, I know! The shower in my room is so small and I…" Her words trailed as she felt as if she was burying herself deeper into idiocy with each one of them. Learning that darn Stop spell was starting to gain more appeal as she mentally belittled herself for this mess.

"You what?"

"I'm just sorry. I won't use your bathtub again."

"Ever?" He questioned leadingly, taking a few steps forward.

"I promise," she softly replied trying her best not to upset him. She always felt she had the inept way of messing up any given situation, given the chance.

He found himself standing directly in front of her, looking down into her eyes. She was surprised when his arms circled around her waist, pulling their bodies close together.

"You know, you shouldn't make promises you can't keep." He informed her, moving one hand up to the small of her back. "You know how seriously I take your promises. Now look me in the eyes and tell me that you _never_ plan on taking a bath here again."

"Well, uhhh…" she managed to stammer before he drew her into a deep kiss. Pulling him closer, she placed her arms under his jacket, rubbing her hands over every centimeter of his back ending on his shoulder blades. When they finally parted for air, his cheek rested on her damp locks.

"You look... clean," he spoke softly, tickling the inside of her ear.

This time, it was Rinoa's turn to be at a loss for words it seemed almost out of character for him to make a joke about a situation such as this.

"Uh huh," she replied slightly dazed gasping to regain her composure.

"Do you know how lucky you are that it wasn't Cid or Zell that walked through the door first? And you do realize that by tomorrow this will be the hot topic among our friends?"

Rinoa almost wanted to laugh at that comment. Tomorrow? Try within ten minutes from right now, that was more on par with the speed of gossip. But she knew it would stay among their group, and Squall honestly must have believed that too, because he was taking this all in stride. Still, she felt that she should have never placed him in this awkward situation, as unintentional as it may have been.

"I'm just so sorry Squall, honestly. I had no idea you would be back today…"

"Don't be. There was no way of you knowing, or it wouldn't be called a surprise." He added the last words under his breath, but purposely loud enough for her to hear him. _"But, it was so worth it."_

"What? Squall!" She pushed away, surprised by his comment, playfully tapping him on the upper arm.

"Oh what? I can't say it was worth it to come home to my girlfriend?"

He tried to force a smile, hoping that she would believe that is what he meant by the comment... Though, again, he couldn't deny that it was worth it on a whole other level. He would never in a million years admit that fact to another living soul. At least he had the 'girlfriend angle' to fall back on.

"Squall…you're home!" She said aloud as if the words registered in her mind for the first time. Just like the second time they met, Rinoa jumped into his arms - although this time he didn't push her away. "You know, you're handling this awfully well, what have you done with my boyfriend?"

"I'm tired, maybe later tonight the realization will dawn on me, and then I will get upset with you."

"I'll find a pen and mark it on my calendar Leonhart."

"Better make it a pencil; I know how you are about keeping your appointments."

"Hey, I take offence to that!" The knight laughed knowingly, not responding to her comment as he held Rinoa tightly. "Fine Squall, it may be true, but I can still be offended... right?"

"Whatever," he replied shaking his head. "Now hurry up, I told everyone we'd met them for lunch... and as of two minutes ago, we were late. Glad I told them to pencil it in."

* * *

Six young adults sat among the students and staff of Garden. It had been weeks since the group had been together. It felt like a family had been reunited, as mixed up as the family may have been. Selphie and Irvine sat together; Squall had noticed that they had become closer over the months. He silently questioned when he started noticing such things - let alone taking the time to appreciate the fact. Quistis sat next to Selphie poking leisurely at a Chef salad that she had ordered. Rinoa sat to Squall's right; oddly being very quiet... he could only guess why. Zell sat to his left, boisterously shoving his adored hotdogs into his mouth, no man should inhale meat byproducts; it was just unnatural the commander decided.

"So Seifer behaving himself?" Irvine asked as he reached for the salt shaking an ungodly amount on his fries.

Rinoa remained silent, stirring the contents of her soup. It wasn't something she wanted to address openly and in the weeks since her return, she had been unusually quiet on the situation. Squall gave her a sideways glance, deciding that this was his question to address not only as her knight, but as someone who disliked seeing her uncomfortable about this situation.

"Yeah he is." Squall felt no need to elaborate on his answer. He and Rinoa shared a mutual glance and he felt her left hand softly rest on his knee. Maybe with the contact they found a mutual support with each other knowing that the subject matter was uncomfortable to both. Not to mention they hadn't had time to sort through things since his return less than an hour ago.

"You think he ever is going to try to come back here?" It wasn't as if Selphie was the only one who had wondered that, she was just the first one to voice it aloud.

"Maybe."

For the most part the simplicity of the commander's answer shocked everyone, except for Rinoa who had already accepted the possibility over the last weeks. She could feel the stare of four pairs of eyes looking at her for some type of response.

"Really, I've learned to accept the idea." She replied meekly as Squall moved his hand under the table, slowly wrapping his fingers around hers. "Guys... I can never forget what he did, but I can forgive him… to a certain point. I know it's hard to explain, maybe I'll be the only one who can even come close to understanding what he went through." She quickly clarified her original answer, "Squall and I will be all right with whatever happens… It won't matter if he comes back. He's someone from our pasts who has a lot more obstacles to face than the rest of us."

"You mean demons?" Irvine asked placing his arm around Selphie.

Rinoa smiled to the cowboy, "Yeah, I suppose I do… guess we all have to face some. Honestly though, if hadn't been for him, I wouldn't have asked for SeeD's help in the first place… So even in hindsight, it's hard to wish that back. I _needed_ to have known him, to get where I am today... Even if another path might have been easier, I never would wish anything back."

"Wasn't he technically brainwashed by Ultimecia?" Again Selphie had a way of asking questions on everybody's mind. Sometimes she could be extremely direct, but that was just her way.

Rinoa looked down at the table, understanding this subject all too well. "No… not really. It's hard to explain… Ultimecia had a way of twisting and distorting reality. Did she ever control his actions…no. But it's like showing someone a movie only containing the worst part of themselves over and over until at last your mind starts to believe that is who you really are... You just finally lose your will and sanity... and there is nothing left but to give in."

The idea of Seifer returning had crossed each of their minds, but his return meant something different to each. But that was to expected, his relationship with each of them was extremely different; he wore a mask and a persona distinct to each of his relationships. Maybe none of them would ever know the real Seifer Almasy, or maybe Ultimecia was the only one who ever would...

The group was unusually quiet for a few moments, none knowing what to say past the words that were already laid before them. This was supposed to be a happy time, a homecoming that they had been looking forward to for months. Selphie glanced around the table taking it upon herself to bring back the festivity. She decided on a change of subject, one that she believed would be completely free of any tense feelings.

"So Squall, you like your new place? You enjoy seeing everything?" asked the brunette as she flicked a straw wrapper at her boyfriend. Irvine ducked expertly as it bounced off the shoulder of a cadet behind them. Luckily the boy didn't feel the contact of the paper, still Zell, Selphie and Irvine found themselves trying to restrain their giggles.

"What?" Squall barked completely oblivious to the wrapper that had sailed by the cowboy. He immediately thought they were laughing at the 'earlier incident' in the bathtub.

Rinoa had been absentmindedly stirring her soup, looking at the small salad next to her bowl. She also mistook the groups laughter for something not related to an errant, wrinkled piece of paper. Instead she believed, as did Squall, it was referring to a rather embarrassing situation she had been hoping never to speak about again.

"Fine, fine, fine!" Rinoa announced a little too loudly causing nearby cadets to turn her way. She stabbed a carrot in her salad with almost lethal force. She took a moment to quiet down and they turned back to what ever they were doing, leaving the group in peace. "Yes, yes they walked in on me taking a bath! It was totally my fault, but I swear if you guys say one word of this to _anyone_ you'll be joining this carrot very shortly." She lifted up her fork to emphasize her point.

With this, Irvine ungracefully sprayed his drink from his mouth, while even Quistis tried not to choke on her lunch. Selphie covered her mouth in utter shock as Squall silently closed his eyes and wishing for a moment that he could be anywhere but there. And Rinoa desperately wanted to learn that Stop spell... even Sleep... anything right now. She would make a mental note to train herself on that - it honestly would come in handy in her life.

"Oh my word!" Selphie finally burst out hysterically. "What?"

"Um... Rinoa, I didn't say anything about that," Zell sheepishly admitted trying to keep his laughter down.

"I want to die right now," Rinoa mumbled placing her head on the table and covering her hands over her ears. She couldn't believe that Zell had kept the secret and she just blatantly announced it to everyone.

"No, no... don't ever say that Rin...," Quistis smiled and reached over rubbing the younger girl's arm in comfort. "It could happen to anyone. Really." Even the instructor was still trying to bite back her laughter.

"No, no it couldn't," Rinoa countered with her face buried as she waved her hand to dismiss the comment. Somehow things like this _never_ happened to Quistis or Selphie; she always seemed to lead the way in 'moments of stupidity.'

"Oh yeah, I could see that totally happening to Zell," Selphie tried to chime in for support though Irvine only laughed harder at that comment. "Well, no I don't mean in Squall's-" Selphie quickly stopped herself before she made the situation any worse. Now everyone started to laugh again except for Squall who was trying to remain as invisible as possible.

The commander took this as his cue to leave, he really was starting to feel a little overwhelmed with all the recent events. Not to mention the conversation had taken a turn for the...well, _very worse._ He never pictured the day he would favor talking about Seifer over any other subject. What had his life come to? Though honestly he wouldn't want to change it for anything, there were still times he wanted to crawl back behind old barriers.

"I have a meeting," he stated hoping they would leave it at that, but this was 'them' - they never made things simple.

"Sure..." Irvine laughed not believing the commander's excuse. "With who exactly?"

"Someone," Squall tried to keep from sneering, but he just wanted out of there. He really did have a meeting, but he didn't want to get into that either.

Rinoa managed a smile toward him, though at the moment, she just wanted to hide under the table. "Bye," she said not positive if she should follow him or not. Part of her believed maybe she should, the other part of her thought that might be pushing it after an extremely awkward situation. She needed to give him time and space; he still wasn't accustomed to this 'having friends' thing, especially the good-natured teasing that often accompanied the best of friendships.

He sighed for a moment as he started walking away. He knew they were just teasing, and it wasn't really their fault. He couldn't expect them to change, just as much as they couldn't expect him to change. Sure, each could grow, but that was never the same as changing for someone. He cared for them just the way they were - that is what made his friends truly unique, but still, a little annoying. Then again, he was sure he was no picnic either most of the time.

So maybe if anything he could surprise all of them today, not by talking about the bathroom incident - that wasn't going to happen just yet, if ever. He turned around setting his tray on top of a nearby trash bin. Taking a few steps back, he noticed that everybody but Zell was watching him, the latter too busy putting an ungodly amount of mustard on his hotdog – the poor boy had been hotdog deprived for almost two full months. To Zell, that was a national tragedy that needed immediate rectification.

"I have a meeting with Matron," he softly stated before taking a long pause. Then he turned, but not before saying his final words to the group before he left. "...And I'm glad to be home."

Sure it wasn't obvious, but they knew what he was saying. Balamb had become more than a place he lived, but a place that he felt comfortable surrounded by the people he cared about.

Rinoa glanced at him with curiosity. Maybe there was something else in his words, but somehow she had been stuck on the idea that he had a meeting with Matron. Edea wasn't involved with Garden operations anymore, at least none past an advisory level when Cid needed support. That meant that more than likely, this visit was on a more personal nature. She wanted to ask him, but she knew better. He would tell her in his own time, and she respected him enough to give him that privacy.

Their eyes locked for a moment and Rinoa felt a cold chill run through her body. She wasn't used to the sensation, and part of her knew that she should understand it more. Still, she was aware enough to know that it wasn't something felt in a conventional manner, rather it was that bond that neither could exactly explain. What ever the meeting was about - concerned her. Maybe that was the reason he had returned to Balamb early; he had never said the reason, then again, she never asked. The young sorceress tried to hide her apprehension, but somehow she believed he could sense it. He nodded to her and somehow that calmed her, at least momentarily. She found herself fascinated by everything that she was experiencing as she watched him walk toward his meeting.

Still she couldn't help but smile as her friends watched her. "He's home," Rinoa repeated the sentiment that he shared only moments before and felt a serenity that she hadn't for weeks. "He's home."

* * *

* * *

_ **Chapter Twenty-Four: A Time to Plant ** _

_ June 20th  _

The commander was not sure what lead him here; maybe it was because he had looked everywhere else he could possibly think of for her. Or maybe it was just a feeling he was following, either way, something had drawn him to the ballroom. He was even more surprised when he found one of the main double doors unlocked. As he entered he noticed none of the main lights were on, only a few dimly lit fixtures throughout. He had never seen the room like this - the low lighting cast an entirely different atmosphere than he remembered.

In the midst of the quietness, he heard a few stray musical notes. They were not loud only enough to guide him in the right direction, and when the piano came into view he was not surprised who was sitting at the bench. He did wonder why she was there in the first place, but he wasn't going to ask, at least not yet.

Rinoa glanced up hearing the sounds of footsteps in front of her. There was an awkward sensation for a moment, she did not think anybody would find her in here – nor did she imagine anybody would actually be searching for her.

Squall looked down to where she sat; he could tell there was something different about her demeanor. Still he could not help feeling guilty, as if this somehow was his fault. It had been almost four days since he had talked to her, outside of a few brief work related conversations during the day. Here she had been worried that things would change once he had returned, and she could not have been more right on some levels.

He cleared his throat leaning his arms on the piano. His words to her were spoken with a soft, yet concerned tone, "This is not where I thought I'd find you."

"I wasn't exactly expecting to be found, or even sought after for that matter." Her voice betrayed a sadness that she tried to cover. But as he knew, Rinoa wasn't much for concealing her emotions, even when she wanted to.

"I know... and think that's my fault," he apologized. Squall found himself unconsciously holding his breath when she did not reply. Without another word, he moved around the piano taking the seat next to her. There was not a great amount of space on the bench and he found himself grateful that she did not shy away.

They sat there in silence as she ran her fingertips over the keys. He watched her methodical movements as Rinoa made sure to hit every key, never enough to sound a note, just moving systematically down the piano's keyboard.

The young woman still did not answer, maybe she should have, but right now she was not sure that she would completely disagree with his latter statement. Though she could never blame him - that was who Squall Leonhart was after all. Rinoa always allowed him his space, but she had needed some reassurance that she had not done something to upset him. Last time she had truthfully spoken to him was right after the incident in the bathtub. He had assured her that he didn't mind, but if he didn't, why was his disappearance so well timed?

"You play?" Squall found himself moving closer as he nodded toward the piano. He had heard a few stray notes when he had walked in, but it definitely was not arranged in any musical order.

"Me?" she laughed slightly, placing loose hair behind her ears. "You know, it's funny... people think because my mother played that I would naturally inherit her talent. Honestly, I took lessons until I was five... but after she died Caraway wasn't too keen on hearing the piano. I actually had to beg him just to keep the damn thing in the house. He moved it into an upstairs guest bedroom." Rinoa's fingertips outlined a single ebony key, almost daring to put enough pressure to make a sound, but retracted before she could follow through.

Still, her eyes stared at the keys as if willing them to play their own ghostly melody. "I guess looking back now, I should just be happy that he listened to me about _something_," her voice cracked.

The commander had never thought of that, though it made perfect sense. He could recall trying to block out certain aspects of his childhood that would pertain to Ellone; it was amazing what memories returned and which ones were still lost to the Guardian Forces... though in time he figured he would remember everything.

"I'm sorry Rinoa, I didn't mean to-"

"No, it's all right," she interrupted making direct eye contact for the first time since his arrival. "Please don't be sorry. You don't need to be apologizing for something you couldn't have known." After that, she turned her gaze downward looking once again at her fingers as they ran over the keys. "It... it doesn't seem real sometimes, everything... my mother. It's like she's a dream that I just can't remember exactly – bits and pieces, but I don't know what's real or what I just dreamed enough to become the truth. Back then when I was feeling lost, or wanted to feel closer to her, I would go into the guestroom, sit at the piano, and pretend I _was_ her. I would pretend that I could do the things she could – to sing and to play the music that she could play... Sometimes I think she was everything that I could never be."

"You don't need to be her, you know? I think Rinoa Heartilly is just as an amazing person – someone all her own."

"Thanks," she replied quietly, for the first time a small smile graced her lips. She continued running her index finger across the keys in a methodical movement, "I wish I could honestly feel that way."

Squall was about to say something, but she continued before he had the chance. "But I can still play one complete song... It's the only thing I've remembered through all these years."

"I'd love to hear you play."

Now she found herself laughing for the first time in days. He had not realized how much he had missed that sound until it echoed softly throughout the dim ballroom. "Remember Squall, you asked for it."

The young sorceress searched the piano looking for the right key. Taking a deep breath, she began playing a familiar melody... well, more like a familiar children's song.

"_Row, Row, Row Your Boat_?" Squall could not help but laugh out loud as he realized what tune she was playing. He was expecting it to be '_Eyes on Me,_' but this song caught him completely off guard.

"Hey, don't blame me, remember I warned you."

Squall had never played a musical instrument, but had picked up a few basics throughout his life. Most importantly, he was used to pure memorization. He watched her fingers move on the keyboard and the notes she hit. The song was simplistic enough in nature, so after she started going into another round, he joined in following her lead. At first his melody confused her, as she was not used to anything like this. But Rinoa found if she only concentrated on her part she could manage to play through the song. There were some trial and errors from both parties, nothing was ever perfect the first time, but near the end they were complementing each other perfectly.

Rinoa finally finished her part with Squall finishing a few stanzas behind. Both laughed slightly at what they had accomplished. Although it wasn't much, it was still a form of communication they had lacked for days. The knight was the first to look away from the piano and turned to face her. He could barely see the side of her face, as it was mostly covered by dark hair and shadows.

"Well, I for one thought we did a wonderful job," the commander finally said, slightly nudging her with his arm.

"Think the Garden Festival needs entertainment this year?"

"Always... Selphie drives most of the entertainers away with her innate peppiness."

Rinoa giggled slightly before turning more serious. "Squall," she began, now turning to face him. "I really don't think you came all this way to play a duet with me. Not that I didn't enjoy it... but after not seeing you..." She trailed off not wanting to make a wrong statement, but not quite sure what the right words were.

Now it was his turn to look down at the piano. "Rinoa, I'd like to tell you that I had a lot of work and a lot of catching up to do after being gone, but if I did, that would only be half the truth. I _did_ have a lot of paperwork... but I've also just had a lot on my mind lately. I know that's no real excuse, but it's the only one I can give you. "

"Thank you." He looked at her slightly confused before she continued, "I mean... thank you for telling me the truth. I know you've been busy... I couldn't imagine all the work that piled up while you were away. I know Xu can handle a lot, but it's just not the same. You could've told me that I hadn't seen you at all because of that... but you didn't. And I just wanted to thank you."

She broke eye contact this time, again absentmindedly turning towards her fingers. He could tell that her voice wavered slightly before she admitted, "I just wanted to give you the space until you were ready to talk."

"I know, and now it's my turn to thank you for that."

"I knew things would be different when we got back. I just have to face the reality. But I do need to know... does this have anything to do with what happened in your apartment? I can never say _I'm sorry_ enough about that."

"Rinoa it has nothing to do with that, I promise. Now it's my turn to tell you not to apologize. Honestly, I guess it's just been a lot of changes all at once."

"All right," she said weakly. "Just know I'll be here if you need me. It's just hard when I haven't seen you in days... and I feel responsible."

"You're not," he insisted. He also knew the reason he had looked for her in the first place, though now he saw the consequences of his previous actions. He hated that he had made her feel this way, even if it was never his intention. The commander looked around and although there was nobody else there, he really did not want to have this conversation at a place where anyone could walk in on them. Rubbing the back of his neck, he stood from the bench looking down at her. "Rinoa, I really do want to talk to you... It's just... we need to talk. Can we go somewhere else?"

Her heart fell at that moment, no good conversation ever started out with words like that. She tried to convince herself that her initial thoughts were completely off base, that Squall's version of 'we need to talk' was not the same as the generically accepted meaning believed by many women. Maybe Squall just really needed to talk... God she hoped.

"Uh... yeah all right... okay," she stumbled, finding herself at a loss for words right now. "Where do you want to go?"

"Well, my room is slightly in a state of disarray, I've been packing to move. The new place... well, I don't have any furniture yet. Is your room all right?"

"It's fine." Rinoa stood up and pushed the bench in; she couldn't control her body from trembling. Even as much as she tried to convince herself it was all in her mind, the feeling was almost impossible to fight. She felt his hand on the small of her back and wondered if he could feel her body shaking. He glanced down to her as he began to escort her out of the ballroom.

Turning around, he locked the door behind them. Then a sudden thought entered his mind, how did she have a key that worked for the ballroom? He would have asked her if he had not been so concerned about what was to happen, though he made a mental note to ask her about it later.

* * *

There was no denying that her room was much smaller than his, even than his single SeeD dorm and next to his apartment, it felt the equivalent to a closet. She walked in first and quickly scanned the place to make sure nothing embarrassing was lying around. She tried to keep the room neat, but it was almost impossible, plus well... she was just _her_ and had a tendency to let some things go a little longer than she should. Not to mention she shared it with a big furry canine companion. Squall noticed immediately that dog was missing and was actually shocked not to see her lounging about.

"Where's Angelo?"

Rinoa smiled simply letting out a small sigh, "Selphie has her... she was going through 'dog withdraw' after watching her while I was in Trabia... I told Angelo that she could spend the night with Aunt Selphie."

"Aunt Selphie?" he questioned with a sarcastic nature. "That just... isn't right."

"Be nice or I'll start calling you _Uncle Squall_." He would have pondered on that statement a few more seconds had this not been so close to what was the matter. So he decided that it was best to leave it rest. There were not many places to sit in here; his choices were either the bed or the small chair she had at her desk. Reaching down he grabbed her hand, trying to ignore how sweaty his palms were, or maybe that was hers. He wasn't sure. Leading her to the bed he sat first and she quickly followed his lead. Why did he find this all so difficult?

Rinoa could feel her heartbeat reverberate all the way in her throat. She could not take the pressure and basically found herself blurting out, "What's wrong? Just tell me... please."

"Why do you automatically assume that something is wrong?"

"Because I know you, and I can see that look in your eyes, like you don't want to hurt me..."

"No, no Rinoa, don't think that... I... just feel a little..." He turned away looking out the window. Maybe he could not go through with this, but it seemed a little late to make that decision.

Now her curiosity, and fear, had truly been piqued. Squall stammering was usually the sign of something major. If it was work related he would have little trouble communicating, which only left something personal - and very, very awkward.

"I... had a meeting with Edea. She was only going to be at Garden for a few days."

"Edea?" she questioned out loud. That certainly is not where she believed this conversation would be headed. "...About?"

"God, this isn't easy." The commander forcefully placed both of his hands on his legs. He felt that he was invading her privacy, though she didn't seem to know a thing about it. "Rinoa, it's just that... I know what you talked to Zell about in Trabia."

"Zell, in Trabia?" She racked her brain trying to think of what she had said to her friend that would be upsetting to Squall. Truthfully, she and Zell always said a lot... and there a few things that might upset him, though they were only ever said good-naturedly. Still, she didn't know if he had taken a comment wrong - that is never what she wanted.

"Squall if you heard anything we were just joking around. Please, you know how much I -"

"No that's not it," he interrupted her this time. "Nothing like that at all." He waved his hand casually dismissing the thought.

"Okay, then what...?"

"First, please don't be upset with Zell for telling me."

"What?" she questioned again wondering what the hell she had said to Zell.

"Kids," he finally managed, though more quiet than his normal tone. "You having kids."

"Oh my God!" she uttered. The young woman hid her face in her hands as the horrid realization dawned on her. That had been a comment said in passing while they were camping, a short conversation, something she certainly did not want Squall to ever know about. Yes, she had thought about it, but it was a subject certainly not meant for him to hear. No wonder he was acting strangely. She mentally started contemplating a thousand torturous deaths she could wish on the martial artist.

"I'm so sorry... I'm going to kill him." Her words were jumbled through the placement of her hands.

"Stop that." She felt him capture one of her wrists in his grip, forcing her to lower her hands. "Will you look at me, Rinoa? Why didn't you talk to me about this?"

"How could I?" she confessed. "This isn't really about our relationship. It's just something that I, myself, have to learn to deal with. I certainly didn't want you to think I was implying something beyond what we have now. I know this whole 'relationship thing' isn't easy for you... it's not easy for me either for that matter."

"Is that what you honestly think?" His tone sounded angry without ever going above the same quiet tone he had been speaking. "Do you think that I'm here now because it's convenient? I think what we've gone over this before, this is way beyond anything normal."

"So do I, Squall. I just didn't want you thinking I was pushing you into some type of future by even mentioning that I couldn't have kids. "

He almost laughed, not out of humor but irony. Still holding her wrist he moved her hand between them so he could intertwine their fingers together. "Again, don't you think that swearing my allegiance as your knight qualifies as some type of commitment?"

"Well... yes, of course I do."

"Rinoa, I'm not saying that it would be easy for me to understand. I just wish you could have talked to me – instead of having to hear it from Zell. If it bothers you, I want to know."

"But Squall, I was right in a way too... you found out and apparently you weren't able to speak to me for a few days. I mean if just thinking about the future upsets you that much, what am I to think?

"It's not like that Rinoa. I found out _before_ I returned from Trabia. I just had to think about everything. I did want to come back... to see you. I also came back because I couldn't talk to Edea about something like this over the telephone. I just had to deal with how everything was affecting me, including this."

"That was your 'meeting?' That is why you left us at lunch that day?" she asked in surprise, the sudden shock hitting her. His return really was not work related, it was because of her? It was then she felt the tears she had willed to remain away defiantly start rolling down her cheek.

He moved his free hand to her face, wiping the tears away the best he could. "Yeah it is. I wanted to ask Matron..."

"You what? You actually asked her!"

"I can surprise you, you know." He smiled for the first time, now that the truth was out there it was easier for him to believe everything would be all right.

"That... that couldn't have been easy for you." Rinoa bit her lip nervously trying to keep herself from crying even harder.

"No... not exactly. Not one of the easier things I have done in my life; well this conversation is starting to rate right up there."

"I'm so sorry," her voice rasped out.

"Don't be, all right? Rinoa, it turns out that you probably _can_ have children. It's just that most of the sorceresses that make the history books were too busy set on world domination to think about changing diapers. Cid and Edea wanted children, but couldn't due to other reasons. It had nothing to do with her being what she was... that's why they started the orphanage."

If she had been in a better state of mind she would have been thrilled at this news, but somehow her concern for Squall's emotions overshadowed everything. "I just... how could I bring that up to you? You never wanted children."

He felt a pang of guilt with her words. "Well, I didn't, but then again I honestly never thought about it as a reality. I'm nineteen, you're eighteen... No, I can say that it really wasn't on my mind. But I can also tell you for the first time in my life I felt very unsure about the idea of not being able to have kids."

There was so much meaning written in his words. Right now she did not even want to think about anything.

"Come here." Reaching out, his hand drew her into an embrace. Again, he tried to wipe away the tears continuing to snake paths down her cheeks. "You know, you're going to have to quit this crying... It is hard to see you this way."

"I'm sorry, I'm just so..." Rinoa found herself subconsciously smiling into his chest, never finishing her statement.

"I know, I know." He softly kissed the top of her hair, letting his head rest slightly on hers. It somehow thrilled him that he was able to give her this news, though he was not sure how he felt completely. Still, he would have never forgiven himself if she did not have the opportunity. He already blamed himself for so much that had gone wrong in her life, and this little bit of normalcy was something she needed to cling to.

For now, that was enough for each of them.


	9. A Time to Lose, A Time to Get, and A Time to Reap

_ **Chapter Twenty-Five: A Time to Lose ** _

_ June 27 _ _ th _

It was well past the dinner hour as daily activities were starting to die down in Balamb Garden. Most of the students were studying, training, or resting up for the SeeD exams next week. It had been a later graduation than previous years; events over the course of the last several months had put a halt on many of the usual classes. Plus, any SeeD final would surely fail in comparison to the war between the Gardens - real life experience was so much greater than any textbook could ever teach.

In general, life had settled pretty much to the norm within the walls of Garden, with the exception of the few rotating students sent on tour with the Trabian restoration project. The SeeD Graduation Ball was going to be next week and many of the younger classmen were fraught with anticipation, while many of the older ones were concerned with the more studious events in the following days.

For several weeks prior, there had been much debate whether to hold the formal celebration at all; much concern was given over the amount of lives that had been lost on all sides of the spectrum. In the end, the students and faculty decided that the best way to move forward was to continue through the traditions they had known since the conception of Garden. It would only serve as a testament to the strength and determination that SeeD had been founded upon.

Then there was the Garden Festival committee... Normally they wouldn't have handled this affair, as the senior staff always sponsored formal events. But lack of funds and time restraints caused the decorations to be squarely placed in the hands of one, _extremely thrilled_, individual – Selphie Tilmitt.

She had eagerly accepted the offer, even before Cid could get the entire question from his mouth. Selphie understood the importance of her role, and was more than eager to take on the new challenge head on. In less than five minutes flat, the young girl had found all of her closest friends scattered throughout Garden, and immediately volunteered them for 'decoration duty.'

Quistis and Squall both had reasonable excuses to exclude themselves because of administrative commitments – but Rinoa, Irvine, and Zell weren't as fortunate. Although Zell had tried his hardest to come up with an excuse spur-of-the-moment, including reinventing the entire library card catalog system based on how much gore and violence a book contained. It didn't work.

The three 'Co-Vice Presidents of the PAAH-TAY Decoration Committee' (dubbed by President Selphie herself), were honestly glad that the Graduation Ball was going to be held this year. However, they were slightly less glad that Selphie had been placed in charge. It was a known fact that once the petite girl had power, she would spend every iota of her energy focused on the goal. Therefore, she would expect no less from her three (somewhat) loyal subjects.

What was even more surprising was when 'Co Vice-President Irvine' had suggested that this year's event not only serve as a graduation but also an anniversary party for Cid and Edea. Although no one, besides the couple, knew exactly what the true date was – that evening would serve as a new beginning.

So there in Selphie's dorm the four committee members found themselves engaged in an undertaking bigger than Eden's appetite. All right, that may have been stretching the truth just a tad, but it was something that three trained warriors and a sorceress had very little training in... folding paper into origami cranes.

"It's not fair that Quistis and Squall get to prepare finals. They should also have to share in this torture." The martial artist looked downward trying to follow the systematic diagram provided by Selphie.

"Zell, don't you mean join in this_ indescribable fun_." The young sorceress corrected after hearing a slightly disgusted sound coming from President Selphie's vicinity, though Rinoa too was having a horrible time with her crane. She fought back the urge to see if her origami bird could 'fly' across the room, out the window, and into the waiting jaws of a T-Rexaur.

"You know guys, I have serious paper cuts... this should be outlawed," Zell mumbled unfolding his bird, and then trying to redo the previous step.

Selphie remained her optimistic self throughout the process. She folded her arms looking over at the martial artist, "Mine are turning out great! Zell, I think you're just doing it wrong."

"Bet that isn't the first time he's heard _that _line from a woman." Irvine smirked tilting his hat towards the two ladies in the room. This was immediately followed by the traditional elbow-in-the-side from a now frowning girlfriend.

"Behave Irvine, you're not helping the situation!" Selphie yelled and then proceeded to flick Irvine's beloved hat from his head; it bounced once before making a feeble lopsided attempt at rolling. As it came to a dead halt in front of her, Rinoa grabbed the cowboy hat and casually placed it on her head.

The sorceress leaned herself against the foot of the bed, with legs folded beneath her. Letting out a small breath in an aggravated huff, she tossed her paper to the ground. After finishing the last step on the diagram, it was a sad realization that the object she'd produced resembled nothing close to a crane.

"Gah, I'm going to scream, I can't get this!"

Zell reached over picking up the aforementioned paper and held it by what he believed to be the bird's beak.

"It looks more like a Chocobo that lost a fight with a blender." Zell smirked while looking down at his bird, which was actually starting to take form to his amazement.

"Actually Rin... it kinda does now that Zell pointed it out."

"Selphie, I don't believe you're helping. I think it looks fine." Irvine tried to reason while giving Rinoa a sympathetic tiny grin.

"Oh you're just being nice because you want your damn hat back. And Irvine don't you dare say I'm not helping, see!" The energetic girl proudly produced another beautiful golden crane in her hands. "Now only 984 more left to go! Well, unless we count Rinoa's Chocobo road kill..."

Rinoa teasingly stuck her tongue out at her friend while tossing Irvine's hat in the girl's direction.

"My precious hat!"

Irvine jumped from the floor nearly knocking Selphie over in the process. "Tell me my baby isn't hurt." The gunman examined his hat, carefully tracing his fingers around the brim. When he felt that it had passed thorough inspection, he lovingly placed it on his head.

"You know Irvy, I do hope you're kidding about your _precious, baby_ hat."

"You just called him _Irvy_?" The martial artist said trying to keep a strait face. "My ears, they bleed."

Rinoa rolled her eyes at the two men, knowing that those two still found great pleasure in teasing one another. It had been that way since they met at Galbadia Garden. Still she loved when everyone could get together and show the more relaxed, playful side of themselves, rather than the more professional side that she dealt with on a daily basis. The young sorceress took that moment to straighten out her legs and work the kinks out of her neck.

"Who sat there and thought _'hey lets make a thousand cranes because it will be fun and easy,"_ asked Rinoa now stretching her arms above her head.

"No comment," Selphie smiled sheepishly.

It was at that moment that Zell proudly held up a crane in the palm of his hand. The two women made the obligatory 'ooh and awe' sounds, while Irvine added a remark that nobody could quite decipher under his breath. The comments may have sounded slightly on the sarcastic side, but the group was still actually impressed with his skill nonetheless. The martial artist carefully placed his beloved crane in the box resting on top of Selphie's bed.

Irvine smiled, "Mister-know-it-all can now add professional origami crane folding to his résumé."

"Hush, _Irvy, _I said behave!" Selphie again batted the cowboy's hat off his head. This time it went behind him with wonderful trajectory and distance.

Rinoa laughed, as Irvine _once again_ had to get off his rear to retrieve his hat. She glanced over at Zell, who was now starting his next masterpiece. Her 'dead' Chocobo rested unceremoniously in front of her. She shook her head, "I always thought cranes were only used at weddings."

"Nah, they're used for lots of stuff... they basically represent long life, hope, good luck and happiness... Guess I was thinking that Cid and Matron could use a little, _or a lot_, of that after what they went through."

"Agreed," Rinoa smiled tiredly as she continued her routine of stretching. Somehow, the day had been horribly long, and sitting behind a desk for almost eight hours wasn't something she had grown accustomed to. "But Selphie, couldn't you have just bought them already made online somewhere? Or maybe Quistis could've conned the Trepies into making them!"

"Oh Rin, that's an awesome idea!" Selphie excitedly replied as she quickly jumped up from the floor. She ran to her desk scribbling something down on a yellow pad of paper. "I'm _so_ going to write that down. I'll talk to Quistis in the morning; she'll have the Trepies in an assembly line by lunch! Think of how many we'll get done. We'll have a whole flock of birds by tomorrow night!"

Rinoa bit her lip trying to contain a small chuckle. Her friend was a little too excited about this new prospect. "You do realize Selphie... I was just kidding when I said that."

"It doesn't matter! It's still a great idea!"

"I'm glad I could help, I guess. At least we might get these things done by next week, and not next semester."

Selphie lay down the pen and paper, walking back to stand next to her boyfriend. "Oh by the way Rin, pick out what you're going to wear to the ball yet?"

"Great," the cowboy winced, "girl talk."

"Remind me to bring earplugs tomorrow night," added Zell ruefully.

"Hush you two and Irvine don't make me flick your hat again." The sharpshooter quickly placed a hand on his head, securing his headwear.

Rinoa was dreading this question; actually, she had been surprised it hadn't been brought up before now. There had been something bothering her for the last few days, she was hoping somehow the situation would work itself out, but that didn't appear to be happening anytime in the near future.

"Well, that's... a little complicated right now," she finally admitted.

"What is so complicated about deciding what you're going to wear?" Irvine grinned a little too mischievously, which usually meant only one thing. "As I figure, you either wear _something_ or you don't. Of course, my vote would definitely be for - _the don't."_

"That's it Mr. Kinneas, you're in so much trouble after they leave! If I didn't want to talk to Rinoa right now... just, well, you know! I'll deal with you later!" Selphie tapped her foot repeatedly to emphasize her frustration, giving him that I-want-to-blow-something-up look. The young woman looked back toward her friend, trying to bite back the momentary annoyance with her boyfriend's typical behavior.

"Seriously though Rinoa, what do you mean?"

"Honestly, it's a little hard to explain. It's just now that I started working for Garden, I fall under the description of an hourly worker. That's really no big deal on a daily basis. I live with the other civilian employees in a certain part of Garden, away from the students and instructors. I really love the people I'm around. In a way, it's almost like a little family within itself. We just work behind the scenes here; nobody even really pays attention to us... Well, that is, except me. I'm the commander's girlfriend. As a civilian, I'm not invited... Garden has never had the hourly employees attend."

Zell cracked his knuckles slightly confused, "But Rinoa, you showed up last year. I don't really see how this year would be an issue. I'm sure everyone is even expecting you there. I mean aren't you going with Squall anyhow, being his girlfriend and all?"

"That's just that... last year, I _was_ technically invited... by Seifer. This year I really don't want to assume anything, especially to assume anything that involves Squall. I would think I'm going, but he hasn't officially asked me yet. So if I show up and meet him there, is it a date because I showed up? Or is it me just showing up because I'm the Commander's girlfriend? Do I really have any more right to be there? Then that wouldn't seem fair to the other employees who aren't. I mean if I wasn't asked and then just showed up-" Rinoa had been speaking so fast toward the end, she was forced to stop mid-sentence and catch her breath.

"Um... Rin... you so lost me." Zell cocked an eyebrow at her.

"Don't worry I lost myself too." The sorceress had been so frustrated with her thinking in circles, she didn't even remember what she had thought in the first place. She didn't want to upset anybody, no matter if it was Squall, her closest group of friends, or the people she lived around.

Selphie smiled thinking it really had a simple solution, if Rinoa would just take a little initiative in the situation. "Rin your options seem rather simple to me: since the Garden Master isn't in charge this year, why don't you see if everybody can attend? Or even just march right up to his office now, and clarify the 'date' situation with Squall. Heck if you're feeling brave, you could even do both."

"You know, you're right." Rinoa looked towards the floor at the crane lying before her. She reached down and picked it up holding the poor bird by its 'broken' wing. "I think I need a break anyhow. I'm going to go do this."

* * *

Rinoa found herself humming along with the tune as the elevator carried her to the third floor. Honestly, she didn't remember the name of the song, but it was a melody she had probably listened to a hundred times. The name of the song wasn't important, but now it would be something that drove her crazy all night. She silently cursed the fact that Garden felt the need to play easy listening music in the lifts. They could at least play that damned jig from Fisherman's Horizon.

In her hand, she clutched the folded origami; she wasn't sure what possessed her to hold on to the fated bird. Probably because it gave her fingers something to fiddle with, maybe it was some form of backwards security. She always wanted to see Squall; there was no doubt in that fact. It's just when it came down to it, she was still completely nervous around him. Were you supposed to be nervous around someone you were in love with? It didn't matter to her if it was normal, because the only thing she understood was the way she felt – and she felt _nervous._

She had gone over the dilemma she'd probably created in her own mind, yet she just couldn't shake it. What was even worse, in her opinion, was admitting the truth to herself – she officially wanted to be 'Squall's date.' Sure, it might sound silly and childish, but there was something normal about it. And since becoming a sorceress, all she craved was that piece of normalcy, or the hope that she found about being able to have children. They had one official date since their relationship began and that was over three months ago. Well, if you want to count her 'chaperoning' him on his date up in Trabia - that would be two.

Not to mention, this would be their first formal event together, their first official SeeD engagement since they were a couple. That fact meant something to her. Last year when she had spent hours picking out the right dress and trying to look perfect, it was all for Seifer. It was only by chance that she met Squall that night. Part of her now even felt a little guilty about all the effort she put forth to impress Seifer. Maybe that was another reason, she needed to give the same courtesy to Squall, although he would never ask it of her. He wouldn't ask anything of her, but therein laid the problem, would he even ask her to go?

She hated that sometimes her mind thought like this, though she knew it was her own insecurities trapped by youthful doubts.

From the elevator she could see down the hall to his office, and now she wanted to turn and run with her tail between her legs, well metaphorically that is. Of course he was there, honestly she had no doubt on that. So she fought back the battle inside and decided to get this over with.

His door was left ajar and the small light from his office was visible in contrast with the darkness of the waiting area. He never worked with many lights on, just a small desk light and the brightness of the computer monitor, which was always turned on. She knocked softly before hesitantly opening the door. He looked up at her with indifference, not showing any change in demeanor. Though the scattered files littered across his desk might have been the indicator why.

"Can I help you with something?"

"What?" She stiffened at the formalness of his address. She felt as if she could have been any student at that moment, and he wouldn't have acted any different. Her response wasn't based on not understanding the question, rather the way it was delivered.

"Did you need something?" His expression was not readable, from that distance his eyes looked like darkened coal.

"Uh..." she stuttered, not knowing how to answer something so direct, moreover, so impersonal. Yes, there was a reason behind her visit. Now standing here in his office, seeing that expression, she could tell now was not the time. Worse yet, she couldn't come up with another valid excuse for disrupting his work. Part of her knew she shouldn't need to have an important reason to see her boyfriend, just for a few minutes if nothing else. It wasn't as if they were together on a daily basis; she saw far more of the headmaster than she ever saw Squall. Frankly, she saw Eugenia who serves the hotdogs more than she saw Squall.

"Just thought I would... Well, it had been awhile since I'd talked to you..." She smiled hoping that he would break this façade and return to the person who she had shared so much with.

He rubbed his temples trying to fight back the headache that had become almost a daily ritual in his life. "Rinoa, I just don't have time right now."

"Oh... okay." She stood probably a few moments longer than she should have, but it had been a long time since he had acted so curt toward her. There was that part of her that was in shock and the other part that reasoned he was just overrun with work to a point of exhaustion. His eyes traveled back to her, and for a moment, she believed the charade of indifference was over.

And for a moment, she would have been right. Squall Leonhart was not fond of having people standing in office for no apparent reason. He was also intelligent enough to realize Rinoa wasn't 'people' and his usual reaction would be interpreted as hurtful. So he knew he had to say something to ease the situation, although he would have rather had her leave at that moment. Not that he didn't want her around, just he was dealing with his own frustrations at work. He was in a job he was barely trained to handle, making decisions he had no right to be making. Yet here he was working to God knows when, on simple things that should have been finished before the dinner hour. _Simple _that is - for someone who knew what the hell they were doing; someone who didn't spend their life second guessing ever decision they now made.

Still, he knew those problems weren't hers. They were his. So he fought with himself to at least say something to her. Seeing the golden paper in her hand, he somehow made the connection that it may have something to do with her unscheduled visit.

"Turtapod?"

"What?"

"Did you come here because of the Turtapod in your hand?" He nodded toward the paper she was carrying.

Her mouth formed an embarrassed smile as her fingers absentmindedly played with the folds. "Actually, it's a-" She stopped any further explanation. He really didn't want to make small talk she knew that much by his attitude. Explaining what it really was would be just that.

"No, it had nothing to do with it," Rinoa softly answered tossing the bird into a near by wastebasket. Her eyes searched to focus on anything but him; she felt an incredible amount of awkwardness standing there. Silently she cursed herself for coming up here, she should have known better than to distract him from work. Just because her duties ended at five-thirty, certainly didn't mean his did.

"Sorry for bothering you," she apologized. It wasn't if she didn't have a place to be, there were about nine hundred more cranes to make. "I need to get back to work anyhow."

"Work?" He leaned back slightly in his chair; she could tell his curiosity was piqued by that statement.

"Well not _work_ work, not office work. I've just been helping Selphie with the decorations the last few evenings. I was just taking a break I guess."

"Oh that." His reaction was more of a gruff snort than a comment.

"What?" she asked irritably. The commander's stern response had brought back a determined resolve to have her question answered. The very reason she was in his office in the first place.

He knew he shouldn't have reacted that way, but it was his initial reaction. Still another part of him considered that _anything_ but work. Here he was deciding the fates of countless students, and she was deciding the fates of countless ribbons that needed to be tied.

His prolonged delay only irritated her further. "What let me guess, you were one who voted against the dance?"

"Rinoa, it's not that I'm against the tradition. It's just this is a year of change, and Garden really needs to prioritize its resources. Norg was a bastard, but he did know how to manage the budget. I look at all these expenses and I can't see how the cost of operation is even being sustained on our current intake." He picked up a graph printout and held it up, only to toss back down on his desk in disgust. "I have no idea what Garden is dealing with; I have no idea why I'm dealing with it in the first place."

Then he went and said the one thing that would be his downfall that evening. "I don't see how Garden can afford to have another useless celebration."

"Useless?" she repeated in a combination of anger and disbelief.

"Yes, useless… Rinoa it's a waste of Garden funds."

"If Garden needs funds, why don't you consider a pay cut?" It wasn't meant to be a personal attack against him, but rather SeeDs in general. Though she knew it certainly didn't come out that way. Her phrasing may have been wrong, as it often was, but she believed her point was still valid.

"You didn't just say that." His demeanor changed as he leaned forward challenging her.

"Yes, you know what, I did."

It had been a long while since she confronted him or his beliefs. She would probably have to think back to the journey before Ultimecia. It was this outspoken side of her she would try to control and usually she succeeded. But some times the hypocrisy in such a large organization would get to her. Maybe that is why she had felt so drawn to the plight of Timber. She understood how the military worked, and she was damned sure that SeeDs made more money than most everybody in the Galbadian army. Yet on both sides, the stakes were the same and the wager usually was their life.

He said nothing. His ridged body language and the indifferent look in his eyes spoke volumes. She could see the softness that she'd grown accustom to in the last few months disappear. In its place returned the icy stare she had only seen him reserve for battle.

"Commander Leonhart," Rinoa began while folding her arms over her chest. She never called him that after office hours. Usually even then it was only for formality on the phone or with outside visitors. She hadn't been this infuriated with him in a long time.

"I know I'm just a lowly worker here and my opinion probably isn't worth that much. I'm saying if the budget is so important, then maybe you need to start thinking a little closer to home. Maybe some of the 'A Rank' SeeDs should consider a temporary pay cut."

Her emotion was betraying her, as she took a few steps closer to his desk. "Or you know what, maybe Garden should turn off the lights at night. You don't _need_ to see this place from the port of Balamb. Hell, you don't _need_ to see this place from the moon! We get it, Garden's important. Far be it instead of spending all the Gil on research of which weapons would be the most efficient in killing, you could spend some Gil on something to boost morale. You don't like social events. I get that. But maybe others around here need them to escape or to feel part of something and-"

"Miss Heartily, do you or do you not have a reason for being in my office?" He stood up placing his fist on his desk. Squall's voice was stern and even, though his words were filled with significance.

"You know Commander, I _did_ come up for a reason. Ironic, but I think you answered my question quite clearly. Thank you."

"You can leave."

"Yeah, I can."

There were no goodbyes; there was no further eye contact. Everything they wanted to say at the moment could be spoken out loud without a single word. She turned abruptly and walked out of his office. She could have slammed the door, but something was restraining her from that action. Maybe that would have crossed the line in childishness, maybe she already had. She wasn't going to run back to her room; she wasn't going to stand there and cry. She honestly didn't know how she felt beside a little betrayed and angry. She would stand by her point, although some of her words were uncalled for and she knew it.

It seemed that most of their contact was always on his terms, and for once, she just wanted to see him, to clarify her confusion. She always tried to allow him his space and he could damn well have it for a while.

* * *

* * *

_ **Chapter Twenty-Six: A Time to Get ** _

_ June 30 _ _ th _

For the next three days, Rinoa continued her daily regimen of staying eight hours behind a desk and then spending the evening in Selphie's room. She never let on that there was a problem; after all, she had years of this type of thing living with her father. Her friends thought she seemed a little preoccupied at most, but nothing beyond that. She had even learned to make decent cranes. It wasn't the biggest achievement in her eighteen years, but right now, it was at least some sense of accomplishment.

Twice Rinoa had the occasion to speak with Squall over the phone, but both times the two remained overly professional. The _Miss Heartilly's_ and _Commander Leonhart's_ were rather forced in conversation, with a little too much emphasis placed on them. Each was a little too stubborn to call the other by their first name.

Selphie herself had been so preoccupied with the decorations, (plus actually accomplishing the task of getting the Trepies involved) she never asked about her friend's talk with Squall. Like Zell and Irvine, she probably assumed that the commander had clarified the situation. Nobody there had any doubt concerning Rinoa's attending the dance, beside Rinoa. After all, some things were a given.

Again tonight, the decoration's committee found themselves in Selphie's room. Over the last several evenings the four had pretty much remained in the same positions, though each night their appearance became a little more informal. Rinoa found herself lying on her stomach with her legs crossed behind, even going as far to wear pajamas and slippers. If Selphie could run around in a long flannel Chocobo nightshirt, she could wear her light blue kitty-cat ones.

By tonight Irvine had even forgone his beloved hat. Instead, he just tied his hair into a loose ponytail. Though the question remained: whether the cowboy's decision was solely based on comfort or if it was fear of permanent damage to the headwear. The group had unanimously voted the latter.

Zell begrudgingly moaned, "I never want to see another crane again, ever. Ever!"

"Ditto," Rinoa replied starting to fold what seemed to be the umpteenth one that night.

"So Rin, you pick out a dress yet? I bet it's something that will knock Squall dead."

"You think she could top last year? That dress was pretty... short," said Zell teasingly.

"I like short, short is good. Don't change your style Rin," added Irvine with a wink.

Short, long, it didn't matter – she wasn't going to go.

"I'm not going to be there." Rinoa knew that she couldn't avoid the inevitable questions much longer. The whole ordeal would eventually rear its ugly head – and right now, it was as ugly as an Ochu with a blistered sunburn.

"What? What are you talking about Rin? Tell me this is just a really, really, _really_, bad joke." Selphie implored as she dropped overdramatically onto her bed.

"Wish I could, but I... I can't."

Apparently Selphie was going to take this harder than Rinoa had originally planned. There would be no bowing out of this situation with grace and style. As of now, Rinoa was just hoping for the 'Selphie not badgering her endlessly' scenario.

"Rinoa! What happened? Of course you're going. You can't not – not go! I mean you have to go! I mean really - it's like the biggest formal event of the year. Not to mention it's also like some kind of anniversary for you and Squall too... I mean the whole meeting at a graduation thing. Plus Cid and Edea… and you made cranes! See, you have to go!"

"Yeah a dance he didn't want last year or now." She did feel a pang of guilt for not being there for Cid and Edea's celebration. Still, it was a decision she had made, and one she would abide by.

"But Squall has to go, he's the commander!"

"He'll go Selphie, don't worry." She badly wanted to add, _"Because it is SeeD related and god knew he would never fathom neglecting anything SeeD." _Though Rinoa understood that would be a very unfair and biased statement to make. It certainly didn't mean she didn't _think_ it.

"But if he goes, _you go,_ that's how it works!"

"No Selphie, with him that isn't how it works. Normal things just aren't Squall things."

She hated to compare her feelings this year to last, as both situations were entirely subjective. Last year a few days before the dance, she basked with the most liberating outlook in the world. Even raised into a life of privilege, Rinoa had never looked forward to a formal with so much enthusiasm. It was a chance to be independent from the life she knew in Deling, and also the struggles within Timber. A year ago, she felt as if she could accomplish anything... and maybe back then she could or at least that was the mindset in her grasp.

"If Squall's going to play stubborn again, I'll invite you, if that would help," offered Zell.

"Thanks, but somehow I just think that would make the situation a little more awkward than helpful." Rinoa had to inwardly chuckle at the picture. She could just imagine Squall's expression when she walked down the grand staircase with Zell. Okay, maybe the commander wouldn't really have an outward expression, but she knew inside he would be writhing. The sorceress looked over giving her friend a smile; his heart was always in the right place and he may never know how much she treasured his friendship.

"You know guys," she began. Rinoa thought she should at least try to explain a little, without giving too much detail into her personal life. "It wasn't like Squall ever said he didn't want to me to come, or that I wasn't invited. We never made it that far in the conversation. He just basically told me his feelings on the whole thing, and I kinda, unfortunately, told him mine. I don't know how to explain the whole thing; it's just a long stupid story. The gist of it is simple: I'm stubborn, he's stubborn and sometimes we decide to be stubborn at the same time."

Rinoa buried her face in hands. She knew most of her faults and would gladly admit them to everyone, but admitting to Squall Leonhart's was another story.

"Rinoa, since he didn't invite you, just move on to plan 'B.' You know, talking to Cid about everyone coming? I think that would be an awesome idea anyhow. Then you can just show up like last year, and Squall can see what he's missing."

"Yeah Selph, that is still a real good idea," Rinoa admitted. "I mean, even if I didn't go, I'd still be doing something good for everybody else. I guess the last thing I want to be accused of is favoritism. I've had that most of my life because of who my parents were. I don't want something just because my boyfriend is the commander."

* * *

_ July 1 _ _ st _

"No, I'm sorry she's temporarily at our Trabian location. I can connect you to the operator at that Garden, and she will gladly direct your call from there." Rinoa rolled her eyes as a paperclip bounced off her desk, onto her leg, and finally landed on the floor. Ignoring the temporary distraction, she hit a few buttons and placed the phone down in its cradle. Wearily, she looked over to the young woman currently invading her personal space

"Another call for Xu?" Selphie asked. She was perched on top of Rinoa's desk, attempting some sort of modern art formed out of the aforementioned paperclips.

"Yeah, I'll sure be glad when she gets back. And Selphie, if you keep unbending all my paperclips, I'm going whack you with a Stop Spell."

"Testy, testy… they're going to start thinking all those sorceress rumors are true." Selphie mockingly replied, not paying any heed to Rinoa's 'warning.' Instead, she defiantly reached down and grabbed another clip from its container.

Rinoa crossed her eyes, quickly grabbing a pencil from her desk. "You know, don't think I can blame Ultimecia if all she wanted to do was keep some documents clipped together, just to find out her friend turned them into a sculpture of a…er… what is it anyhow?"

"Doomtrain!" Selphie announced proudly.

"Of course it is," Rinoa mumbled just loud enough for her friend to hear. "I thought maybe it was your version of a Chocobo in a blender."

Selphie chuckled at the comment; though it wasn't without merit. Her twisted skeleton of clips could pretty much be construed as anything. Still the lack of recognition never deterred her from the metal masterpiece. Just then, an electronic ring sounded from the phone, causing both women to look down.

"Ughh…" Rinoa glared at the light that apparently was taunting her mere existence. It was an internal line, and of course, it had to be to an extension she was extremely familiar with, Squall Leonhart. "This, I don't need."

She gave Selphie an annoyed look before picking up the handset. In her most professional voice she answered, "Headmaster Cid Kramer's office, Rinoa Heartilly speaking. How may I be of service?"

"_This is the commander speaking. Can you please connect me to the Headmaster?"_

Rinoa bit the end of her pencil with the tiniest of smirks. Of course she didn't _have _to ask the next question, but protocol was protocol, and he _had_ left out part of his title.

"I'm sorry, to which Garden Commander am I speaking?"

Selphie quickly realized what her friend was doing and taped her lightly on the shoulder as if to reprimand her action. Rinoa looked up trying to muster an innocent smile. The young sorceress mouthed the word _"What?" _There was brief pause, before a reply was heard from the other end.

"_This is Commander Squall Leonhart from Balamb Garden. I apologize, I assumed since it was an inner office line - that it would be obvious I was calling from __**inside**__ Balamb Garden."_

Rinoa squinted her eyes and tried to refrain from making a comment, something rather inappropriate for her surroundings. Instead, she settled on a more traditional one, "Hold please, I'll transfer you now." Again, she hit a few buttons and returned the phone to its cradle. She caved in a momentary weakness sticking her tongue out mockingly at the phone. "Yeah, I'll transfer you now… you big meanie!"

"Ah now there's the Rinoa we know and love." Quistis smiled, as she walked in carrying a small stack of folders.

"Sorry," Rinoa blushed, slightly uncomfortable to be caught by the instructor. "Old habits, but it is better than what I really want to say."

"Be nice," Selphie chimed in, "you're talking about your future husband there."

Rinoa let out a loud snort and quickly covered her mouth out of embarrassment. She continued to laugh at the thought, "You're…so…dead, Selphie." She muffled between trying to calm down and retain her breath.

"Oh you wouldn't hurt me, you love me too much," the younger girl said while sliding down from the desk and forcing her friend in a bear hug. Rinoa rolled her eyes, knowing Selphie was absolutely right, she couldn't harm her friend – as tempting as it may be.

"Plus then Rin, you would have to head the Garden Festival Committee all by yourself. I certainly couldn't trust Zell and Irvine… Next year's celebration would end up being something stupid like - female martial artists wearing cowboy hats wrestling on hotdog buns."

"Don't even put that thought into their heads," added Quistis handing the folders over to Rinoa. "You know how persistent and stubborn those two can be."

"Speaking of two persistently stubborn people…" Selphie smiled wryly. "Rin, have you talked to the headmaster about everyone coming to the graduation ball?"

"Actually yeah, I did this morning. In fact, already typed the memo up. Cid thought it was a wonderful idea. He's even extending the invitation to the employees outside family members, so they can have a night just to themselves."

"Yay! So you're going to go! Woo hoo!" The girl jumped up and down, inadvertently knocking her paperclip art onto the ground and into various pieces.

"Hang on, hang on there, Selphie." Rinoa reached out her hand trying to contain her friend's overabundant enthusiasm. "I'm still not planning on going. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad something very good came out of this. But seriously, the way I was invited to the dance won't stop the awkwardness of the night."

* * *

The commander found himself glancing at the monitor quite often. Probably the other person in the office believed he was scrutinizing information on the screen. In reality, he was just looking at the bottom right hand corner, wondering how many more minutes of his life ticked by.

"Squall, here is a list of the potential candidates the instructors compiled for the field exam. The names underlined in red, we feel, are best suited to be squad leaders on the missions." Taking the sheets of paper from Quistis, the commander quickly glanced over the recommendations.

"Fine," he answered handing the sheets back. "Just make sure to leave a copy so I can work on assignments in the morning."

"You skimmed them."

"What?" The commander answered visibly withdrawn.

Quistis smiled placing the papers back into a folder. "Normally in a situation where you're handling something like this, you take a fair amount of time. Just now, you barely glanced at the recommendations. I could have listed Seifer Almasy as a candidate and I seriously doubt you would have noticed."

"I'm sorry." It wasn't his typical remark. It wasn't defensive; it wasn't what some would consider rude. It was more along the lines of compliant, at least for the sake of argument.

"Squall, you're distracted."

He should have answered, but either way, he knew Quistis had all the facts she needed. It had been a long week and everything was boiling down to the next few days. The testing would be over, the SeeDs would be announced. Then what? The graduation ball that he so dreaded last year. As of this minute, he dreaded this one even more.

Him and Rinoa. Would they both continue this temporary rift that had grown between them? Sure he knew it was just that, in the grand scheme of things. This disagreement was nothing more than a small setback. That certainly didn't mean he wanted to be the one who went running to apologize - especially when he still believed the validity of his argument. On the other hand, he knew his point could have been articulated better. This was a rather vulnerable feeling for him. One he hadn't realized he was starting to depend. No matter how little contact he and Rinoa had on a daily basis, there was a security in her support. He knew the support wasn't gone, just a little more difficult to find between formalities.

"I've known you too long. I would say that I was an expert Squall observer, but I think that went out the window last year." Quistis tried to make light of the moment. She half expected him to stand from his chair and walk out of his office. When the only reaction received was a minor scowl, she continued. "Still that doesn't mean you're very good at hiding things that are rather obvious right now."

"It's nothing."

"Squall, I don't believe _it's nothing_. If it's bothering you this much - it has to be something. Maybe it would help if you talked about it."

He looked at her impassively. She was surprised when he finally asked her a question rather than becoming roused. "This year, were you in favor of holding the graduation ball?"

"Me?" She was taken aback by this whole exchange. Somehow, the entire situation was starting to make sense - Rinoa's early actions and his seemingly detached attitude. "Honestly Squall, from my time as an instructor, I see how much time and effort most students put forth. For those who make SeeD - the party serves as a coming-of-age ceremony. It's recognition after years of dedication in which students are formally honored. The junior cadets and the ones who didn't pass - it can serve as motivation. They want to be the ones standing in front. They want to be the ones who are recognized for their hard work. I know it doesn't mean the same thing for everyone, but it does serve an important purpose."

She paused before adding, "I would think you would understand the sentimental value in it."

He stared blankly out the window, not wanting to really look at Quistis. He didn't even know why he asked her the question in the first place. She had been a good friend; she had always cared, so maybe she could at least help make sense of some of the confusion.

"I met Rinoa there, but I didn't even know her name. Dancing with her was just chance. I don't know if it would have made a difference if we had met that night or not. I mean -" He stopped himself. He could have continued his thought, but that wasn't something that he was used to yet. He still couldn't confide openly with others, though he had grown over the last year. But it was always Rinoa he did talk to…when he decided to talk. This just didn't feel right, not yet.

"You know Squall, I never even mentioned Rinoa. _I _was referring to the day you became a SeeD. You know, you weren't obligated to show up that night. There was no rule forcing you to attend, just tradition. If memory serves me correct, I'd seen you at one graduation dance before then. I think there was a major reason you showed up that night, even if you didn't want to stay long. You worked hard to gain the recognition. You were proud to become a SeeD. As much as you don't like admitting it, that moment was important to you. Nothing Rinoa did made you attend that dance. The years you put into SeeD did."

He took one more look at his empty work. It could wait; it usually could, though he would never be one to admit that. Right now there was something else he needed to do, and staring at computer monitor wasn't it.

* * *

With only two more nights to go, the committee was working at a feverish pace. Well, Selphie was, the other three were trying desperately not to strangle their energetic leader. For the last twenty minutes nobody said a word, which itself was rather odd, given the company. But at that point all the small talk had already been made, and the only thing left was to finish the damn birds – and plan revenge on Selphie for a later date.

There was a knock at the door, and somehow the group was thrilled for a break in the monotonous evening. Selphie jumped up, nearly knocking over Irvine in the process.

The young girl answered the door, figuring one of the Trepies had come up with a decorating question or something… although more than likely just a ruse to see if Quistis was with them. When she opened the door, she was a little more than surprised to say the least.

"Squall, what are you doing here?" Selphie's question was a mixture of excitement and confusion. To a point, she was almost worried when the commander came to her door; he wasn't one for making social house calls.

He held his arms down to his sides, but even she could tell his posturing was a little awkward. Not the normally collected individual she had grown accustom to over the last year.

He took a second before he finally spoke, "Well, if I remember correctly, a year ago you asked me to join the Garden Festival committee. I might have blown it off then, but still I made a commitment. If I'm not mistaken, it's that committee that is responsible for decorations for this year's graduation. So I'm here."

"I didn't ever think you'd actually show. This is awesome!" Selphie literally was standing there bouncing as she quickly shifted weight between her feet.

"I made a promise. I keep my promises," Squall said just loud enough for everyone to hear. The statement had a double meaning that wasn't lost on another of the room's occupants.

Selphie stepped aside allowing the commander to enter. He quickly glanced over and noticed that Rinoa was not making eye contact, rather working intently on something. He didn't bother to acknowledge her at that point, he knew there would be plenty of time ahead, and it was better not to push the situation right now. At least he had learned that much in his short tenure being in a relationship.

"Well come on in, we have plenty of cranes to fold." Selphie moved over near Irvine, draping her arms around his shoulders.

"You what?" Squall questioned, slightly lost on her meaning.

"We're being forced to make cranes for Cid and Matron's anniversary," explained Zell holding up a completed bird.

"Trust me, just say okay or Selphie will go on forever about their meaning and get all sappy," Irvine teased. The cowboy could feel the petite arms around his neck constrict like a boa. "Just kiddin' darling, we all know it is a wonderful idea."

The commander picked up a piece of paper containing the detailed instructions. He then vaguely recalled the folded paper Rinoa held in her hands the other evening. "Oh, it was a crane," he said out loud to no one particular.

"What?"

"Nothing Selphie," Squall cleared his throat, "just looking at the diagram." He then glanced at the room's seating arrangements realizing his only option was between Rinoa and Irvine. So he moved over, sat down, and vigilantly avoided eye contact with anyone else.

"What did you think – that we'd be making Turtapods or something?" Rinoa couldn't help but let the sarcastic comment slip. Honestly she was glad that he showed; still she wouldn't fold easily, not after what they had gone through the last few days. She also knew he wasn't going to make the whole ordeal simple either, that just wasn't in his stubborn nature.

"No Miss Heartilly, there wouldn't be any logic in that."

* * *

The group had been in there an hour, and at times, it was uncomfortably silent. Before the commander's arrival the silence had been chosen, now it felt forced. Rinoa again shifted positions, in what could've easily been a hundred times that hour. Going to stretch her legs out, she inadvertently ended up kicking Squall in the thigh. She glanced at him and murmured an apology, though it was the first sustained eye contact the two had in days.

"No problem," he answered under his breath.

It hadn't been more than a minute when Selphie piped up, "Oh crud, I just remembered the Trepies needed help with deciding on where to place the floral arrangements. I said we'd come and give our opinion. Zell, Irvine, why don't you come with me so you can give a guy's point of view."

"Selphie," Irvine scratched the back of his head, "We'd be glad to go with you, but couldn't you have come up with a better excuse to leave? I may not be the smartest banana in the bunch, but I'm pretty sure everyone sees right through this."

"Yeah, well you weren't coming up with a better plan! Flowers seemed logical," Selphie huffed, placing her hands on her hips.

"Yeah, pretty lame Selphie, if anyone really asked a guy's opinion, it would be that flowers are a huge waste of money," Zell interjected.

"You know what," Rinoa stood up brushing off her clothes. "Selphie, I thank you for what you're trying to do, really I do appreciate it. But Squall and I shouldn't need someone to come up with a lame excuse to talk."

"Hey, Rinoa, I was on your side, how could you say it was lame?" Selphie pretended to pout in wake of her friend's betrayal. After a second of silence, the young girl sighed in exasperation. "Fine, it _was lame_, but it was the best I could do. I don't perform well under duress."

"We thank you." Everyone turned to look at the commander as he stood, surprised he was actually commenting on the conversation at hand. "But she is right, we don't need - shouldn't need an excuse to talk. We should talk because it is what we want."

With that he turned toward Rinoa, there was no question, rather a simple exchange of looks. She nodded just as silently as he asked. The sorceress turned toward the others with a soft smile. Zell and Selphie nodded in return, while Irvine waved his hand in approval.

Silently Squall followed Rinoa out of the room, when they reached the hall she turned to him as if to ask 'where to now?' Rubbing the back of his neck, he looked towards the end of the hallway. He could have gone to his room on the floor above, but something was holding him back. Her room would be just as uncomfortable. Still, he wanted somewhere with privacy. Since most of the underclassmen and Trepies were in the ballroom, and the older cadets studying, the Quad should be relatively empty. He would have mentioned the secret area, but because of his rank and standing, even showing up there late at night with Rinoa would cause all kinds of rumors to fly; he had enough of that all ready.

"Follow me," he said just loud enough for her ears. Rinoa didn't ask any questions, and for the most part, purposely remained a few steps behind. She couldn't give a reason. Maybe it was because she didn't know exactly where they were headed, or maybe to read his posture.

Around halfway there, she figured where he was going. It was perfectly fine with her; she loved the night sky, and the newly planted flowers smelled breathtaking in the evening breeze. In fact, she spent a great deal of time in the Quad, during lunch hours and after hours when students seemed to migrate elsewhere.

Today had been relatively warm, and Squall now wore black jeans with a white t-shirt. Of course Rinoa was in her 'casual clothes' for crane folding. Tonight's attire of choice was a powder blue sleep set - though it looked enough like a shorts outfit from afar that nobody would take note. The commander settled on a bench that was just beyond the flower grove; it was still enough out of the way that they wouldn't be noticed without a bit of effort.

His voice was soft, but carried loud enough for Rinoa to hear. "That was a good thing you did... making the suggestion to Cid about the employees. Everyone in Garden plays an important role, no matter how big or small. I never would have considered it."

"Thank you," she replied just as softly. She involuntary licked her lips as they began to dry, from a mixture of apprehension and mild wind.

He found focus on a nearby oak tree. It was easier to watch a distant object than the person sitting beside him. He wasn't good at this, SeeD certainly didn't offer training in this, and everything he said or did felt exceptionally awkward. "Rinoa, I don't know if I've ever told you this before, but some of your ideas are very good. A few may be a hard to achieve, but you're very smart. I don't think you get enough credit."

He could hear her body movements beside him, the subtle cracking of her neck and the rustle of hair. Squall knew without sight that she was facing him, and he could feel the intensity of her stare.

"You called me Rinoa."

"It's your name."

Now it was her turn to make peace, or at least make her attempt – because he was, in his own unique way. She doubted she'd ever get a flat out apology from him, but that was just his nature. She wouldn't ever expect that to change.

"Squall, I shouldn't have said what I did."

Now he found himself looking at her, it was a reflexive action he didn't even plan. She had made the next move, and now it was his turn to return, the ball lay squarely back in his court.

"Well, Rinoa… probably not, but I should be used to it. I think I know you well enough by now to know if you are thinking something, you're probably going to say it."

Well, that was the truth and she would expect no less from him, but he did have to add something important, "Though you know, it wasn't as if your argument wasn't without merit."

"It's SeeD business - it isn't _my_ business." She gently placed her hair behind her ears and sighed. All she could do was stare at the ground; she was still embarrassed by what she'd said attempting to prove her point the other night.

"Maybe not, but you are still an essential part of Garden – SeeD or not."

"Thank you." Rinoa tenderly gave him a smile for the first time in days. She was surprised when she felt his hand hold hers, before he gently placed them back on her leg. He turned toward her; she could tell he wanted to say something. Whatever it may be was not easy for him to admit, but the speck of determination in his eye was endearing.

"I want to let you know that senior staff and SeeDs have all been working at reduced salaries for quite some time. I never mentioned it before because frankly, I didn't believe it was any of your business. The junior staff, cadets, and other members of the civilian workforce haven't been informed either. It's been an unwritten understanding - we all make sacrifices until Garden secures more outside funding. Norg may have been a son-of-a-bitch, but he did have this place financial sound. This whole cut wasn't something we went around advertising, only because we didn't think it was anybody's business but our own."

Rinoa quickly realized now that her comment earlier was extremely out of line; they had already sacrificed for Garden, but she had been blinded by selfish anger to see that. Now he was letting her in on something they had tried to remain a secret. If outsiders knew the financial situation was dire, it could lead to a lot of different possibilities, most of them not favorable.

"Squall you don't have to-" He moved their joined hands over her mouth, and she softly placed a kiss on his fingertips. She smiled in a sign of understanding as he continued.

"Listen, the fact of the matter is - most of us individually have plenty of income. And if it comes down to it, we'll make the cuts permanent. I personally don't know about everybody else, I don't need any more money. I have all I need here."

"Squall, I-" This time she was cut off by his lips, which honestly, was a step above his hand. She wasn't sure how to interpret his last comment, but she knew if she put too much thought behind it, it would drive her insane. So it was best to just let it be, and take the moments he was willing to offer. It had felt like weeks since she had been this close, and she reveled in the simple touch he offered.

As normal, it was Squall who first parted - though she wasn't surprised by that action, more by the one that preceded it. That was one thing about their fight, nobody seemed to apologize directly. Maybe it was their stubbornness, or maybe it was due to the fact that each had valid points. They learned to respect the other's opinion. It was just the delivery of their varied positions that needed a lot of work.

His arm remained securely around her, which was also a rather aggressive move, by Squall standards. She seized the opportunity to place her head on his shoulder, letting the scent of the gardenias and aftershave press into memory. She enjoyed being like this, on this night with him. After several minutes of only the sounds of breathing and nature, he felt the need to validate one of her points.

"The lights... you're right, it's just cosmetic on the part of Garden. We are going to start cutting back on the power. The lights will be at about 30 percent capacity - a little more if we're mobile. But you're right, no need to see us from outer space."

She nuzzled into his shoulder, finding a satisfaction that he had taken one of her ideas seriously. That meant a lot to her. But she wasn't going to make a big deal of it. It felt truly rewarding to feel appreciated by him and Garden.

"So now… all that is out the way," he began slowly. She could sense the weariness return to his voice. "Why don't we start over? I want you tell me the reason you came up to my office, unless it really was to show me your beautiful Turtapod."

Now she poked him softly in the ribs, "That was a darn good Turtapod, thank you very much." He chuckled softly at her playfulness; it was the simple things he missed when it came down to it.

"And the reason I was up there… was because I… well, I wasn't sure about the whole graduation dance thing. I guess it all seems pretty irrelevant now, but I wasn't sure if I was _technically_ invited or not."

Squall understood her reason behind asking Cid about all employees attending. Tenderly he placed a kiss on the side of her head. He wasn't going to lie, but he wasn't going miss something so special either. Quistis had been right earlier, it was a celebration for the entire Garden. The party meant something, on so many more levels than he'd witnessed during his eighteen years.

"You know Rinoa, I'm not going to apologize for my dislike of social events - it's not who I am. But that doesn't mean that I'm completely without understanding of their significance to others. I'm going to be there, and maybe it's selfish, but I certainly don't want to be there alone. So as I see it, you can either go because you're an employee of Garden, or go as my official date. It's your chose."

She brightly smiled, giving him a prolonged kiss on the cheek. Still their fingers remained intertwined, and she moved their hands near her heart. "You know what, I'm not going to pick. I'm going as both. Honestly, I'm proud that I've managed to make it on my own as a member of Garden. I'm also very proud to be your girlfriend. I don't ever want to make you choose between our relationship and Garden. So in this case, I'm not going to either."

He leaned in so their foreheads were touching, giving her a rare, but genuine, smile. "Like I said, you're very smart."

* * *

* * *

_ **Chapter Twenty-Seven: A Time to Reap ** _

_ July 3 _ _ rd _

Under any normal circumstances, looking for a formal dress is usually a special time in a woman's life. However, that far from described the young lady now trying to find anything suitable in the Dollet boutique. Of course she had brought back-up reinforcement, which might have been where Rinoa's plan started to go completely awry.

"I can't believe you did this. Nobody and I mean **n-o-body**, waits until the day before the ball to pick out a dress. Unless, you know, you believe in fairy godmothers, glass slippers, and pumpkins that magically turn into coaches."

"Oh hush, Selphie. You at least got a free train trip to Dollet, so stop complaining."

"Okay, yeah, that is always super-dooper awesome."

Selphie blew a bubble with her gum before continuing to smack it in her mouth. "Plus you didn't complain when I sang my train song – unlike other people on board. Although seriously, that conductor-train-guy needs to get a sense of humor or just learn how to loosen up. Maybe if I come up with another verse it will give it more of a musical flow."

"Yes, Selph… another verse is just what is missing," replied Rinoa sarcastically while giving her friend an encouraging pat on the arm.

This time Selphie blew her bubble a little too big and a loud 'pop' emanated from the corner of the formal department. An uptight looking clerk gave the two 'the glare of doom' usually patented by librarians, grammar teachers, and annoyed hospital staff. The store employee then forcefully pointed to a nearby wastebasket. Selphie begrudgingly walked to the counter, placing her once cherished strawberry-lime twist bubblegum into the trash receptacle.

Still the young girl wouldn't let her untimely loss get in the way of antagonizing her friend.

"And Rinoa, you did take me to a really cool restaurant during the layover in Timber. Best spaghetti ever, I may add. But still, you have to be extremely crazy to wait to the day before a dance. Nobody and I mean **n-o-**"

Rinoa raised her hand hoping to cut off the younger girl's tirade. "I get it, I get it - I'm crazy. You're not the first person to echo that sentiment, trust me." Placing her hands on her hips in frustration the young sorceress continued, "Now stop with the overdramatic theatrics and help me pick out a dress."

"Fine, but only because I don't want to miss the train back to Garden. Some of us have been planning on going to this dance for weeks, while _some people_ and their boyfriends were having issues."

Rinoa rolled her eyes, biting back the first comment that sprang into her mind. Instead, she opted on something a little more subtle. "Selphie, you and Irvine are the King and Queen of issues. Now seriously, I need help – just grab a few dresses off the rack and I'll try them on."

Selphie surely wasn't deterred by the situation at hand; then again, she was smart enough to find a dress weeks before.

"So Rinoa, what exactly are you looking for?"

"A dress."

"Dear God, no wonder why you and Squall work out so well," managed Selphie as she almost doubled over with laughter, holding onto her side. There was so much humor in Rinoa's behavior right now, though she knew the young sorceress would never admit to it. Somehow, Selphie believed that this would work out in the end; things always seemed to for Squall and Rinoa.

"Alright seriously Rin, I mean what style of dress? Short or long? Do you have any particular color you want? Do you have any color you want to avoid?"

Selphie leaned against a wall support carefully perusing the rack of formalwear. She knew her and Rinoa's styles probably differed greatly in taste.

"Just… bring whatever doesn't look like my grandmother would be wearing," answered Rinoa. The sorceress had managed to grab a small pile of dresses and was attempting to drape them over her arms.

At times like this, Selphie just couldn't help herself; maybe she had been hanging out with Irvine way too long. "Well, what if your grandmother had extremely sophisticated taste?"

Rinoa groaned loudly in frustration. She would have liked to drop the dresses to the ground and physically strangled her friend. Selphie was definitely getting a kick out of her misery, she knew this. The only thing that kept Rinoa from her near homicidal urges was the fact that 'ol' eagle eye' at the counter was still scrutinizing their every move.

"That's it! I should have brought a Trepie," growled Rinoa. "I don't care which one, any one would be fine."

Selphie scratched her head knowing her friend had left that comment way too open. "Any Trepie or any dress? I'm confused."

"You're doing this just to irritate me, aren't you?" Rinoa shoved a handful of gowns in her friend's arms, before turning and walking abruptly toward the fitting rooms. Selphie followed finding this whole ordeal incredibly amusing. If it wasn't for Rinoa and Squall's stubbornness in the first place, this whole situation could have been simply avoided.

"Sorry Rin, it's just so easy to do. Plus, you know, it'll all work out for you two - it always does. Tomorrow night you and Squall will be out there gliding across the dance floor and you won't remember this conversation at all."

"I'll need a GF to forget this conversation," mumbled Rinoa glancing back over her shoulder in her friend's direction. In return, Selphie smiled reassuringly, as she often did. "But thanks Selph for your confidence. Wish I could find some of that right about now. It's just so easy for Squall. I mean the guy already knows what he is going to wear."

* * *

Nowhere in his job description did it ever say he would be doing so much paperwork. Then again, Squall doubted that Garden had ever taken the initiative to write up a formal description. He could have complained. He could have asked to be reassigned to normal SeeD duty. He could have done a thousand things, but here he sat, doing this. Why? Well, that had always been the question. He at least knew the answer this time, for once in his life, he knew the answer.

Of course, saying and knowing are two different things.

If he had ever considered returning to active duty, his mind was made up several months ago on a snow covered continent. He liked to be in control - though 'control' had more than one definition. Power never meant anything to him, he did not need to control an army, or in this case, Balamb Garden. He could walk away from his supervisory title without regret. If it wasn't for one thing, he would return to being a SeeD and never stop to look back at the paperwork lying on top of his desk. But there was that one thing, and it was the reason he was still sitting in his office.

It was control - the control over his duty, not as commander, but as a knight. With separation came the feeling of anxiety, therefore a lack of control. If there was anything Squall Leonhart didn't' like it was not being in control of himself. There was still a whole lot he didn't comprehend about his role as knight; it would probably take his entire lifetime to even come to terms with half.

With his commander position came some certainties - away missions were minimal, freedoms were granted (though he would adamantly deny this factor outwardly, he knew it to be the truth), required 'assignments' were relatively low risk missions, basically the outside and unknown factors were 'controlled' to the best of his abilities.

He was still a trained warrior and that factor could never be dismissed.

Squall still loved the thrill of the fight. It was his nature. But the fight had changed over the years; it wasn't bought by the highest bidder, by superior's orders, or to even prove self-worth, but it was the fight for survival. Not his, it was never him, but hers. He would still train hours a day. He still would study the in-depth use of weaponry. He would never let his guard falter by outside influences. It was all about her survival and his need to control the factors surrounding them.

So here he sat for hours on end amid the endless torrent of paperwork. It was a small price to pay for the liberties, but it still collided with his combatant nature. Who was he to judge who would be a worthy SeeD? Hell, he spent most of his adolescent existence trying to avoid even knowing these people's names, now he was supposed to help judge their worth? It was all very hypocritical, though bureaucracy often was, even within the Garden system.

Thankfully the decision wasn't solely based on his evaluations, as that would have been ridiculous. The Headmaster wanted him to make recommendations on every applicant who applied for the field exam. He knew it was a form of emotional training; it was the art of reading peoples' physiological structures. Still he had only been a SeeD for a little over a year; not to mention he, himself, had waited until the age of seventeen to first take his exam He could have tried before; God knew Seifer had tried for years before. He just knew he wasn't physically or mentally ready, and he never wanted to be anything less than fully competent. He had the foresight to never set himself up to fail. That, above all, was his nature.

Of course, failing to have the foresight to lock his office door was another matter.

At least his training served him well; he was able to restrain himself from lunging at the intruder's jugular, though the idea quickly crossed his mind. He thought it was made perfectly clear that there were to be no interruptions today, then again, his communication skills were always somewhat lacking.

"Hey Squall, know you're busy just need a second of your time," explained Irvine apologetically; it was times such as this that his Galbadian accent seemed more pronounced. The commander figured the sharpshooter was trying to remain within his good graces. Right now, that act would almost need divine intervention.

"Go on," replied Squall with a deadpan glare.

If anything the commander figured it was easier to deal head-on with the interruption. If he tried to argue about privacy and how overloaded he was, the whole ordeal would just take longer and most likely blow up in his face. He learned that much being in a relationship. Though somehow he doubted those types of issues were exclusive to him and Rinoa.

Irvine sauntered over to the commander's desk, leisurely sitting in the chair across from his superior. The cowboy quickly made himself comfortable, placing his feet on the desk. Squall remained calm faced with his latest battle and swatted the unwanted intruders off his desk. It was just Irvine and Squall knew that, but that still didn't mean that he wanted cowboy boots in his face. The sharpshooter chuckled at his friend's reaction. He probably had overdone his welcome, but that was Irvine's personality and it came as naturally to him as breathing.

"Well, Squall you already know my two specialties… I don't think I have to remind you."

"Is leaving among them right now?" Squall told himself he wouldn't appear rude, but the chance presented itself so openly. Taking a deep breath Squall tried to smooth over the situation. Even though there was a ton of work to do, he didn't want to hurt his friend in any way. "I'm sorry Irvine. I'm just feeling a lot of pressure from all sides right now. It's not personal."

"I never for a minute thought it was. I'm just glad to see you're getting a broader sense of humor," the cowboy smirked. "No seriously, back to my earlier statement… It's just I'm going to need a tiny favor."

"Well, the guns I may be able to help you with… the women, trust me, you're out on your own."

Irvine laughed again, at least the commander admitted his own weakness.

"No, nothing like that at all. I promise. Selphie's birthday is on the 17th and I wanted to do something special."

"No… you _may not_ use the gun range to make out with your girlfriend."

"Give me some credit here Squall… we've already done that." The gunman added with a tip of his hat and sly grin.

The commander glowered angrily at Irvine. "I would ask if you're kidding, but I know better. Now why are you exactly coming to me about Selphie's birthday?"

"Ah well, that would be the reason for my visit. See, I know neither Selphie or I are due for leave, especially me because of my fluctuating status. But I was kinda hoping that I could surprise her with a weekend getaway. I'm planning to get a hold of one of my friends from G-Garden and see about having him and his girl meet us in Dollet. I just had to make the arrangements today if we're going to do it."

Squall sighed for a minute looking at the stack of papers looming on his desk. He knew he could easily give them the time off - that was really irrelevant at the moment. The new recruits wouldn't come in for another month. This was technically downtime, well as much as of a break being a student of Garden allowed. He couldn't place what exactly was holding back his answer.

"Irvine, can I ask you something personal? Why would you want to invite someone else with you? It seems that you'd want to spend the weekend alone."

Irvine smiled, "Yeah, _I _would. But this weekend isn't about me. Selphie likes being around people - that's who she is. When we spent time in Trabia, I got to know some of her friends. Ever since, she's been asking about mine. Thought the best thing for her birthday was give her some of my past. Plus, well you know, we'll still have _all night_ at the hotel for-"

Squall raised his hand quickly, "You can have the time off as long as you don't finish that sentence."

"Thanks man, I'll go make the arrangements now. If you ever need anything come to me."

"Yeah, you'll be my first thought." Squall managed as he avoided looking directly at the cowboy. Instead he went back to work and tried to ignore that little voice in his head. Something still was gnawing him inside about the Selphie situation.

Then something Irvine had said seemed to stand out, _"This weekend isn't about me." _Irvine was right, absolutely right. Instead of thinking of things he enjoyed, Irving had taken Selphie completely into account. For Rinoa's birthday, Squall couldn't come up with a damn thing she would like; he even went as far as excusing himself from her hospital room to find something. Yet, Irvine knew exactly the perfect gift for Selphie, something only he could give. He knew her that deeply that he never had to second guess any of his choices.

Sure Irvine had always claimed women were one of his specialties and maybe to a point - _he was right_. The cowboy always found a way to cheer Selphie up or just give her mental support when it was needed most. It appeared almost natural for Irvine. Squall doubted that the gunman had a lot of experience with the opposite gender, though Irvine always led everyone to believe the opposite; there were many subtle signs along the way that Irvine was more bark than bite. Still, if this was the cowboy's first serious relationship, why did everything seem to come so natural to him?

* * *

The trip back to Balamb had been relatively uneventful thus far, Rinoa was thankful. It had been a long day and she was stressed far more than was necessary. It was a stupid dress, not like it was a life altering decision, but somehow she had turned it into one. Every gown that she initially loved at first, she eventually talked herself out of… There were a thousand different reasons: too short, too low-cut, not low-cut enough (maybe not a valid reason, but she couldn't deny she wanted to be a little daring), too dark, or just something that she couldn't place her finger on – yet she always found something wrong with each and every dress.

After being undecided over the course of several hours, Rinoa believed both Selphie and the sales lady were going to hit her upside the head with a rotten Funguar. At least those two had formed a common bond; Selphie was even bold enough to pull her package of strawberry-lime twist gum from her purse. About twenty minutes later, the store clerk asked Selphie if she too could have a piece. Well, at least you could say Rinoa found a way to unite two unlikely people in a rather un-noble cause.

It was either due to Selphie's constant reminders that she wanted to get back to Balamb before Ultimecia's return, or the fact the store officially closed, that Rinoa finally decided on a gown. The young sorceress couldn't say it was a dress that she instantly fell in love with, but she did think it was gorgeous; the biggest hindrance in her opinion was the color. It was pretty; it just wasn't something she would normally choose for herself. Then again, this year was a fresh start to her life. Why not differ from the norm if just a little?

Rinoa wasn't nervous about tomorrow night; part of her believed maybe the reality hadn't settled in. Ask her tomorrow afternoon how she felt and it would most likely be the complete opposite. Then again, maybe her feet were just too tired to even think about dancing around the floor in heels right now. She smacked her forehead feeling rather stupid for forgetting the obvious.

"Um Rinoa, that looks rather painful," interjected Selphie at her friend's odd behavior.

"Shoes, I didn't even think about what shoes I was going to wear…"

"Well, you could always go barefoot."

"Yeah, and when Squall steps on my toes it won't be pretty. I'll be hobbling around Garden like a Tonberry for weeks."

"Steel-toed combat boots?"

"That would be more logical." She sighed; it really wasn't that big of an issue. She had shoes back in her room. She could find something that would make due for the situation. It was always the details that would eat away at her. She had to think about something else, or she would mentally remain on the subject of footwear all evening.

"So Selphie, Irvine excited about tomorrow?"

"He is, but I honestly think it's because he knows how much this party means to me. He's been helping me out every step of the way. I'm actually impressed at how many ideas he had, he just surprised me at every turn."

"He really cares about you, he always has."

"Yeah, I know." Selphie smiled thinking of all the times Irvine had tried to cheer her up, even if some of the attempts were rather futile. "He's so much different than his first impression. Sometimes I wish he'd show that side to other people. Then at other times I'm glad that he feels safe enough with me to just be himself. In a way I think he's a lot like Squall."

"All right Selph, if you say so," Rinoa answered skeptically trying not to crack up at the idea of Squall going around calling everyone 'darlin' and saying his specialties were 'gunblades and women.' Though, the picture of Squall in a cowboy hat wasn't at all that unpleasant.

"No, Rinoa I'm serious," Selphie hadn't been joking though apparently it had been perceived that way. "I'm not saying they deal with their emotions the same way. I think Irvine tries to cover up his sweeter side by pretending to be the flirtatious ladies man. I mean, most girls just roll their eyes thinking he's kidding. I even did in the beginning. But see, that way he's not seriously being rejected. Squall's way of hiding is different. He doesn't want to show that side to people so he pretends to be distant, especially at first. But just like Irvine has to me, Squall's shown you a different side the rest of us will never completely see."

"Yeah, I can see what you're saying. But in a way, aren't we all like that?"

"I dunno, maybe to a point. It just seems those two go to the extremes to cover themselves up. Most people aren't so drastic. That's why it is even better when we get to see who they truly are."

* * *

He was in that state of being where nothing came to mind. Every student's exam data looked identical; to Squall they were becoming nothing more than numbers on applications. He hated that feeling. He may have never wanted to know them on a personal level, but he certainly didn't like the fact that the cadets could become nothing more than numbers on pages. The Garden Faculty used to do that, and they were nothing but nameless, faceless soldiers of Norg in his mind. He never wanted to be like that.

It had come to the point in the evening where working was a near impossibility. If he had found a reason to leave, he would have done just that. Instead that unknown force kept pushing him to remain in the office, even if what he had accomplished in the last hour was absolutely nothing. Finding an innate fascination with anything non-work related seemed to be the only way to keep his sanity. So far he had studied how the hands of the clock moved around the face, noted where the wallpaper on the other side of the room didn't line up perfectly, and noticed several scratches on his desk he hadn't seen before.

He even went as far as wondering which shoes he was going to wear tomorrow night. He had several pairs, but some were broken in more than others. Would he opt for comfort or for something a little more stylish? Then again, when had he ever cared about style? Then he wondered how this could seem like such a big dilemma, but it was easier to concentrate on than dealing with those damn numbers. Now this shoe situation was going to be weighing on him the rest of the evening.

There was a knock at the door. Glancing back to the clock he had gotten to know all too well throughout the night, he saw it was past midnight. Why had he been in this office that long? He hadn't even stopped to eat lunch or dinner; at this rate, the job would consume him before he was thirty. Well, at least it was a diversion from paperwork and shoes.

"Come in." He wiped his eyes, though he wasn't exactly tired. Maybe it was just trying to focus on anything that was of relative importance.

The door opened and Rinoa hesitantly walked in… last time she had done this, it didn't turn out so well. The last thing she needed was an encore performance of that play.

Tonight she felt even more nervous. She honestly didn't have a valid reason to be there, besides just wanting to see him. In most relationships that would have been understood, theirs could be defined as anything but normal. She also knew that bothering him the day before the field exams wasn't the wisest decision on her part. He had made it perfectly clear to everyone that he needed to work, but here she stood unable to stop her actions.

"If I'm bothering you, I can leave. I know tomorrow is a big day…"

Placing his pencil on his desk, he stood from his chair. He didn't realize how long he had been sitting until he felt his muscles tense. "Yeah, it will be a big day, but I've got to get out of here. Let's go."

Rinoa took a step away slightly shocked at his direct reaction. That certainly wasn't the reply she was expecting. He almost felt a pang of anguish when he saw the confusion on her face. She actually looked shocked that he was thankful for the interruption. What did that show about the way she perceived their relationship?

She felt his fingers intertwine with hers as he started to lead her away from the office. For a moment she stood still, there seemed to be a few seconds delay from her brain to her feet. To an onlooker it would appear as if had been dragging her, when in reality, she was just in a momentary state of confusion.

"Where are we going?"

"You know, I really don't know." He admitted softly as they reached the lift. He really didn't know in which direction they were headed, or for that matter, why he had felt the urge to reach out for her in the first place. He had reacted on reflex; he hadn't even realized the significance of his own actions.

"That's all right." Her voice carried a tone of reassurance. "We'll figure it out when we get there."

"Thank you."

He turned and pressed the button without any further comment. So much of their communication was based on mutual understanding. He never even had to speak the words out loud and she still knew the answers.

Both remained quiet on the trip down. Rinoa out of fear she may break the mood and Squall out of not knowing the words to say. Due to the time of night, the halls were relatively barren; curfew had been more lax before the field exam, then again, most students were smart enough to be preparing in their rooms.

Leading a female through the halls of Garden wouldn't have been something he would have done a year ago. Honestly, this wouldn't have been something he could even fathom a year ago. Even now sometimes the reality that he had a girlfriend seemed unreal. Not that he would change anything for the world, he wouldn't. He just wished he didn't second guess himself, and his feelings, so much.

"Are you hungry?"

"Huh?" He looked blankly in her direction as if she had spoken a foreign language. Their pace had slowed to a near crawl, but still they were moving closer to – well, closer to what, neither of them exactly knew.

Rinoa giggled. A sound that at times irritated him and other times it intrigued him; right now it was rather a mixed reaction. He hadn't been really paying attention to her words, and her laughter only seemed to point his lack of attentiveness. Still, he knew that was just her normal response, just as becoming lost in thought was his. He knew not to try to take her laughter personally. Then again that didn't help the fact that he was still clueless to whatever she had said.

"I asked if you're hungry." Rinoa smiled catching her breath. She wished she hadn't found humor in his obvious confusion, but it couldn't be helped from her end. It had just been such a long day and she, herself, teetered between exhaustion and giddiness. The expression on his face was priceless as he tried not to appear confused, but failed greatly.

He narrowed his eyes at her. Squall tried to tell himself that he couldn't blame her anymore than she could blame him. She didn't seem shocked by this, and only continued to smile. His expression lightened as he continued to look at her and the realization that _he was_ hungry also dawned on him. He mentally tried to think when he last had a decent meal, not counting the apple he had grabbed from a fruit basket on Cid's desk.

He nodded rather than give her a verbal reply.

She continued to smile and gently shook his hand that had remained firmly in her grasp. "Well, okay at least we have a goal now - to find food. Um…" She trailed off looking down the hallway as she tried to recall the limited selection in her room. "Well, I think I have some dry noodles, chips, and possibly bananas if they're still considered edible."

"You're better off than I am," admitted Squall. Right now he couldn't think of a single food item in his refrigerator. He had ice in the freezer, but doubted that counted.

"You and shopping just don't mix, do you?" Rinoa joked knowing not to take the subject much further than that. She would have liked to comment on the fact that all he had in his apartment was the single bed transferred from his old dorm and a small table and chair that he used as a makeshift desk. She could not imagine having that whole spacious apartment and not a single piece of decent furniture – not to mention his matching set of cardboard boxes used as both shelves and drawers.

"Yeah," he answered noncommittally.

"It's all right, after today I'm just about ready to join you in your dislike of shopping." Now it was his turn to give her a questioning look. She shrugged it off, the whole thing was not important. Again, it was a day she would like greatly to forget.

"Well, I guess-" She stopped speaking when she felt him begin to lead her by the hand. It appeared that he knew where they were headed, she wasn't as fortunate. He backtracked a few hallways before ending up in the corridor leading to the cafeteria.

"Squall, the cafeteria is closed," Rinoa stated as if it was the most apparent thing in the universe.

"I know." As they neared the locked kitchen area, he reached in his pocket producing a master keycard

She laughed, "Squall Leonhart breaking and entering… I'm shocked."

"There's no breaking involved, just entering – it doesn't count."

"You rebel." She poked him in the side as the two walked through the door. "So are you going cook too? Or not feeling that rebellious yet, Mr. Commander?"

"We'll save that for another day. Have to leave some things a mystery."

"You make that sound rather ominous."

Grinning slightly, he made his way to an industrial size refrigerator. After rummaging through the drawers for a bit, the commander grabbed several types of sliced lunch meats. He handed Rinoa the packages before searching in yet another drawer for some cheese.

"You always know how to show a girl a good time."

He shook his head as he tossed a bottle of mustard in her direction. She yelped in surprise. Reacting quickly, Rinoa barely managed to ungracefully catch the aforementioned container before it collided with the floor.

"A little warning would be nice."

"Always be ready for anything." He answered with a rather instructive tone to his voice. Squall wondered if his abrupt answer was merely a reflexive response or one geared towards the field exams tomorrow. Turning around he closed the door walking over to a large counter top. He had managed, until now, to put the stress of tomorrow out of his mind. Rinoa must have sensed this; she seemed to bring the subject up on her own.

"Everything has a way of working out, Squall. Were you nervous?" Rinoa leaned her elbows on the nearby surface, placing her head in her hands. She found herself entranced by his movement, as she watched the normally mundane action of making a sandwich.

He glanced over in her direction and felt his breath hitch in his throat. Though he could not pinpoint if his reaction was from her question, or how angelic she looked in the dimly lit room. Her body was more or less a silhouette mixing into the shadows, but the way the soft glow of the lights touched her face – it was nothing less than perfect in his eyes. Turning away abruptly, he continued making their late night snack.

"The field exam…?" His voice caught, Squall hoped she would believe it was from the memories of the test rather than the anxiety that seemed to materialize from nowhere. "I don't think I'd exactly say nervous, maybe more along the lines of feeling apprehensive. I can honestly say I never doubted my own abilities, but that day I did have a hard time allowing myself…" He wanted to find the right words to say. It wasn't easy for him to admit any weakness. "I wasn't used to working with… It's just too hard to explain."

"Squall, do mean you couldn't allow yourself to trust in the others?"

He nodded voicing his silent agreement. There was no way for him to explain last year's exam in words. Only he had known the emotions he suffered that day, the feelings he experienced. This fact remained no matter _who _and _when_ the exam was to be taken: each cadet will encounter something different – each will take different meaning from a single battle. This is why tomorrow weighted on him, who again was he to judge which candidates gained the most knowledge? Most of the time that type of understanding couldn't be measured by another person - it was something within.

Placing the final touches on the sandwich, he stood for a moment. His hands were firmly pressed against the metallic surface as most of his body weight was placed solely on his arms. He so desperately wanted to say something to her, wanted to express his fears and concerns about tomorrow. He wanted to ask her why the hell Cid, or anyone, thought he could handle the pressure without as much as a second thought. He was only eighteen, and yet he felt the entire weight seemed to be burying him alive. That is how he perceived his life at times, whether it was the God's honest truth he couldn't decipher.

"Rinoa, what if tomorrow I-"

That was all he managed to say before he realized what he was doing. He couldn't let her see his doubt. It wasn't her burden to bear. He acted as if nothing was wrong, grabbing a second plate for her sandwich. His actions were interrupted as he sensed her closing the few steps between. Placing a hand on his cheek, Rinoa forced him to look her in the eyes. Both were uncomfortable at first, but found a common serenity within the other's gaze.

Her words were soft, but she wanted to offer him just a fragment of the strength he had given her over the last year. "Tomorrow isn't about you, it's about them. Each student will be out there because they have demonstrated the skill and mental capability. Garden's instructors have spent years preparing each one of the candidates for this. Squall, these students want to become SeeDs, this is their choice. In the end, it all comes down to training, skill, and even a small amount of luck. You have to trust in their instructors. You have to trust in their skills. Squall, you have to trust in them."

He continued to look into her eyes long after she had stopped speaking. There was so much he wanted to say at that moment, but as usual he battled with his fears. So again he said nothing. He did the only thing he was physically capable of doing – drew her into an embrace.

There were no more words spoken on the subject - very few words were spoken on any subject at all. They finished their meal in silence, before the knight escorted his sorceress back to her room. He knew that his apprehension about tomorrow wouldn't ease with one conversation. Now at least he believed he didn't have to be alone; someone understood his fears without ever admitting to their existence.

The halls remained vacant as the commander made his way back to his apartment. In the stillness of the Garden, he realized something remarkable - over the last year, he had learned to believe in the abilities of others. That was something that Garden could never teach in a textbook, it had to be learned through his heart.


	10. A Time to Kill, A Time to Dance, and A Time to Be Born

**Foreword: **A HUGE thanks for Carrie (Optical Goddess) who let me borrow the 'mission' from her story _'Lost and Found.'_ I didn't want to spend forever thinking of a field exam, so used her Anacondaur idea. She let me do it, I promise!

* * *

_ **Chapter Twenty-Eight: A Time to Kill ** _

_ July 4th _

The morning air felt heavy and stagnate. On any other day, he may have turned around and opted for the training center - if given the choice that would be precisely what he would do. But today there were no choices allowed to him. Over the last year Squall Leonhart had seriously begun to doubt the existence of such archaic notions as 'freewill and choice.' Yet every time his mind started to ponder this concept, a part of him was grounded in the realization he was here by his own accord.

He had to believe that, because fate and destiny were a greater ally than doubt and mistrust. And if he wanted to survive this day with his sanity intact, he had to believe in something.

His heart raced throughout the cavity of his chest, he wondered if today could even compare to his field exam. Now he was the superior by all rights, though his mind fought vehemently against this fact.

Walking a straight line, Squall carefully inspected the rank and file of each group of cadets. They were so young… he was so young. This thought was foremost on his mind as he studied each one of their faces. What choices had these 'kids' made to be standing here today? What lead them to this destiny? Was it really their choice or just the will of fate – such as in his case?

"At ease," he commanded as if he had been doing this his entire life.

He broke away from the students as the instructors began dividing them into their designated squads. As a SeeD Commander he had to allow them this opportunity, they were trained for this day. But as an individual he wanted them to find another path, to find whatever they lacked – he wanted them to feel human. He didn't want his pain to become theirs.

This hope did nothing to negate all the questions endlessly running through his head. How many would end up taking the exam? How many were going to fail? How many would walk away from Garden today and never look back? He would feel responsible for each of their futures, pass or fail.

Making his way over to a parked Garden vehicle, Squall leaned against the car. It may have been the only thing keeping him standing upright. Right now, even breathing became a chore. He had to make himself face his doubts. He honestly believed it had been easier to experience this day from the other side. When he was the student he had a focus, he had a goal. Today, standing as a superior, it was the uncertainty that he reviled most of all.

"Commander?"

Squall turned as he heard a familiar voice. Quistis walked toward him with her unwavering smile; today he found her presence put him strangely at ease. There was a certain reassurance in that her demeanor had not changed over the years. She always tried to remain optimistic, God he needed that to rub off on him right now.

"Hmmm?" he managed haphazardly gazing into the forest. The commander's response certainly wasn't of a military nature, but it was at least verbal acknowledgement. It was a significant improvement from previous years.

"They're just about ready to deploy. Did you want to say any final words?"

It didn't take him long to answer, it was a foredawn conclusion in his mind. "No, let it come from the headmaster."

"Are you sure?"

"Quistis, I think I've said all I can. The rest is up to them."

"So it is."

The instructor saluted and then started to return to her assigned group. After a few steps she turned back toward the commander. Even now she wanted to be able to reach out and make all his self doubt go away. She wanted to know the right words – the ones that would bring him some comfort. She never could find those words to say. She had learned that fact many years ago, but still, she always felt the overpowering need to try.

"Squall, you don't have to face this alone. I've been through it quite a few times. I'd like to say it gets easier, but it doesn't. If you need to talk to someone – I'll always listen."

"I know," he nodded never looking her direction. "Thank you."

He knew she had walked away. Normally he would have been glad, now he wished that she was still there - as ironic as that seemed. There was a distant commotion as the headmaster called all the students over to him. Squall could barely make out the words his superior spoke, he honestly didn't need to – he already knew the drill.

Instead he thought about today and what brought him to this spot. He thought about the differences facing the new group of candidates. How much life, his and every others on the planet, had changed over the course of a single year. This class had already experienced so much fighting, taking a test almost seemed pointless.

Unlike his field exam there wasn't going to be one designated mission. It had been broken up in to several smaller, though still potentially fatal, missions. Some squads would travel as far as the Dollet and Timber regions; others would take on some more local challenges with stronger foes.

He forcefully slammed his palm against the side of the vehicle. It hurt like hell. He didn't know what caused him to make such an idiotic move. Frustration, aggravation, fear… it could have been any emotion or a lethal combination of them all. Right now, he didn't know. He didn't care. He just wanted this day, this responsibility, to be over.

The moisture weighed heavily on his skin and in his lungs. One thing he did remember clearly about his exam - the weather was nowhere near as hostile. This heat and humidity could be deadly under the right circumstances. Not to mention it could serve as a distraction, a distraction he prayed the cadets would not fall victim.

Running a hand through his dampened hair, he watched helplessly as the first group departed. He swallowed hoping against all, that they would be all right. He just wished… he wished it didn't have to be this way. But in reality, he didn't know any other way.

"Squall!"

The commander turned his attention toward another familiar voice. He saw Irvine moving at a slight jog in his direction. The look on the gunman's face wasn't good; it had only been a few minutes since the cadets had been divided. Squall couldn't deny that he had anticipated something would go wrong, he just hadn't expected trouble this soon.

"Squall….," managed Irvine as he stood winded from the run. It was obvious the weather had taken almost everything out of him. "We… we have a slight… problem."

Again, these words didn't come as a shock to Squall.

"There was a slight misshape." Irvine found himself also seeking support from the Garden vehicle. It took several breaths to regain composure, but he managed.

"Apparently one of the students hadn't made it to the Fire Cavern yet, so Instructor Wilkins accompanied him earlier this morning. The kid lost control of the GF after he junctioned… ended up breaking Mr. Wilkins' leg in three places."

Squall scowled, "Is everyone all right - other than Wilkins?"

"Yeah, just minor cuts, scrapes, and a few bruised egos. Another instructor was nearby and able to regain control of the situation. Though don't think Wilkins will be heading the faculty soccer team anytime soon."

The commander sighed; he was grateful that everyone was relatively in working order. It only brought about the point again how things had changed within a minute period. Last year this would have been a near impossibility with a Guardian trained cadet.

It bothered him that some students were going to be dealing with GFs today. Nearly all formal training in the matter had ceased months ago. It was only the potential SeeD candidates that were given the opportunity to junction; GFs were only a last resort as per Garden's new policies. The only reason he hadn't voiced his concern with the headmaster was because this class was fairly well educated with their usage. It was just the younger and newer cadets that would be affected greatly by this change.

"Um, Squall?"

Irvine scratched his head. He figured that his initial reason for bothering the commander was lost with the details. Of course, they were pretty_ major_ details, so he completely understood.

"Commander, what I was trying to get at is we're now one instructor down. I need to know who you wanted to fill the spot."

Squall already knew the answer. It was easier to be in the action than sitting helpless on the sidelines.

Irvine continued naming candidates who remained inside of Garden. It was a small list, as most of the higher ranking students had already been assigned a position. The cowboy had even listed Selphie, who had chosen to remain inside as a backup. Although everyone knew it was because she wanted to work more on decorations, she was probably more nervous this year about the party than about last year's exam. That was just something that was purely Selphie.

As a breeze gently touched his forehead, Squall felt a slight reprieve from the ungodly conditions. He sighed contemplating his next move. It may not have been the right decision to some, but he was armed and more importantly, he was already there. Time was now a major factor. There would be no logical reason to reorganize everything; it would be downright ridiculous in fact. Also, being out in the field would keep his mind occupied. At least there he could feel he had more control on the overall situation. It would be better than standing around countless hours feeling powerless.

"I'll go," he replied reaching down to secure his gunblade.

"Squall." Irvine should have sounded surprised, but he didn't.

The sharpshooter would have countered the decision, but knew it would be a moot point. The commander's expression had given it away and the decision already made. There would be no further discussion on the subject. Maybe Irvine knew his friend too well or at least certain attributes. If he was a gambling man, _which he was_, the cowboy would have wagered money that it would have turned out like this.

"Squad B-3. Third vehicle left of the headmaster. Godspeed, Squall," he saluted.

Turning and walking away, the commander made no attempt at acknowledging his friend. He didn't care about formal protocol right now; he just wanted this over.

* * *

There was no way to be certain of the time, but the commander could come close with an educated guess. The drive to Balamb, the departure from the harbor, even how long it took to scale up the ledges of the Hasberry Plateaus - he could give a reasonable estimate. The sun could barely be seen through cloud cover, but when a ray broke through, he could feel its heat a hundred fold.

This mission was simple, by military terms - help alleviate the overabundance of Anacondaur population outside Dollet. In fact, he had even previously done this assignment under very different circumstances. Back then, he hadn't had to worry about others, only his immediate person. Now he was in a completely different world.

The contrast to this year's arrival to the Dukedom was evident. There were no broken breakwaters by speeding vessels and there was no Galbadian military presence. Not to mention he was extremely thankful this trip wouldn't include an overzealous robotic spider.

The ride both by land and sea had been extremely quiet. Squall remembered back to last year, when there wasn't too much talking beside the occasional comments from Zell and Seifer – usually including the phrase 'Chicken Wuss' somewhere in the middle. He really hadn't known what to say back then, and oddly enough, words escaped him today. He was glad that the half dozen cadets he was supervising had chosen to take the silent route. Squall didn't think he would have been able to handle a squadron of Zells and Seifers. The Anacondaurs would have made more welcome company than that latter.

So there he stood carefully scrutinizing each movement the students made. He still had a supervisory position and was only there as a backup if the situation should arise. For hours, he found himself perched atop the plateau, carefully minding how close each student came to the edge of the cliffs and a watchful eye on the foe.

Two students took their turn while the others observed – some cadets concentrated on the battle while others took lookout. This particular fight had gone relatively well. It was apparent the two battling students believed the monster to be weakened from their onslaught of attacks. The young girl hit it with a Blizzara Spell, knowing the monster's elemental weakness. It started to quickly falter. As the duo started to celebrate their accomplishment, the serpentine creature struck out with its dying breath.

Disorientated, the Anacondaur lunged sideways placing a nearby onlooker into a Squeeze attack. Squall moved swiftly delivering a fatal blow with his gunblade. Unfortunately the creature did not die easily, whipping its tail with lethal force. The tail's powerful swing hit a nearby student, knocking him off balance. Stumbling backwards the young boy started to fall from the plateau. Another cadet managed to grab onto him before he plummeted downward, but not before the young boy slammed into the cliff.

The crunching sound of rock and bone emanated through the air. Squall, after noting the monster was truly down, ran over to the young boy. It only took one glance to know that his leg had been broken by either the Anacondaur or the fall. After they managed to pull him up to the solid rock, Squall quickly splinted the leg with nearby materials, which were very scarce given their location.

Once the commander felt the situation was stabilized, he radioed their current situation to Garden. There was no way this cadet would be returning via the same path he used to get up there. Now all the group could do was wait until help arrived.

It had been a good hour, at least the commander believed. The heat was near fatal and being perched squarely atop a mountain made it feel that much greater. Over the last few minutes, Squall had taken the opportunity to examine his surroundings, not as SeeD but through the eyes of a normal person. He had never realized how beautiful this region was. He never had time to notice. If it hadn't been for this unfortunate incident, he probably would have never been granted this chance. Rinoa would love the view from up here, though he doubted that she would scale a cliff for recreational fun.

Rinoa… it had been almost an entire day and he never had time to stop and think about her. He could tell by the sun's direction that it was getting near late afternoon. Most likely all the other squadrons would be back at Garden awaiting their SeeD results.

She would be worried. If their situations were reversed, he would feel the exact same way. His first responsibility right now was to the group entrusted to him, but he couldn't help feel a slight pang of guilt about the situation. He knew there was a good chance that he would not make it to the dance on time, if at all. After their fighting and stubbornness, the whole situation was decided by the rogue actions of an Anacondaur.

* * *

Nervously, she paced the room for what felt like a thousand times. At this point, she literally was wearing a small path from her bathroom mirror to her front door. Rinoa hadn't been this dressed up for quite some time and what used to feel normal during childhood socials, now felt awkward and unnatural. Maybe she had been away from 'this' life too long. The few times she had worn a formal over the last year, the situations surrounding it made it feel more like work than for personal reasons. Even at FH she viewed the 'opportunity' with Squall as an assignment. Maybe she had to… that way if she had been rejected it wasn't personal, rather it was a failure in work.

For the first few hundred passes through her room, she watched the flowing motion her skirt made as she walked. There was a distinct sound that the chiffon made when the fabric was whisked through the air. She glanced into the mirror – again. She was thankful she had opted for a dress with spaghetti straps. Rinoa had tried a few strapless gowns on, but frankly, she felt too uncomfortable. Plus really, she didn't think she had the _necessities _to pull it off.

The gown was rather simple in terms, but she had preferred something a little more low-key for the evening. The dress was what she would best describe as a pale mint green with an A-line skirt and a sweetheart neckline. There were actually three straps on each side that made a criss-cross pattern in the back. That is what sold her most on it. She remembered seeing pictures of her mother in a dress with a similar back, though the fronts and styles were nothing alike. The beadwork was beautiful; it tapered down about ¾ of the way on the skirt. The back, well it was slightly lower than she would normally wear, but she wanted to be a little daring, though not as 'daring' as her skirt last year.

The phone rang nearly making her jump out of her skin – if that old adage was even possible. Her breath caught as she quickly picked up the receiver.

"Hello?" The answer was a little too quick to be considered normal. Whoever was on the other end would surely know she was terribly anxious.

"_Hey Rin, I just got a call from Quistis…" _

"Oh my God… wha-" Rinoa started but was quickly cut off.

"_Calm down, calm down, girl,"_ Selphie tried not to laugh at her friend's reaction, though she was currently acting like an overanxious Chihuahua. _"A cadet was injured in Squall's group, nothing major. They are waiting for a helicopter to airlift him off the cliff."_

"A cliff! What are they doing on a cliff… Are they crazy?" She hadn't meant to raise her voice, it just sort of happened naturally.

"_Don't worry Rin, everyone is fine. It's fairly normal for us to do some climbing. It's basically something we're trained for. But my point is - Squall is running a little late. So I was thinking you should come over to my place. Quistis will be getting dressed after she gets her squads' results. I told her to come over too. We can all hang out before the dance. Just us girls, it will be super fun!" _

"A cliff?" Rinoa repeated only half listening to the rest of Selphie's comments.

"_Yes."_ Selphie found her friend's concern ironic. _"A __**cliff**__ Rinoa. Now come on - this coming from Crazy-Timber-Owl-Princess-Lady who had us jumping cars on moving trains! Moving Trains! You know… like when the trains were in motion going really, really fast!"_

"That was different," countered Rinoa. She wanted to defend her actions back then, though it was impossible. Really the only difference now was the way she felt for Squall and the fear of what _could _happen. She liked being with him in these situations, she didn't like feeling useless pacing around in a beaded dress.

"_Come on Rin, just come over. You'll feel better having someone to talk to."  
_

"Fine, I'll be over in a few minutes."

"_All right, that's the spirit. We're going to have F-U-N!"_

"Did you seriously just spell out _fun_?"

"_See, got your mind off of Squall. Now get your butt over here!"_

Rinoa placed the telephone back on the cradle. Selphie was right. As much as she loved Angelo's company, it just wasn't the same as human companionship. If she stayed in her room, she would only worry. Then again, she would still worry at Selphie's, but at least she wouldn't worry alone. Plus it would save wear and tear on her carpet. At times she just needed someone telling her everything was going to be all right, even if she believed otherwise.

* * *

Several minutes later Rinoa found herself sitting in Selphie's dorm room. Of course she was glad to be with her best friend; it was better than being by herself. Quistis hadn't made it there yet, which both had expected. It was a shock that the instructor was even able to make time before the celebration. But Rinoa knew too, that sometimes all of them just longed for that bit of teenaged normalcy - that seemed to be rare in their lives.

Selphie was being the overly gracious hostess, offering whatever food or drink she had in her fridge. Rinoa found it easier to finally accept a glass of water and a bag of pretzels; at least then her friend might stop offering her food.

"Rin, you look absolutely gorgeous. Did I mention that?"

"Several times," Rinoa answered trying not to sound irritated. "But thank you anyhow. I can't wait to see your dress." She knew that Selphie was trying to cover, but it was obvious that she was nervous about the party. Then again, the young girl worked so hard one could hardly blame her.

"Guess I should go get changed, huh? Just hope Irvine likes it." Selphie stood from the couch as she cracked her knuckles.

"I don't think you have to worry Selphie, he likes you in anything."

"Or nothing." Selphie answered matter-of-factly.

Rinoa gagged on her pretzel and quickly reached for the glass of water. She certainly didn't know how to respond to that. Honestly, she didn't want to.

"Ha! Got ya… Just kidding." Selphie grabbed her stomach with both hands and leaned over in a fit of laughter. "Wanted to try and lighten the mood. You should've seen the look on your face. It was priceless."

"Well, thanks…. I guess." Rinoa was still trying to remove the dried pretzel pieces from her throat, which now felt lodged in permanently. After taking another sip of water, she placed both the glass and the bag of pretzels on a nearby end table. She learned her lesson in attempting to eat.

Selphie pointed toward the other room, still trying to get over her bout of hysterics. "I'm going to change, feel free to make yourself at home. If you need anything just yell and I'll be right here."

"Just go," Rinoa laughed as she shooed her friend away. It appeared it was going to take a near miracle to get Selphie dressed right now. "I'll be fine. You don't want to end up making Irvine wait while you're still getting ready."

"Are you kidding? He takes longer to do his hair than I do mine. _I'll _be the one waiting on _him."_

A knock stopped Selphie from going into the other room. She bounded over to the door and opened it without taking the time to see who was knocking.

"Quistis!" Selphie exclaimed as if she hadn't seen her in ages. She even threw her arms around the unsuspecting instructor. One could hardly say that Selphie wasn't excited about tonight. This dance was the only thing she lived and breathed for the last several weeks.

Honestly, both Rinoa and Quistis were glad for her renewed enthusiasm. Since Selphie's return from Trabia, she had seemed a little down. Selphie was an extremely complex and emotional individual, but to an outsider, she always appeared cheerful. It was only to her friends that the façade could be seen through.

Of course, over the path of their journey, that statement could easily be made about any of the six teenagers. They each had their outward characteristics, but each also held hidden a personality. In all honesty, it wasn't just Squall who needed to open up to others. In one way or another, each of the other five had been hiding behind their own pretenses.

"_OhmygodQuistis!_ _Youlooksoamazingly… awesome!"_ exclaimed Selphie before the instructor had time to react. Then again, she barely made out a word of the comment. Even SeeD training didn't prepare the blonde for the ball of energy that was currently Selphie.

"You look so, so, _so_… amazingly, amazingly awesome!"

"Thank you Selphie," Quistis smiled trying to pry the young girl from her waist. The instructor and Rinoa exchanged a small smile in mutual understanding. Neither had been prepared for this experience, though neither should have been that shocked.

"I was just heading back to get changed. Do you need anything? I can get you something: water, milk, juice, fresh fruit, fresh vegetables, chips, pretzels, crackers or any other snacks? You name it, I'll get it!"

"Selphie I'm perfectly fine. I know where everything is. You just go get ready. Rinoa and I will find a way to manage."

"All right, thank you guys! Don't leave or anything, I'll be right back!"

Selphie _finally_ left the room nearly skipping all the way. For some reason Rinoa felt awkward at the realization that she was alone with Quistis. Her mind was telling her there was nothing to be uncomfortable about; she should be well over this. Still, it was a sensation that Rinoa couldn't help but feel.

She smiled politely at Quistis, noting how beautiful and elegant the instructor looked. She had never seen her dressed in formal attire. The last few occasions the blonde had opted to wear her SeeD uniform. Rinoa couldn't help but wonder why Quistis had chosen to wear something different now, but didn't want to dwell on it. She hated when her mind thought that way. She knew this was something she would have to deal with in time.

"You look beautiful, Rinoa." Quistis gracefully stated giving a nod in her direction.

The sorceress smiled, "Thank you. You look amazing, I really mean that."

Rinoa_ did_ mean it. The instructor looked more beautiful than she could have ever imagined. Her emerald green gown brought out the highlights in her eyes. Rinoa couldn't help but feel self-conscious being in the same room as her. There was just something so dramatic and powerful about her presence that often made Rinoa feel like a small child. She despised the feeling; she knew that Quistis would not want her to feel like this. It wasn't really in her nature to feel a lack confidence, but all of this was new to her - Garden, Squall, and a thousand emotions that she had never known.

Rinoa needed to say something to break the silence. She caught sight of the bag of pretzels next to her. As much as she didn't want to sound like Selphie offering everything, including the kitchen sink, she needed to say something… _anything._

"Would you like some pretzels?" asked Rinoa as she reached for the bag and offered them.

Quistis let out a polite giggle, "I'm guessing Selphie gave you no choice in the matter."

"Something along those lines, you know how overly hospitable she can be."

Rinoa handed over the bag as the instructor took the seat beside her. Then again the other choices were rather slim. Between the bed, a beanbag, or the small couch - the couch appeared the most suitable option.

"So everything go all right for exams?"

"Actually, yes, things went surprisingly well." Quistis let out a deep breath and leaned back on the cushions. "There was no comparison to last year, which I'm thankful for. I don't think I could make it through that stress again."

Rinoa fidgeted with her dress, part of her wanting to ask, part of her wanting to drop the subject like a lead weight. Still, by nature she was curious. As much as she knew about her boyfriend, there were always parts of his life and past that remained a mystery.

Before she could stop Rinoa found herself blurting out the question, "Do you mean because last year you taught Seifer and Squall?"

"Don't even get me started on those two. I can tell you their mission went nothing like planned. Not that any field exam can be guaranteed by any means."

Rinoa had always wondered what they were like together. Of course she had known Squall's side, or at least the parts he had confided over the months. She also saw how the two reacted to one another – both during the Ultimecia conflict and the meeting in Trabia. It certainly wasn't like Squall to break someone's nose without provocation. Whatever their true history, she doubted anyone would ever known the depths of the scars.

"Quistis, did they ever get along? I mean were things always that bad?"

The instructor found a slight smile creeping onto her face. "Neither would admit the fact, but there were times…Well, I guess I should say there were times that weren't _as_ bad. I just think it's easier to remember the negative - the positive is far out shadowed. They were both friends and rivals to a point. Still, it seemed to be based on mutual respect. At least that's how it used to be before-"

Quistis stopped and tried to think of where this conversation could be headed. She didn't want her meaning to be misinterpreted. Especially after she and Rinoa had built up their own mutual respect and the groundwork for friendship. The two women were more distant than the rest of the group; Rinoa had bonded easily with the others. In some regards, Quistis felt more like the outsider - at least that's how she perceived herself.

"You know Rinoa, I'll sum it like this: Squall and Seifer pushed each other - sometimes for the good, sometimes for the bad. I don't believe either of them would have been as talented without the challenge of the other."

"I think in a way I understand. I mean, I wasn't there… but I can see how that would be possible knowing both of their personalities."

Now it was Quistis' turn to feel that uncomfortable sensation of wanting to ask a question – one she just didn't know how Rinoa would respond. Yet, part of her wanted to know, part of her needed to know.

Her voice was softer than normal, "Can I ask you something?"

Rinoa felt her body tense. Honestly, she had no idea what the instructor would ask. The two had talked before, yet she still believed there were issues lingering between them. She hoped it was her imagination. Rinoa had a way of being paranoid when it came to certain situations. As open and forthcoming as she tried to remain, she always was slightly fearful of the worst.

"Sure, anything, go ahead." She smiled hoping the response didn't sound forced. Her mouth immediately went dry and she reached for the water. She hoped her discomfort didn't seem too obvious.

"Actually, it's about Seifer."

Rinoa felt her entire body relax; she found herself smiling into her glass as she took a few sips. Somehow talking about her relationship with him was easier. If it was a question involving Squall, she found that situation to be beyond explanation most times.

"I wanted to ask… what was he like away from Garden? I knew his stubborn more arrogant side as a teenager. I also am starting to remember the younger…" Quistis smiled beginning to get caught up in the memories of their youth. The group was pretty much the same – just a little more aged and experienced. "Well, the younger still stubborn and arrogant Seifer from the orphanage. I just wanted to know… I guess… did he ever seem happy? I just want to believe he had positive times in his life, knowing what he's endured and the future he chose for himself."

"Happy?"

Rinoa had to think about that, as saying 'happy' and 'Seifer' just didn't seem to mentally go together. It was harder to describe him during that summer than she would have thought. She just knew a different Seifer. A person that nobody at Garden ever met – a Seifer that they would never know.

"You know, I don't think I would say happy… I'd say he was content, at least that's how he was around me. Back then, I thought he was holding part of himself back. Now I've come to realize that the side I saw was the part he was holding back from the rest of the world. In a way, I think I should feel honored that he showed me that side. I think it's what Fujin and Raijin saw."

She paused reaching for her necklace, subconsciously placing the metal band in her mouth. It was a bad habit that she had tried to constantly break, but times like this, it slipped through.

"Quistis, I guess if I had to give you a direct answer, I would say he was _happy_. It might not have been the way you or I would define the word. It's just when the two sides of him collided, he went with what he knew best. The part he was not scared of."

"Thank you, I needed to know."

Both girls smiled briefly at one another until a door flew open.

"Tah-dah!" Selphie exclaimed twirling like a child with her arms outstretched at her sides.

"Take it easy," Quistis chuckled at her friend's exuberance. "You don't want to burn all your energy before the dance."

"That would so _never _happen, I'm ready to party 'til the Chocobos come home!"

"You look adorable!" Rinoa laughed. "I should have guessed your dress would have been yellow."

"Of course! It's the best color out there! Can one of you help me with my necklace? I can't seem to get the stupid clasp _to clasp_."

"No problem." Quistis quickly came to her rescue, getting up from the sofa. Selphie's phone rang and Rinoa went ahead and answered, knowing she was the only one not currently occupied with necklace issues.

"Hello."

"_Rinoa darlin' that you?"_

The young woman chuckled. There was no need to ask who was on the other end. "Yes Irvine, it's me. Quistis and I just were over here doing 'girl things' before the dance."

"_Can I watch these girl things?"_

"Irvine Kinneas! You never change, huh? Even on one of the most important nights of the year."

"_You know you love me for it,"_ Irvine responded with a grin in his voice – if that was even possible. _"Anyway, tell Selph that I'll be down in about ten – just finishing up my hair, it's taking forever."_ Rinoa couldn't help but laugh remembering their earlier discussion. Apparently it was true, Irvine would take longer than Selphie.

"_Something funny?" _

"No, no Irvine. Sorry… I'll give Selphie the message."

"_Hey Rin, remind me to ask you about Selphie's birthday later."_

"Something wrong?"

"_Oh nothing like that, just a change of plans. I'll tell you about it tonight, kay?"_

"Sounds good," Rinoa paused biting her lip. "Any word about Squall?"

"_Oh he's fine. They just had to airlift the cadet to a Dollet medical center. Squall then had to get the others back down. I wouldn't worry too much. No matter how it seems, I know he's looking forward to this evening."_

"Thanks Irvine."

"_Not a problem darlin' talk to you tonight."_

* * *

Honestly, she could have gone to the dance alone. If this had been three days ago, she would be marching in that ballroom just to prove a point. But now she found that there was something important about tradition. Maybe it was because this was their first official 'formal.' But for whatever reason, she wanted that customary moment of him picking her up. Sure it may have been silly and old-fashioned in other's eyes, not to mention their rooms were a mere two floors apart, but really she just needed this.

Quistis had left Selphie's room shortly after the call from Irvine. The instructor found it important that she arrive in a timely fashion. It was after all a day for her students. Rinoa almost went with her to the ballroom, but again, something held her back. Not that she would have minded accompanying Quistis. Again, it just wasn't the evening she had envisioned. And walking in with Irvine and Selphie would have been plain awkward. She would feel like the preverbal third wheel. Though she sincerely doubted Irvine would have minded the added attention of two escorts.

Almost an hour had passed since she left Selphie's dorm. The dance itself had started nearly forty-five minutes ago. All she had managed to do in that time period was look at the clock, and then the mirror, and finally at Angelo. Rinoa had probably repeated that routine a few hundred times by now. Angelo probably thought her master was losing her mind and the canine wouldn't have been that far from the truth.

She tucked a few strands of hair back into place. Rinoa rarely wore her hair up, but she wanted to break away from the norm. She often threw her hair back into a ponytail at work, but it just wasn't the same. She had spent hours in hot rollers and messing around with a curling iron. She found a new appreciation for women who could do this on a daily basis and keep their sanity intact.

Smoothing the fabric of her dress, she let out of soft sigh. She had taken off her shoes immediately after walking in, there was no way she would wear those things any longer than necessary. If it had been up to her she would have opted for combat boots at least they were somewhat comfortable.

A moment later she heard a knock echo through the room. She tried to convince herself not to get her hopes up, it may not be Squall. Quickly, after putting her shoes back on, she took another glance in the mirror. Making her way to the door, she tried not to appear overly tense. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and relaxed for a moment. She at least wanted to appear calm and collected. When she opened the door – her first thought was to jump into his arms. She had to let that pass and act the part of a somewhat sane and dignified girlfriend.

She tried to breathe as her lungs refused to perform their designated function. Where was that glass of water form Selphie when it was truly needed? He appeared so composed about everything; she wondered if he ever felt the discomfort she often did.

The sorceress smiled leaning against the door frame. He casually glanced at her and then looked into her room as if he were expecting another. Rinoa thought this was a strange greeting but continued smiling. The way he was averting his eyes, if she hadn't known any better, she would actually say he seemed semi nervous. This realization came as a comfort to her.

"Hey," he smoothly greeted.

"Hey back." Rinoa mentally swore - what an intelligent response. "Um… you want to come in?"

"Yeah… all right."

Squall could not explain the way he suddenly felt uncomfortable. He had seen her a hundred times; he had thought about her a thousand times. But right now, he felt as if he was laying his eyes on her for the first time and feeling just as dumbstruck as under that first shooting star. He wondered how she could appear so relaxed in this situation. God, he admired how she could easily handle their relationship – he always was full of so much doubt. Now it felt as if the temperature had risen a hundred degrees and his uniform collar was putting him in a chokehold.

As he entered she noticed that he had something behind his back, but could not make out the object. All she knew was that his hands appeared wrapped around whatever it was. For his part, he gripped 'the item' with all the force he could muster, attempting to look like he wasn't doing a thing. Though he must have not been as smooth and unnoticeable as he hoped, she gave a nod of acknowledgement toward the 'present.'

"Oh this…." He uneasily began though his voice didn't betray his hesitation. "Irvine mentioned that I should do something for you, bring you a gift of some sort… Honestly, today was… unexpected and hectic. I didn't really have time-"

"Squall, please don't ever feel that you have to do something, just being here is enough."

He would have laughed; he had said the exact thing to Irvine. But right now speaking was a chore, laughing an impossibility. Moving forward he extended his offering to her.

"I didn't have time to get anything for you… but I brought something for your roommate." He looked over on the bed, "I see she's home."

Angelo wagged her stump of a tail when the guest caught her gaze. She had already found much interest in this man's arrival. Usually the canine wouldn't have cared past a quick glance, but today the human had something that retained her attention.

"It's a dinosaur bone. I found it lying on the outskirts of the Balamb Plains on the way back today."

Squall placed the present in front of Angelo, who immediately grabbed the new possession and moved away from both humans. They may want a bite after all and Angelo was certainly not in the mood to share.

Rinoa couldn't help but laugh. At least she felt the tension had been broken. "You know Squall, I've heard about things like this. When one person is dating another and ends up falling for their roommate."

"Well, you know… she is pretty impressive in battle. I could fall for a girl like her. Though, something tells me, you won't have to worry."

"Ah thanks Squall, I'm flattered. I think."

As his sorceress watched the dog, the young knight allowed himself a moment to watch her. He noticed how different she looked dressed up. She honestly looked gorgeous right now, but he also thought she looked just as amazing in jeans and t-shirt. It wasn't what she was wearing, but the person she was underneath.

"God, you're beautiful."

Rinoa turned back toward Squall. Honestly, she didn't know how to respond. "Are you talking to Angelo or me?" Of course she knew, at least she thought. All she could do right now was try and break the tension with another lackluster attempt at humor. He didn't seem to hear her comment at all. Or at least if he did, he chose to wisely ignore it.

She remembered that he had said that to her for the first time up in Trabia. The way he said, the tone in his voice - it wasn't useless flattery. It held something so much deeper. Even back then she knew it. Even now, she could hear the unspoken emotion. In Trabia she responded to the comment by asking about the absence of his gloves, maybe now she could find the right words to respond.

After a moment of prolonged silence, not a single reply came to mind. So instead she threw caution to wind. Taking a few steps forward she reached around and preceded to close the space between them. She _could_ have asked him about his day, she probably _should_ have. She _could_ have mentioned that he was supposed to be at the dance right now, he probably _should_ be. She could have responded with words, but they would not be the right ones. She knew it.

Their kisses were not full of passion as they had been on several occasions. Instead they were tender yet still filled with silent emotion and uncertainty. He never tried to divert her advance; he actually found comfort within her touch that he was no longer denying, at least in this moment. It still scared the hell out of him and sometimes it was too much. But right now, he was accepting for whatever unknown reason. Neither truly ended the kiss, though they parted in near unison.

Leaning their foreheads on one another, they never broke contact. Neither looking in the other's eyes, but just enjoying the sensation of being together.

Rinoa finally spoke, knowing that they had better get to the celebration. Once they arrived Squall would be busy. She already knew this, his position demanded it. She smiled looking up and traced her fingertips along his jawbone.

"Save a dance for me."

He chucked softly, "Who says I'm going to dance?"

"I can be very persuasive."

"I can be very stubborn."

"We'll see who wins this _battle_ Commander Leonhart." Rinoa grabbed his arm and started dragging him to the door. He almost tried to resist, but he learned that lesson last year.

It really didn't matter if he won this battle; she had already won this war a long time ago.

* * *

* * *

_ **Chapter Twenty-Nine: A Time to Dance ** _

**XXXX**

Marble and gold. Polished and elegant.  
Heels on the floor. Music in the air.  
It represented everything; it represented nothing.

It was the beginning to some; it was the end to others.  
It was a falling star. It was a simple smile.  
It was unspoken, unwritten, undefined.

It was destiny.

**XXXX**

_ July 4th - Evening _

There were only a few times in her life when Rinoa Heartilly remembered feeling like a princess. Not just in name, but that moment when someone believed in her. She remembered a tea party with her mother where she was the guest of honor. She remembered being in a school play; after the final curtain, she received flowers and praise from everyone – including her father. Then there was now, in that moment she walked arm and arm with Squall Leonhart: Commander of Balamb Garden, SeeD, and Sorceress' Knight. Her Knight.

If her life were a fairy tale this is where 'The End' would appear on the page. Her life was never as simple as black and white and nobody knew what would happen when the words stopped being written in the book. Rinoa Heartilly learned long ago she wasn't the author of her own story.

Still as she approached the ballroom everything seemed to be perfect. She would occasionally glance toward Squall, believing if she stared too long, he would disappear into her imagination. There was a sensation she had never known running through her body. It felt deeper and more frightening than anything she had ever experienced.

But why?

Tonight was a big night. However, it wasn't a life changing event. She had never felt this anxious over something of a social nature. Sure, she was being valiantly escorted by her knight. But a few days ago she was willing to forsake this entire dance out of pure stubbornness. Now it felt as if her entire future, her life, hinged on this one evening.

These feelings started sweeping over her like a deadly plague. Soon they were all she could think about. It was all she could do to continue down the hallway.

Again why?

It was as if a ghostly hand reached out and grabbed hold of her mid step. Whatever the cause of the phantom sensation, she immediately stopped in her tracks. Squall momentary had to regain his footing as his arm had been linked within hers. The abrupt halt had thrown him off balance. He noticed a vacant expression covering her face. It was a look he couldn't decipher. He had witnessed so many of her emotions, but this was something that he had not experienced.

"Rinoa?"

Her name softly carried from his lips as he studied her carefully. He couldn't help but feel uneasy about the situation.

"Rinoa, are you all right?"

The sorceress smiled as the sensation passed just as quickly as it came. She realized how odd her behavior must have looked from Squall's perspective. Suddenly, she felt quite foolish standing in the middle of a hall. Again, she could offer no logical reason for her fears, beside that of nerves – or that of just being 'Rinoa.'

"Yeah, I'm fine," she smiled while twisting the chain of her necklace around her fingers. Even dressed formally, she still wouldn't change wearing the rings she treasured dearly. "It was just… You know… I really don't know."

Looking in his eyes the young woman hoped she didn't sound as lame as she felt. "I'm not sure, maybe it's nerves? Because part of me wants this night to go perfect? I mean, it is basically more or less the anniversary of when we met. Maybe I'll be disappointed. I… I really don't know why."

Honestly, she couldn't give a definitive answer. But that had been the first thought that entered her mind. Logically, she believed it made some sort of sense – even if on some crazy, obscure level only she could come up with. So subconsciously she hoped that was the problem. The fact was, she really couldn't be sure of anything right now.

"Rinoa, I can't promise you that you won't be disappointed. I won't do that to you."

Squall ran his hand through his hair. He wasn't sure what she wanted from him. There wasn't much more that he could offer right now. At the last dance there was no way in hell he would have ever thought of bringing someone, let alone feeling the way he did. His day had already been filled with drama and uncertainty. Now here he was standing outside the ballroom just as unsure as he was this morning leaning against a Garden vehicle.

"No," she shook her head. "I don't want you to promise me anything. I just…" She smiled realizing how foolish all her nonsense must have seemed to her knight. A light giggle caught in her throat as she moved slightly in front of him. "Squall, I'm sorry. I would say it's been a long day, but compared to yours that just sound rather silly."

Because of the higher heels she didn't have to stand on her tiptoes to kiss him, which she planted quickly on his cheek. She had known if she had tried anything more daring, he would have pulled away.

"Let's get going," she said relocking their arms and leading them toward the ballroom. "Someone here owes me a dance."

He cleared his throat and responded in a deadpan manner. "When you find that person, let me know…. I can't dance, you know." Squall then flashed a quick grin as they finally walked through the entrance.

* * *

The dancing couples moved fluently across the marbled floor. It brought back memories to her, both good and bad. She recalled standing among the crowd last year, wanting nothing more than to join the celebration. It was a moment of chance she took, dragging a hapless young SeeD to fulfill her desires. It was a night she wouldn't forget - though the meaning wouldn't truly sink in until months later. Sure, she found a handsome partner to dance with, but if they had never seen each other after that night, the dance would be just a distant memory filled with a thousand others. There was no way back then to know the significance of that one event. It was an impossibility.

Last year she craved attention, part of her was trying to find something she lost long ago. This year, when she walked in with Squall, she knew most eyes were on them. It was uncomfortable to be under so much scrutiny. There were those among the crowd that believed she was still just an annoyance and a distraction to the commander.

As far as Squall's position was concerned there were those students who still believed he was too young and unproven to lead Garden. He was just a person who was there at the right time and place, everything handed to him on a silver platter. It could have been any of the others who lead them against Ultimecia. Of course almost all respected him as a soldier, but on a personal level it was simply another story. He was given liberties not afforded to others in the building. Some looked unfavorably at Rinoa's mere presence at Garden as long established rules seemed to be bended and shaped around her. The young woman's living and working there was looked on as mockery to those students - and even a few instructors.

Very few knew the underlying reason Cid allowed her to stay. If they had known the truth, it may have been all the worse. The fact she was a sorceress was still kept between a chosen few. It was times like this Rinoa was thankful it wasn't common knowledge. If many didn't like her now, their reaction to that news could be costly.

Of course their perception of her was _usually_ not based on personal experience; many had never even taken the time to speak to her. Those who did would discover the real person, not just the stereotype exemplified through rumors. Though, throughout it all, everyone always remained civil to her face. It was part of human nature after all to resent some change. To them, she and Squall represented the epitome of that. The memories of battle and its scars were still too new.

The commander felt uncomfortable. It might have been a combination of the formality, the rigid uniform, or the eyes he felt judging him. This is why he long detested social gatherings; it was even worse when he felt the reluctant center of attention. This night should have nothing to do with him, but the students who passed today's SeeD exams. Still, this 'hero' status that was thrust upon him seemed not to be dying any time in the near future. He just hoped to god it would sometime; he could not take a lifetime of this.

Along with students and instructors he noticed many prominent figures in attendance. He knew this night would boil down to nothing more than a political venue. He tried to quickly avert his gaze back toward Rinoa after his initial scan of the room, maybe they would afford him one more moment of piece.

"Commander Leonhart!"

Maybe not.

He immediately turned toward the direction of Xu's voice as she stepped forward from a nearby crowd. Removing his arm from Rinoa side, Squall returned the customary salute she offered.

"Several here have been asking your whereabouts. I know the representative from the Dollet Dukedom is anxious to discuss the upcoming summit. A Shumi Elder wants to discuss the proposed mining trade. And G - Garden's new commander wanted to go over a few ideas. There are others, but it's slipping my mind at the moment."

He could feel a headache fast approaching. What did he know about all this? All he was trained to do was literally shoot, point, and then slash the hell out of enemy. He actually longed for the days that he would just go to class, do assignments, and put up with Seifer's erratic behavior. Right now, even sitting up in his office and doing paperwork seemed rather appealing.

"Cid around?" He managed rubbing his temples with his thumb and forefinger.

"No, something came up rather abruptly. I believe he and a few other SeeDs stepped into a nearby room. They should be out any minute."

"Is General Caraway here?" Rinoa asked moving to Squall's side. The young woman knew she probably shouldn't have interrupted Garden business like that, but she sensed the commander needed a slight break.

"No he's not, he sent an advisor."

"Figures," she replied under her breath. The sorceress couldn't decide if she was relieved or disappointed. One thing was for certain – she wasn't surprised.

That news came as a small relief in Squall's mind. Not that he didn't respect General Caraway, it was quite the opposite. He had always held the man in the highest esteem. It was just above all, the Galbadian leader was his girlfriend's father. _That _was the side of Caraway he didn't want to confront. He could hardly explain their relationship to himself; he didn't need to explain it to a domineering parental figure. Unfortunately that reminded him (not that he considered Laguna Lore a 'parental figure)' about another person he'd rather not face for a few decades.

"Xu, is there anyone here from Esthar?"

Rinoa quickly glanced at Squall. She knew the ongoing tension he must have been fighting just to make it through this night. It never seemed to end for him. If complicated girlfriend situations, earlier field exam disasters, and political juggling weren't enough, he had to add on his relationship with Laguna Loire. Again, the fact that his estranged father was the president of one of the world's powerhouses was not common knowledge.

Xu looked questioningly at him for a moment as it caught her off guard, but quickly replied, "Yes, Presidential aid Kiros Seagul."

He wanted to yell 'thank god' into the rafters, but that would be extremely inappropriate. Still, it was his first and foremost reaction to the news. At least one thing was in his favor tonight.

"I see. Thank you." He hoped his answer came off rather low key.

"I'll let the others know you've arrived. I'm sure they will be very pleased."

Xu respectively bowed to which Squall followed suit. This was the nightmare scenario he had feared. This evening was not about a date with his girlfriend, rather about SeeDs future and sustaining incoming revenue. He knew that Garden needed the funds, but still, he didn't want to be the one lobbying for them.

"I'm really sorry." He apologized turning so they faced one another. "I wish it didn't have to be like this."

"I know," she squinted at him which made her nose scrunch in return. Her tone and actions still seemed rather upbeat given the circumstances. "But you know what? I'm going to get that dance now."

"What?" He questioned placing a hand on the small of her back. He quickly withdrew it when it contacted directly with exposed flesh. Somehow he hadn't expected that, it wasn't the fabric barrier he was used to having between them. He had avoided wearing his gloves this evening, for whatever reason, he couldn't figure. He tried to shake off the sensation of touching bare skin. It seemed so foreign… yet so welcome.

"Rinoa, I'm supposed to-"

"Shhh," she interrupted putting a finger to her lips. "I know exactly what you're supposed to be doing right now – dancing with me." Reaching down she grabbed her floor length skirt, bunching the fabric making it easier to move. With the other hand, she reached for his forearm gently taking hold of his uniform jacket.

"If I'm going to lose you to SeeD tonight, I'd better be darn sure that we get our dance in. So if this is my only chance, I'm not stupid enough to let it pass. Right now, I'm the one that has your attention. So let's go."

It felt awkward to walk on to the dance floor. It wasn't done with the ease he had hoped. Still, she didn't need to drag him, merely encourage this time. The song had started only moments before; so many couples were either entering or exiting the floor. They settled on spot, not near the center, but closer to the seclusion of the balcony doors.

If it was possible, he was more nervous and insecure this time around. Last year he had nothing to prove, this year he didn't want to disappoint her with his ineptness. He calmed his mind, again relying on the training that he had come to know as second nature. He wanted this to go smoothly, he needed it to.

Her actions probably weren't intentional on her part, but she drew closer to him. The perfume indulged his senses, the proximity of her body, everything about the way she smelled, the way she looked, and heaven help him, the way she felt.

It was natural and tempting; it was something he found an unknown thrill in. He had to once again let his mind focus on the art of dancing, not on his companion. Gently he placed his right hand on her side. His fingertips started midway up her torso, but then gently followed the curvature of her body and finally rested on her hipbone. Last year, he had not dared venture that low. This year he felt the overwhelming desire to pull their bodies close together but fought against that instinct. He squared his left arm with his shoulder and held her hand away from their bodies, fingers intertwining tightly with one another. He could feel her other hand on his shoulder; he noticed how she seemed to be gripping tighter than last year. Her hand wasn't relaxed, almost clutching to the fabric of his uniform. Maybe she was afraid he would walk away from her, as he had done before.

Their feet started to move after his count. He tried not to think about steps, he tried to let the movement come naturally. It wasn't flawless, it wasn't perfect. The commander didn't stumble as before, but there were hesitations that threw the couple off tempo. It might not have been obvious to casual onlookers as he led her around the floor - either speeding up or slowing down depending on the music.

They continued for what seemed countless minutes. They danced in time as reality seemed suspended for just them. Neither could remember the actual act of dancing, it was more like a memory playing in their minds.

Then the music ended.

His face relaxed and the content beginning of a smile graced his lips. Their bodies were close together, both could feel the heat radiating off the other's. It was passionate and innocent and at the same time, there was the meaning behind each movement that left their minds feeling faint. There were no fireworks tonight, at least the kind that explode into the heavens, but there were a thousand sparks electrifying their nerves.

Their eyes locked and Rinoa couldn't believe the emotions residing within. It was all too much. She felt his body close to hers and waited for him to close the distance. Maybe she should have known better, but her logic seemed suspended.

In a Trabian dorm room they had finished that first dance with a kiss. Tonight he wanted to repeat that moment, but he couldn't. He was after all a military leader. Even his proximity to her right now seemed improper by his standards.

His soft expression changed with the intensity of thunder. Quickly he released her from his grasp and took a step away.

"I can't. I'm sorry," his voice sounded distant. "I need to work."

As if on cue, an unfamiliar voice carried above the crowd, "There you are Commander. I've been searching for you the whole evening. I need a word right now."

Shying away, he made his way to the older man and never looked back. Rinoa heard Squall formally address the guest, as if he had been born to this life. "Mayor Perrette, it's an honor to have you in attendance. I'd be glad to discuss anything on your mind. What seems to be the problem?"

The older man held his glass of burgundy close. Squall motioned for a nearby waitress and reached for a glass of whisky himself. Rinoa stood confused and alone on the dance floor. She wasn't upset with Squall; he was playing the part that Garden needed. She just wondered if sometimes he was playing a part for her. He could change roles with such ease. No goodbye, no glance back. Whatever they had just shared seemed to be a figment of her imagination. Maybe he hadn't felt the same electricity.

She felt sparks throughout her body again, though this time it was a wave of unwanted emotion. Voices and pictures flooded her senses; she wished these images had remained buried. It was a reality that wasn't actually _real. _It hadn't been fifteen months ago she stood in this ballroom with Squall. In a twisted way, it had been only a few short months – at least in the visions Edea and Cid had forced her to relive. It was in here that Ultimecia twisted words, and started to slowly break away her will. It was visions of last year's dance; it was the thoughts in Squall's head.

It was the picture of him dancing with another – and acting the part of the solemn teenager. The person he tried to be tonight. It was Ultimecia's words that echoed deeply in her soul.

"_The first words out of his mouth to you were a lie. Does that not speak of his character?"_

She shook her head. Why was she thinking about all this now? She had been upset with him, but they had worked this out months ago. Right? He had left for Trabia soon after the discover at Cid and Edea's – That evening that all the memories came flooding back to her in the form of a maelstrom of repressed emotions. Soon after, she ended up joining him on the Trabian continent. She told him she loved him. She did love him. More than he probably realized.

This was the present and Squall was her future. Whatever visions Ultimecia had showed her were twisted and warped, only done out of the desperation of a madness of a depraved woman.

Allowing herself to dwell on this situation was useless.

Across the throng of dancers she spotted her friends situated around a banquet table. It appeared as if Irvine were apologizing to Selphie, the cowboy positioned on bended knee squarely in front of his now irritated girlfriend. Either that or he was proposing… and Rinoa seriously doubted that, especially by Selphie's rather agitated look. Across the table sat Quistis and Kiros as Zell stood before them. It appeared that he was acting out, rather emphatically, a dramatic reenactment of the final Ultimecia Battle, or his newest dance fad, Rinoa couldn't decide. But at least going over and sitting with her friend would make the evening far from dull – Squall could not say the same.

On the way to her friends, a golden artificial tree caught her attention. There had been several placed around the ballroom. They were adorned with small flickering white iridescent lights. Their leaves appeared to be made from a fine silk, anchored by golden and woven stems. From a distance it looked like a holiday celebration, an endless cascade of gold and light. When the young sorceress neared she noticed the decorations on the trees where actually the origami cranes her and the others had made. Her fingers gently glided up to one, taking the time to look at each individual crease in the paper. It was beautiful. They hung from the trees like a thousand ornaments of hope.

"They're beautiful, aren't they?" An unfamiliar masculine voice asked from behind.

The young sorceress jumped at the sound. Her body reflexively jerked and she accidently knocked an ornament from its spot.

"Yes, yes they are," she responded filled with embarrassment. Rinoa carefully began bending down to pick up the fallen crane. It actually took her aback that someone would approach in that fashion. Most males at Garden avoided her, knowing her relationship with the commander.

"I'll get that for you." The man offered without hesitation.

She stepped aside slightly humiliated by her momentarily clumsiness. "Thank you… I was just startled for a second. Sorry for any trouble."

"No, it's entirely my fault. You have nothing to apologize for. It certainly wasn't my intention to scare someone so beautiful."

The young man placed the ornament back on the tree; she still hadn't had a chance to properly look at the stranger. Once upon a time Rinoa Heartilly would be grateful for anyone of the male persuasion to show her attention. Tonight, however, she just felt extremely uncomfortable and fought against the irresistible urge to run.

His voice was confident and engaging, "Now that we've shared that awkward moment, I'd like to introduce myself, I'm Anthony. Long story short, I was forced to come here for a meeting and don't want to be here alone." He paused before finally asking, "I was wondering, if I could have the honor of this dance?"

Rinoa smiled courteously. She would have to decline of course. There was just a familiar humiliation in his request. Then she wondered if she'd been that transparent in motive. Maybe Squall did have reason to tell her he couldn't dance. She hadn't been able to even look directly at him, keeping her eyes downcast. Still she couldn't stand here forever feeling this uncomfortable; she was going to have to tell him the truth eventually. Now would be as good as time as any – at least she wouldn't tell him she couldn't dance.

It was then she noticed his uniform and her world literally ceased to exist. A white SeeD.

"Y-You're a – Wh-White... SeeD?" His uniform seemed to stand out amongst the crowd, Rinoa couldn't believe she hadn't notice it before. Had she been wearing blinders being around Squall?

"Yes, I am. We don't get ashore much, so I want to make the most of the night."

"You're… still around? I thought – I thought you?"

He gave a casual grin, taking a hold the weapon securely fastened to his side. "Oh, you mean because of Garden's direction changing? I think that's a common misconception. We still train daily. Our core mission never changed."

"So you… _you _train to fight?" She couldn't finish the sentence. It didn't even occur that White SeeDs still were in existence. Maybe she should have considered the possibility, but right now the truth was overwhelming to her.

"_You train to fight me?" _Was her only coherent inner thought.

"Yes, we are trained specifically to kill sorceresses, if that's what you're asking." He winked extending a gloved hand her direction. "Don't worry, stick with me and I'm make sure you're protected from those vile excuses of life."

"I… I have a boyfriend – I can't… and I…" She managed stumbling over her own excuse.

She didn't have to give him an explanation, he didn't deserve one. _'Vile excuses of life.'_ That is what she was, that is what she had become in one fated decision. Her heels pounded into the marble as she hurried from the ballroom. She couldn't run yet, it would draw too much attention. She already had enough of that with the errant glares from the students earlier. Her friends were busy with their own dealings. Selphie and Irvine seemed no better off than before; Kiros and Quistis were still apparently busy watching Zell. None of them had the time to notice a _vile sorceress_ escaping among them. Maybe she should make her plan to take over Garden right now, nobody would expect it – not even her.

Hatred and lies. Power and corruption. That is what they all thought. She shouldn't exist in their eyes. She should be a frozen corpse floating aimlessly through space. That was the 'life' she was supposed to led. She shouldn't be here at Garden, not at the place that was founded only to slaughter her kind.

Lost in a dazed fog, Rinoa managed to find her way to a classroom hallway. It was not her intension to go this direction, honestly she had no direction. It was just a means to an escape. She just had to be alone. Alone. She had tried several classroom doors, of course all of them were locked. It was by either fate or chance that she found one that hadn't latched all the way. Whoever closed it was probably in too big a hurry for tonight and never looked back. Never looking back – maybe that is what she should have done a year ago.

Rinoa's fingers wrapped around the handle and quickly she made her way inside. This time she made sure the door was securely latched. There were no lights on inside; there was no real illumination beside a few green glowing dots from the computer towers. She made her way to the back of the room, hiding behind the rows of seats. There she let her body collapse and slide down the wall. It was like she was ten years old again, being locked in her room. Maybe Caraway did know best, maybe she should have been locked away and never allowed to see the light of day.

Then she cried.

It was that moment in her life when she discovered that the fairy tale princess from earlier was actually the evil witch in disguise. When the glass slipper broke and the only thing left were shards sharp enough to slice her flesh in two.

* * *

Taking the last sip of his drink, the commander paced the empty glass on a table. He needed to find a waitress and get another one. He didn't drink often, but right now he wanted to forget everything, or everyone, surrounding him. His arms crossed over his chest and he pretended to be listening. Although the only thing he could think about was the small piece of cheese stuck in the Mayor's mustache.

Should he tell the Mayor? Should he pretend like he didn't see it? I mean, it was right there... who couldn't feel _that _hanging from their face? What kind of cheese was it anyhow? Did he want cheese? It actually sounded rather good, but if he had some, would he only think about the piece stuck on this guy's face and feel disgusted by the fact?

"Don't you agree?" The middle-aged diplomat finally ended whatever tangent he was on and now was looking directly at Squall. The commander needed to say something profound – that didn't involve cheese.

"Where I'd like to agree, I cannot say fully without doing some research Whatever is most cost efficient and beneficial to you in the long run."

"You're very smart young man." Mayor Perrette slapped his hand on Squall's back. "We could use logical thinking like yours down in City Hall."

The commander wanted to roll his eyes. He had no idea what he'd just said or to what he responded. The one thing he learned during this process was never commit directly. Plus, always bring up the idea of saving money. Politicians loved that.

"Squall my boy!" Cid's voice was a welcome change after what seemed endless minutes of one-sided conversation. "I need to introduce you to someone."

The commander turned around to see Cid standing next to several White SeeDs. One in particular the headmaster had his arm around leading him toward the commander. Squall stood motionless trying to fight the anger growing within.

"Commander Leonhart, I'm so glad I found you. This is Commander Weatherly of the White SeeD Ship. We just had an impromptu meeting and-"

"You brought White SeeDs, _here_?" Squall interrupted. It wasn't like him to cut off a superior, but useless details were irrelevant right now. He needed the facts.

"Yes, Commander," Cid countered, visibly displeased by the actions of his subordinate. "They were invited. They are still very much a part of the Garden system."

The lead White SeeD saluted Squall who watched the gesture without any thought of returning the greeting.

"So White SeeDs still train?" Squall spoke crossing his arms in a domineering manner. The Garden Commander loathed everything this SeeD represented. He certainly wouldn't look upon him as an equal. He'd be damned to do that.

"Of course we still train." The White SeeD sensed Squall's antagonistic demeanor. Weatherly didn't know why this man wished him such ill will, but he wasn't one to back down. White SeeDs trained for a reason and no overrated 'world savior' was going to tell him otherwise.

"The future of humanity may not be _your_ concern anymore, Commander Leonhart, but it certainly is our top priority. Somewhere out there is another sorceress. For all we know she's building an army as we speak. We don't know who or where, but we will be trained to neutralize the situation."

"Neutralize, ha!" Squall yelled drawing attention from several partygoers. "You mean _slaughter,_ don't you? You wouldn't give a damn who it is, your only mission is to kill without predigest."

"Commander Leonhart," Cid snapped angrily in warning. "I _**highly**_ suggest you stand down. I think you've had a little too much to drink." Cid knew that wasn't the case, but he had to cover for Squall's erratic and defensive behavior.

"Why, because the truth hurts?" Squall nearly growled at the headmaster. He could feel the adrenalin taking hold of his body. It didn't matter if the words were truly his own, but right now he owned the feelings behind each one. "These White SeeDs certainly don't give a damn who they kill. Why should I care if the entire world knows the truth?" He spat the last words so loud that the music stopped playing in the ballroom and all eyes were now focused on him.

"No, it's fine headmaster, I can handle this." Commander Weatherly stepped tauntingly closer to Squall. Neither would back down from their figurative pedestals. "If you want to think of White SeeDs as murderers, then we will gladly accept that title - especially if it means peace for the entire world. I understand the person who took care of you in youth was a sorceress, so your view may be slightly jaded. Edea Kramer was the exception. We all respected her; she started what you see here today. She _was_ good – but I think you know better than anyone how that turned out. No matter what, a sorceress cannot be trusted. They will turn. It's their nature to destroy."

Squall had never felt such primal rage; he needed to leave before he did something that would truly be regretted. "I'm out of here."

"Commander, you are not dismissed!" The headmaster reached for the irate teenager trying to stop him.

"Don't you dare touch me," Squall warned pushing Cid's hand forcefully off him. The teenager turned and walked away never glancing back in their direction.

It was as if a reality dawned on the headmaster for the first time: Squall was after all, a commander, a knight…

…And only eighteen.

* * *

* * *

_ **Chapter Thirty: A Time to be Born** _

_ July 4 _ _ th _

In the darkness of the classroom, everything seemed right. There was no good, no bad, and no shades of gray. She felt veiled within the cover of shadows; she wanted to be able to fade slowly into their depths. In this realm, she would be forgotten, left to the trials of her own imagination. Here she was safe from the ignorance and the falsities of mankind; but, even here, she was not safe from her own judgment. Rinoa felt as if she had reached a silent understanding among her closest friends. They knew who, _what_, she had become – and they accepted her for it.

_Squall accepted her for it. _

She tried to forget. God, did she try to forget about that reality most of the time. She wanted to be normal. She just wanted to be regarded as an average teenager among Garden's populous - among the world. Over the last several months, she was slowly beginning to accept the awesome power that she possessed. In fact, once she had even told Squall she was glad for her fate.

But was she?

Sure, Rinoa cherished the connection she shared with her knight. But was it only due to the newness of their relationship, or her inexperience and seeming naivety of the unknown? They were both mentally and physically adolescents, but both forced to age beyond their years. In time, would he grow tired and resentful of his duty? Nothing was honestly keeping them bound together. He could wake up one morning and realize what he had gotten himself into. He could easily say goodbye and never look back, she would never have that option.

Relationships end. It was that simple. And a relationship with Squall Leonhart seemed that much more improbable the longer she thought about it. He had Garden. What did she have? She had a bunch of doubts and broken ties. She had a lot of lofty goals and idealistic dreams. Most of all, she had a world full of people who might want her blood if they learned the truth. She hadn't even the courage to tell her own father yet, how could she face the world?

She seemed to fail helplessly, no matter the circumstance.

"Rinoa," his voice softly cut through the air. It startled her at first; she had not heard anyone enter the room, though through her tears it wasn't impossible. It was pathetic that the sorceress everyone may fear – was sitting in a darkened corner curled up like a feeble child.

"How?" she managed between broken gasps.

Nobody had seen her go this way, at least she didn't believe. She could barely remember navigating through desolate halls, but she was positive that nobody had seen her. Here cloaked in the shadows of Garden, she thought she was invisible to the world, even to him.

"I don't know," he answered moving closer to the sound of her voice. "I wish I could explain. I just – something led me."

"I- I," she started but nothing further came out. She couldn't even form a cohesive statement.

Her last spoken attempt pinpointed her exact position and he made his way over, carefully sidestepping obstacles in his path. As he drew near, he could sense her confusion and fear. The knight made his way to the floor without a second thought, sitting in the space directly to her side. It was as if his senses where heightened at the moment. He could almost smell the salty tears that were falling from her eyes. He sat there with his arms resting on his knees and his back against the wall. He took full responsibility for everything she was feeling.

"Rinoa, I didn't know."

"At all?"

Maybe it wasn't time to question his word, but he knew so much of Garden. He spent countless hours working, training and living on its campus. How could he have not known about the others SeeDs doing the same? The White SeeDs… the ones who would inevitably train until the reign of Ultimecia. The ones that would slay her without hesitation.

He sighed. There was so much he was accountable for, so much he had dealt with over the last fifteen months. He could barely recall half of the crap laid on his desk. If it had crossed his path, if he had read it in passing, he honestly couldn't remember. And if he had glanced at it, he probably wouldn't have thought about the White SeeDs existence in the same context she did. They saw things differently – they always had when it came to Garden. Now, he couldn't blame her. After hearing Weatherly tonight, he actually feared greater for the predigest facing her.

He wouldn't lie, but he didn't know the exact truth. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. "I don't think I knew, honestly I don't remember. But God Rinoa, I should have thought about it."

"They hate me," she managed pulling her legs closer and resting her head on her knees. "They want me dead. They actually train… _to kill me_."

"Rinoa, damn it. Stop."

Letting natural instinct take hold, he pulled her close. She didn't resist, just let herself fall into his grasp. "They don't know you. Rin, they don't hate you, they just don't understand." He didn't know whose doubt he was trying to console, hers or his. He accepted the guilt without question.

"Would you?" Rinoa sobbed no longer concerned about any perceived weakness, real or otherwise. It seemed everything was falling down and she just needed someone to sort among the debris. This was supposed to be a night she would always remember – unfortunately it turned into one she would never forget. "I'm serious Squall... if you didn't know me, would you _understand_?"

Again, he wasn't going to lie to her. She would expect more of him, she deserved more. "No, I wouldn't understand." With that answer her sobs grew deeper and he could feel her weight increase on his chest. "But I'd try," he said so softly it may not have been heard. He felt so helpless. He couldn't say or do the right thing. He was lost himself. After what had just transpired downstairs, he didn't know how to deal with what everyone wanted from him. Most of the time, he didn't know what he wanted from himself. How could he know about others?

"He called me a _vile excuse of life_."

"Who did?" Squall questioned.

"Just some… White SeeD."

"A White SeeD knows you're a sorceress?" The knight's mind began to race and a thousand scenarios started to play out in his mind. He didn't even try to conceal the falter in his voice. This was supposed to be done on their terms, he'd be damned if someone else controlled their life.

Rinoa felt his body tense and his heart quicken. She was, after all, using his body for support.

"No," Rinoa clarified. "He didn't know about **me** specifically, it's just what he referred to sorceresses in general. Apparently, he wasn't aware that I was your girlfriend either."

"Oh."

Squall felt rather embarrassed by his earlier assumption. Though that did lead to the question - what brought up the subject of a sorceress in the first place? Moreover, what did being his girlfriend have to do with anything? Now he was just as aggravated and confused as before.

"Rin, tell me exactly what happened, all right?"

"A White SeeD asked me dance." She sighed, wiping stray tears from her cheeks. "When I saw his uniform… I just… well, I guess you could say I mentally lost it. I guess he took my shock as something – well more along the lines of awe. He told me he'd protect me from the evil, vile sorceresses or something along those lines. Like he took pride in that fact."

"I'm sorry."

"God, whoever thought the idea of killing me would become a pickup line."

The whole situation was almost comical in a morose way. Rinoa might have found humor in it had this not been a discussion about people wanting her blood. She moved to reposition herself as a part of his uniform was starting to leave a permanent imprint on her face. He knew that she couldn't be comfortable, not that he cared about his discomfort, but he didn't want to remain in this classroom either. There was some solace in the darkness; but he just wanted to get further away from everything to do with SeeD – well as far away as possible without leaving the building.

"Come on." He took the opportunity to maneuver into a standing position. Though he noticed she wasn't following his lead, in fact she started to collapse back onto the floor.

"Squall, there's no way I'm going back in there." Rinoa felt so childish staying on the ground, like she was a four-year-old throwing a temper tantrum in a toy store. Dealing with what the world believed, was something she was not prepared to face yet.

"I know. I would never ask you to." He thought of the irony. There was no way _he _was going back in there. Who knows, maybe if he even tried security would stop him after his public outburst. "Believe me, going back is the last thing on my mind too."

Reaching down again, he helped her to her feet. She was trembling in his arms. "Rinoa, I promise, I would never do that to you. Trust me."

"I do," she whispered softly, but without any hesitation. The simple response reassured him. He would deal with the world and its problems tomorrow; tonight he was oddly at peace with that aspect of his life.

Opening the door a crack, he looked out in the hallway to make sure the coast was clear. Leading her down a hall, both could hear the music's rhythm emanate from the ballroom. If she had lingered on tonight's encounter any longer, she may have been sick. Instead she focused solely on the feeling of his fingers intertwined with hers as he silently led. Before they reached where another corridor intersected, he moved to an emergency access door. Reaching into an inner jacket pocket, he produced a master keycard. If there was one major benefit to being Balamb's Commander, he would definitely say it was the use of that plastic card. So much for the fame, glory, and 'hero worship' most associated with his position. With this simple card he could escape far beyond the reach of the student body.

This change of course didn't negate Rinoa's curiosity; in fact it only piqued it further. He had this way of leading and her following blindly, such as their midnight fieldtrip to the training center in Trabia or the morning adventure to his family's mausoleum in Winhill.

"Squall, where are we going?"

"Can you climb?"

It wasn't an answer; all it did was lead her to more questions. The commander stopped after they'd walked between a set of double fire doors. At least in the stairway he felt more at ease. There was no chance of the general populous finding them without setting off an alarm. Not to mention the lighting was comforting. The only illumination was the security lights, and they pretty much left the stairwell dimmed.

"What?" she questioned. The last thing she was thinking about was climbing. Apparently he didn't have his fill of excitement after scaling a cliff this morning.

"Can you climb in your dress a little bit?"

"You mean climb, as in those?" Rinoa asked motioning to the several flights of stairs beyond the next set of doors.

"Well, yes those too, but I was meaning more like a ladder."

"Ah… yeah, guess I can. May have to take my shoes off." She worried about him sometime. But as she stated earlier, she trusted him. And she would follow without hesitation.

He smiled briefly before again taking the lead, "All right, then we're going up."

* * *

He never told her how many flights of stairs she would have to climb and likely for good reason. The sorceress was glad she had decided against counting them individually, it had to have been an overwhelming number, especially in heels. Somewhere mid-flight she had stopped and removed the offending footwear. It was easier walking in bare nylons than those atrocities. Honestly, she wished she _had _opted for the combat boots.

They were getting near the top, at least Rinoa figured by the length of their adventure. He stopped at a landing and unlocked a small metal door that was about waist high from the ground. Without saying anything, he jumped into the smaller space and turned around offering his hand to her.

"Um… all right."

He grinned an extremely rare smile, one where he truly looked content. She had only seen that look on a handful of occasions. Sure he would give a 'partial smirk' at times, but there was a difference, like that night on the balcony. That was the first time she had seen the beauty contained within his smile.

Lifting her into the smaller area, he managed to fit both of them in before closing the hatch door. He produced a small flashlight from his uniform pocket. Apparently, SeeDs always were prepared for anything, including unforeseen blackouts… and climbing ladders in dark, confined spaces.

"All right you go first, I'll be behind if you fall."

"Squall?" she faltered, "Um, I'm kinda wearing a dress."

He chuckled softly. "Yeah, and I promise not to be looking. I just want to be able to catch you if you start to fall. I'll manage just fine climbing with the light. I've done this several times before."

"I can tell," she responded. Then a strange thought hit her and she blurted out the words before she could truly think about them. "You mean alone, right?"

He sighed as his eyes sparkled in the illumination the flashlight offered. "Yes, Rinoa, of course."

"I'm sorry," she apologized humbly. Honestly she didn't know what possessed her to ask that, she could tell by his expression that he was slightly hurt, but the look passed just as quickly as it came.

"Just go on up, I'll be right behind."

He placed a hand on her back edging her in the direction of a metal ladder. Earlier he had pulled away from contact with her bare skin, now he found himself lingering for just a second too long.

It wasn't easy, she'd admit. Somewhere along the ascent she ripped her dress, the outer chiffon layer tore easily. She didn't care; she already knew it would be covered in soot and grime from this experience. Nothing in the world beside them mattered in this moment. The metal ladder hadn't been that high, only a few stories in distance. Sure, it felt as if it were a sheer mountainside with the effort she had put forth, but she never thought of giving up. It was awkward, not impossible.

As they neared the top there was a second barrier door. She could barely make out a latch due to the low lighting, but figured logically it was the only option. It wasn't locked and easily opened. Climbing the last few rungs, she found a way to make it over the threshold though somewhat lacking in grace.

What she saw was breathtaking, a view of Garden beyond the scope of her imagination. Forget that, it was a view of the entire continent that left her in awe. The lights of the town could be seen to the southwest. She could even make out individual roads by the position of streetlamps and the edge of the breakfront by flashing beacons. Beyond that distance, she could see the lights of freighters and fishing trolleys out at sea. It was like she was seeing her surroundings for the very first time. Balamb was truly spectacular.

Quickly she made her way to the railing. She ignored the pain of the pebbles that poked into her bare feet. Rinoa leaned over and looked downward, forsaking any fear she might have had from the height. From here she could see a few balconies from various parts of Garden. One she even believed to be from the ballroom, as more had been added after the renovation. The shapes, peaks, and rooftops of Garden appeared random from this viewpoint. Up here everything looked so trivial, though she knew that was based only on her perspective. Even the cars that overflowed from the parking garage looked nothing more than children's playthings.

She then made her way to the opposite side. There was not a complete circular view, due to the obstruction of the main turret. However, from this side, she could see the training center and even the secret area. She had to laugh at that – now_ this_ was a secret area by clear definition of the word. It was like for a moment in time, she forgot about all her problems. She was transported into another world. If she had a fear of heights, she had shown no outward signs. It was too gorgeous to think about such inconsequential details.

"Do you like it?" A voice whispered almost seductively in her ear. Her skin tingled from his proximity. She was slightly disappointed as he then positioned himself on the railing to her side.

"It's beautiful Squall." She felt the wind softly play with the hair that had escaped from its restraints. Closing her eyes she let her mind make a mental note of this moment, it was nearly perfect.

"I've been rather fond of it."

"Have you… always come up here?"

He shook his head and leaned causally against the railing. "No, not at all."

It was warm in Balamb's coastal climate, though nowhere as hot as today's ordeal in Dollet. Tonight's temperature was bearable, but not ideal for layers of clothing. The outside didn't offer the comfort of air conditioning. Squall began to remove his formal SeeD uniform jacket as he continued, "Before you started working for Cid, I had to bring some of the FH technicians up for routine maintenance. After they were done, I stayed up here for awhile … I just felt like it was a place away from everyone and everything."

She continued watching the horizon; it was nothing less than breathtaking.

"Do you come here a lot?"

"When I need to really get away or when time affords, which isn't often."

"So then," she said understanding his sacrifice, "why did you bring me up here now?"

He didn't answer. He simply didn't answer her. Rinoa realized that the one place that he had allowed himself to escape, she had intruded on just like she did every other aspect. Closing her eyes, she wanted to cry again, but fought desperately against the urge. Maybe they had known better when they were fighting; maybe she was right in wanting to avoid this celebration all together. If she had never attended, she'd be in her room right now watching television with Angelo. She wished back this evening so deeply, tonight's realization would leave scars on her forever. Now even Squall seemed to be suffering because of her.

"What do you want, Rinoa?"

His response caught her off guard, what did his question mean? If she didn't feel bad enough about tonight, now was he in doubt? Maybe Squall had brought her up here just to tell her that he couldn't handle certain aspects of their relationship. She was insecure and juvenile at times. She was aware of her actions – and how sometimes they would be misinterpreted by others. He had his pride and loyalties; he would never openly admit such things to her. She knew this year had drained him emotionally, though he would never let that appear evident. She had seen signs, glimpses into his uncertainties, in those moments that he allowed her (however accidently) to glimpse into that part of his persona. He would never openly show any resentment towards her or his role in their relationship.

Maybe it was still the conflicting emotion running through her, whatever it was manifested itself as a consuming mist which clouded her judgment. She should bow out of this gracefully, before she brought him down. If someone had told her last night she would be even considering this, she would laughed and smiled. Now, it was no joking matter. The severity of _who_ and _what _she was seemed to be overshadowing her entire focus… _A vile sorceress_…

"I'm sorry," she apologized. Rinoa kept her eyes downcast embarrassed by some of her childish antics, from the night they met until this very moment. "I won't bother you anymore. I'm sorry if I've caused a problem."

"Rinoa!" He felt anger rise as she apologized and started to move away. "Stop it, my god what are you doing?"

He tossed his jacket onto the ground forcefully. All she ever did was apologize – she would turn around on her, say 'sorry,' and then begin to leave. It was a goddamn pattern with her. Then he would blame himself for whatever he had done, or said, wrong and try to fix the problem. Half of the time, he had no idea in Hell what he had done (or hadn't done) in the first place. They didn't think along the same lines; they never seemed to be on the same page.

"Why do you always do this, instead of just talking to me? I can't guess what you want. I don't understand," demanded Squall taking several steps toward her.

She didn't face him. Her body froze and she felt a sudden irritation by his comments. He was always so vague; she never knew what he was saying. Half of the time she couldn't decipher his moods and she was tired of walking on eggshells whenever he was near. If she said the wrong thing, she was positive he would leave – the problem is - she never seemed to say the _right _thing. How could she tell him what she wanted, when she wasn't sure what he wanted?

"What's there to understand, Squall? I try to stay out of your way. I try not to be a burden on you. I'm just so afraid that-" she stopped as the words caught in her throat. If he knew, he would be upset with her… or maybe he would feel as if a weight had been lifted.

He despised the feeling of helplessness. He despised not being in control. Most of all, he despised the doubts and confusion. He did not like what did not have a specific regimen and a semblance of order – though he found himself believing in their relationship, which went against everything he was ever taught. It was worth the countless battles to win this war.

"What, Rinoa, what are you afraid of?"

His tone was still authoritative, as it was easier when he could change into something familiar. In this voice he commanded soldiers. They had to listen to him… though he knew she didn't. It was hard for him to switch between roles; it was unnatural and almost forced at times. He spent so many years running away from others and their problems. It was extremely difficult for him to express his emotions. Even when he wished it so. He reached for her, out of a mixture of desperation and confusion. He didn't understand…he just needed to. He needed her.

His contact took her by surprise. She nearly lost her footing as she was quickly turned to face him. "Tell me," he sounded unsure and his eyes conveyed the same uncertainty. "What are you _really_ afraid of here? Them?" He attempted prodding for a response from her. He remembered his own conflicts and his immediate dislike of Weatherly. "Is it really the White SeeDs?"

She looked down and shook her head. She was afraid of them, of course, she had admitted that much downstairs in the classroom. But that was not what brought her so much doubt. She couldn't just gloss over his question with an answer as simple as the 'White SeeDs.' Maybe that was the answer he would have hoped to hear, but it wasn't the complete truth.

"You're afraid of something. I can… I can feel it," he admitted slightly ashamed of leaving himself so emotionally readable.

He doubted that she knew the impact of her thoughts, especially her fears, on his actions. He wasn't sure how he felt about the mental intrusion himself. It was a sensation that he was unaccustomed to, and sometimes he couldn't differentiate her emotions and opinions from his own. That scared him.

The only way to go from here was forward and that began with her telling him the truth. "Rinoa, please tell me. I need to know."

She knew that he would never beg that wasn't in his given nature. But Squall Leonhart had come as close to that as he ever would. It was through silent emotions, his eyes, and even by the unsure tone of his voice. He needed to know the answer and could think of no other way than asking her directly. Maybe she had walked on eggshells since the day she met him. Maybe their fights and disagreements before would seem petty compared to what lay before them. This was the fear that she had tried to repress in her dreams. The fear she held for as long as she had loved the man standing in front of her right now.

"You…," she half choked out. Rinoa had not been able to elaborate; she barely managed the first word. She wasn't crying, but her body felt severely dehydrated. Trembling beneath his grasp, it took all her strength to continue. Her eyes burned from the mere act of keeping them open. "I'm afraid you… that you-"

"Me?" He questioned audibly, not holding back shock and tinge of bitterness. He shook his head in disgust. The most sickening fact was: he could tell she was not deceiving him. He wished that he could sense that he was not the cause of her greatest fear, but he felt nothing beside his own confusion. He instantly withdrew all physical contact, balling his fists by his side. She would not see his hurt, his uncertainty, or the immediate thoughts of betrayal which clouded all others.

"Go," He managed to say, turning his head away.

He couldn't stomach to look at her right now. He cursed himself for ever letting anyone get close to him. He knew it was a mistake; they all turn on you, or leave in the end. He knew that he should allow her more time - explanation, apology, whatever pathetic attempt she had to offer. But after the encounter with Cid tonight, he felt his world falling apart. Whatever wretched attempt he had at making a life, seemed to slipping from his grasp.

She was stunned at his harsh reaction - how he seemed to shut her out so easily after everything they had endured. Maybe it was the accumulation of an emotional avalanche that started with today's SeeD exam and snowballed with tonight's encounter. She knew his pain, though he tried to mask its effects. Even by outward appearances he was calm, save for his knuckles turning white from his balled fist.

"You ask me for the truth, then you tell me to leave? We'll I'm not leaving. Not this time, you're going to hear me out…" she began, though it appeared that her explanation wouldn't be welcome by his posture - stiff, rigid, and military right down to polished shoes that had somehow fallen into an 'attention position.' The only thing not following stereotypical military protocol was that his head was still turned; he still refused to meet her eyes.

"Squall, I'm hoping… I'm praying… that you don't really want me to leave. I'm not going to say that I know you completely, I will never say that. I'm only hoping that everything we share is enough to make me understand a small part of you - the part of you that's afraid…just as much as I am."

She inhaled watching for any reaction, his eyes were still fixed on the horizon.

"You wanted… No Squall, you _needed_ to know the truth," Rinoa began shuddering from the emotional drain. After another deep intake of breath, she knew she had to speak openly about her fear. Even now, she knew this was a moment that would define her future forever, and god, she _needed _that future to be with him…

"I'm afraid that you… That one day you're going to see how much better you could do. There are so many things, I can't compare to…" All Rinoa's insecurities and doubts were going to be laid on out in the open, he would see her for what she really was…

"God Squall, you're going to realize there's so much more out there. I'm a sorceress – **a sorceress.** You're going to wake up and realize what the hell what that means. You'll finally see what you've gotten yourself into…. You're going to realize that you don't-"

She stopped abruptly, chastising herself for almost saying,_ "that you don't love me anymore,"_ but that would be presumptuous to think he even felt that way in the first place. Sure, she knew he cared, she never doubted that, but where do caring and duty overlie? Her arms wrapped around her bare shoulders as she shivered from another phantom breeze. Maybe it wasn't that cold outside, but she felt a chill in the air that tore itself through her very soul.

Her voice was unstable, but she knew that it was now or never. If he truly wanted to know what ate away at her security, she would no longer hide from the truth. Apparently tonight she was going to quit walking on eggshells with her words, and start hitting them with a figurative hammer instead.

"Tomorrow when I wake up, _I'm still a sorceress_. That's it, that's who I am. It's all I'm ever going to be - it's permanent. A knight can be just a title. You can get out." The last of her words were spoken softly, "I'm not worth the trouble… you'll see."

The words cut him deeply. They'd had disagreements before, but they were always something, he believed, within the scope of normal relationships. They were over personality or stubbornness. They were over past boyfriends or misconstrued jealously. Squall and Rinoa were two separate personalities trying to learn, to deal, and most importantly to blend with one another. They were trying to merely find common ground as a couple. They both were scared of the infinite possibilities laid before them. But this, _this_ revelation was something he couldn't even begin to fathom…

She didn't trust him.

At least, this was his initial response. He forced himself to look at her. He didn't want her to see the effect her words had on him. She had said she loved him… and he had believed her. For once in his life, _he had believed someone_. He reached out to her shoulders, placing a hand on either side of her. Why even now he felt the need for contact, he didn't understand. His body reacted before his mind, as it so often did where she was concerned. The fact was everyone wanted something from him; in his heart he refused to believe that she was no different. She was different. She had to be.

"Rinoa, is that what you think? You honestly believe I'm going to walk away from this, from _**us**_?"

The ire in his voice scared her. Rinoa wished she could turn back time and make this whole evening vanish into the abyss. Unfortunately, a sorceress didn't have that power. And gods help the sorceress who really believed that to be the answer. It might have been a passing fancy, but even she knew the reality was a twisted suggestion. She knew in order to truly appreciate the good, they would have triumph over the bad.

He cast away his humility, leaving his doubts behind. They were still there, never truly going away, only being buried long enough to see what was in front of him. Maybe after of all this time of his fear of being abandoned, **she** had the same exact fear. She was afraid of being abandoned by him; she was afraid to face her future alone. Maybe they were more similar than first appeared. The knight would be damned if he would let her feel as if she was alone in this.

"I have news for you, Rinoa, we are in this _together_ no matter what. It's not something that's going to leave me – ever! I'm trying to adjust to all these changes. I'm trying to understand who I am. You're not the only one confused here. I may not be the sorceress, but I sure as hell feel the effects."

She knew it wasn't fair to believe he wouldn't suffer some consequences if they separated. But she also knew that in the end, if the worse came to pass, she would suffer alone. The world would look at him as just another one of her helpless victims. It terrified her that one day he might come to believe that too. Or worse, what if she did become corrupted and he went along with her? She would truly be his downfall. Either way, the uncertainty of the future scared her more than she like to admit.

He faltered from his conviction, "I don't know the words to make this right. I can't say what I don't understand…. I only know this uncertainty that's inside of me. And whatever it is… it's because of you. It's because of us. I'm not going to give up. I'm going to grow from it. You're going to grow from it."

It might not have been the most eloquent of words, but he couldn't offer anything else at the moment. They were both scared and freighted of the unknown staring before them. He knew though, that whatever he was feeling, whatever he was going to learn, she was part of it - until the end, they were bound together.

The next word she spoke would haunt him. However, they would be the words that drove them to understand their bond. In the end, they would be the words that would save them.

"What if the White SeeDs are right? Squall, what if I am destined to be evil. I was… I was before."

Her words were soft and he pained to hear her speak like this. But he knew that she needed to get this out, she had to accept her fears. They couldn't face them together, if they didn't know where they were rooted to start. So he just held her shoulders, letting her talk about a subject they hardly broached.

For her part, she needed him to know what she really was - the evil that was lying in wait inside her body. She loved him more than heaven and earth, the best thing she could do was allow him to know this. Never had she admitted these truths to anyone, but they had been part of her nightmares on many occasions. He had to know the revolting power flowing in her veins.

"Do you really want to know what I'm capable of? When I was in space, I was the one that let Adel go from her cell… I was responsible for the Lunatic Pandora. I betrayed all of mankind, I betrayed you."

She leaned forward collapsing onto the ground. Squall immediately supported her with his arms, moving to kneel beside her as she seemed to take the weight of past mistakes on her shoulders.

"Squall, I killed them – I killed all those innocent people in Esthar. I can still hear their screams when I sleep. It doesn't matter that everyone says I was possessed – it was my hands that broke the seal. You know the truth Squall, Ultimecia – she couldn't just take my body, I had to give it to her. I gave in to my weakness… that's what I am Squall…weak."

She finally looked over to where he was and said something she never dreamed, "Don't you get it? I'm afraid that you're going to realize how horrible I really am…"

Then Squall Leonhart understood there were two truths discovered tonight – it wasn't only that she was afraid of being alone, it was that she didn't trust herself. She feared for the power running through her, she feared for the accusations, but above all, she feared that her power would ultimately be corrupted, and she could not face hurting others.

Never had he realized how deeply becoming a sorceress had affected her. Again, there was mention aboard the Ragnarok, that everyone would be mad at her. Now he witnessed firsthand how deeply she blamed herself for the Lunar Cry. Hearing and seeing the White SeeD tonight just validated everything in her mind. They hated her kind – but not as much as she hated herself for what she was. It wasn't simply a fact to be skimmed on or be treated lightly.

"Rinoa…" He finally whispered after it appeared her body didn't have the will to continue. There under the moonlight, he saw something he never had. He saw the fear and the self-loathing still residing in her. He was thankful that he knew her fears, even if they were ones that he vehemently disagreed with. Rinoa was beautiful; she could never be the person she believed. The fact was though, she believed that. It was his job as knight to help her overcome these fears, and see their strength together.

As for the other fear, there was nothing he could do to assure her about his abandonment - that would take time. Ironic, he was the one thinking this way, usually it was the opposite. But he knew the best thing he could do was be there for her, even if he didn't understand her logic. He also knew foremost, that they could no longer brush over the subject of being a sorceress. Although it may be hidden now, in the future that may not be the case. They needed to understand and control her power. In the end it might ease a lot of fears… especially hers.

Moving from his position, Squall reached for the jacket that had been tossed aside earlier. Normally, he would have been extremely mindful of his uniform. Right now it didn't seem that important. He laid it out as much as possible and sat to one side, leaving the majority of the satiny lining free. In a simple gesture, he nodded his head toward the spot. She accepted the silent invitation, still trying to make sense of everything that had transpired.

Offering a wistful smile, she sat down. It was difficult in the dress and the end result again wasn't the most refined. He steadied her, helping her down as she struggled with the binding garment. Funny how their comrades inside were drinking, dancing and having the time of their lives, while they were having a discussion that would inevitable change theirs forever.

They sat slightly apart, only her leg brushing against his due to the size of their makeshift blanket. He rested his arms on his knees, looking upward toward the night sky. After brushing his hands together to remove errant pebbles, he cleared his throat.

"Rinoa, I want to understand this connection between us. I don't like not being able to control my emotions at times. I especially don't like the fact there is little or no warning. I also don't like the fact that I have to attempt to decipher the meaning. Usually when I do figure it out, it's just too late. There are a lot of things I don't like about this situation, but more that I do."

He didn't elaborate on those he liked, he wasn't willing to admit them openly yet. He just hoped that she understood that part would take him time. The fact was there were parts that he liked, and it was those that made the negative seem a lot less intimidating.

He continued, now turning to face her. "I will **never** accept that you'll be corrupted, it's not even a reality to me. I can never make you change how you feel. But if you can sense how I feel, like I can with you sometimes, you know that I don't believe that for a minute. Maybe that isn't the confirmation you need, but it's all I have to offer."

It was enough for her right now. He was right; her fears wouldn't instantly subside with words. They may never subside completely, but she could learn to overcome the doubts with his help. She wanted to learn how to use her power in balance with his. That is truly where she believed their strength lied. If she could use her abilities to help others, whether by healing magic or supportive, she would be willing to stand by her friends and most importantly her knight.

Rinoa looked him directly in the eyes. The sorceress relied on his inner strength, strength that she had come to depend on over the months. She stated the words as if it was the most common thing in the world, "Squall, I'm a sorceress."

"Yes you are." He nodded understanding the meaning of her declaration.

"Why is that so hard for me to admit out loud?"

Squall didn't have an immediate response. Slowly he reached his arm around her shoulders, gently guiding her near. She leaned on his chest. It was a scene reminiscent of earlier in the classroom and so many times before. It could be absolutely categorized as one of the 'things he liked,' about this relationship, though he didn't offer that information.

"Rinoa, it's not the fact that it's difficult for you to say, the problem is it's hard for others to listen. There's a difference. You say one thing, but they hear another."

"Like that I want to take over the world and kill anyone who opposes me?"

He sighed, "Unfortunately, yes."

"Why do people think with power comes happiness?"

"You're asking me about people?"

He knew it was a rhetorical question. Who knew why anybody did anything in this world? Ultimecia, Adel… actually, it didn't even need to be limited to a sorceress, Norg, Vinzer Deling, and countless others before proved that. What was power anyhow? By definition some thought Squall, himself, was powerful, yet here he was feeling rather helpless on a rooftop hidden away from the rest of society.

If as on cue he felt an unwelcome vibration from his pocket, one that he had learned to despise since his apparent 'ascension to power.' Even up here he couldn't hide from his duties as Balamb's Commander. He knew that she was aware his mobile phone was ringing too; it would have been apparent from her position.

"Squall, they're calling you."

"Yes, they are," he stated the obvious as he silenced the ringer with his free hand.

"Don't you need to get back down there?" She questioned turning her head to face him when he made no attempt to move.

He slowly and deliberately met her gaze. Purposely he moved his arm from her shoulders to her waist and softly whispered, "It seems to me, I'm right where I need to be."

"…What about your duties?"

He scoffed thinking about the earlier events in the ballroom. "I think SeeD will be here tomorrow and all its problems."

The commander debated mentally before saying the next words. However it would inevitably come up and he needed to broach the subject. "Rin, I think I'm going to have a little time off work."

She tilted her head in confusion, pulling away slightly. It was very unlike him to take any personal time, so she was told. He would be granted the occasional weekend leave, such as when they visited Winhill. However, during his tenure at Garden, any substantial time off was unheard of.

"You mean you're going on a vacation?"

"Not exactly. It's more like… _required_ time off."

He turned his head as he admitted that fact. The Commander knew he hadn't come to full terms with what had transpired earlier. In some sense, he felt as if he had betrayed everything he had ever known. Still he knew that it wasn't a betrayal of SeeD, only of some of their archaic notions regarding sorceresses.

"What happened?"

"Violated a direct order among other things."

He knew he should elaborate, but right now he just needed her near. When, when did he become this person? At one point he would have relayed his earlier exchange with Cid, not caring who was hurt in the process. Truth was absolute; lies and deceit were for the weak. He would never tell her a lie, but he could easily gloss over the facts. Right now he needed her support, as much as he needed to believe in them. He also feared that she would blame herself. It was almost a given knowing her personality.

"Squall?"

He smiled slightly reaching outward, refusing to let her move further from his grasp. Here they were two teenagers thrown into situations far beyond their years, sitting high above the world that elevated them to this stature. Still, they were just after all, just two adolescents unsure of the emotions that faced them. They were not heroes in their own minds, simply Rinoa and Squall.

At times the reality overwhelmed him; he would have sneered at anyone who found themselves in this position a year ago. He found his fingers wandering to the bare skin of her back, instead of searching for fabric. Maybe he could distract her from any further interrogation.

"Hey, did you see that star?" He softly kissed the nape of her neck hoping that would divert her attention. It sure distracted _him_ enough during the course of their relationship and even sometime before.

Rinoa involuntary shivered as she felt his breath tickle the sensitive area of her skin. Still the young sorceress knew what he was doing, or trying to do. Somehow, she knew he was holding something back from his story. As much as she was enjoying the contact, _and god she was enjoying it_, she needed to know what he could have done to warrant that sort of punishment.

"You're terrible at changing the subject Squall Leonhart. I don't give up that easy. Tell me what happened – or I'm not leaving this spot."

He inwardly chuckled at the irony. Maybe if he never told her what happened, she would stay there forever. "Promise?"

"Huh?" she managed still trying to fight against helplessly falling into the new sensation of his touch. Why would Cid even suggest that he needed to take time off? As far as Rinoa knew, he was a model SeeD, and an even more outstanding commander. Then she suddenly recalled his earlier confession about 'no warning about controlling his emotions.' He had come for her almost immediately after she had left the ballroom; she never had even considered that her emotions had affected him tonight. Earlier she said that 'he could walk away,' now she knew the opposite to be true. Now she felt selfish by her comments, knowing that she had somehow caused this punishment.

"Oh my god, it was because of me!" Rinoa exclaimed as the facts dawned on her. She immediately pulled away and attempted to get to her feet. Maybe she could undo some of the damage she had unconsciously caused, even if she had to march right downstairs and tell everyone the truth. He should not have to suffer because of her. He didn't deserve the punishment, she did.

"Get back down here," he said offering her his hand. He actually tried not to chuckle at her attempt at standing in such a hurry. Rinoa resembled a newborn Chocobo trying to balance on wobbly legs for the first time, though the Chocobo would appear to have the advantage over her. Unfortunately, she caught her toes on the torn part of her dress, falling back down and landing in his lap. He had braced himself for the impact, though this was certainly wasn't the most comfortable position in the world, it was far from the worst. She actually seemed more flustered by their predicament than he did for once.

"Don't even think about it. It wasn't you, it was me. Under the circumstance, I wouldn't change a thing I said or did."

"But your job… I don't want anything to jeopardize it," she admitted hurriedly.

"And that's exactly why I'm here. I don't want anything to jeopardize either of_ my jobs_…"

He scooted forward, positioning himself in front of his jacket. He then lay completely back, as she watched him curious of his actions. His arm had remained loosely around her waist and he gently urged her down to rest with him. Her torso was partially on his body, the other part resting atop the silk lining of his jacket. He bent one arm behind his head; it worked as an awkward pillow. The other arm never let her out of his grasp. She didn't resist, she was somewhat paralyzed by the moment and his forwardness. This was a rare moment and she treasured every second that he allowed her near.

They rarely mentioned how his jobs as both knight and commander could oppose one another. In a single action, he told her more than any words could by just continuing to hold her close. She would never dare ask him to give up SeeD; she would never expect that of him. But for all the nights that they didn't see each other, or the lunch dates he cancelled, it meant the world when she needed him, he was there.

"As for SeeD, like I said, that job will be there tomorrow. I'll get an official reprimand, some required time off to 'reflect on my actions,' and in the end, nothing will change. I can tell you this isn't the first time I've been written up or suspended for a few days. I did have several run-ins with the disciplinary committee, remember."

He moved his fingers through her hair, subconsciously again playing with the tendrils fallen from their hold.

"Weren't your run-ins before because of Seifer? I mean this time you're in trouble because of me."

Rinoa turned her head away from his chest, where it been resting comfortably. She was embarrassed that she had caused him so much trouble. Not to mention the secondary fact that she'd managed to bring up the subject of 'Seifer' yet again at a crucial moment. The last thing either one of them needed was dragging that aspect of their lives up.

"Rinoa, listen to me… not all the past encounters were because of Seifer. Just as tonight's situation was not because of you. My actions are my own – and mine alone. Sometimes, like tonight, there may be mitigating circumstances, but in the end the choice is mine."

He knew it would be hard for her accept that he was at fault; Rinoa would take all the burdens of the world if given the chance. Still, he needed her to understand there was only person in his life that had culpability – him.

"I think it's very important that you understand when I was talking with Cid tonight, I realized that the words and feelings weren't completely my own. I could have decided to stop at any point. The fact was… underneath it all, I agreed. The White SeeDs are wrong, it's that simple. Not every sorceress is evil, that's the narrow-minded thinking that holds us all back."

Rinoa remained abnormally silent. Part of her understood his words; she would feel the same if the situation reversed. If she continued to blame herself that would just hurt him and that was the last thing she wanted to do. So for now she pushed the guilt back, just letting the sound of his breathing lull her into a peaceful state.

When she didn't respond he was grateful. However there was something else he was surprised to want to admit, "Can you keep a secret?" She nodded silently, allowing him this rare opportunity to express himself.

"There was something almost liberating about tonight. I know the situation could have been handled much more…diplomatically. But for once, I felt that I wasn't tied down to any rules or regulations." He chuckled softly moving enough to plant a tentative kiss on her forehead. Then, he let his head rest next to hers closing his eyes. "Believe me, I'm aware my actions were completely out-of-line, but just being up here, right now… it feels almost feeing. I'll deal with the consequences tomorrow. I wouldn't trade sharing this with you for anything."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really."

Rinoa felt if she responded further, she would somehow break the magic surrounding them. It was surprising that it was him who tried to lighten the mood, with an offbeat attempt at humor. "Would it help if I told you that I'll protect you from those vile White SeeDs and their bad pickup lines?"

"A little." She smiled snuggling closer. She knew what he was attempting and loved him for it. She couldn't help but reminisce about their first encounter; his opening line didn't fare much better.

"But Squall, on the grander scale of picking up women, '_I can't dance_.' Isn't that much better of a line."

"I resent that. If truth be told, I wasn't trying to pick **you** up… So as far as that goes, 'You're going to like me,' isn't exactly a proven classic either."

She smiled inwardly, recalling that night with vivid clarity. "Well, apparently it worked. Look where I'm at now."

His fingers continued playing with fallen strands of hair, as his actions where subconscious even to him. "You'd like to think it was your amazing way with words, wouldn't you? Truth is… it was the short skirt."

She gasped audibly, more for dramatic show and effect. "Squall Leonhart, you did not just say that! I mean, I already heard those comments from Irvine, but certainly wouldn't expect them from you!"

"I'm human… and it was a short skirt."

"Whatever," she huffed. Rinoa went through the motions of being upset, though she knew he didn't buy her act for a moment. And it was true, last year she felt she needed the attention in some way, now she didn't. They both had grown and matured through the process, though not completely; they were still just facing these new challenges together.

In the silence of the night, the mood turned from humorous to that more of a serious tone. She watched the blanket of the night scattered with pinholes of light. It all seemed so simple once, even the sky was now laden with questions, "Squall, what do we do from here?"

"Well, I think we can't treat the fact you're a sorceress so casually anymore. We're not going to publically announce it, but we need to be prepared. We need to understand this connection and how to control it."

Her neck strained to look up at him as they both lay on the ground. She smiled when their eyes met, in them she could see the present and the future, she could see a world still unknown to both of them.

She needed him to know how she felt; she needed him to know much he meant to her.

"I love you."

"Rinoa, I-"

She softly placed her fingers to his lips as she saw him try to mask any apprehension. She wanted nothing in return, but what he offered her at this moment – his acceptance. It was a gift that she treasured more than three single words could ever describe.

"Shhh Squall, don't say anything. Just know that sometimes I need to say it. It's part of who I am."

Rinoa smiled as he relaxed beneath her. She never spoke the phrase without cause, as she always wanted the words to carry their true meaning. Actions spoke volumes with him and tonight meant more than he would ever know.

* * *

It was all at once the most uncomfortable night, and the most comforting night they had ever shared. Just them, the silence and the beauty of the stars above. She had fallen asleep first, resting her head on his chest; he could feel her warm breath through the fabric of his shirt. She would shiver involuntarily from the chill of the evening and the lack of covering her dress offered. He knew everything she was capable of and never once even considered turning back.

It was near dawn when they woke again, as the formation of moisture and dew had mixed with the chill of the evening. They had managed to climb down and eventually ended up going their separate ways. Rinoa never bothered changing out of her dress, collapsing onto the bed in the morning's early hours. She barely recalled reaching for the nearest blanket, as she curled up next to the warmth of Angelo. It was near afternoon when she woke up; she was sore and stiff from falling asleep on the roof. The dress was uncomfortable and the fabric was starting to make her itch. At that point, she wasn't even sure how she managed to fall asleep still in it - probably a combination of stress and exhaustion.

She managed to sit up, ignoring the protests of her body. Glancing toward her nightstand, an unfamiliar object caught her eye. It was a single red rose wrapped delicately in tissue paper. She smiled brightly as her fingers fumbled to open the small envelope placed next to the flower.

"_Whatever – Forever"_

Examining the rose carefully, she looked at every intricate detail. From the pedals that curved outward, to the serrated edges of the leaves.

And it was perfect, just like him.

* * *

_**Author End Notes: **_Wow, it's done…well, kinda! The first 'four months' are over, and officially, _"Dancing in Time"_ has come to its conclusion. I guess it's good I end this part now. I was running out of _"A Time for…"_ chapter titles and I'd have to start making up my own, which never ends well. ~_^

The last few chapters were setting the tone for the next installment, which will also focus on her powers. It will be written in the same format, the short stories with both drama and humor. Of course, the main storyline will be the relationship itself, who would have thought a basic 'plot-less' story would go on for over 180,000 words? But I guess the greatest plot can be life itself sometime. Of course a lot of things were left open on purpose, because I am that evil.

Thank you for all those who helped me edit over the years: Vick330, Robert, Lisa, and of course Nicole, my best friend. Thank you to each of you that has taken the time to read this. I hope you have enjoyed it as much as I have writing it. I appreciate the support through the years: the good times and the bad. I hope to see you all for the next 'eight months' of the relationship in the continuation, _"Endless Waltz."_

For now, forever, thank you for the support,  
Kristine (Ashbear)

**Just a turn of the cards, a roll of the dice,  
****I opened my eyes and **_**I'm dancing in time**_.  
**Who could have believed that the world would be mine?  
**\--_James P. Dunne (Theme to "Lottery!")_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The continuation for "Dancing in Time" is under the title "Endless Waltz." It's currently posted at fanfiction.net under my main user name of "Ashbear." To make my life slightly less hectic (due to my crazy husband, two children, and my 'four-legged' kids), I'm only posting completed stories at AO3. So if you're interested, "Endless Waltz" is now on chapter twelve - as of May 28th, 2010. (And there is bungee jumping!)
> 
> I also have two other lengthy stories that are in-progress. "After the Fall" is currently at chapter fifty and "Somewhere in Between," co-authored with my best friend Wayward Tempest, is at chapter thirty-six. When they are done, I'll eventually bring them over to this archive. Hopefully, one day…I'm still crossing my fingers they will be finished. *baby steps*


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